Shattered Hearts
by Mina Lisly
Summary: Clary Fray is a renown artist living happily in Paris but with no recollection of her past. Jace Wayland is a broken hearted man who still lives in New York, unable to forget about his fiancé. What will happen when Clary goes to New York? Will she remember? Sequel to Beaten At His Own Game.
1. Eight years later

**So here here comes the sequel of Beaten At His Own Game. If you did not read it, you will not understand this fanfic, so go read it first. :-)**

**I have to confess that I still don't know how it will end, so happy ending or not? I still don't know, tell me what you're more into. **

**And for those who are used to the daily update, it won't as daily now because I started the busy season at Disneyland and I have enormous hours (8am-20pm). So yeah, I'll try to update regularly but I cannot promise daily. Especially since I don't know about the happy ending. **

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Et merde!" (_And shit!_)  
Clary threw the cursed thing in her little trash bin and looked at her reflection. She needed to rest; there were prominent bags below her eyes, they were so big that they could be mistaken for black eyes. She swiftly passed some water on her face and went to her bed.  
With her hands behind her head, she regarded the ceiling as she leisurely laid on the covers. It's been more than eight years since her accident and she finally felt that her life was satisfactory. Well almost. If only that damn thing would cooperate with her. She frowned and tried to ignore the problem before she got up to get ready. She didn't really have a job that needed her to dress specially, but still every morning she would go to Les 2 Moulins for coffee. It was a bit far from her place, but she enjoyed it very much, especially since she had a free coffee awaiting her arrival every time she walked in. She never knew why, and after trying in vain several times to pay for her bill, she just went with the flow and gladly accepted her free coffee.  
She walked through her apartment, remembering how empty and lifeless it had been when she first walked in. Now it was warm, colorful and inviting. She never left the apartment, even during rough times. It was the only thing linking her to her past. Her only repair and now she had come to love it. It was her little place. She even bought it from her landlord.  
She hopped in the shower, and washed away the sweat from her morning jog. It was a habit she seemed to have. She'd always wake up around six and go jog; it was as if her body craved the exercise. So she listened to it and went jogging every morning for at least an hour. She didn't mind jogging in Paris in the early morning, she could smell the fresh bakeries and see the opening of the first shops.  
When she was clean, she hesitated in front of her wardrobe, not sure of what to wear before she opted for a light black dress. It was mid-August, the period where she always felt sad and depressed. She didn't know why, but she always felt that she shouldn't be alone at this period of her life, that someone was missing, someone who should be next to her to laugh and joke with.  
But of course, no one from her past ever came to her. She never saw anyone who asked her name in surprise, no one telling her how long it had been. No one ever said anything that would trigger something from her. The first eighteen years of her life were still pitch black. She came to peace with it as long as no one brought up the issue. But then again, it wasn't like she had many friends; she was a bit of a hermit.  
She left her apartment and took the subway to her favorite café where Diana gave her a free coffee with a wink. Clary sat at her usual spot and drew her sketchpad out of her bag as she slowly sipped her black coffee. As she drew, she subconsciously thought back on how she had found the place.  
It was a few weeks after her accident and she had been walking through Paris, desperate to see something that would trigger her memory. She didn't have any more money, but on that specific morning, when she opened her door, she found a newspaper with a job announcement circled in red. It was as if a guardian angel had dropped the paper for her.  
She went to the place and it was a small café - a lot like this one - but it was also a restaurant. She was hired on the spot, as if the boss had been waiting for her. She diligently worked there since she could not afford to lose the job. One day while she was drawing during her break, a man had come to her and looked at her drawing. He fell in love with it and made her promise to meet him the very same evening at Les 2 Moulins with her sketchpad.  
And she did. She found out that he was an Art critic, and he proposed to help her make her grand entrance into the world. She boldly agreed. That's how she started her partnership with Hodge Starkweather. Later on, she found out that he was American, which explained his little accent when he spoke. Ever since, she had been selling paintings and drawings like crazy. She always came back to this café for it had given her luck, and it had excellent coffee.  
She made a painting for the café even though she asked them not to brag about it. When she signed with Hodge, she signed under the pseudonym CM. She didn't know why but every time she drew or painted something, she would sign it CM on the corner left side. She figured it was something from her past, and so she secretly hoped that someone who knew her would one day come to her and tell her the significance about those initials.  
She filled quite a few showrooms with her work, but no one ever knew who she was, some people even thought she was a man. She would sometimes show up at the gallery as a simple visitor and smiled in satisfaction as people admired her work. She didn't want to go public with her image though. She was happy by just painting and giving her work to Hodge so he would show it off properly.  
And now after all her success, she was expanded and she had showrooms over seas. She already had a few expositions in London, Prague, Berlin and Bruxelles, but now Hodge was talking about the States. He was begging Clary to go there even though she was reluctant at this idea.  
She got up and walked back to the subway, hurrying because she wanted to avoid the morning rush hour. Once she got out of the subway, she walked to the Parc Floral de Paris and sat in front of the duck pond on _her_ bench. The first time she came, this specific bench had drawn her as if it had some unveiled secret, so now she always sat on it.  
The duck pond in front of her always made her smile and cheerful, so in August she would always come more often to cheer herself up. She didn't know why, but watching the little ducks made her feel like there used to be a good joke around them.  
Someone sat next to her, and she turned to face Papy. Of course he wasn't really her grandpa, but she called him that because he was always nice to her and that she felt good with him. Plus, he spoke in English, and she didn't know that many people who had that ability, making her miss English. As well as other languages she didn't know she knew until she thought in those specific languages. She watched him as he retrieved his beret and crossed his hands over the head of his cane. He smiled to her, illuminating his dark brown eyes.  
"Admiring the ducks?"  
"You know me. Nothing better to cheer me up."  
He chuckled and she shook her long red curls. After her accident, she had cut her hair really short because of the huge gap in her hair, but now, they had grown back even longer, stopping at the end of her waistline.  
"So, how have life been sweetie?"  
"Life has been good. With its ups and its downs. But you know that better than me."  
"The old monkey that I am knows indeed. Still stuck on that painting?"  
"Yes. I keep trying, but the faces never appear. Thank God I'm not one of those artists who can't do anything until their work is done, I wouldn't have sold a single thing otherwise."  
She had been stuck on that painting for almost seven years. One night in May, she had woken up in sweat and had the urge to paint. As she didn't have any canvas, she drew on the wall of her bedroom and ever since then, she was stuck on this painting. She only made the outline of two men and a background of fire. She never managed to line the men, never managed to even do simple things like their hands or their chests. Nothing.  
No one knew about this painting. No one but two people, and Papy was one of those.  
"My daughter in law would tell you that all good things come to those who wait."  
"Yeah, seven years seems like a pretty long wait though... But I'm not giving up."  
"Of course you're not, you're one stubborn kid."  
She smiled as he called her kid. She was now 26 and never actually felt like a kid. She didn't have any parents to act like a kid to. The only person with whom she felt like she could have been a kid once in her life was sitting next to her.  
"You should go out tonight. Celebrate life. Celebrate it as if it was your _birthday_."  
"I already have a birthday, and it's already painful enough. I don't need you to try to add me a knew one every year."  
Although she had said that with a light tone, a lot of pain was hidden behind it. She never liked celebrating her birthday because it always felt empty and useless. What was she celebrating? It was supposed to be a family celebration, and she didn't have any.  
She saw a golden blond head wave at her from across the hedge and she smiled to herself. She turned to Papy and kissed his cheek before walking to her blond man, already feeling a little less gloomy. He was wearing a suit as usual and had his little suitcase next to him. As she closed the gate behind her, he wrapped his hands around her waist and lovingly kissed her neck.  
"I think I should start getting jealous of that old man. You spend way too much time with him."  
"You definitely should. Ultimately I'll choose him and we'll go Nabokov on each other."  
She heard him chuckle and she turned on herself to kiss him on the lips, trying to make him forget about his long absence. He squeezed her a little against him before releasing her.  
"I always love coming back, you're always so... _deliciously tempting_ in welcoming me back."  
She rolled her eyes and they walked back to her apartment together.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace woke up at six sharp and glanced at the girl sleeping next to him. A redhead. Again. That would never change. Some may call him an adept of fetishism but he would call it his only way to cope with the loss of Clary.  
He got up and walked to the bathroom to have a quick shower. Once clean, he unceremoniously woke the girl up and asked her to leave, telling her he had to go to work. She did but Jace could see the disappointment on her face. Once he was finally alone, Jace allowed himself to collapse back on his bed and stare at the ceiling.  
Today was Clary's twenty-sixth birthday, and once again he wouldn't be with her to celebrate. Exactly eight years ago, if everything had went fine, he would have knelt in front of her and ask her properly for her hand in marriage. Not a day came by without him thinking of her, and as the years past, Jace understood that it would never get better. He would never move on, he would always love her, no matter what, no matter if she knew it or not.  
When he returned from France, he stayed on the music room's floor for a week, shutting out every person who tried to talk to him. He didn't want to hear what they would say to him, he just wanted to hop on a flight back and take Clary in his arms. He considered doing that of several occasions, he contemplated bumping into her 'by accident' and win her heart all over again, but Luke's words would always echo in his head. He couldn't risk damaging her like that.  
Instead of unnecessarily endangering her, he opted to stat in his catatonic state; staring blankly at the ceiling and refusing to do anything that looked like he was living. He didn't go back to school, he didn't eat, didn't talk, didn't sleep, he simply and plainly looked at the ceiling. Until the night Izzy crept in the room. Jace was about to shut her out when he noticed the letter in her hands. So Jon had kept his promise and he wrote to Izzy and by the tears she was shedding, she didn't like what she read. Jace never asked her what Jon said, he only allowed her to come and cry on his shoulder as she placed her head on his arm and curled against him.  
She cried like that for hours until she suddenly stopped and got up, looking angrily at Jace.  
"You better move your sorry behind Jace! I'm not having a vegetable for a brother! This isn't what C..."  
"Don't even say her name. _Ever_!"  
And that's when Jace realized what Jon had meant. It was too hard to be surrounded by people who knew her and would always conjure her name for all and nothing. He couldn't bare it. He needed to leave.  
"Jace, you'll find someone else, someone who..."  
"Isabelle ... don't make me angry. There won't be a 'someone else', and you know it. She... She was everything to me, always will be. She was more than my girl she was my fiancé. She was going to marry me. She was... There won't be a someone else, end of the discussion."  
With that he got up and barely glanced at Izzy before leaving the house for the first time over a week. But as soon as he stepped out of the house, he saw something in the driveway that he hadn't been expecting. Clary's bike. The one she left at Java Jones. The one she called her baby. The keys were on the contact and a helmet was on the side, and a note was stuck on the bike. '_Enjoy, it is yours now. M_.'  
He knew it wasn't Jon's gesture; Jon wouldn't have risked being so close to Izzy. It had to be Valentine. He didn't think it was Jocelyn because it looked like a male's handwriting. He stared at the bike for an hour before hopping on it and driving to Clary's bar. Even though it was his first time driving her baby alone, it felt like second nature. Clary had taught him so many times how and when to do what.  
The bar was blasting with Metal music, and when he entered, everyone asked for her but he ignored them and walked straight to Lucky. After pulling Jon's drawing out of his pocket, he asked to have it tattooed on his right wrist.  
When he came back to his parents' house, he waited in the kitchen for them wake and when they finally did, he broke the news. He told them that he was leaving the house. Robert didn't object, saying that they would help him with whatever help he would need, but Maryse didn't see it that way. She tried to convince him to stay, at least until the end of the school year. And that's when he told them he wouldn't go back to school either.  
He couldn't, every inch of the school would be screaming Clary to him. So he shook his head and told Maryse that he intended to become a cop so he didn't need a high school degree. Maryse had cried a lot until she finally said that she would support him every way she could.  
And now, eight years later he was in his small two bedrooms apartment, as officer Wayland. He had changed his name to Wayland to at least have something of his real mother.  
Jace sighed heavily and got up from his bed to sadly make blueberry muffins, Clary's favorites. He never cried for her, and he never talked about her to anyone again. Only Izzy knew that he had asked for her hand in marriage, and apparently, she had kept the secret.  
It took him over a year to even look at a girl, and six other months to touch a girl again, and it never satisfied him. He was able to find his release, but he was never satisfied. No girl had managed to make him forget Clary, mentally or physically, and he frankly didn't care, he didn't want to forget her. He still distinctly remembered her smell, her taste, how perfectly she fitted against him, her crazy moves, her marvelous green eyes that were full of love and malice. He didn't want to forget any of these things.  
When the muffins where baked, he sadly smiled to the one in his hands and blew an imaginary candle.  
"Happy birthday Clary."

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Any good news?"  
They were back in her apartment and Clary sadly shook her head at the question. She didn't want to think about it, so she went into the kitchen.  
During her first week after her accident, she discovered with horror that she didn't know how to cook. She often choked on her preparations until she finally managed to cook something that was edible. Her skills improved tremendously as she could now enjoy whatever she was cooking, which was a change compared to what she had to endure during her first months.  
Two comforting arms were suddenly around her, and she leaned against his chest. He squeezed her a bit and she regained composure of herself. It wasn't like she could do anything about it. She walked out of his arms and served them apple juice as he sat on one of the chairs.  
"Maybe you should change scenery for a bit."  
She restrained herself from sighing and started baking blueberry muffins. She knew he was going to try to make her come to New York. He always did. Lately, every time he came, he would start a conversation, which would ultimately end up with him asking her to go back with him to New York.  
"James..."  
"My family's dying to see you. I'm not asking you to sell your apartment, I'm just proposing that you... change your mind. Who knows, maybe you'll love it there."  
She grimaced to herself, because she highly doubted that she would like New York. There was an aura around that was screaming at her not to go. She didn't utter a word and finished the preparation. Once the muffins were in the oven, she sat next to James and rested her head on the table while James soothed her back.  
She smiled weakly at him. They both knew that the main reason of her refusal to leave was because she was afraid. Afraid that someone from her past would show up at her doorstep and that she wouldn't be here to see that person. But no one ever came, so why should they start coming now, eight years later.  
James was looking at her with love and compassion. He knew everything about her life, and he never judged or pressured her to just let it go. He even tried to help her, but his researches, like hers were infructuous. It was as if she fell from the sky with nothing but her ID and tattoos. James even showed a few Japanese tattooists her picture and tattoos when he went to business trips in Japan, but he never learnt anything about them.  
Clary knew that she should just drop it, but she couldn't. This missing piece was what would make her complete again. And even though she was with James now, even though he loved her beyond reason, she couldn't find it in herself to be completely happy. He had learnt to live with that, he understood that she would never really be happy with him, but he was satisfied that he could at least make her smile genuinely, and that he could bring her at least a tiny inch of happiness.  
They didn't live together. For the five years that they have been together, she never once agreed to live with him in New York and she refused so adamantly to make any compromises or modifications to her life that he left his family behind to live with her in Paris. As a result, every month he would come to be with her for a week, and she was quite happy with that arrangement. She didn't know how to live with someone 24/7. She was used to her little routine and her little habits and she didn't want to change them.  
"Hodge said that I should check the New York exposition."  
She saw his eyes sparkle with hope. She was telling him that there was a remote possibility that she would go to New York with him. She noticed that he subconsciously touched his chest pocket, and that made her frown. She knew that he wanted and planned to propose even though he never directly voiced it, and she didn't know what she would say, or what she should say. She liked their lives as it was and she was reluctant to change it.  
"But I'm not even sure that I'd go there. I have so many things here. I have the charities, the classes."  
"You can take a few weeks of vacation, it won't be the end of the world. And you can do the same in New York."  
"What about my friends?"  
"I'm sure that even the old man would push you to go. Isn't he the one who is always telling you to go and live?"  
Clary chewed her inner cheek before she blurted out what really worried her.  
"What if we have an accident and I lose my memory all over again?"  
James looked at her with the softest expression on Earth before gently taking her hand in his.  
"I will be here to make you remember all over again."  
Clary kept her words to herself. She was sure that the person for whom she had her left wrist tattoo promised her the same thing. Promised to always be by her side, promised to always love her, but when she woke, no one had been there for her, she had been left all alone to face a world she didn't remember.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace's phone rang but he ignored it. He knew it was Maryse, and he didn't want to talk to her. He never wanted to talk to anybody, but on this particular day, he always made sure that he didn't. He left his apartment and hopped on his bike to drive as far away as possible, and he ultimately found himself in front of Washington DC's airport. As usual. Even though he never planned on going there, he would always find himself there.  
All day long he would contemplate the idea of taking a one-way ticket to Paris. He knew where she lived and that's all he needed. Every year it was the same battle, should he go or not? And every year it was the same answer: he couldn't. She was a whole new person now and he couldn't barge back in her life and risk to harm her emotionally and physically. Luke's threat was still very much alive in his mind, and that was the only thing that kept him away at first.  
Now the shame of not being there for her was adding up. The more he let the years pass, the more ashamed he felt to have broken his promise to always be there for her. He had left her when she needed him the most and now, he wasn't sure if she would want him in her life, even if she remembered, _especially_ if she remembered.  
At the end of the day, he drove back to his apartment and once in it, he found it weird that his dog didn't come to greet him like she usually did. She was a young Malinois that he took under his care a year after he enrolled as a cop. She was a lost puppy and he took care of her.  
He walked to the living room to see if she was there and found someone sitting on the couch, his dog's head on his laps. And even though it had been over eight years and he changed as Hell, Jace recognized Jon in the blink of an eye.  
He had dyed his hair black, wore black contact lenses and had a scar on the left side of his jaw. But that was nothing compared to his expression. Jon had always been nice, outgoing and cheerful, but that was all gone now. This new Jon had a scary and intimidating aura surrounding him, his face closed off, frightening and unreadable as he was caressing the head of Jace's dog. Jace glared at her as he threw his keys on the little key holder box.  
"Some guard dog you make."  
She softly barked at him as he leaned against the wall facing the couch. Jon expressionlessly smiled as he scratched the dog behind her ears.  
"She knows I won't hurt her, don't you Akuma?"  
Yes, that was how desperately he was still into Clary. Jace wasn't surprised to see that Jon knew her name, it was written on her necklace, it was even written it Japanese.  
Jace stared at Jon as he was playing with his dog. Even his way to move had changed. Jon used to be careless, now every move seemed to be calculated and Jon seemed to be lifeless. Leaving Clary behind had affected him as much as it had affected Jace.  
"What do you want Jon?"  
"It's been a long time since people called me that."  
Jace raised an eyebrow at Jon who was still playing with Akuma. Didn't his parents call him that? And what about Luke? Did Jon also shut everyone out?  
"What do people call you now?"  
"They don't. They usually don't have time to call me anything, and it's not like I want my name to be remembered anyway."  
Jace didn't retort at Jon's insinuation. So he decided to become an agent. Jace never thought he would have. That didn't seem like Jon. And then, Jace thought of Jon's detached way when he said that people didn't have time to call him anything. He frowned, as he understood that Jon was living on his own now, probably as a hit man or something.  
Finally Jon stopped playing with the dog and sat back properly, his once green eyes steady on Jace, analyzing him as much as Jace was doing the same.  
"Clary is coming to New York next week."  
Jace didn't utter a word, didn't move a muscle, didn't blink, but his heart exploded at the news. Clary was coming back. She was coming back to him. And still, Jon didn't look thrilled by this. On the contrary his eyes were still analyzing Jace. Jace wasn't surprised that Jon knew about his sister's whereabouts, he himself had been tempted to track her down when he enrolled in the police. But he didn't because he knew it would be too much pain for him.  
"She is _coming_ _to_ New York, she is not _coming back_ to New York."  
"So she still doesn't remember."  
"No she doesn't. And I came here to make sure that _you_ don't try to make her remember. She is living a happy life, she has her dream job, she feels happy, she is engaged, and so you will let her be."  
_Engaged_? She was engaged! So she had found happiness in another man's arms. And even though Jace knew he should feel happy for her, he wasn't. He tried to deny it. His emotions werd overflowing, he felt betrayed, but mostly hurt. He could only mutter his question.  
"She's... _engaged_?"  
"Not yet, but that's just a matter of time. The guy bought her a ring almost six months ago. I guess he's just waiting for the right moment. Anyway..."  
Jon got up, and Jace noticed that he had gained muscles and now had his sister's agility. Jon walked to Jace and passed him, going to the entrance door. Once he had his hand on the knob, he finished his sentence, looking straight into Jace's golden eyes.  
"Just leave her alone. She doesn't need any troubles now. She already has a lot on her mind. If you see her, you look and go the other away, no matter how much it hurts."

**~.o.O.o.~**

**So here was the first chapter, what did you think of it? Do you like it? Don't forget to tell all your impressions and what you think is going on between everyone. **


	2. New York

"It's going to be alright Clary, stop stressing."

Clary couldn't help but grip the armchair until her knuckles became white. This had been the worst decision she had ever made in her life. Why did she agree to go to New York? It wasn't like the exposition couldn't go on without her. And now she was going to die in a stupid plane crash. Why didn't she stay in her nice and comfy Parisian apartment?

She started needing air badly, and James's hand crawled into hers. She knew she was being silly and irrational, plane crashes were less frequent than car crashes, but she already had the mischance of being in a car accident, so what kept her bad luck from doing the same here?

"You know my Mom already adores you. Every time I come back, she scolds me because you were not in my luggage."

Clary smiled weakly, aware that he was trying to distract her.

"She will be sad that you're not staying at home though."

"I'll tell her that I'm a girl of good virtue."

James smiled to her before leaning in to kiss her. She was glad that he didn't force or attempt to push her into staying with him when she searched for a small apartment in New York. He did propose her to stay at his mother's house, but she refused, she needed her own personal space and he respected that.

He still slightly disagreed with the fact that she had chosen an apartment in Brooklyn saying that the neighborhood wasn't safe, but he didn't go further when she gave him the look. After all, he ought to know better, he met her when she was wrestling, and he knew how well she could knock out someone.

Clary thought of the little life she had planned for herself in New York. She had found a little two bedrooms apartment in the middle of Brooklyn. She also found some classes she could give to inmates as a charity and she still had time to visit and check up on her exposition on her own.

James never questioned her desire to remain anonymous and just went along with it, sometimes teasing her about her secrecy when they were in a showroom. He would whisper in her ear something about her being the masked man, or some superhero thing like that. He liked how her work could bring emotions out of other people, and he loved the way she looked when she realized it.

But even though Clary knew how much James adored her, she never felt complete with him. He never filled the gap in her heart, only covered it and she had learned to live with it. It's not that she didn't love James; she just didn't love him like she should, like he deserved. They both knew it, but he still didn't care. He took her whole, exactly how she was, not caring about her missing past or her rough edges.

At some point, James's blond head rested on her shoulder, and she smiled at him as he was sleeping on her. She keenly remembered how his strawberry blond hair had caught her attention when she saw him after her match. They were calling out to her, as if somewhere in her life, golden blond hair had meant something to her.

She recalled the day they first met, how he stumbled to talk in French and how it made her chuckle before she told him that she understood English just fine. It was five years ago at the time when she was still wild and careless. Now she had calmed herself and stopped all the activities she used to do to release her energy.

James never judged her for what she did; on the contrary, he admired her because that was something that he did not expect from a 'small and tiny woman like her' as he put it. It's what caught his eyes and what made him chase after her, even though she had been resistant for months.

He was a businessman visiting Paris when they met, and strangely, he had a lot of French business meetings after he met her, always making sure to come and see her, trying to woo her. But that did not work. Clary had stayed resistant to his charms until the day he completely changed his approach and dared her to go out with him. She had snapped at that dare and agreed to it. In the end, she had enjoyed the date because it hadn't been anything like she expected.

"You blushing like that makes me feel all hot and flustered."

Clary blushed even more at the realization that she was blushing and that James had felt it. He lifted his head up to look into her green eyes. He too had green eyes, but Clary's were bright and shining, and his were dark and almost blue.

"Hope you were thinking of me..."

He smiled at her, wiggling his eyebrows as she rolled her eyes and kissed him.

"I was thinking of the first time we met. How you stuttered like a premature teenager and struggled to find your words in French."

"Premature? I was 23 might I remind you. And you were too hot and scary in that little outfit of yours, blood that wasn't yours on your hands..."

"There wasn't any blood on my hands! You're such a tease!"

He laughed at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder before kissing her temple gently.

"Either way, I'm glad I went to the match and saw the wild and scary side of you. Now I know better than to mess with you."

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace was sitting at a restaurant in front of Maryse and Izzy. Dragging everyone along, Izzy imposed the lunch on them. They were just waiting for Alec since Robert was at a conference in Switzerland.

Jace looked blankly at the two women sitting in front of him, haunted by his thoughts of Clary. She should be in New York by now, and despite what Jon had told him, he couldn't help but hope that they would 'accidentally' meet. They would look at each other and she would recognize him. Jace knew that it was ridiculous, that it only happened in sappy chick movies, but he still wished it would also happen to him.

Clary was in New York, and that was all that mattered. And still, Jace felt bad about wanting to see her. Jon had said that she was happy, so who was he to steal her happiness away? She was on her way to be the perfect wife, who was he to deny her that?

Suddenly Alec sat next to him, snapping Jace out of his reverie. He glanced at his brother who looked exhausted. He had become a super shot lawyer, working for the DA office. Exhaustion was clear on Alec's face and he ordered his meal as their own meals were being served.

His siblings started talking with their Mom, and Jace simply gazed through the window. He barely saw his family since his return from France. He only saw them on big occasions, and still, he always managed to arrive late, and always pulling out for work hours. It's not that he didn't love his family; it was just that it was hard. They all wanted to talk about Clary, and Jace didn't want to. He wanted to keep the memory of her for himself and not share it with anyone.

"I'm pregnant."

That had the merit to snap Jace's attention back to the conversation. He looked at Izzy, his face expressionless as Maryse was eyeing her daughter, her mouth hanging open, her fork falling from her hand with a loud clatter. And then, Maryse smiled, hugging her daughter to her heart.

"Did you tell Simon?"

Jace was glad for Alec's question. Simon and Izzy had an on and off relationship. They weren't really together, but they also weren't separated. In addition, their schedules didn't really fit. Izzy had become a fashion designer and she was traveling all around the world and Simon's band had unexpectedly made it through, also enabling him to travel around the world.

Jace saw a split second of unease in Izzy's eyes, and he gathered that the situation was even more complicated than it seemed.

"I'm still keeping it. I just thought you should know why I suddenly start looking like a wale. Also I'll stay in New York during the pregnancy, traveling with crazy hours isn't the best thing."

She didn't answer the question. That was something she often did when it came to Simon and her love life, she would always try to elude the question. Jace had been surprised that Izzy even started hanging out with Simon again. He never knew why Clary had slapped Simon at the party, but he figured it was because he did something wrong to Izzy, and that Izzy only told Clary.

Izzy had also been affected a lot by the twins' disappearance. After that night when she cried on Jace's shoulder, she never cried again. Something had broke inside of her, making her someone else entirely. For three years she didn't come back to New York, staying abroad in Europe, and when she did return, the giddy Izzy was gone, leaving place to the new Izzy, barely talking about herself.

"Oh, but that means he's going to ask for your hand! I can't wait to hear all about it."

"You'll have to, I'm not going to marry Simon!"

Jace restrained himself from rolling his eyes and stared at his plate. Izzy's marriage was Maryse latest obsession. She was throwing it on the plate every chance she got, as she desperately needed to organize another wedding for one of her children.

Alec had married Magnus last year to Maryse's perfect bliss, and to Jace's greatest annoyance. He had tried to get out of it, but Alec had asked him to be his best man, so he couldn't really say no. And now Maryse was all about marrying Izzy to Simon, even though it was obvious to Jace that they didn't belong together.

**~.o.O.o.~**

It has been a week since Clary's arrival in New York, and she was starting to make her marks. She didn't know how, but she managed to avoid getting jetlag. Her apartment was bigger than she expected which was fine for her, she would be able to paint in the comforts of her home and not at the little studio above the gallery.

Even though she came for her exposition, she still didn't go there, she was completely absorbed by the new life that she was living. She met James's parents and found it was easier than she had expected. James didn't lie to her when he said that they already liked her, when she saw them, she had the impression of being the prodigy child returning home.

The Johnson's were nice and charming. Eva, James's sister was... really outgoing, she dragged Clary in several shops through New York to show her the 'good places' as she put it, and even though she appreciated it, Clary couldn't help but feel that if the case had been reversed, she would certainly not have taken Eva to the Eiffel Tower or to the Champs de Mars. She would have taken her to the real places of Paris where the Revolution stood, where Henry IV had been stabbed, where a thousand colors colored your vision, where millions of odors sent you to unknown places.

But still, she liked spending time with them. Even more, she liked that they didn't question the fact that she didn't want to live with James in New York, or him to live with her in Paris. In fact, they didn't question their private life at all, and Clary was really grateful for that. She was James's girlfriend, full stop.

She turned on herself and cuddled against James's strong body as he wrapped his arms around her a little bit tighter. Then he whined in her ear:

"I don't want to go to work."

"Come on, it's the best part of the day. You get to be that mean annoying boss if you want. If you want, we can switch places."

"Yeah, I'll take being a mean annoying boss instead of having to follow my sister all over New York any day."

Clary chuckled and rested her head on his chest. Even though she didn't tell him, she envied the bond he had with his sister; she envied the fact that he had a sister, a family. She had no one, no one to present him to, just her and her apartment. He already knew both of them.

"You start your classes tomorrow?"

"Yup. I can't wait. I'll have an excuse to get out of shopping. How much can a girl shop?"

"She's a fashion designer, she is bound to love shopping and clothing and all that weird stuffs that _normal_ girls do"

She propped herself on her elbow, raising her brows at him, a playful and lustful smile on her lips.

"Are you saying that I am not a girl... Because that would mean that what we did last night was... Not really..."

"I'm saying you're not even a _human being._ That's why I love you!"

He smiled to her and placed his hands on the back of her head to bring her closer to him so he could kiss her. Their kiss was simple and innocent at first, but then Clary deepened it, tangling his hair and making her way on top of him. She felt him respond before his lips that was still against hers, spread into a smile.

She knew what he was about to say so she didn't try to push it, but deep inside her, she couldn't help but feel unsatisfied. James was always _too_ serious. He would never risk being late for a quickie and he would never attempt to do it in incongruous places, and she craved and longed for that. She longed for the spice and the thrill it would give her, she longed for him to tackle her roughly against a wall and take her right there, she longed for mind-blowing sex.

It wasn't that he wasn't good; it's just that he wasn't the best. Her body craved for more. James had been the first and only man to touch her after the accident. She had been extremely anxious about it since she didn't know what to except. Was she still a virgin? Was she any good? Did she use to like it? But as always, James had been the perfect gentleman, never rushing her.

She noticed that sometimes when things got hotter than usual, she would automatically itch her nose and right ear. She didn't know why and just assumed it was an indication that she had an orgasm.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she only noticed that James got out of the bed when he came back a towel around his waist. She smiled at him and also got up. Even though she had insisted in having her own apartment in New York, she was glad that he spent the night with her, and by the way his eyes were ravaging her body, so was he.

"Don't forget about our dinner tonight."

"It's not like I can forget, your sister is taking me out shopping especially for that dinner! Why didn't you have a boxer sister?"

"Because she would be my brother then... Or she would be you... And if you don't want to go, then you don't have to. I'll tell her to back off."

"No. She's nice, I'm just messing around."

James's worried face relaxed and he planted a kiss on her forehead before getting dress in his work clothes.

Clary went straight to the kitchen to cook breakfast. She didn't go jogging this morning because James had slept over and she wanted to spend a little more time with him. And even though he didn't say it, she knew that he loved and appreciated the gesture.

She prepared pancakes, but barely ate. She allowed James to eat her left overs with a worried expression. She waved his worries off telling him that she wasn't really hungry, but the truth was, her stomach was a wreck. She didn't feel good at all, and eating seemed like the most hazardous thing to do at the moment.

When James left for work, Clary got prepared and walked to the nearest subway station to meet Eva. Eva never questioned her refusal to use a car, and Clary assumed that James already told her about her fears after the accident. They seemed really close which made her a little bit jealous. She wished she also had a sibling with whom she could share anything and everything.

"And there is this boutique I want to show you, they have the cutest things. I'm already planning on going there with my friend and partner Isabelle Lightwood over the next few weeks. You _have_ to come with us. You'll love it there, and you'll love Isabelle even more."

Clary only smiled at Eva as she kept on talking about everything they were going to do together, and how she felt that Clary was already part of the family. Clary kept herself from rolling her eyes at that. If she didn't know any better, Eva was hinting to her about her brother's intentions. Clary still didn't know how she felt about that. Did she want to marry James? Was she ready to live with this family he was offering her?

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace was at the police station, smoking his cigarette absentmindedly. Usually he was always working on the field as a civilian, but since Clary arrived in New York, he requested to stay at the station. As expected it was boring as Hell.

He knew he was being a coward. He knew that he was hiding within the walls of the station, but truth be told, he was scared. He was terrified of seeing her and not being recognized, of seeing her and being recognized, but most of all, he was petrified of being the cause of her sadness – petrified of taking her happiness away.

Even though the knowledge that she was happy with someone else killed him, he was happy that she found solace, and wasn't depressed. Jace was just upset that he wasn't the one to bring her happiness. He wasn't the one anymore who could make her smile like no one else could, for whom she would whimper his name to his paroxysm, to whom she would rely on.

"Wayland, we have a deposition, can you take care of that?"

Jace looked up to his chef and silently nodded, throwing the cigarette away. No one called him by his first name at the station, truth be told he didn't get along with anyone. He was more of a loner when it came to work.

Jace walked back into the station and to the office that they assigned him. Here, he found a man in a classy suit. He had strawberry blond hair slightly tousled, dark green eyes, and slightly tanned skin. The man smiled sadly at him as Jace sat. From the rumpled clothes and the messed up hair, Jace guessed that he just went through an aggressive attack.

"Sir?"

"James Johnson. I'd like to report a theft, but first can I make a call?"

Jace pushed the phone over to the man and looked away to give him some privacy, but still, he heard the end of his conversation.

"No, Eva I'm fine, and don't you dare bring her. She's going to worry more than necessary. Just take her home, and I'll see you guys there. And I mean it Eva."

The man hung up, sighing and passing a hand over his face, and Jace couldn't help but feel sympathetic towards the man. He noticed though that the man seemed hardly shaken by his attack, and more worried about the girl he just talked about.

"Girl troubles?"

He smiled to Jace and nodded before straightening up.

"Look officer, I don't really care about the theft, there is just one thing that I want. _My ring_. Tonight was supposed to be the night I proposed to my girl and this particular ring was made especially for her, so if you could just tell me there is a way to find it..."

Jace grimaced in empathy for the man. If the thieves weren't caught in the next forty-eight hours, there was a high possibility of never seeing the ring again. That is, if it wasn't already sold back on the black market at this hour.

"Do you have a picture of the ring?"

"On my computer at the office. I can send it to you first thing in the morning."

"That would be helpful. I can't guarantee that we'll find your ring Mr. Johnson, but I will send some guys at the places where stolen jewelry are often sold to the black market."

The man smiled, allowing himself a little hope.

"Do you want to press charges?"

"No, as I said, I just want the ring."

"Must be some girl, uh."

A goofy and loving smiled appeared on his face. The same smile that Clary used to bring out of him every time he thought of her.

"You have no idea. She's... Perfect."

Jace didn't say a word to that. He knew how he felt. Of course she was perfect for him, exactly like Clary had been, and still was, perfect for Jace. He got up and told the man not to forget about the picture, and they walked to the center of the station where the man froze looking sadly at the entrance.

And Jace's heart stopped as he saw Clary, _his_ Clary, walking in haste to the man standing beside him. He avidly watched her as she anxiously asked the man if he was okay, flying her delicate hands all over his body before she kissed him.

Jace couldn't get enough of her. She had grown a bit and her hair was longer, falling in cascades all around her, as he liked it. She seemed to still exercise because he could see her muscles play as she busied herself with the man. She had gained a cup size, creating a curve even more tempting than he remembered. Her face was still perfect, just more mature. She still had her little freckles, her lips full and pink, and she still had those big long lashes contouring her green bright eyes.

Jace had to plant his nails into his palms in order not to take her in his arms right now. He managed to reign in his features just as her big green eyes looked into his golden eyes, sparkles of recognition in them.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaa. Here was chapter 2 hope you liked it.**

**Is Clary remembering Jace?!  
And what's up with Izzy and Simon?  
And guys, what do you think of James?**

**So I know I've been answering to each of you individually for the previous story but as I said, I'm running out of time now, so I'm so sorry, I'll answer to each of you but collectively. Promise that I won't let a single review unanswered, but I don't have the time to make it personal. SORRY, I'm the rudest person on Earth!  
Still wow, I didn't expect so many reviews for the first chapter! Yay, so glad you guys like it, and I hope you'll keep on making me happy like that (goofy grin)**

**. So about the happy ending. Like I said, this part is still a blur for me, but I can assure you at 75% that it will not end as heartbreaking as the previous story. Even though I'm still not sure, there is a good chance of a happy ending, well happier than BAHOG. So you guys can stop plotting against me to kill me in my sleep, as for now I see a glimpse of sunshine at the horizon.  
. About Clary's memory. Well that's up for next chapter (hi hi hi, I know I pushing here, you all want to know, don't kill me). But know that it will be the principal tool of this story.  
. About the characters. NOOOOOO, Jon won't be evil, my Jon will never be evil! I love him too much. He's just heartbroken. And yes we will definitely hear more about him in later chapters. Jace... He's breaking my heart too (I know I wrote the story, so why am I complaining). And Clary... Well she's with James. That's all I can say. And James is a totally made up character, not the one from TID. I choose this name because of the consonance and the way it almost look like Jace.  
. About the feels_._ Well, it might be a little sad at first, but it will come out just fine. Or I think. I'm not a really good judge with that because I thought that the ending of BAHOG was perfect...  
. About the rating. At the moment, lemons aren't really flowing in my mind, but that doesn't mean that I won't change the rating at some point. Be on the look out because it might most definitely change.**

**So I think that's it. Tell me if you guys like it when I answer like that. If you don't, I'll go back on answering back to each of you (even though I might go PM for the subscribers because otherwise the AN will be longer than the story). Just tell me.**

**And keep on reviewing like that, because yeah I love receiving reviews ^^**

**Anyway, I forgot to mention that in the first chapter, but of course, I own nothing, except the plot and the made up characters And again, I'd like to thank my beta AlwaysNaked for making the story easier to read. **

**Cheers**


	3. Hopes

Clary's heart raced as she looked into the golden eyes of the golden officer. She felt like her whole body reacted to him. From her deepest part to her now ragged and shallow breaths. She could have sworn that she had already seen him somewhere. She knew she came into some contact with him before, but she couldn't remember when or where. She cursed her faulty memory before reluctantly tearing her eyes away from the man to look at James again, already starting to feel a headache growing.

"And you were the one saying that New York wasn't safe for me."

She didn't recognize him. For a fraction of second he hoped that she did. Jace saw how her eyes opened wide like saucers, but _she didn't recognize him_. What made it worst was that now she had her hands all over that new man she loved. Jace wanted to take her by the shoulders, and shake the life out of her until she recognized him, but he didn't. He only looked at her without actually looking at her, his hands shoved in his pockets to hide his wrists.

"What happened?"

"I got mobbed. Nothing serious."

Clary frowned her brows in worry, gently caressing James's cheek before she looked back at the officer. Officer Wayland as his badge said. If Angels were real, they would look like him. Everything was golden on him: his hair, his skin, even his eyes. _Who_ has golden eyes besides Angels for crying out loud? But his eyes... She had never yet seen such sadness and despair in someone's eyes and something inside of her broke and shouted at her to take his strong figure in her frail arms to comfort him.

Unfortunately, before she could even think about acting on that impulse, her head started to hurt even more and she squeezed her eyes shut, resting her head on James's chest. He wrapped a comforting and knowing arm around her shoulder and soothed her back, aware that she was starting to have one of her massive headaches.

Jace watched the couple with an unreadable face, but his heart was breaking all over again. How could that even be? How could a broken heart break again? He looked at his Clary taking comfort in another man's arms. Why did it have to be him? Why did he have to get mobbed at this specific time when Jace was at the station? Why did he have to love and be loved by _his_ Clary? Why was fate rubbing that in his face?

"What did they steal anyway?"

Jace looked at the blond woman that Clary walked in the station with. He had completely forgotten about her. It was obvious by her looks that she was the man's sister. Jace was about to inform her, just so he could use the occasion to tear his gaze away from Clary, but the man shook his head vigorously above Clary who still had her eyes closed. Jace could swear that she was paler, almost like she was about to throw up.

"Nothing really. Mostly papers in my wallet and some cash. We should go, Clary's not feeling well."

He said that as if it was natural for Clary to act like that and it worried Jace. As they left the station, James politely thanked him and Jace noticed that Clary was barely opening her eyes. Why? What was wrong with her? If she frequently acted like that, was this a sequel of the explosion?

**~.o.O.o.~**

Clary was laying on her back on her couch with her eyes shut and her hands behind her head. Her migraine just wouldn't go. She had tried everything that usually soothed her, but nothing pacified her agonizing headache. It was hurting so much that she wanted to bang her head against the wall, but she knew that James wouldn't let her do that. Even though she didn't hear him entering the room, she could feel him sitting in a chair next to her.

"Maybe you should eat. Eva said that you barely ate today."

"I don't feel like eating. I feel like dying."

She heard him sigh a complaint of helplessness and she restrained a whine. She knew what he would tell her: to go and see a doctor about her headaches, but she already knew what they would say. They would blame it on the accident, saying that her brain was weaker now and couldn't take as much as other people's own did. And she didn't want to hear that, so she changed the topic.

"I'm sorry your evening got completely... blown up."

"I'm with you, so that means that it was never blown up."

She smiled, her eyes still closed but she couldn't shake the feeling of shame and guilt that was deep inside her. She felt like she ruined his evening. And she also felt guilty because she had wanted to embrace another man even though James had been right beside her. She never felt that intense desire to comfort another man in her arms before. That never occurred to her, and she hoped it never would again.

She felt weak to be attracted to the good looks of a complete stranger, but then again, she knew that she already saw him somewhere. She was sure of that. She was so sure of that that she figured she must have seen him after the accident, as she still couldn't remember anything from before.

She suddenly opened her eyes and turned her head to James who was looking at her with concern and worry. She slowly got up, ignoring her headache to the best of her ability and walked to the kitchen, James on her heels.

"I'll make some soup."

"Clary, it's barely September."

"You're the one who talked about eating."

She knew that the food wouldn't remain in her stomach as she was peeling the potatoes therefore she placed the peeled potatoes in a bowl of water and then in the fridge under James disapproving look. Now that she came to think of it, she barely ate since she arrived in New York, and apparently James had noticed it too because he was rummaging in her fridge, looking for something that she could eat. Maybe she was home sick.

"Maybe you should go to the doctor Clary."

"When Hell freezes over!"

"You've lost weight since you came here and your headaches are getting worst. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to make you come."

She rested her head against the door of the fridge; enjoying the little freshness it gave her. She didn't agree with James, she had been enjoying the city quite more than she expected. She could have enjoyed it even more if her headaches weren't becoming more frequent and didn't pop in every now and then.

"I'm not going to the doctor James."

She heard him sigh before he walked to her and took her in his arms. She cuddled against him as his thumbs were circling her back. He knew how she felt about doctors, how they reminded her of that dark period of her life. The time when she didn't know who she was or what she was going to do with her life. That period where she was so angry against the world because she was all alone with no recollection of who she was.

"Do you want me to stay tonight?"

Clary hesitated. She didn't want to stay alone, but she knew that he had an early meeting in the morning and that he wouldn't be able to sleep properly with her thrashing all over the place because of her stupid headache. So she shook her head no and pecked his lips to thank him for his concern and offer.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace was absentmindedly drinking a beer whilst staring at the only picture he had of Clary. It was the picture he took of them in her bedroom years ago. The picture only revealed her vibrant hair. He traced her silhouette with his fingers, his heart aching and longing to go back to that time, where everything was simpler. He often wished he could go back to the night when she had been willing to take off with him. He should have said yes, he should have gone through with it, if he did they would have been together and happy now.

Jace didn't know what to do about Clary's return. Before, he thought that as long as he didn't see her, he could fantasize about them meeting and everything returning to how it should be, but now that he saw her, he had to face the harsh reality: she didn't remember him, and she would never remember him. She looked at him as if he was a perfect stranger and leaned on another man for the support that Jace was suppose to give her.

Jace still noticed things that gave him hope. She still had the tattoo on her wrist, the one that linked them to eternity. She didn't try to have it removed. And she still looked at him. She looked at him, not through him. He saw how her eyes lingered on his muscles, on his Adam's apple, on his hair, on his lips, on his eyes. He saw how she looked for something in his golden eyes and how she immediately felt sad when he returned her gaze.

Why? Why did she have to be with someone? Someone who obviously loved her, Jace could tell just by the way he talked about her, the way that his eyes sparkled when he saw her, the way he preciously took her in his arms, and the way he was concerned about her well being. He desperately loved her, and still, Jace didn't see in Clary's eyes the love that she once had for him. And that made him selfishly hope.

**~.o.O.o.~**

When he arrived at work, Jace was summoned to the chief's office. As he walked to his office, he wondered what the sexagenarian wanted from him. Upon his arrival he didn't bother to knock before entering. The old man looked at him and told him to sit, but Jace being the stubborn and rebellious man he was, remained standing. He always had a slight problem with authority and yet he still managed to not get fired.

"I have a new mission for you Wayland. You'll escort a volunteer to the prison every Tuesday and Friday."

"I'm not a freaking bodyguard."

"You're the one who asked for station missions, this is what men who stay in the station do. You'll do it because I said so or I'll put you on traffic service!"

Jace growled aloud before going to the back of the police station to burn a cigarette. This was where he was supposed to meet the volunteer - whoever the Hell it was - to escort them to the prison. He never understood why people would do that: freely give their time away to make inmates feel better. If they were in jail, there was a reason for it!

He inhaled a long breath before dropping his cigarette in surprise when the chief came to him. Walking next to the chief was Clary. _Clary_! This had to be the sickest joke of the Universe. Why would his Clary be the volunteer he would have to see twice a week? Why did fate seem to love to torture him so damn much? She looked pale, even paler than yesterday, but she still smiled to him when she saw him.

"Jace Wayland, meet Clary Fray. Miss Fray will teach Art to the inmates."

Jace barely nodded, his eyes focused on Clary as the chief was left. She looked back at him before walking up to him and extending her hand in a friendly gesture, a polite smile on her face .

"You can call me Clary."

"Miss Fray."

He just nodded at her, ignoring her hand and brusquely shoving his hands in his pockets. He was going to have to invest in long sleeves if he didn't want her to see his tattoos. The two tattoos that were a living proof that she was his whole life.

Clary tugged a lock of hair behind her ear and followed Jace as he led her to the parking lot. She didn't like the way he said her name. It was as if she was a venomous snake or something. He had ignored her attempt to be friendly and put her back in her place. He was the cop and she was a simple civilian.

Not to mention the way he looked at her, as if it was painful to do so. She wasn't _that_ ugly! Despite the fact that this man had been anything but rude to her, she couldn't help but feel good around him. That was until she saw him open a police car passenger door. She froze in fear. She didn't expect that. In Paris she always walked to the center by herself.

"I'm not going in that."

"It's just a car - a police car. What do you think? That I'll crash you into a tree?"

As soon as the words left his mouth Jace regretted them. He knew that she had been told she had been in a car accident, and surely she didn't like finding herself in a position where it could happen again. He sighed and told her that they would take the subway, even though he hated wandering in the city dressed in uniform.

He shoved his cap on his head and led the way as he saw her relax a bit and smile in thankfulness to him. Once in the ram, he told her to sit because she looked really pale, but she refused. Of course, Clary was still as stubborn as ever or she wouldn't be Clary. He discreetly checked her out and frowned.

"You do know that you're going in a prison, right?"

"Yes."

"And that prisoners are full of guys who haven't seen a woman in years?"

He saw her frown - that same frown that was always a warning to back off - before she closed her eyes. But seriously! Why did she have to wear a dress like that when she knew that she was going to give class to inmates? What did she want? A riot?

"Are you implying something, officer?"

"Horny prisoners are difficult to handle."

"Me being in a dress does not give men the right to act like assholes, you stupid caveman!"

She suddenly blushed and opened her eyes, remembering that she was talking to a police officer and it took all of Jace's self control not to cup her face and kiss her. Her blush still had this maddening power over him so he looked away and chewed on the inside of his cheek to keep his face unreadable.

When they finally arrived at their destination, Jace was still ignoring Clary and that annoyed her. She wouldn't apologize because he was the one at fault; he was the one who started saying stupid things about her outfit. They walked in the prison, and before they went in the room reserved for her, Jace disappeared, leaving her alone with one of the guardians.

This Jace Wayland person annoyed her so much. If she could she would paint his pretty golden face on a punching-ball and play with it until she ran out of energy. She liked nothing about him so why the Hell did she want to know him better? It was as if it was a primal and vital need. She wanted to know him, he made her feel... good. She never met someone who made her feel good like that after just meeting them. This was unreal.

Suddenly, she felt that the little food she had eaten in the morning was coming back up.

"Where is the bathroom?"

The guardian showed her the way, and she rushed into the lavatory.

When Jace returned, he was changed into a long sleeve shirt. He saw the guardian alone in front of the bathroom and questioned him by raising his eyebrow only to be answered by the shrugging of shoulders. Jace frowned and dismissed the guard, not liking that he didn't know about Clary. She had seemed really pale during the journey, and Jace saw her pinching her lips together several times.

When she finally came out, she looked a little bit better, but Jace could tell that she just threw up. Even though her features were perfectly indecipherable, the little drops of water on her face betrayed her and exposed that she had passed water on it. At least she didn't look like she was going to pass out anymore.

"You okay?"

"Yes, I probably ate more than I should have this morning."

Even though she said that she still looked concerned and her brows frowned, hence Jace didn't believe her. He was sure she didn't believe herself either. He chewed on his cheek to restrain himself from taking her in his arms and they walked to the room where the inmates were already waiting for them.

As Jace had dreaded, they whistled and hauled at her no matter how much the guardians told them to keep quiet. It didn't seem to bother Clary who was still lost in her thoughts and Jace mentally face palmed himself. Who would walk in a room full of convicts and be completely oblivious of them? Who, besides Clary?

Clary walked to the front of the room, Jace on her heels, a little bit closer than he should have been.

"So hello, I am Clary Fray and I'm here to help you express your feelings through art for the next couple of months."

The next couple of months? She wasn't going to stay longer? What was that? If she came here to be with her... _boyfriend_, why would she leave after two months? Were they planning on living in Paris?

"I'm not here to talk to you about techniques because that is not what I want to teach you. I want you to express what you feel deep inside. Whatever it is, art is the best way to exteriorize it, and that way, you'll finally be at peace with yourself."

"So if what I feel is drawing you in the nude, I can do that?"

Jace growled at that and glared at the indecent guy as the other inmates started hauling again. Clary simply smiled and looked down at herself. Jace saw from the corner of his eye that she frowned in annoyance, but apparently it was towards her body and not the prisoner.

"You can, but trust me, you don't want to see me naked, so maybe one of your friends can volunteer and pose for you."

She smirked and the other convicts laughed at him. Clary continued and talked about how they should paint. She didn't expect perfection but deliverance from them. She seemed so passionate while talking that it gave her a glowing aura.

Jace was shocked that the inmates did not attempt to make any more jokes about her and then he figured that it was because she was talking to them as people and not as prisoners. She was kind to them. She walked through the room as if it was the most natural thing to do and stopped when one of them asked for advice. Jace noticed that she sometimes frowned with sadness when she looked at some of their work.

After two hours of Jace almost losing his mind when she got too close to one of the inmates, the class was over, and so Clary and Jace left the prison to Jace's great relief. He frequently went to the prison because it was in the job description and because - normally an undercover cop - he would sometimes see some of his contacts here. But coming with Clary was something completely different. The Clary he knew was able to defend herself, but he knew nothing of this Clary.

As they were walking out of the prison, Jace saw someone that made his blood leave his face. _Alec_. Alec was looking at Clary dumbfounded before he glanced at Jace, a question hanging in his eyes. Something that sounded a lot like 'What the Hell is Clary doing here, _alive_?!'

"I'll call you later Alec."

Alec slightly nodded, his eyes never leaving Clary as they passed by him.

Clary gently smiled at the blue-eyed man in a lawyer gown, wondering if something was wrong with her face. He had looked at her as if he saw a ghost and that she wasn't really there. Two people in less than twenty-four hours, New-Yorkers were definitely weird. And to think that people were saying that Parisians were rude! She never had people looked at her like that in Paris.

"You look kind of pale. Maybe I should take you somewhere to eat."

So now he was worried about her well-being? After ignoring her and treating her like the shittiest person on Earth! Clary kept on walking to the subway, counting in her mind the days since she last hoped. And then a smile crept on her face. She felt so light at the moment.

"Maybe you're right, maybe I should eat. Do you want to come by my place, I'll make you a French specialty."

"You _cook_?"

"Of course I do, I live on my own, and I don't have servants who serve me meals."

Jace didn't retort to that, and against all odds, he agreed to eat with her. He knew that he shouldn't, that she was with somebody else now and that finding himself alone with her might make him do things he shouldn't do, but he couldn't refuse an opportunity like this to know more about the new Clary that she had become.

Once in her apartment, Jace figured that she was living alone. The apartment was furnished but lifeless, so if it had been her boyfriend's apartment, it would have been livelier, and more personal. She left him alone in the living room for a moment and he saw a massive canvas in the middle. Curiosity told him to look, but he knew better. Still, the canvas brought a smile to his face because at least she was still painting.

She reappeared with a wide smile still plastered on her face and he wondered what could have made her so happy all of the sudden. She told him to follow her in the kitchen and he sat as she started chopping and stirring vegetables. He looked at her cooking with wary eyes, Jon's food poisoning still very present in his mind. It's not like he had seen it, but having experienced the same with Izzy, he could relate. And Izzy _never_ improved her cooking.

"So why did you become a police officer?"

She wasn't looking at him, she was still concentrating on the meal that she was preparing, but she had spoken to him in casual conversation tone.

"Because that's what I'm good at."

He couldn't tell her that it was because he lost her. Because of the thrill and adrenaline rush that he receives just by the thought that he could die at any point when he went on a street mission. Because he considered entering the Clave before shaking off the idea, as the Clave was one of the reasons that he lost her. She nodded and covered her pot.

"And you, why do you volunteer to make life better for people who don't deserve it."

She sat in front of him, her hands knotted together on the table and her expression peaceful.

"Because it is a way to distinguish the innocent from the guilty."

He raised an eyebrow at her, not expecting that kind of answer at all. She gently smiled and slightly tilted her head to the side.

"You see, most of the time, innocent men will paint something about freedom, liberty, or peaceful places. They tend to use soft colors and will have simple sceneries - nothing too deep or complicated, just freedom. On the contrary, a guilty man will paint about his desires, passions, and about what he cannot satisfy anymore. He will paint with too much detail, relishing himself of the actions he could do through the painting."

Jace looked at Clary, he never thought of things that way before. She was trying to find the innocent among the guilty... That was _so Clary_. Maybe she didn't remember anything from her past, but she still acted like the Clary he knew, like the Clary he loved. He desperately wanted to take her in his arms at this very moment, but he shook the feeling off. He couldn't think like that, she was happy, her smile alone was telling him that.

She set a plate of ratatouille (**A.N. **Yeah, I'm obsessed with that dish, I love it) and they both ate silently for a while. Jace had to admit that it was delicious and he figured that she had to learn to cook, being on her own in Paris. He wanted to ask her so much, how she lived, how she managed to change her life, how she was, but he didn't dare. He was too afraid of her answers. He didn't want to hear her discuss the new man in her life, and by the way they acted together, he had been a great support to her, everything Jace hadn't been.

Clary never felt more awkward in her life, and she had been in many awkward situations before. The silence he was imposing was intimidating her. She didn't know why he wouldn't talk and she was starting to regret acting on her impulse and inviting him over.

She did it because he made her feel good, but now that they were all alone, he made her feel something else, something she never experienced before. And the way he looked at her, she didn't know what to make of that. No one had ever looked at her this way. It was somewhere between hunger and sadness.

She sighed and got up to do the dishes, just so she could escape from his gaze, but at the very moment when she picked up the sponge, he took it from her hand.

"You cooked, the least I can do is clean."

She was about to retort, but when she twirled on herself, he was closer to her than she expected. She had to lift her head up to look at the gold of his eyes. Jace's heart was hammering like a drum. Why did he get so freaking close to her? Why did she smell so good? Why did she always have to look so beautiful? And why did she have that stupid boyfriend of hers?

He just wanted to lean in and take her lips in his, and he was seriously considering it, but before anything could happen, someone knocked on the door, startling him. Clary on the other hand almost danced to the door so he concentrated on the dishes, ignoring the void that the sudden absence of her presence left.

Clary went to the door, quickly regaining composure of herself and opened it to James. She knew it would be him because even though she told him to stay at work, she knew that he wouldn't. He smiled at her, sparkles illuminating his dark green eyes and kissed her as soon as she closed the door, picking her up in his arms making her twirl.

"James we have company."

He put her down on the floor, his arm resting on her waist as he noticed Jace's presence in the kitchen. Jace quickly rolled down his sleeves as Clary was telling the man who possessively held her that he was her 'assigned escort'. Jace couldn't help but smile to himself at the annoyed tone that she used. No matter what, Clary still didn't like being treated like a frail and defenseless person.

"I should go. Crime doesn't wait."

Clary tried to make him stay, but he flew away. She frowned as she closed the door behind him and then felt James's arms all over her again, and her worries were soon gone. Just the hope that he brought was echoing in her mind and in her heart as James slightly kissed the line between her ear and collarbone.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace didn't go back to work, instead he took the rest of the day off and went straight back home. The happy smile Clary gave that _boyfriend_ of hers was torture. Especially when five seconds before he arrived Jace had been on the verge of kissing her.

He looked for Akuma and before he knew it, she jumped at his throat, panting at him. He knew that she had already been taken out so he collapsed on his couch, falling asleep while scratching her head. He woke shortly after by the pounding at his door. He looked at the time and saw that it was almost 11pm. He growled and went to open the door to... Alec. A very angry Alec, might he add.

"Care to explain?"

"What?"

"Why I saw Clary _alive and kicking with you today_!?"

"Oh that..."

Jace passed a hand on his face to wipe the sleep away and he ushered Alec into his apartment. Akuma started jumping all around him, but Alec ignored her, his eyes on Jace, as Jace was trying to figure out what to tell him.

"Did you tell anyone?"

"That I saw a dead person walking? No!"

Jace nodded in satisfaction and walked to the kitchen to take two beers out of the fridge before giving one to Alec who was already sitting on the couch. Even though he had two weeks to think about that possibility, he never came across a satisfactory excuse to explain Clary's aliveness.

"So yeah... Clary's alive."

"I figured! Why did you tell us that she was _dead_?"

"Because it was easier. She doesn't remember anything. She had a serious accident and doesn't remember anything from before that. Not you, not me, not her brother."

"That doesn't explain why you left her alone."

"Because she lost her freaking memory! Because her remembering could damage her brain! Because this was her chance to be happy!"

Jace angrily held his bottle tighter. That's why he didn't want to talk about Clary, he couldn't tell people about why he really left her all alone and lost. It wasn't his secret to share. Alec didn't debate about it anymore, and he was grateful to his brother about that.

"What are you going to do then?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean she's here in New York with reminders of her past everywhere, that will certainly trigger something. And mostly what are you going to do about the two of you?"

"There's no us anymore Alec. She has a fiancé or something."

"But... You still love her!"

"Maybe, but she's happy. You didn't see her when he came by her place today, her whole face lit up... She's happy."

Alec stayed silent for a moment, staring thoughtfully at his bottle while Jace was trying to ignore the aching pain in his heart by rubbing Akuma's head.

"You know what I think? I think that you're chickening out. You're afraid that she'll reject you. The Jace that I knew, the Jace who was madly in love with Clary, he wouldn't have taken that she's engaged crap. He wouldn't have taken that she's happy with another person crap. He would have fought for her till the end because he knew he would have make her happier than any other man could ever do, no matter the cost. You're just being a coward here Jace because you're scared to have your feelings thrown back in your face."

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Soooooo here was chapter 3, with Jace and Clary finally meeting back. **

**What did you think of that? What you expected? And yay, Alec! **

**Don't forget to tell what you thought and what you think will happen in the next chapter. **

**. About Beaten At His Own Game: **** Yes I had planned all along to finish it like that, ever since chapter 6-7 when I decided to make it a more complicated story than I had planned. I know it sound weird, but I thought it was a beautiful ending, sad but that it went along with the story. And actually I have been planting really small hints all along the story about it, but maybe I was too subtle. ****  
**

******. About the characters: JON is my favorite character in this story, so of course he will come back. Maybe not as you'd like him too, nor when you'll expect him, btu he will come back. I know that JAMES is not very liked, but come on, he's sweet and loving. It's not like he was an a***. CLARY and JACE, that I won't tell, because it's the whole point of the story, isn't it? And surely you must have figured it. **

**. About Clary's memory: I know that you all wanted her to see Jace and paf, everything comes back, but come on, it's not a chick movie (it's a chick fanfic written by the devil!). So, sorry, but you'll have to bare me on this one. **

**. About the update: once again, I'm sorry but seriously I'm dying at work. Customers are just so effing rude and annoying and I'm all day long on my feet, barely having a break, so usually, when I get home I'm like collapsing on my bed, not even eating. But don't worry, I have like at least ten chapters ahead in my head. **

**. About the ending: I know, you all want to kill me, but I still don't know. I have two very different perspective here, and I'm still testing myself with them. In any case, it won't be as painful as BAHOG (in my point of view). **

**. About you being awesome: YES, YOU ARE AWESOME! I hope you guys know that! Because every review I get puts a goofy smile on my face that you have no idea about. And the more I get, the goofier I get. Especially when you guys tell me that you like the story(ies) very much and/or my writing! Maybe it's nothing to you, but it means SO much to me! **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full. **

**Cheers. **


	4. Reconnected

James wouldn't stop talking at the numerous possibilities. Clary smiled gently, appreciating his enthusiasm, but she felt that he was going too fast.

"Hold on a second, it's just a lucky guess. I still have to..."

"I brought you the necessities. I figured you wouldn't want to go to the doctor right away."

She smiled at his thoughtfulness and took the offered bag before going to the bathroom. For over a year now they had multiple unfruitful attempts, but now she was beginning to hope again. Maybe it was finally going to happen. She impatiently looked at the stick before squealing in delight, as two faint lines appeared - a positive sign.

She ran out of the bathroom and jumped into James's arms, happy that finally the stick displayed what she wanted to see.

"We're going to be parents!"

He lifted and made her twirl in his arms, laughing of joy together. Then he sat them on the couch, her on his laps as she rested her head on his chest, a wide smile on her face. _Finally_ she was going to be a mother. She just couldn't wait for that little baby in her to come out and to see it grow up before her eyes.

"I hope it will be a girl. Girls are so much nicer than boys. I hope she will have your bright eyes. Actually, I hope she'll look exactly like you."

Clary just smiled at that. For once in her life, she was eager to willingly make a doctor appointment. She wanted details about her pregnancy. She wanted to know if the baby was healthy and how old he/she is.

"I'll make an appointment for tomorrow evening, that way you'll be able to come too. If my calculations are correct, it's two weeks old."

James kissed her hair, but she felt him stiffen. She lifted her head and saw him frown of worry.

"What's wrong?"

"If it's so young and you already feel this bad, it might be a really tough pregnancy."

"Who cares? We'll love it even more."

He smiled to her, but Clary saw that he wasn't reassured. He was right, pregnancy symptoms usually came later, and she felt bad for the past two weeks, barely eating or holding her food down. But she couldn't care less; she wanted her baby, no matter how much she had to suffer through it.

She remembered the heated argument they had when the baby question first came. James didn't want to start a family with her living across the world, and she didn't want him to leave his family. They reached a stalemate and the case had never been resolved. Clary knew that James wasn't going to give in easily. However, now that she was in New York, and she was finally pregnant, she wouldn't mind living here with her baby.

"What about Lynn? I like Lynn, it's warm."

"Whatever you like. As long as it's not a Middle-Age name."

She smiled and closed her eyes, letting James sooth her to sleep while she was already picturing herself with a strawberry blond baby in her arms.

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Maybe we could go to your exposition tomorrow night. You could even ask that officer to come."  
They were walking out of the gynecologist and Clary knew that James was trying to take her mind off of the baby. Like he had predicted, the pregnancy was going to be difficult due to her mysterious past. The doctor informed her that she would have to take supplementary tests about a zillion things that Clary didn't want to think about. Women had babies for thousands of years, so why should her pregnancy be any different?  
Additionally, the doctor expressed that the fact that she was throwing up so much wasn't normal, and she had lost too much weight compared to normal pregnancies. The only positive thing was that she told Clary that the reason she constantly felt dizzy was because her blood was adapting in favor of the baby's. At least her body was correctly doing one thing properly, perhaps the most important deed - taking care of her baby.  
"I don't think he is an Art person, or a people person."  
And she didn't want to see him more than necessary because he made her feel uneasy and unsure. He barely acknowledged her as long as others accompanied them, but as soon as they were alone, he would look at her in an ineffable way with these golden eyes of his. And what frustrated her the most was that she didn't like that she didn't mind it. She was even afraid that she liked it.  
Jace and his stupid, beautiful eyes were threatening the perfect life that she had managed to have, and now that her baby was here, she wasn't going to let anything come between her and her happiness.  
"He's a cop, of course he's not a people's person, but I thought you liked him. It's not good for you to stay alone all day long, and if you have a cop friend, who am I to complain?"  
"I'm not made of china, I can take care of myself."  
"I know that, I've seen it first hand. But what I mean is that in France you had very few friends, but at least you had some. Here, you just do your activities and go back to your place. And I know my sister isn't the kind of friend you're into."  
Why did she have to be with someone who paid so much attention? And why did he have to push her towards _Jace_? Jace... She only called him that in her mind but in front of everyone, she called him Officer Wayland. And freaking Jace was haunting her thoughts and nights! Ever since she met him, she saw his golden eyes every time she drifted to sleep.  
"Clary... I just want you to enjoy New York. I feel that since you came here you're slowly ... drifting away."  
"No, don't worry. I just daydream a little more than usual. I guess you're right, I do need to socialize."  
She confidently smiled to him before kissing him as he opened the door to his penthouse. She only came to his apartment once since she arrived in New York but she had to admit, that she loved how spacious it was, just like she loved the space in his familial house. As soon as he closed the door, James took Clary in his arms bridal style and led her to his bedroom, never ceasing his kisses along the way.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace watched as Clary walked to him, and his heart fell. Besides that ecstatic smile that never left her lips since Tuesday – a smile that he had never had the pleasure of seeing cross Clary's face - she was absentmindedly scratching her right ear. He felt so jealous at this instant as she looked at him with her big green eyes. He knew what the scratching meant, and he felt betrayed by it.  
He knew that he shouldn't, and that it was perfectly normal that she'd have sex with the man with who she lived with, the man who loved her, the man who planned to marry her, and the man who unknowingly stole her away from him. He bit the inside of his cheek to ignore his frustration as she smiled to him.  
"Morning officer."  
"Miss Fray."  
He curtly nodded his head to Clary, saying her name with as much venom that he could muster. What did she ever do to him to deserve this treatment? And to think that James wanted her to befriend him when he was giving her all the signs that he didn't want to spend more time with her than necessary.  
"Are you free tonight?"  
Jace opened wide eyes at what she said. Did he hear properly? He looked at her with his golden eyes as she nervously played with a lock of her hair.  
"It's just that I heard of an Art exposition and I wanted to know if you'd be interested in it..."  
"An Art exposition?"  
"Some unknown artist. It's on Fifth Avenue. Just tell them that you're with me and they'll let you in."  
He regarded her as if she was some circus freak and she mentally cursed James for this stupid idea. She cleared her throat to dissipate the tension and he seemed to regain his features. Meaning by that that he was back to looking at her with his cold face.  
They went to the prison in silence and she noticed that he was wearing civil cloths. She wondered if it was because she forced him in taking the subway instead of using the comfort of his car. She regarded him, trying to remember where she could have seen him before. Ever since James's assault when she first saw Jace at the police station, she had this feeling that she saw him before, and then it hit her. She looked at him with big goggling eyes.  
"Have you ever been to France?"  
"No."  
Jace bit the inside of his cheek, knowing that he answered too fast. What if she remembered? What if she was mad at him for leaving her alone? He saw her frown and softly bring her hand to her head. It was something she did a lot, as if her head permanently hurt.  
"Do you have a brother? Or a cousin with an uncanny resemblance to you?"  
"My siblings look nothing like me."  
"You sure you didn't come to France eight or so years ago? Maybe with your school or something."  
She looked at Jace as he hesitated to answer. She was now sure that she saw him at the hospital the day when she woke up. Now that she was concentrating hard she remembered seeing him at the check out point with someone else - someone with pale fair hair. But as she tried to recall more details about that day, her head hurt more.  
"Are you okay?"  
She released the bar and was now holding her head between her two hands, squeezing it as if her head was about to explode. In the blink of an eye, he was by her side, holding her just as she was about to squat. He held her by her shoulders as she was squeezing her eyes tight. She was scarily pale.  
"Are you okay?"  
"No."  
Damn she was going to faint in his arms! As soon as the subway came to a stop, he pulled her out of the ram. The fresh air did some good to Clary. She was gritting her teeth really hard to avoid puking, taking deep breaths through her nose. She was bent in half, her hands on her still flat stomach as Jace awkwardly soothed her back.  
"Maybe you should go to the doctor."  
That had the merit to snap Clary out of her pain. Forgotten was the headache and the need to throw up as she stood, glaring at Jace.  
"Guys really are wusses! As soon as you don't feel good, you all go to the doctor."  
"You were about to pass out."  
"I didn't. I wouldn't have. I'm used to it. Let's just go, I have a class waiting for me."  
Jace frowned as she expressed that she was used to this state. He didn't like it. Was this a sequel from her accident? He noticed how she kept a worried hand on her stomach, but shook it off. It _couldn't_ be, he didn't want it to be.  
They didn't talk for the rest of the way, but he felt her intense stare on him, and he knew that she remembered something. He didn't know what but it included their time in Paris. And she almost passed out when she tried to remember. He didn't know how to feel about that. Happy that she remembered or frightened that it affected her brain so much.  
During the lesson, Jace stayed in a corner while Clary was helping the inmates lay their feelings down on the canvas. He clenched his jaw and glared at the convicts who dared to look at her in the wrong way. It was as if she was oblivious of them, and that didn't look like her. The Clary that he knew would have never let a man look at her the way some of the prisoners were looking at her.  
At least that is what he believed until he saw the scary look on her face that he only saw twice in her eyes. The two times when he thought she was really going to kill someone, even though she went through it all for one of those cases. Jace saw how she clenched her jaw and fisted her hands after glancing at a convict's painting and how she briefly closed her eyes and breathed in before walking away, standing back at the front of the class.  
That made him wonder what he could have drawn to make her feel so determined to end another's man life, and as soon as they were back in the subway, he needed to know what bothered her so much.  
"What did 02736 do to be incarnated?"  
Jace raised an eyebrow, surprised to hear her referring to him by number and not his name. She always spoke to them with their names back at the prison.  
"Why do you want to know?"  
"Curiosity."  
She had answered lightly, but Jace still noticed that fire in her eyes.  
"Pity theft. He should be out in a few days."  
"He shouldn't. He has many skeletons in his closet."  
"What do you mean?"  
She frowned for a bit, her eyes dark and scary, and Jace noticed that she subconsciously touched her Tenshi tattoo. Even today without knowledge, when she was in deep thoughts, her body would call out for her brother.  
"You should check his past for any missing girls around him. From 6 to 10."  
"Are you saying..."  
He trailed off at what she was implying and she frowned a bit more before slightly nodding and putting her hand on her stomach. Jace ignore her latter gesture and made a mental note to do as she said. If he knew anything, it was to follow Clary's instincts.  
Clary put a hand on her stomach as she felt that she was hungry and smiled at the thought of her future baby. Her gynecologist had told her that she was five weeks pregnant and that the test she did three weeks ago didn't work because some are defective, and simply don't work. Sure she had been told that it would be a very difficult pregnancy due to her injuries from her accident, but the fact that her blood type was changing to adapt to the baby's was also a major problem. That was why she felt so weak lately. But she didn't care about any of that. She just wanted her blond baby in her hands.  
Ever since the accident, she never felt so glad, and she wanted to share this happiness with the world, but the way Jace was looking at her restrained her. He was regarding her as if she was a freaking china doll about to break. If she told him that she was pregnant, she was afraid that he would become a James number 2 and overprotect her. Ever since it had been official that she was pregnant, James had been all over her case, telling her to be extra careful, not to push herself, not to endanger herself. And that annoyed the Hell out of Clary. She was pregnant not a freaking sugar statue!  
"You look really pale. Did you even eat this morning?"  
Clary nodded, keeping to herself that everything she ate came back out. Jace kindly smiled at her, which surprised her, he never smiled.  
"Maybe I should return the favor and cook you something."  
"_You_ can cook?"  
There was disbelief in her voice, as if it was something impossible.  
"All bachelors have too. I cannot be a caveman in all domains."  
Jace saw Clary blush as he teased her with what she said to him the last time they spoke in the subway. He couldn't believe what he just did. He invited her over. What was wrong with him? He couldn't be alone with Clary. That was dangerous. She was on her way to be engaged, and he was trying to break this spark of happiness that she had in her life. Jace felt sick with himself. And still, his heart fluttered as he opened the door of his apartment with her behind him.  
Clary was surprised to see how neat the apartment was. Sure James's apartment was also very clean, but James had a maid coming every two days. Jace was a bachelor and a cop. He wasn't supposed to have time to clean his place. Yet she couldn't spot a single peck of dust.  
She saw a dog cushion and assumed that he had a dog with short hair if the hair on the cushion were any indications. And suddenly a strong Malinois jumped at Jace's throat as he scratched behind its ears of the dog that was standing on its hindquarters.  
Jace had the softest expression as he looked at his dog, and Clary smiled without realizing that she was doing it. This was the sweetest part Jace that she had seen so far. She liked it. She liked the kindness that he displayed when he spoke to his dog, the gentleness he had when he petted it, the niceness lingering in his eyes. This was a part of Jace that she loved. Even though she had only seen it once, she still loved this part of him.  
Jace was about to present Clary to Akuma when he saw her squeeze her eyes shut and hold her head in her hand. He frowned and stood up already on his way to take her in his arms when he remembered that it wasn't his place to hold her as he intended to anymore.  
He passed his hand over his face and pulled his gun out of his trousers to put it in its drawer.  
"You're not unloading it?"  
He looked at Clary who had regained her composure. She was frowning at the drawer as if he committed the biggest mistake of his life. He understood what she meant. A gun should always be unloaded when back home to avoid unfortunate accident, but then again...  
"I'm living alone."  
"That is such military thinking."  
"I'm a _cop_."  
"Potato, potato. What if someone breaks in? They find the gun loaded, and BAM, you're dead, killed by your own means of defense because you didn't separate the bullets from the gun."  
Clary opened big goggling eyes as she realized what she just said and Jace looked at her. Jace knew that she was serving him the speech that she probably heard a thousand times when she was young, and she didn't seem to know where her sudden knowledge came from.  
"You seem quite well informed for a simple civilian."  
"I guess."  
That was something that she said a lot over the past eight years. 'I guess'. She guessed so many things. She guessed she had somehow attained martial arts skills. She guessed she could beat a man twice her size. She guessed she could speak several languages. She guessed she knew things she didn't even suspected knowing, and consequently never share with people she knew, not even James. They were better off not knowing.  
Jace looked at her, his expression unreadable, and she wondered if she had said something wrong. Maybe he was going to think she was a serial killer or something. Because seriously, who else thought about how you should take care of your gun?  
Jace shook his head and led her to the living room. She sat on the couch as he went to the kitchen. His apartment was built so the living room and kitchen were one big room. He saw her looking everywhere with a polite curiosity until her eyes laid on something in particular and he mentally swore.  
She looked back at him, a malicious smile on her face as her eyes were already enjoying her joke.  
"Should I be worried that you have a type?"  
He swallowed hard, his eyes on the framed picture, one of the only pictures in his place. This was the only picture he had of her but only her hair was visible. He cursed this pictured on several occasions because he couldn't see her face. This picture that seemed unreal if it wasn't for their hearted initials that she scribbled behind. What was he supposed to tell her?  
"That's my fiancé."  
Her smile disappeared brusquely as she slowly got up to walk to him. She stood on the other side of the worktable with her brows frowned in incomprehension.  
"I thought you said you were a bachelor."  
"I am. I lost her."  
Something didn't add up in what he was saying. He didn't say she died, and he didn't say that she left him, just that he _lost_ her. Did he do something to make her bolt? And how come they were engaged? Jace seemed pretty young in the picture, eighteen tops. If they were already engaged, it meant that they had to love each other really deeply. Thinking about it made her head hurt, so she said the only thing she could think of.  
"I hope you got over it."  
He didn't answer to that so she figured that he hadn't. She felt bad for him, but understood more why he was so closed off to people. He turned to go in the fridge and pulled out two beers, offering one to her.  
"I don't drink."  
Jace placed back the beer in the fridge, ignoring what his mind was telling him. This was a new Clary that he knew nothing about; her not drinking didn't mean a single thing.  
"So what do you do for a living Miss Fray?"  
She frowned as he called her so ceremoniously and squatted to caress his dog.  
"I do a few jobs here and there. You speak Japanese?"  
She just spotted the name of the dog on the necklace – Akuma in Japanese. Just like her tattoo. Who calls their dog Devil?  
"Yeah, I learned a few years ago."  
She nodded, keeping her question to herself. She didn't want to seem like a crazy person by comparing one of her tattoos to the name of a dog. That didn't seem right. So instead, she played with the dog, keeping her mind on it and trying to ignore the headache forming in her head.  
Jace looked at her from the corner of his eye, wondering why she didn't properly answer when he inquired about her job. When Jon had said she was living her dream job, Jace had assumed that she became an artist, which explained why she was giving Art classes, but as she eluded the question, he knew that she hadn't been completely truthful to him, and it hurt him. She didn't trust him anymore to just freely talk with him.  
"Are you enjoying New York so far?"  
"New York is a very... _interesting_ city. It's a lot like Paris if you compare the traffic, the stress, the crowd and the lights. But the mentality... It's very different. People are more open and yet more closed... I don't know if I'm making a lot of sense here."  
"No, it's okay I get it."  
"Because you've already been to Paris."  
Jace turned from the stove to look at her. She was on her knees, still scratching Akuma's ears, but her green eyes were steady on his golden ones. Her gaze was telling him that she was making a statement and not asking a question, and that she was sure of what she was saying.  
"I saw you at the hospital after my accident. Briefly, but I remember your eyes."  
What was wrong with her? Why was she telling this complete stranger about her shattered life?  
"Your accident?"  
"Eight years ago. I was in a car accident and I... I lost my memory back then."  
She was definitely going mad. She never talked to people about her accident. It took her over six months to tell James about her accident and three more to tell him about her amnesia. And now she was embarrassing herself by sharing this inexistent past with Jace.  
"Amnesia is a bitch. To everyone. You as well as the people who cares for you."  
At that she stood up straight up, humorlessly snickering.  
"That's when you have people who cares. When you don't, you just wake up all alone against the world."  
"What makes you say no one cares about you?"  
"Because I woke up all alone. No one was there to help me find myself, no one was there to reassure me when I had all these questions in my head, no one ever cared enough for me to take my hand and just be there with me."  
Clary saw Jace's face crack to the saddest expression she ever saw on a person, and the artist within her just wanted to capture this moment. The person within her however wanted to take him in her arms and comfort him. She hated whatever caused his sudden sadness. But before she could act on any of her impulses, he regained his composure and turned back to the stove.  
"Maybe they were there for you and they just couldn't... impose themselves on you. Like I said, amnesia is a bitch."  
"There's no reason to abandon someone. No matter the cost. No matter if their lives was in danger, you simply don't abandon the ones that matter to you."  
As Jace listened to Clary's words, he understood how angry she was at him, Jon, and her parents. She was devastated by the fact that she had been left on her own to figure out a life that she didn't understand. If she ever recovered her memory, she would hate them beyond words. She would blame them for leaving her behind and she would... She would never forgive them. She would never forgive _him_.  
He carefully made sure that his sleeves completely hid his wrists before turning back to face her. She smiled at him, suggesting that they change to a less depressing topic, and Jace couldn't agree more. He didn't want to think about how angry Clary was at him. Even though she didn't know it was him… yet.  
He set two plates with mashed potatoes and lentils in front of them and sat at the counter as Clary did the same in front of him. They ate in silence, not really sure what to say anymore. Jace wanted to ask her about James. About the man who had managed to make her heart beat for someone other than him. He wanted to know if she was truly happy. But... In the mean time, he didn't. What if she told him that he was making her happier than he ever could? What if her eyes sparkled the same way they sparkled Tuesday when he came by her place? What if she told him what he was denying with so much conviction?  
"So how is it to be a cop?"  
"Boring. When you're at the station anyway. On the field, it's... different."  
"You don't look like a cop. You look more like infiltrator. And if I were a mobster or anyone else, I wouldn't trust you."  
"Because you know me."  
"Because you have justice written all over your face. You care about what's right and just. A true thug should be able to see that on you."  
Jace smirked at that statement. That was so Clary. Always thinking as if she was from the underground.  
"Well, that means that you wouldn't have been a good cop either. Not with that pretty little face of yours screaming innocence."  
"My point _precisely_. You never suspect innocence. I would have been such a good mobster or maybe something less obvious, like a silent private assassin. And then you would have had to track me down to handcuff me."  
If only she knew how willing he was to handcuff her right now. To handcuff to his bed and make her body remember things that she forgot. She had her elbows on the counter, a little bent to him, therefore showing her generous cleavage. And the way her eyes regarded at him as she passionately talked of the possibility of being a dangerous criminal. And that ghost of a smile lingering on her lips. God, he needed to get a grip on himself, she was driving him crazy.  
"Good to see how you already plan on being arrested."  
"Maybe I'm just letting you think you have the upper hand so I could escape. That's the only way to do it, just like arm-wrestling."  
Jace smirked. Maybe Clary used to beat Jon when they were young, but now she was just this tiny woman who forgot all about her strength and her abilities. He put his elbow on the table and looked at Clary, challenging her, just to have the minute pleasure to touch her in this small moment. She grinned and placed her right hand in his with confidence. Too much confidence.  
"If I win, you'll have to come to the exposition tonight. You can bring friends if you want."  
"And when you lose, I'll get to steal you for a night to show you the real New York."  
She nodded, and they started to try to get the better of the other. At some point Jace felt like he was finally getting the upper hand, until she tackled his hand on the table without him knowing how it happened. She victoriously smiled to him, making his lips furiously ache for hers.  
"Like I said, let your enemy think he has the upper hand, and you have whatever you want from him."  
Jace looked at her green emeralds, keeping her hand in his on purpose. He felt her shiver slightly as she looked right into his soul, and he felt the warmth emanating from her. That fire that always called him to her. He saw how she blushed when she realized that her hand was still in his, but he noticed that she didn't make any attempts to pull or look away. She just planted her verdant eyes in his honey ones, cheeks flushing, mouth half opened, and heart beating faster than usual. He could feel her pulse through his fingers.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. **

**Clary's pregnant! mouhahahhahah (geez, I'm really evil!) **

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter, and that you'll loads of reviews about your feelings and thoughts. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

** Cheers.**


	5. The One That Got Away

Clary nervously glanced at the door every minute or so. Jace had promised to come, but now that she was alone, she couldn't help but wonder that maybe he just said that to appease her so that she would leave him alone. Perhaps he didn't want to bond with her, especially after learning about her messed up past. Especially after she beat him at a game. Especially after she acknowledged that she would love to be a criminal.

She shook her head to remove any negativity, and thought rationally. After all they did have such a good time together. They talked about a lot of things. Well, mostly she talked and he listened. And to her pleasure, he seemed to genuinely care about what she was saying. He enquired her about her life in Paris, her hobbies, and about her in general. Surprisingly, she talked freely to him, only withholding the fact that she was the author of the exposition - she didn't want him to feel obligated to like her work. She liked chatting with Jace, it only seemed natural, as if she had always known him, and not only from a few days ago.

She didn't know why it bothered her so much that she couldn't see him anywhere in the crowd. She attempted in vain to ignore her frustration. She observed the people who were admiring her work and she smiled in amusement when some were trying to make her paintings say things that they were clearly not saying.

She recognized the lawyer she had seen when she was at the prison with Jace. He was looking at one of her landscape with an Asian man... More like with a pot of glitter. What kind of grown man would put so much glitter on himself? His hair were sparkling, his work shirt was shining and his trousers and shoes were glimmering. From how they were standing, Clary gathered that the lawyer and him were together which made her smile. They were the perfect opposites and yet seemed perfect together.

Jace looked at Clary smile from across the room and finally took it upon himself to greet her. As he made his way towards her, he remembered how Clary remained at his apartment all afternoon and how his place was filled with their constant chatter as she conveyed to him all about this new life that she staggered to create for herself. His heart ached every time she frowned at her lack of memory, every time she subconsciously touched the tattoo that represented her brother, or even his, and every time she stuttered because he knew that it had been rough times for her – he heard the pain laced through her words.

He walked to her, but just before he was finally in her sight, a rather old man came to her and started a passionate conversation with her. Jace saw her frown and glance to the other side of the room before they both disappeared out of his sight. He sighed and walked to Alec and Magnus who were admiring one of her painting.

It was obvious that she was the artist behind the exposition. Jace had seen her paint and draw enough times to recognize her work. He wondered why she didn't tell him that she was the artist of the exposition, but as he listened to the other people in the showroom, he understood that she had remained anonymous. She was known as CM. CM. Clarissa Morgenstern. This was a little part of her past that was crawling to the surface to break through her mind.

"I particularly adore this painting."

Jace glared at Alec's smirk, still not quite forgiving him for telling Magnus about Clary. It wasn't that he didn't trust Magnus to keep the secret, but because the more people that were aware of the situation, the more he felt like he was losing control. Jace had called Alec in as reinforcement because he didn't know if James would be there, and seeing Clary so happy with him was too painful for Jace to be alone.

He paled as he glanced at the painting. It was a duck pond. If he didn't know any better, he would even say it was THE duck pond. The duck pond where Clary learned about his repulsion for those cursed birds, the duck pond where she first saw her grandfather. Some people were also looking at it, saying that they could feel a funny vibe from the painting. Jace didn't see it. He only saw the bloodthirsty cursed and damned birds. Why would she ever paint those monsters?

"What do you think Jace? I like how this particular baby duck looks right at us. As if it was about to jump on us."

Jace groaned and walked away from that frightening painting. She could have told him that horror was the theme of her exposition. And then, on particular painting caught his attention. It was called 'Midnight in Paris'. It was an empty street in the middle of Paris, except for the presence of a couple. A petite brunette kissing a boy with a cap on his head, none of their faces were visible. It was them. Him and Clary. It was when they first arrived in Paris, running from the world, hiding under disguises. This was a glimpse of her past, and she didn't even know it. He knew she didn't know because she wouldn't have exposed it otherwise.

Suddenly, he finally saw a glimpse of her long, red curly hair and immediately frowned. She was smiling at James as he was embracing her from behind, resting his hands suspiciously on her stomach. Jace passed his hand on his face in a mixture of frustration and jealously as he saw James kiss his Clary on her temple, smiling and telling her some secret thing when suddenly Alec grabbed his arm urgently.

"You need to tell Mom and Dad about Clary."

"What? Are you _mad_!?"

Alec was also looking in Clary's direction as she was talking with James and the man who made her disappear earlier.

"The guy who has his hands all over her is James _Johnson_! They're close friends with Mom and Dad. We're having a dinner party tomorrow with their family. Like every other months. You would know if you ever showed up at a damn dinner."

Jace bit the inside of his cheek. This was just his luck. The man who was stealing his Clary away was a family friend. And they were hosting a dinner party the following day; meaning Clary would ultimately be there. _Alive_! His parents were going to kill him. He shut them out and they accepted it because they thought she was dead and it was his way to deal with it. What was he going to tell them now?

Clary saw Jace from the corner of her eye. And by the look of it, he didn't seem to be happy to be here. She frowned a bit as Hodge was still praising her decision. She had decided to stay in New York for the next few months because she already had a doctor that she actually got along with.

Of course, it had been James's idea, but for once, she didn't oppose it, feeling that he was right. The only thing that scared her was that he would start becoming overbearing. None of them were used to being around the other so much and she feared that this pregnancy was going to change him into one of those papa-bears before her baby was even born.

Clary and James walked towards Jace as he was talking to the lawyer who was eyeing her. James stepped forward, already presenting his hand to the lawyer, a big smile on his face.

"Alec! What are you doing here?"

"I was invited. And you? Never pictured you as a showroom guy."

"I came with Clary."

He turned to Clary and started making the presentations, possessively wrapping his arm around her waist. While she never really objected to him displaying his affection in public and touching her, this time she stiffened and wished he hadn't done so. Without even knowing why, she glanced at Jace who was still looking upset.

"Clary Fray, Alexander Lightwood and his husband Magnus Bane."

Clary politely smiled, wondering how he knew Jace. And then she figured that all lawyers and cops ended up knowing each other at some points. Something strokes her memory as James said Lightwood, and then she remembered that Eva's partner was a Lightwood. She wondered if she was his sister.

"Enchanted to make your acquaintance Clary. So darling, what is your favorite painting?"

She smiled at Magnus, already liking his kindness and spontaneity.

"'Joie de Vivre'. The duck pond." (_Zest for Life_.)

Alec and him held a laugh and she noticed Jace glaring at them. She wondered why and if maybe he had been making fun of her painting. And finally he looked at her, incomprehension blazing in his eyes.

"_Why_?"

"I don't know. It breathes happiness and kindness and it holds some kind of secret joke. That's what I feel when I see it."

"You feel kindness from ducks?"

"No. I feel kindness from the duck pond in itself. The whole painting is to be taken into consideration. The ducks, the pond, the weather, the... _atmosphere_."

Jace looked at her with the same expression he sometimes had when she talked to him in the afternoon. Something she couldn't quite figure out. And then, James pulled Jace out of her sight and she ended up all alone with two people that she didn't know. She awkwardly looked at them, noticing once again how perfect they were together. Despite being complete opposites, they were still the perfect companion to the other.

"So I guess we'll see you at the monthly dinner, tomorrow night."

"Oh... I forgot about that. I guess so."

"You'll be the talk of the night. James has been talking about his mystery girl for years. Izzy is going to be frantic when she finally meets you, even though you'll have to wait for a while, she's not here right now."

"Izzy? Is it the short for Isabelle?"

"Yes. Do you know her?"

"No. It's just that Eva, James's sister, talked about her. You know them being partners."

Alec nodded and he kept on talking to her, making her feel less awkward. She noticed that, just like Jace, he would shove his hands in his pockets and swing on his feet. He would also look at her sometimes with wary eyes, as if he was scared that she would find out what he was thinking at the moment. Just like Jace and Magnus when he slowly joined the conversation.

Jace looked at the picture that James had given to him. He knew the punk, but he also knew it wasn't worth a thing to nail him. He was working for someone bigger and Jace had been hunting him for months. To tell the truth, he already had the ring. One of his colleagues had brought it back yesterday when he incarnated two black sellers. But he didn't want to give it back to him. He didn't want to implicitly encourage this thing James was having with his Clary. It was childish, and he knew that he would have to return it to him soon, but soon didn't mean now.

Instead, he concentrated on the drawing. He could almost see Clary tracing the lines as James was describing his aggressor with every detail that she needed to know. Still, Jace wondered why she didn't directly give it to him.

"She really is talented. Better than our computers. We wouldn't have been able to make something so accurate."

"How do you know it was Clary?"

So this was why she didn't directly give him the picture, to keep her anonymity. Did she really think be would sell her out?

"I'm a cop. It's my job to know about these things. I saw her draw during her classes, and now that, plus the paintings. No need to be Einstein to figure this out."

James smiled nodding at Jace as he was shamelessly lying to him. He never saw Clary draw during her classes, she only helped the inmates express their feelings, never imposing her way to think to them, therefore not revealing her undeniable talent.

They walked back to the group together, and Jace noticed that James once again gently held Clary, putting his hand on her stomach. He saw Magnus also noticing it and glancing at him, but he kept his face unreadable. She wasn't. She _couldn't be_. They would have told them otherwise. Anyway, she didn't even show.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace was sitting on the rooftop of his building, holding what may be Clary's future ring in his fingers. That idiot really did love her. The ring was perfect for her. It was a silver ring toped by an emerald in the form of a drop of water. Emerald, the colour as bright as her eyes and the reference to her supposed month of birth, May. Surrounding the emerald were two little diamonds on the side, also in the form of a drop of water.

Jace could so easily picture Clary wearing this ring, and it annoyed him. He shouldn't be able to picture Clary wearing another man's ring just like he shouldn't have to see her in another man's arms. James had kept an arm around Clary all night long, sometimes whispering something at her ear that made her smile or blush.

Why? Why did he have to love her so much? Jace could see his affection in the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the way he talked to her. Why couldn't he just be an ass for Jace to hate him and take Clary away? Why did he have to bring a smile on her face? Why? Jace lit a new cigarette and stared in the horizon with longing.

All evening long, he had wished that he had been James. Just because she was sharing things with him that she would never share with Jace. Sure, she talked to him about her life, but not about the deep stuff. For instance, she never mentioned James, not that Jace minded. She never talked about her friends there, or about the places she liked to go when she was feeling happy or blue. She talked to him, but kept him at an arm's length.

Jace sighed and threw his cigarette over the edge before heading to the station. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, and it was too late (or early in the morning) for him to go to his parents. Once there, he noticed that it was a quite busy night/morning, and he grimaced. The few nights he had worked at the station had always been boring as Hell, and now that he was here just for pleasure, the night was interesting. Not only full by drunken teenagers.

He sat in his office and searched for the file of the prisoner 02736. His file was almost empty. In fact, if it hadn't been for the pity theft, he would of have the file of a model citizen. No tickets, no late bills, no altercations. Nothing. But that wasn't what Jace was looking for. He looked at his activities and saw that he had been volunteering for school traffic in front of a primary school. He also did some charity in a hospital, in the kids department.

Jace stayed three hours, looking for missing girls or mistreated girls in his area of action. Clary had been right. Just by poking a little at the surface, Jace had built a whole case against him. A strong file, and he didn't even go out in the field yet. He made two copies. He was going to give one to Alec because he knew that he would do anything he could to bring the ass to court again.

Then he went to the chief's office with the other copy, not really aware of the time. He barged into the office and found a very tired and angry chief. Apparently he was sleeping on his paper works.

"Do you know what time it is Wayland? It's way too early for you to bark about some other crap that you think don't work properly in the system!"

Jace frequently did as accused, every time a criminal that he had struggled to pin down managed to make it through without even going to court. But that wasn't the purpose of his visit today. No, it was far from it. He shook his head and threw the file on the desk and sat on the chair as Chief Stone was looking at it with his brows raised. Jace just pointed to the file with his chin and the chief opened it, reading it through and frowning when realization hit him.

"Since when are you on child abuse cases?"

"I'm not. I had a tip about that particular... asshole. I think you should open an investigation."

"A tip? One of the victims?"

Jace raised an eyebrow at him, silently telling him that he wouldn't rat on his source, and Stone just nodded before shaking his head in disbelief as he was looking through the pages more thoroughly.

"That's bad if you're right. If he's involved in so many unsolved cases, it's _really_ bad. How could this pass through our watch? He's been in jail for two years. _Two years_ where the jail shrink didn't see _anything_."

"Well, maybe he should try another approach."

Jace had been thinking the same thing over and over again. How come the shrink didn't see it when Clary saw it after just two sessions?

"He's in the Arts lesson you made me babysit. I don't want him there anymore."

"That Wayland doesn't depend on me. The convicts are chosen depending of their crimes or the time they already spent there."

"I don't care. If I see him there on Tuesday, I'll show him my version of justice."

That's why he never wanted to take child abuse or molestation cases, he knew his feelings would take the better of him. Drug and murder, he could handle, he could reason himself, other than that, it was out of the question.

"I'll do what I can."

Jace nodded and got up, ready to leave.

"Do you get along with that Arts teacher?"

He slowly turned on himself, keeping his features unreadable. Stone was barely looking at him, his eyes still on the file he just brought him.

"Why?"

"She's staying longer than planned. So if you're still up to be her bodyguard, it would be great. Especially knowing that I don't have any other cop that would take the sub rather than the car."

"She's staying?"

"Yeah, something about medical complications. So do I need to look for another babysitter?"

Medical complications? What did that mean? What was wrong with Clary?

"Do I get to go back on the streets for the other days?"

"I knew the station wouldn't suit you. You're a man of action Wayland. Remember that I was there for your entrance test."

"Whatever. Do I get to go out in the streets?"

"Yes."

Jace turned back to the door, and started walking out of the office. Should he really push temptation like that and see Clary more than neccesary? He knew the answer before he even finished asking the question.

"Cool, I'll do it then... And Chief? ... You should consider doing that Arts thing in more prisons. It gives insight on the convict's minds, and it can be really helpful."

They stared at each other, silently understanding all the undertones behind Jace's words.

**~.o.O.o.~**

He cupped her face and ever so slowly, brought her face to his to kiss her. A soft, gentle, but passionate kiss that made her gasp for more. As soon as her mouth opened a little, he squirmed his tongue into her mouth, battling for dominance and sending shivers down her spine. His fingers trailed to her hair, brushing them away from her face as he was trying to make one with her.

She couldn't get enough. She wanted him to never stop, to always make her feel like that. Like her heart was about to explode, like her stomach was filled with butterflies, like her head was numb. His lips were so soft and demanding all at once, his hands so warm and ardent, his body irradiating and hard. She moaned at the idea of all the sensations he could bring out of her.

And then she woke up with a start; sweat covering her body. She glanced at her side and saw that James was still asleep. She passed a hand on her face, glad that she didn't wake him. She sat on her bed for a moment, breathing rapidly while thinking back of her dream. It had been more than seven years since she had any of these weird dreams. Those dreams that messed her up deep inside her and always made her crave for more.

How could a faceless man make her crave so much? She never remembered his face when she woke up, only his touch and scent. He smelled like sunshine. No one smelled like sunshine. No one besides the man of her dreams... and Jace, but she shoved the idea aside. Jace couldn't be the man of her dream, firstly, he never saw her before, secondly, he was still in love with his lost fiancé, and thirdly, it just couldn't be him.

She turned to James, her need still nagging her. She knew that if she gently woke him up, he would give her what she wanted, especially since they found out that she was pregnant. He had been satisfying her more than she ever thought he could. But the thing was, she didn't want James's touch, she wanted the man of her dreams. His strong fingers feverishly ravaging her body, his hard muscles pressing against her, his demanding kisses flying in her.

She silently got up and went to the living room. She felt ashamed to feel like that for a faceless stranger, but it wasn't like she could help it. She didn't have any control over her dreams. She sat in front of her blank canvas, letting her hand guide the painting, all the while trying to understand what triggered that old and forgotten dream.

Just thinking about the dream made her bit her lips in anticipation. What was happening to her? It was way too early to have the crazy horny hormones messing with her, so why was she longing so bad for this touch that she would never get? She swallowed hard and tried to ignore the desire arising in her. She knew what her body wanted, but her mind refused to admit it.

She was with James. James loved her. They were about to finally have a child together. After a year of trying again and again, she was finally going to be a mother, so why was she trying to blow her life like that?

"Back to doing portraits?"

Clary turned her surprised head to James who was smiling at her, eyeing the portrait behind her. She frowned a bit when she realized that the sun was up. She must have been really lost in her thoughts. She glanced at her painting and felt shock take over her when she realized that she had drawn Jace - the sad Jace that she had seen at his apartment, the Jace still internally crying for his lost fiancé. James sat on the couch, facing Clary with a look of empathy on his face. She hated that people looked at her work before it was finished.

"I didn't know you were be painting. I assumed you went jogging. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I didn't even hear you get up."

"I guess you were too deep in thoughts while painting Jace. Though I'm not sure he'd like your perception of him."

She looked at the sad portrait of Jace again. It wasn't how she saw him. She saw Jace looking at her with those incomprehensible sparkles, Jace who fought for justice, Jace who would try to sooth her about her past with that deep and calming voice of his. She shook her head, forbidding herself to feel more than she should.

"He just seems so sad sometimes."

"Yeah. Alec told me a couple years ago that his girl died when they were on a lovebird travel. To tell you the truth I didn't know it was his brother until yesterday. And I see his family every two months or so. He just... dwells in his pain, and doesn't talk to people. Does that remind you of anybody?"

Clary knew he was referring to her. About the period of her life when she was so angry against the whole world that she would shut out anyone who would try talk to her, just like she did to James at first.

But there was something that James said that didn't add up. Jace had specifically said that he lost his fiancé, not that she died. It seemed to Clary that it was important how he used that particular word.

"She died?"

"Yeah. I didn't really pry into it, but I know that it's a sensitive subject with the Lightwoods. They don't even say her name. She was really loved by every member of the family apparently, but of course, it was Jace who was the most affected."

Clary didn't utter a single word, thinking about the pain that Jace must be in. Maybe that girl had been his one exception, but unlike Clary, he remembered. For the first time in her life, she thought that maybe it was a good thing that she didn't remember anything from her past. She didn't want to comprehend the pain that Jace felt to always have the memory of her lingering in his thoughts.

She subconsciously touched her left wrist tattoo, wondering if maybe her one exception was dead. Maybe she was better off not knowing. She didn't want to feel the pain that she saw in Jace's eyes it seemed unbearable. It was as if his heart was continuously aching and that it would never heal.

As she absentmindedly traced the lines of her tattoo, she promised herself to help Jace alleviate his pain and feel better. It seemed vital for her to at least see him smile fondly once.

**~.o.O.o.~**

When Jace pulled his bike up the driveway of his parent's house, he stayed outside, looking at the facade and swallowing hard. What was he going to tell them? For eight years, he refused to talk about the love of his life, even going as far as glaring at anyone who would even mention something that she did. Every time that he came back to his family, he refused to enter the living room because of Clary's painting. At some point, Maryse began removing it before his arrival to accommodate and make it easier for him. He never stepped foot in his room again, not even to pack, he got Robert and Alec to do it for him.

And now he was coming back to tell them that she was alive, and always have been. They were going to hate him for putting them through so much trouble. He saw Robert open the door to take the morning paper and stare at him in surprise.

"Jace? Everything okay, son?"

Jace nodded and followed his father inside the house. Maryse was in the kitchen and hastily got up when she saw him. She hugged him tightly and told him to sit, as she set a plate of banana pancakes in front of him. Jace ate, prolonging his confession as long as possible. Jace couldn't help but feel guilty for his deceit. They didn't ask him for the reason of his presence and the way that they regarded him showed how severely they missed him. As he reflected, he realized that it had been more than six months since he last saw them.

"Are you going to the Johnson's tonight?"

Maryse nodded, surprise on her face. Jace reminded himself that it was a common thing for his family to do and he would know if he spent more time with them.

"But Izzy won't be here tonight. She left for Vegas two nights ago to see Simon. Maybe he'll propose to her under the lights of the city."

Jace saw Robert humph and he recalled that Robert never really appreciated Simon. Especially after Magnus had slipped at one dinner that Clary had slapped the Hell out of him. It was at a time when everything was fine and Clary was still by Jace's side. Robert had narrowed his eyes at this information, trusting Clary's judgment that whatever Simon had done to Izzy, he deserved it.

Jace internally agreed with Robert, Simon and Izzy would never get married, that was just Maryse fantasizing about things that would never come true. He took a deep breath and blurted what he had in mind.

"I came to you to talk about Clary."

Robert stiffened in his chair, all his senses on Jace as Maryse let out a small gasp of surprise.

"I need to tell you what actually happened when we were... away."

Why was it so hard? It had been so simple with Alec. But then again, he had seen Clary with his own eyes, so Jace just had to fill in the blanks. He didn't want to be judged by his parents. He was already blaming himself enough, and he didn't want his parents to do it too.

"So... You all assumed that she was dead, and I never really denied it because it was easier like that. Truth is… she didn't die, she... She got in a car accident and she didn't remember anything. She was in a pretty bad shape and she stayed three days in intensive care. Her heart gave out at several points, and they encountered troubles giving her blood at first because she has a rare blood type. Jon couldn't donate because he had drugs in his system... She almost died on us.

When she finally woke up, she didn't know who we were. The doctors kept on talking about sequels, amnesia, brain damages, so her parents decided to... to not force themselves on her because it might break her, and I went along with that. Even though I was against it, I went along because it felt like the best thing to do at the moment."

During his whole speech, he had stubbornly kept his eyes down on his plate, playing with his unfinished pancakes and swallowing back his tears. He felt his parents gaze on him, but he didn't look up, he didn't want to see the disapproval in their eyes.

"What kind of amnesia?"

Jace looked up at Robert, not expecting his tone to be so kind and professional at the same time. The doctor in him was making an appearance.

"Total amnesia. She didn't even remember her name. She didn't even remember her twin. She remembered nothing."

"But do you know if her memory strikes back sometimes?"

"Out of nowhere."

Robert nodded and Jace wondered what his medical filled mind was thinking. He finally dared to look at Maryse, and she was watching him as if her heart was breaking for him.

"Why did you ask about the Johnson's?"

"She's James's fiancé. Or fiancé to be."

Maryse took a sharp breath and looked at Jace with sympathetic eyes. He tried to keep his features unreadable, to keep his head high, but when he met Maryse's eyes, he looked down hiding his face in the hollow created by his arms.

"This is all my fault. She's with someone else because I didn't think rationally back then and I left her all alone."

He felt Maryse's hand on his back but he didn't raise his head. He wanted Clary to be _his_ again. He wanted Clary to look at him like she used to and not with that wary and curious expression. He wanted Clary to touch him like it was natural and not because she was trying to prove a point. He wanted Clary to love him all over again. He just simply and plainly wanted Clary.

He desired and craved wholly for the Clary that he couldn't have anymore because he made the wrong decision. He couldn't have her all because he let her go when he shouldn't have. All because she didn't remember him and he couldn't force her to do so without risking damage to her brain. Because he hadn't been there for her when she needed him the most.

"Jace... If you're supposed to be together..."

"Don't. Don't say that because that never happens. It's just something you say to try and make me feel good, but we both know that that's not going to happen. She doesn't know me anymore, she doesn't want me anymore, she doesn't _love_ me anymore, she's... She slipped away."

**~.o.O.o.~**

**So here comes a new chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it. **

**Now I think I need to set some things clear. **

**I know you all hate me right now and think I'm the worst person in the world, some people might even regret reading this fanfic because now they think that it will only be a pile of sadness. So let me just tell you that :**

**. For me, if Clary is to be with anyone, it's Jace. No matter what they belong together. **

**. I hate being predictable. You might have seen that in the previous fanfic, but I always do my best to avoid the clichés (remember the 'we need to talk' which didn't result with a break up). **

**. I am not all about sadness and stuffs, I do also like silverlinings, but I can't really push that into the story without building the things around it. Remember that EIGHT YEARS have passed. 8 years during which Jace mourned his relationship and Clary build a thick wall around herself, hiding behind this relationship she has with James. I cannot in two chapters just make everything white, puppy, lovey and shinny. That ain't me, that's not what happens. **

**. About the pregnancy. Clary is 26, doesn't remember anything about his difficult her upbringing was and doesn't have a past. She can only go forward, the only way she can do that, it's by having a baby. I'm not saying she'll go through with it, I'm not saying she won't. I'm just explaining why she want a baby because some were surprised. I've read every reviews (I always read every review, no matter the size, no the registration, I love reviews, and even more the longer ones because it means you really want to say something if you take the time). And to tell you the truth, my mind is already 10 chapters ahead. I already know what is going to happen. So, sorry, but just work with me. It is very important that she is pregnant RIGHT NOW, that's why I made it this way. Usually, every single detail is important. **

**. About Clace. I don't want to spoil it for you, but if you pay real attention, the answer is already in chapter four. It is really subtle, but it is here. But if it can help you feel better ***DONT READ IF YOU DONT LIKE SPOILERS*** Clace is my ship and nothing else, so at some point, Clace will be back. **

**. About the size. Longer ain't going to happen. I am sorry, I like long chapters too, but the busy season is starting and so the long hours are also starting. I write usually when I'm in the train to get to Disney (where I work) and to tell you the truth, sometimes I don't even want to do it, because I'm so EXHAAAAAAAUSTED! But I still do it. And don't worry, never you will see a chapter below 4K. **

**. About medical stuffs. First the pregnancy, not to be mean or anything, but if I see a review about how it's not supposed to happen like that, I'm going to lose it! I've helped my Mom and my stepsmom through all their pregnancies, I've went to the doctor with them, I know all the symptoms, all the why and why not and I mostly know that EVERY pregnancy is different! And if you annoy me with that, I'll take it very personally, because this is based on a pregnacy I witnessed. So please, don't comment on the medical aspect of it. The rest you can. SECOND the memory. Yes, we all want her to remember, but that is something really tricky, you all understood that the more she tried, the more her brain hurt, and this is a defensive mechanism often seen in amnesia. Usually, the amnesia is not only because of physical trauma, it's also because the brain wants to help you forget something to painful. Don't forget that the last memory Clary has was a car blowing up the people she loved the most in this world. (My stepmom is a doctor, so yeah, I studied the subject a bit a few heads ago because the brain is so fascinating!)**

**. About your hearts breaking. I am so sorry! I never thought that THIS chapter would do that to you, I thought it was pretty normal. I'm not going to lie, I like drama, but I didn't feel drama in this chapter. **

**Anyway, I'll stop here because this is turning in a new chapter and not an author note anymore. Just don't forget to tell me what you think. Like I said, I read all reviews, the longer the better, even when some people give me the silence treatment (T.T for my little junky). **

**Just one last thing, IF Clary does have her baby, I say if, it doesn't mean she cannot be with Jace, I come from a recomposed family, and that's not a problem at all. Just have an open mind about everything I told you.**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full and for finding the title of this chapter. **

**Cheers**


	6. Reminiscence

**So, be careful, the rating changed to M here!**

**~.o.O.o.~**

When Clary arrived at the Johnson's residence, she once again felt her fingers itch to paint the mansion that they casually called a house. It is a beautiful, old building from the early 20th century, but the renovations had been good on it. She craved to paint its shadows, corners, its _magnificence_. She wanted to play with her colors to find the right shade of grey, brown, and green of the 'house'.  
"Come in Clary. No point waiting outside, James will be late as usual."  
Clary gently smiled at Eva as she entered the house. She still didn't understand how Eva and James managed to grow up somewhere so vast without getting lost at some point. She knew that she would have. She followed Eva to the dining room where she found Magnus talking to a man who slightly glanced at her entrance. She concluded that he must be Alec's father as he looked like an older version of him.  
Instead of walking and leaning against the wall as planned, she changed routes and walked towards James's father, as he called out her with a big fatherly smile plastered on his face.  
Besides their characteristic dark green eyes and charming smile, James and his father looked nothing alike.  
Dwayne was tall (6foot5), muscled, commanding and bald, whereas James was blond and had a shorter, leaner and slimmer stature than his father even though he was strong. She established that James and Eva mostly took after their mother, Adeline.  
Although Adeline was conversing with Magnus and who seemed to be his parents in law, she still smiled and waved fondly to Clary when she saw her. If anyone portrayed a motherly image, it would be Adeline. She always had an aura surrounding her that screamed loving Mom, which caused Clary to feel awkward around her because Clary often wished that Adeline wouldn't remind her so much of the fact that she, herself was motherless.  
"So Clary? How have New York been? Did you fall in love yet?"  
"How can I fall in love with another city when I come from the City of Love?"  
"Ha ha. So we have to make you fall out of love with Paris first. Maybe a little tour in the Catacombs should be enough..."  
He smiled at her as Eva gave her a glass of apple juice and glanced at her father for them to sit. At that, Clary understood that James already told them about her pregnancy. She didn't want to talk about it yet, as she knew that everyone was waiting to give her thousands of unwanted advise, and she aspired to avoid that as much as she could. What she desired though, was a Mom, a _real_ Mom who would share her own experience. Not surrogate mothers. She knew that they meant well, but at the same time, they weren't _her_ Mom.  
"I'm not even sure that would work. According to the few things James said about you, skeletons are definitely not the kind of things that would scare you off. Maybe... The crowd?"  
"New York is pretty crowded too... Perhaps the strikes will though. Not a month goes by without a strike about this or that."  
"Go for the strikes then."  
Magnus sat to her left, which in turn caused Clary to sit between Dwayne and him. He wondered out loud where James was and Dwayne spared Clary the pain and explained that he was working late. In fact, the reason that he had to pull work hours today was because he left work early two days prior, so that he could attend the doctor's appointment with Clary. Together they saw that little spot of black amongst the grey that indicated the heart of their baby.  
Jace arrived with Alec in the dining room and his eyes immediately landed on Clary. He saw Clary sitting on the couch surrounded by people who genuinely seemed to care about her. He stayed in retreat with Alec, whose eyes were also on Clary.  
"Aren't you even going to fight for her?"  
"This is not one of those chick movie that Magnus forces you to watch Alec. This is real life, with real people forgetting about other real people."  
"But she didn't forget you. Her mind did but her heart and body didn't. Her eyes were always on you with that sad expression on her face yesterday. You just need to make her fall for you again."  
"She's engaged!"  
"No she's not. And anyhow, that shouldn't matter. She doesn't love him like she loved you, or could love you again. Everyone who knew her can tell."  
Jace shoved his hands in his pockets, keeping his features unreadable. He didn't want to admit it, but he had desperately wanted to hear what Alec told him from someone. He wanted someone to tell him that he could make her happier, that they should be together, that deep inside her she still wanted him, needed him, _loved_ him. Robert walked to them with a glass of red wine in his hand and a playful smile on his face.  
"Where did you two disappear to? I hope it wasn't anything business related."  
Alec grimaced while Jace smirked. Robert didn't like them talking about cases when they were all reunited; because there was 'nothing more depressing than their jobs' as he said it. Robert seemed to forget that being a doctor wasn't something that cheerful either.  
Truth be told, if Jace had pinned Alec, it was because of a case. In this instance, it was Clary's case as he entitled it. He wanted to ensure that the bastard remained behind bars, but it seemed problematic. His time was almost up, and the time it took to build a strong case against him and bring him to court, would exceed his time in prison.  
"Don't worry Dad, we kept it in the garden. Now we're all about... tonight's entertainment."  
Robert quickly glanced at Jace before nodding at Alec, thankful that they didn't bring work talk to the dinner, and then his gaze returned to Clary. Jace couldn't take his eyes off of Clary and he noticed that she seemed off, almost sick. Even though she smiled and kindly responded to others, her eyes were elsewhere, and Jace saw her reach for her Tenshi tattoo on several occasions.  
He frowned, because he knew that it was a telltale sign that something was bothering her and she needed to discuss it with her brother. Actually, Jace noticed throughout this week alone, that her body frequently called out for her brother. He could tell by the way that she would sometimes turn slightly to her right before realizing that no one was there, and the way that she still subconsciously touched her right ear for the comfort that he could no longer give her. Jace knew that it would kill Jon and break his heart if he were aware f that.  
Suddenly there was a big commotion and they were all seated at the table. Jace saw James sitting next to Clary and wondered when he got in and why he wasn't here from the beginning to support Clary among all these strangers. Jace had never hated a dinner as much as this. Since he was sitting in front of her, he had to endure all of James's lovesick attention towards her. He noticed how it bothered her at some point, but she didn't say anything. She just kept the polite façade when people asked her questions.  
It seemed as if everyone was harassing her with questions such as: Where did she live, what did she do, how did she like New York. Clary answered each time, but she always did her best to stay evasive. She said she lived in Paris, but not where in Paris. She said that she was an emotional outlet to people, but she didn't say how, she said that she didn't mind New York, but she didn't say what she liked about New York. Jace recognized _his_ Clary - the one who always tried to keep safe her life and her past - as she cleverly answered their questions while remaining elusive.  
As the desert was served, Magnus's annoying curiosity barged in, making Jace grit his teeth. Sure he wanted to know, but in the mean time, he did not want to know.  
"How did you two meet?"  
Jace saw Clary blush, but also noticed that James's parents seemed interested in the matter, making him understand that he never really told them. He saw from the corner of his eyes that Maryse glanced at him, but he kept his gaze on Clary who was looking at the untouched piece of cake in her plate with too much attention.  
"I saw her beat a man twice her size to the ground. It was my very first meeting with a client alone, and this French client dragged me in this... 'Underground Competition' and Clary was there... entertaining the crowd."  
Jace looked at Clary who still refused to look up, her brows frowned furiously. She didn't seem to mind what James had said, but she seemed lost in her memories.  
"So are you saying that tiny and delicate Clary here was an underground wrestler or something?"  
"I'm not delicate."  
She snapped her head back up and Jace saw the fire that he loved so much in her eyes, as she subjected Magnus to one of her famous glares. That fire that she had when someone would underestimate her, and the fire that made him crave to kiss her right away. Her eyes flickered in his direction, full of uncertainty as she met his gaze. He brusquely stood, making everyone look at him in surprise.  
"I don't need to hear about illegal ways of living."  
Clary opened big shocked eyes as he left the room; her heart was beating rapidly in anger and incomprehension. Who did he think he was? He had no right to judge her life! He didn't have any jurisdiction in France! He didn't know a thing about her so why would he even judge her!?  
She politely smiled at James, discreetly fisting her hands under the table. She saw the Lightwoods glance at each other before they oriented the conversation somewhere else and she stared at the untouched piece of cake in her plate, feeling that something was terribly wrong.  
The dinner went on for another hour, and Clary was having trouble swallowing her rising bile. In the last few days, her morning sickness was extended throughout the day. All she wanted to do now was to meet a nice toilet bowl and befriend with it. At some point, she got up and discreetly told James that she was going to rest. Her head hurt and her insides were dancing tango in her stomach.  
Once she had gotten rid of everything she had just eaten, she went to the pool. Yes, that was how rich the Johnson's were; they had an indoor swimming pool. She sat at the edge and plunged her bare feet into the cold water, relishing herself as the cool feeling travelled along her body. She laid on her back with her arm on her eyes. She tried to empty her head and all the sensations she had inside her.  
Jace was in the garden, sitting on the swing, smoking his umpteenth cigarette. He didn't mean to be rude or anything, but... It was just so damn hard. He couldn't tolerate hearing about how that guy fell in love with her. How he saw that fire in her and how it set his heart in flames, or how she made him shiver. Sure he didn't say those words per say, but Jace saw it in his eyes and heard it in his voice.  
He felt guilty for snapping at Clary because she was trying to make sense out of her life as best as she could. Of course she would have tried to find happiness with someone else. Of course with her flaming personality and a body like hers, she wouldn't have a problem finding a guy who would want her. Of course she would eventually give in and try to make a life for herself. Jace had thought of this possibility every day for the past eight years. But thinking about it and witnessing it firsthand were two very different things. His heart could attest to this as it was literally breaking.  
He walked back in the house, and passed through the pool house (who has a pool in their house?). He froze when he spotted Clary lying next to the swimming pool. She had one of her arm on her eyes, protecting them from the fade light on the ceiling and her other hand on her belly, rising and falling to the rhythm of her breath.  
He stood there, just watching her and remembering how eight years ago she had lured him into a swimming pool under the rain to share an ineffable experience with him. He saw her stiffen, even though she hadn't removed her arm from her face and he hadn't made a noise.  
"You don't have any right to judge me or my past."  
She had barely whispered, but he heard the anger in her voice. She was angry because she thought that he disapproved of her past actions. If only she knew how much he loved that about her. How seeing her fight against someone twice her size never scared him because he knew that she could effortlessly tackle him or her to the floor.  
So he simply stood there, with his eyes lingering on her body. He took in her feet as it dipped into the water, the hem of her dress slightly getting soaked, and her small body resting against the marble floor. She suddenly sat up, her eyes digging into his and searching deep into his soul.  
They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Clary tried to understand what it was about him that was drastically changing her. What was it about Jace that made it so important to obtain his acceptance? Why did she need his approval? His presence? His happiness? Why was it so vital for her to know that he was okay? And why was it that she would forget all about James every freaking time he was around?  
"Why can't I figure you out?"  
"Because I'm a cop, you're not supposed to figure me out. It's supposed to be the other way around."  
"Oh yeah? Well you make a crappy cop, because you can't figure me out either!"  
"Can't I now? What haven't I figured out exactly? That you're scared of people and you don't like to share intimate details your life? That you're scared of getting close to others and that's why you only smile politely instead of answering questions straightforward? That you're angry against the world and that's why you took refuge in illegal fights and paintings? That you're scared of your past? That you're so scared of this past that you know nothing about that you refuse to commit and that you refuse look forward? You're haunted by things that don't remember and that scares the shit out of you because you have knowledge and skills that are extraordinary, so tell me again Miss Clary Fray, what haven't I figured out about you yet?"  
She glared at him, angry that he had seen right through her when they barely knew each other. He told her things that she had never told anyone, not even James. Like why she wouldn't move in with him. He never really asked her, and every time the matter came up, she had eluded it. But there were other things like what she sometimes found out she could do. It scared her to death, because he was right, it wasn't normal. It wasn't normal that she could speak so many languages, it wasn't normal that she could beat a guy twice her size, it wasn't normal that she had this need to always have an army knife on her, it wasn't normal that she knew the exact spot to press to kill a man without leaving any proof. It wasn't normal at all. It was all _extraordinary_.  
"You know nothing Jace Wayland!" (**A.N.** Game of Throooooones reference, I had to!)  
She got up in a movement of rage. Unfortunately she had forgotten that she was on the edge of the pool, and she gasped in surprise as she fell into the pool. She never felt more stupid and embarrassed in her life than she was at this moment, and she wished that Jace would just walk away instead of pulling her out of the water.  
As he sat her back on the edge, soaked from head to toe, their gazes locked. Clary could feel her heart thumping in her throat. She felt his strong and warm hands against the bare skin of her arms until his right hand reached for her face, removing the wet hair that were sticking on her cheeks. She could feel his warm breath mixing with her, sending wave after wave of his sunshine scent to her. She felt limp. She felt completely limp in his touch all the while aching for him. Aching for more. Aching for _Jace_!  
She blushed at this thought and did her best to tear her gaze away before she did something that she would regret like satisfying her urge by leaning forward and kissing him senseless. What was she thinking? Jace wasn't hers; he was still mourning the memory of his fiancé. Wait... That wasn't what she should be thinking! She shouldn't be thinking about Jace at all! She was with James! Pregnant with James's baby!  
She suddenly got up and mumbled an apology before rushing upstairs to James's bedroom. Once there, she barricaded herself in the bathroom, trying to shake this unsettling feeling. This was wrong; she wasn't supposed to feel like that for Jace! She wasn't supposed to feel so damn good around him. He wasn't supposed to make her ache for him. Not long, but literally ache.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Clary was supposed to stay with James at his parents', but she didn't feel like it. Her head hurt, her stomach was upset and she was confused as Hell. If she listened to what she really wanted, she would have flown back to Paris, but for now she could only go to her quiet apartment in Brooklyn.  
James offered to go with her, as he was a little bit worried by her 'lack of balance' around the swimming pool, but she wanted to be alone so she declined. Once home, she slipped in her bed, trying hard not to think of _him_. Him as in the person she was not supposed to think about. Why? Why did he make her feel like that? Why was it that she always lost herself completely to him when he was around? She always forgot about everything and everyone around her and focused solely on him. This was not normal. She never felt like this before, this wasn't her!  
She slowly fell asleep, half aware of the muffled sounds of the city until someone knocked at her door. She snapped her eyes wide open, fear and uncertainty sparkling in her. The knock got louder and more insistent, so she slowly and quietly got up, going to the kitchen to grab a long and sharp knife first. Who would come and visit her at this ungodly hour? What if this was a burglar checking to see if the apartment was empty?  
She looked through the judas, and her brows frowned in incomprehension and anxiety when she recognized whom the visitor was. What did he want? Why did he come? She slowly opened the door, taking in the fact that Jace was at her doorsteps, and his eyes were darker than usual. They stared at each other for a split second, and then he urgently took her face in his hands and passionately kissed her.  
She gasped in surprise, not because he kissed her, but because she had wanted him to. She dropped her knife on the floor and brought her hands around his neck to pull him closer to her. That seemed to make something snap in him, because his kiss suddenly became more ardent and he gently but urgently pushed her back inside, and closed her door with his foot. She couldn't get enough of what he was making her feel. She never wanted him to stop kissing her; she wanted his hands to always be on her, she wanted to feel his skin against hers.  
Suddenly, without knowing how, she realized that she was against the wall. His hands were furiously winding up her tights, and his lips feverishly kissing her neck and she moaned. The warmth coming from him was excruciating and she wanted more. Always more. She wanted Jace. She _needed_ Jace.  
"I want you so bad. So bad Clary!"  
She kissed him, swallowing the anguish state that he seemed to be in, tangling her fingers in his silky golden hair and loving how beautifully her name sounded on his tongue. He lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he was fisting her hair. Then, his hands went flying to her body as if he could never get enough of her, as if he was trying to memorize each and every part of her body.  
When one of his hands cupped her breast, she moaned out his name, making him groan in her neck. She could feel him. But even better, she could feel herself melt to him. She could feel how perfect his touch was, how strong yet soft his kisses were, and best of all, how badly he wanted her. Almost as badly as she wanted him.  
She squeezed her legs a little tighter and that did it for him.  
He took her in his arms, never ceasing his kisses, as he led her to her bedroom. Somewhere in her mind, Clary wondered how he knew where it was, but she didn't care. All she cared about at this instant was Jace. Jace and what he was making her feel. She wanted him. She wanted more, she wanted... She didn't know what she wanted, but she didn't want it to stop. As long as Jace was around, she wanted him.  
He delicately laid her on her bed, savagely peeling her out of her clothes. Before she knew it, she wasn't wearing anything, and he was wearing just as much. His golden eyes ravaged her body, lingering on her tattoos and scars, before settling on her eyes. And what she saw in his eyes was pure ecstasy. The way he looked at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world made her whimper and bite her lips.  
He leaned back on her, kissing her with less urgency than before while his hand was squirming its way to her core. She bit his lip when he slid a finger within her and arched herself when he slid another one. At his third finger, she lost it and half screamed, making him moan in her ear. He gently nibbled her lobe as one of his hands was sending waves of unknown pleasure in her while his other was gently caressing her body.  
She wanted more, so much more. She took him in her hand and without any hesitation she led him inside her, biting her lips when she finally felt him. He growled out her name, thrusting into her a little bit harder each time, making her completely lose herself to him. This was so good, his hands wouldn't stop touching her, his lips wouldn't stop kissing each part of her that they came across, and his eyes. Oh _his eyes_. She was drowning in liquid gold every time she opened her eyes.  
She started to feel hotter and hotter, feeling her peak coming as he was pumping harder and faster. She felt his fingers bruising her thighs, his teeth marking her neck, his deep voice growling her name endlessly and she heard herself panting like a madwoman.  
Suddenly she woke up with a start. Sweat was covering her whole body. She was desperately longing for a continuation of what happened in her dream. She wanted what she felt in her dream, and she wanted it so badly. But mostly, she wanted Jace right there, right then. And that's when shame washed all over her. What was going on with her? She was having a sex dream about a man she barely knew, who barely seemed to appreciate her, and while she was with _James_!  
What kind of horrible person did that? What was wrong with her? How could she long for someone when she already had someone? James loved her, he provided her with all her caprices, he understood her, and he gave her the child that she wanted. And now she was practically cheating on him. Because what she felt in this dream, it was too real and too good to just be a dream. She could almost feel Jace's warm and vibrant touch on her. She could almost taste him on her! She was the worst person in this world.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Wiggling eyebrows ... You thought for a second that it was actually reality didn't you... Well not, just a dream, very lively dream. **

**I hope you liked this chapter, because it is a key moment in Clace history... Now we all want to know about how she will be around Jace after this very vivid dream.**

**Just tell me your thoughts and feelings about this chapter. Did you see it coming? Did you like it? Do you think it was a sort of premonition?**

**Anyway, a lot of people are asking about Jon, Izzy, Max, and the Morgenstern. Well Max is not in this story, you'll understand why in a few chapters. Of course Jon will make his come back. Not like you'd wish him to, but still, he will come back because Jon is the man we all love isn't he? And the Morgenstern will not be left behind either. Just remember that BAHOG was also built like that, and all the action was more toward the end, the parents being barely there at first. **

**So there is someone who mentioned the movie (I guess it's a movie) 'The Vow', and well... I don't know what it is, so I cannot tell you that I won't make the same thing. Sorry. **

**About the tattoo****. She will see it, I promise you that she will see it. But not now. I have this perfect scene in my mind and I just can't wait for you guys to read it and tell me all about it. **

**About Robert****. Just to make it clear, he works in the hospital, in the emergencies section. But that doesn't mean that he cannot ask about it to his colleagues and stuffs. I just want you to picture him properly in his area before you all go thinking he's a specialist of the brain or something. He's not. It is very important that you remember that. **

**About the characters in general and the possibilities****. It is so funny that you ask questions about this of this character, or that and that possibility because as I said, I'm already ten chapters ahead, and I already know what will happen to them. So, of course I won't tell you what happens to who and how (where's the point of the story otherwise), but I can tell you, keep it up. And for those thinking that the characters' reactions don't fit with the first story, bear in mind that they were teenagers at that time and that now eight years have passed. Eight years that have changed them. And for Jon as he is still not here, you don't really know what is going on in that mind of his, but you'll see, it will all work out.**

**About helping me****. So just to let you know, in case you haven't figure it out. I am not an English speaker. And I am not very good with slang or initials (mostly, I don't really say swear words, and I had to force myself into the story to make it more realistic, because let's face it, many people have foul mouths in this world). So, to the point. You guys sometimes use abbreviations that I don't understand. What's HEA, IDC? **

**About you being awesome again****. THANK YOU SO MUCH, for all your reviews. Short or long, I read all of them, even if, I'm not going to lie, I enjoy reading looooong reviews (just like you enjoy reading long chapters). Thank you so much to each of you to take the time to post a review. But also thank you to all the people who read the story, either you are a follower a favoriter (still not a word, I know), or a free user. When someone takes the time to read my story, it makes my heart sing of happiness. Yay.**

**I am so sorry for , I never meant for you to crack your phone, and when I read your review, I felt sooooooo bad. I am REALLY sorry, it wasn't in my intention. I am sooooooo sorry. I know it doesn't mean a lot like that, but I really mean it. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	7. Once Clary, Always Clary

As Clary observed the small baby mauve blanket, her thoughts wandered to James. She knew that she should be more lenient with him, after all he wasn't responsible, Hell he didn't even do anything. Yet, she avoided his calls all morning because she felt extremely guilty and shameful about her dream. How could she have sexual dreams about someone that wasn't James? James had been so good and understanding towards her. He never pushed or tried to change her mind in his favor, and God knew that she wasn't thinking straight sometimes.

The baby was a perfect example. Yes, she wanted a baby. She desperately yearned for a child for a long time now. The only problem was the fact that she never pictured herself with a family. She just saw her and her baby. Not her and her family with James. That was the main reason why she kept on refusing for James to live with her in Paris. She kept lying to herself, pretending that it was because she didn't want to come between him and his family. Sure that was partially true, with her having no family, she knew better than anyone how important it was. But still, she wasn't sure she wanted to build a family with James. She just wanted a baby.

Oh God, she was a horrible person! How could she plan to have a baby and purposely keep its father away? And how could she not even consider having a family with James? He had shown nothing but love towards her. She tried picturing herself standing in a park with a blond baby in her arms with the father behind who held them both and smiled with unconditional love. Suddenly, _Jace's_ face emerged in her reverie.

She shakily shook it out of her mind, frightened by what just happened. Sex, she could understand. He was hot, but _that_!? How come he appeared in her flash dream of a family?

She let her hands travel down the baby blanket, appreciating the softness and texture. It was mauve, and knitted. The kind of thing her Mom, if she had one, would have done for her future grandchild. She smiled sadly and took it, adding it to the other items she already picked up. She knew it was still early to shop, but she refused to stay in her apartment because she knew that James would ultimately go there to see her.

So instead, she wondered the streets of New York and saw a cute little boutique selling baby clothing. She couldn't resist and went into the boutique. Now that she had paid, she decided that once in her life, she would make a rational decision that was selfless. So after dropping her shopping bags at her apartment, she went to James' penthouse with a bag of clothes. She rang his doorbell and patiently waited. As he opened the door, he frowned at the bag in her hand.

"What's with the bag?"

"How about I stay at your place for a few days?"

He raised an eyebrow at her, stupefied by her suggestion. This wasn't Clary. It couldn't be. After all, she was always the one pushing him away. He couldn't believe that she was making a step forward in their relationship for the first time.

"Isn't it a bit early for mood swings?"

"It's just... I've been thinking about us and the baby, and I thought it was a good idea..."

"Did something happen?"

"No. Why?"

He shook his head and smiled to her, saying that it was nothing. Unfortunately for him, Clary could see the mixture of fear, anger and anxiety in his eyes - something that she had never witnessed from him before. But when he pulled her in his arms and kissed her, she only saw love and relief. Her living far away had bothered him more than he ever cared to admit.

They walked to the bedroom and Clary, after putting her clothes in his drawer, looked at the window. She loved the view from his bedroom and wished that he lived higher. You could see the whole of New York City from there and she could only guess how wonderful and magnificent it was during the night.

"So I didn't have time to ask you yesterday, what did you think of the dinner?"

"You already know that I like your family James."

"I was talking about our family friends."

There was something in his tone that made her snap her attention from the view to James. He was trying to sound casual, but something definitely bugged him, and she didn't know what it was. She frowned and went to sit next to him on his bed.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, I just want to know how you felt about them. They're close family friends, and you are bound to see them again."

"I think they're nice."

It seemed like he was about to ask her something else, but restrained himself at the last minute. Instead he allowed himself to fall on his back bringing Clary along with him. They stayed like that for a while, just enjoying each other's presence. At some point, Clary couldn't help but blame him for something that bugged her since the dinner.

"You told your family."

"Don't worry I haven't told my Mom yet. I know how obsessive she can get and I don't want to hear about it every three seconds. I only told Eva. Dad overheard when I told her. That's the only reason he knows. You know me. I just couldn't keep it to myself. Surely you called one of your friends back in France."

"I don't have any friends that I'm that close too to confide in. If I was in Paris I would have told Papy, but... I don't know. I have no one to share the news with."

"You have me. I'll bring you the sappy magazines to gossip and squeal on if you want."

"But that's not your job."

She never longed for a mother so badly. That was the person she wanted. She wanted a Mom who would calm her down, who would tell her that everything was going to be okay, who would reassure her with her experience and the troubles that she faced during her own pregnancy. A Mom who would smile at her worries and tell her how she was grown up now and a Mom who would be ecstatic to be a grandmother soon.

She didn't mind James telling his family, it was only normal. She was just jealous. Jealous that she didn't have any siblings that she could share the news with. She wished that she had a brother who would make her laugh by picking silly names for her baby. A brother who would tell her that he'd spoil his future niece or nephew like crazy. A brother that will just be there for her.

"Jonathan. I know you want a girl, but if we have a boy, I'd love to call him Jonathan. It's a strong name, it hides cheerfulness, glee and love."

"You get all of that from a name?"

"Doesn't this name make you feel like that? Like as long as a Jonathan is around, everything will be fine?"

"No."

"Well, it does from me."

She put her head on James's chest and he chuckled a bit, saying that she was being cute. He kissed her hair and she leaned against him, hearing his voice vibrate through his chest as he told her about his day at work. She liked hearing about what he did, even though she wasn't interested in the world of business. She understood what he was talking about as if she always knew about the secret mechanics of the world.

Suddenly she felt her bile rise violently and she rushed to the bathroom, hurling her guts out. She stayed bent over the toilet bowl, her head resting against the porcelain as she heard James's footsteps coming closer to her. He gathered her hair in one of his hand, and soothed her back with the other.

She took in sharp breaths as she felt a new wave coming up. She threw up everything that she had left, even though she briefly wondered if she was just puking air at this point. When she felt a little bit better, she flushed the toilet, but stayed on her knees next to it, not feeling strong enough to stand up. She frowned in worry because her nausea was getting stronger and stronger to the point that it couldn't be considered morning sickness anymore. She threw up all day long.

"Freaking stupid body! Why couldn't it be stronger?"

"You are strong Clary. You just don't take to pregnancy as well as others do. Every person is different."

She whimpered at his condescending and soothing voice.

"Geez, you have been reading the pamphlets the doc gave you! I don't need a stupid phrase about how each pregnancy is different, what I need is a stronger body! What kind of mother will I be if I can't even protect my baby with my own body?!"

"Clary..."

"Don't Clary me! How can I be a good mother when my body doesn't even know how to protect my baby? How can I be a good Mom when I don't even have a M..."

Clary stopped herself and closed her eyes, bringing her knees to her chest. She would never admit out loud how badly she longed for a family of her own. She heard James pass a hand on his face and sighed. They both knew what she had been about to say, and they both knew that it was a forbidden topic. Clary's lack of past, family or memory was not something she liked to dwell on. Not to James. But then she remembered how easily she let herself talk to Jace.

She suddenly got up and washed her teeth as James was looking at her with a desperate look on his face. She weakly smiled to him to stop the frown on his brows, but it didn't work.

**~.o.O.o.~**

When she woke up on Monday morning, Clary's first move was to vomit. She hated how naturally and familiar she had become with this position. She stayed next to the bowl for a bit, relishing in the coolness of the porcelain and then got up as she sucked all the coldness from it. She quickly decided to go jogging. She felt like her old routine would do her some good and take her mind off of things. She just wanted to enjoy her morning run and appreciate this new side of New York.

She quietly crept out of James's apartment, taking one of his keys and a bottle of water. Once outside, she started running. The effect was instantaneous. She immediately felt better as her body was recognizing something that it was used to. Her thoughts wandered. First she focused on New York and its streets, admiring the other side of the Big Apple and then, she passed in front of the Empire State Building.

Ever since her arrival in New York, she wanted to go and see what the view was like from up there but it was always so crowded. Without knowing how it happened, she found herself thinking of Jace. She cursed when she felt her entire body react to the mere idea of him. She swiftly changed directions to avoid the building that was allowing frightful thoughts to surface.

She quickened her pace. When she finally looked up, she realized that she wasn't far from Central Park. She smiled to herself as she decided that she'd return during the afternoon to find a nice place where she could draw. She always heard a lot about this park. She gently stopped to catch her breath and bent down, her hands on her knees and her ponytailed hair hanging to the side.

"Teach?"

Clary's heart missed a beat when she recognized the voice and her blood started to boil against the injustice of this world. What was he doing out? Didn't Jace pick up on what she had told him about this creep? She slowly stood up, realizing that this wasn't the best place for her. She was at the entry of a small alley, and he was blocking her exit. She breathed in and took it upon herself not to lunge at the guy.

She internally cursed because she had no weapon on her other than herself. In Paris she always had a combat knife at hand. She bought it in an army supply, a couple of weeks after her accident. She had walked pass by it and saw the knife on display and realized that she needed it. It had been an epiphany of how defenseless she could be without it. It had been an even bigger epiphany when she realized that she knew exactly how to use it.

"Hello Jake. I didn't know that you were out yet."

"Good behavior."

He grinned at her, and Clary felt a chill run down her spine. She saw how his eyes were lingering on her body, practically undressing her just by looking at her. She swallowed hard and took a small step back to be in a better position on her feet, and it didn't went unnoticed by the ex prisoner.

"I've never pictured you as a runner. You seem too... _delicate_ for that."

Clary tried to ignore the tick that this word usually started in her and concentrated on the double meaning Jake had made. His eyes flickered to her stomach, and she felt her blood leave her cheeks. How did he know?

"Maybe we could... grab a coffee or something?"

Saying that, he took a step closer, diminishing the space between them and Clary snapped. There was no way in Hell she would let a creep like him get the better of her.

"Aren't I a little old for you?"

His eyes showed a little surprise as she was subtly telling him that she was very well aware of his sick passions. His grin widened and he took another step to her, which made Clary back away.

"What? You think I am some kind of boring guy with only one type? Women like you are even more interesting than little girls."

How did he know? She didn't show and didn't say a word of it to anyone! How did he freaking know? The idea that he could hurt her unborn child frightened Clary more than she ever was before.

"I have this sixth sense to spot your kind. You always have these subconscious movements, the smile on your face, your aura... Very appealing if you ask me."

He took another step closer and caged her against the wall.

"Too bad you'll never get to see your precious baby. There's no way I'll let you live after."

That made Clary snap from fear to blinding rage. He already had a hand on her mouth while his other hand was snaking its way into her jogging trousers. She bit him hard and raised her knee to his level. He groaned out in pain, bending a little to massage his junk and she brought the back of her palm on his nose, breaking it in the process.

He shouted and stood back. He grabbed her arm and forced her to twist until she faced the wall and rubbed his body against hers, making her face unfriendly meet the wall. She barely winced in pain, she had seen worst in her wrestling days, and she pushed herself off of the wall to destabilize him. Then she turned on herself and took his right arm, twisting it until she heard the loud crack indicating that she had dislocated his shoulder and then she kicked him in the stomach.

She stumbled a bit backwards and she kicked him to make him fall and be at her mercy. And mercy she lacked. As soon as he was on the floor, she destroyed him as much as she could. After the surprise that she could fight, he started giving back a few punches, always trying to get her off of him, but that only made Clary angrier and punch harder.

She always managed to block the punches he aimed towards her stomach, not caring about the rest of her body and suddenly, hands were on her shoulders, trying to pry her off of him. She shoved the person and two strong pair of hands pulled her, so she kicked him as long as he was in her range. Then she angrily turned to see that she had been interrupted by police officers.

At that moment she realized that it was the morning rush and that there were two police cars at the end of the alley. She calmed herself and glared at the creep. She had ruined his face, his nose was broken, his eye was closed and swollen, his lower lip was cut open, and he lost two teeth.

One of the police officer handcuffed her, telling that it was procedure and then reading her her rights. When she saw where he was taking her, she panicked and froze. He tried to make her go into the car, but she refused to move.

"Miss you'll have to go in the car."

She couldn't even talk, let along go in the car. What was he trying to do? Kill her? She shook her head in panic and he tried again to make her get into the back of his car. She let out a scream and in no time, she squirmed her hands out of the handcuffs.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace quickly went back home and showered. Ever since Saturday night, he had been occupying himself by pulling more shifts at the station. He never went home, and when he did, it was only to take a shower and head out again. He didn't want to think about Clary. It hurt to think about her. It was agony to think about her eyes looking and desperately searching for something in him. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her the whole truth and tell her how much he still loved her, and how much he would always love her.  
He didn't know how to feel about her reactions towards him. She always seemed so confused. The way she was acting with her James, she was never like that with him. It seems like she was always keeping James at an arm's length. Sure he would take her in his arm and kiss her, but she would always stay reserved and cautious next to him, always plastering a polite smile for him. She never lost herself to James like she had with Jace.  
That made Jace's heart break. It broke him because it gave him a sparkle of hope that he could have her back. And he desperately wanted that. But how could he do that? How could he take her back when he couldn't tell her anything of their common past? How could he take her back when her head hurt every time she concentrated too much on him?  
This was a sick situation and Jace didn't like it one bit. He just wanted her back in his arms, whispering his name, relying on him, _loving_ him. He shook his head as he arrived at the station and tried to focus on what was happening.  
The station was slightly noisy as usual. As he greeted his colleague at the desk, he saw a bloody face in the detention room behind him. He recognized the prisoner and frowned as he realized that he was still in jail, but Jace still smirked as he saw that someone brought justice to him.  
"What is _he_ doing here?"  
"Street fight with some girl. They're still trying to bring her in, but she is refusing to cooperate."  
Jace nodded all the while feeling a nagging feeling grow in him. A girl did all that damage to his face? He honestly only knew one girl that was capable of destroying a man's face like that and who would refuse to get into a car. He looked back at his coworker, and tried to ease his feeling of worry.  
"Some girl? What does she look like?"  
"I don't know she's redhead or something. She knocked Jerry out."  
"Fuck!"  
Jace stormed out of the station after obtaining the address of the altercation. Once in the subway, he called Alec for reinforcement and told him to meet him back at the station. He tried to calm himself and so he wouldn't imagine the state Clary was in at the moment.  
When he arrived at the site, he saw Clary thrashing all over the place. She refused to go in the car as three of his colleagues were struggling to get her in. The scene and her screams that she wouldn't go in, that they couldn't make her, that they _wouldn't_ make her caused a gathering of curious civilians. Besides the expression of pure fear he saw on her face, Jace mostly noticed that she was having difficulty breathing.  
He walked to the group and told his coworkers that he would take care of her. Jerry glared at him but otherwise kept his mouth shut when he saw the look he was receiving from Jace. They had let go of her, and Clary had crawled into a fetal position, her knees up to her chest, rocking herself to her feet and trying desperately to breathe. He kneeled in front of her and placed a reassuring and comforting hand on her shoulder, but she seemed to barely notice it.  
"Miss Fray? You have to calm down. Breathe."  
She didn't listen, her eyes were still wide with fright and her breath was becoming more and more infrequent as she tried so hard to keep it normal.  
"Clary..."  
At that, she snapped her head up and looked at him. He saw her eyes softened at his sight and finally her breathing returned to its regular rate. They stayed like that for a minute, only watching each other in the eyes, until Jerry told Jace in a very unfriendly way that she still needed to be brought into the station. Jace turned his head and shot daggers at him.  
"I'll take her. We'll take the sub."  
Then he turned back to Clary who had closed her eyes and was still rocking herself. He noticed that she had goose bumps and scratches all over her forearms, so he pulled his jacket off of him and placed it over her shoulders. She looked up to him, seeming lost in her memories and he kindly smiled at her.  
"I have to take you to the station. It's protocol. We'll take the subway, okay?"  
She nodded shakily and pitifully got up with the help of Jace's hand around her. She couldn't believe that she let herself lose control like that, first for hitting the asshole like that, and then for losing her mind at the idea of a car. She always knew that she got rattled at the idea of getting in a car, but that was more than a little fright, that was hysteria, a full out panic attack. She had literally thought that she was going to lose everything if she got into the car. If Jace hadn't been here, she didn't know what she would have done in order to not to get into the car.  
They were now in the subway, which was a little jammed because it was rush hour. She looked up at him and found out that he was still looking at her - concern in his golden eyes - and then she realized of their proximity because of the crowd. They were touching and pressed up against each other. She instantly blushed as she remembered her dream, but she couldn't find the strength to take her eyes off of him.  
Jace looked at Clary as her eyes darkened with something that he hadn't seen in years: lust. It was clearly written all over her face that she wanted him. He could even feel her body calling out to him through the sudden warmth and her sudden stiffness and awareness. Her vibrant green eyes were steady on him, flying all over his face, lingering on his lips a few times before automatically going back to his golden eyes. And even though she was with someone else, even though she had just almost killed a guy, even though her nose was bloody from her fight, he desperately wanted to kiss her.  
It was as if her whole dream came back to her. She could feel Jace with all her senses. The warmth of his skin, the smell of sunshine, the liquid gold of his eyes, and she could almost hear his heart beating. The only thing she missed was his taste. She was sure that he tasted like fire, like heavenly fire. She saw how his eyes darkened when they met hers and how his grip slightly tightened. She could tell he wanted to kiss her as much as she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him so much that she had butterflies in her stomach. Happy butterflies making her want to melt in Jace's arms. Happy butterflies who suddenly turned violent and angry.  
She snapped her eyes shut and ran out of the ram as the subway was thankfully at a station. She barely made it to a corner of the station where she hurled all that she had in her stomach. Meaning two sips of water and... _blood_. Why was there blood? Sure it was just a little, but still it was there! Did that creep do something to her baby? If he did then she would kill him! Literally _kill him_.  
She suddenly felt a warm hand bringing her hair up as she was still bent to her knees, waiting for the new wave, and she was surprised that she knew it was Jace's. She knew it not because it was the only logical explanation, but because his touch felt natural and familiar on her. It was as if he was molded for her. He didn't say anything as she puked again and then she finally stood up, she was still worried by the blood.  
"That's what you get for beating up some creep in the street."

Clary glared at Jace, and he saw that the little look of worry she had on her face was gone. He gave her the bottle of water that he just bought from a vending machine while she was puking. She angrily took it with her hands that were barely sticking out of his jacket.  
"I wouldn't have had to if you had done your job, mister officer! What was that monster doing out?!"  
"I do not control the release of prisoners. You think I would have let him get out if that was the case?"  
She humphed and looked at the rails as they were both waiting for the next subway. She took another sip of water, and Jace saw her eyes flash with anger. Surely she was thinking back at what happened.  
"Did he...?"  
He saw the finger marks forming on her jaw and on her neck. He knew Clary and he had seen her almost cut a man's junk for looking at her the wrong way, so he anxiously wondered what the creep could have done to her to awaken her instincts like that. They walked in the subway ram, finding themselves once again too close to one another and her eyes looked at him with surprised, as if what he was implying was impossible.  
"You would have walked in on a murder scene if he had."  
Jace couldn't help but smile. That confidence that Clary always had on herself, that fire that had drawn him to her, it wasn't dead, it was very much alive, just hidden under the smoke of the loss of her memories. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer to him, and they both stiffened at the same time when they realized what he had just done.  
But still, she didn't try to move away from his grasp, and after another two stations, she allowed herself to sink even further into the embrace and laid her head on his chest. She knew that she shouldn't, but she just wanted to hear his heart and feel his warmth even if it was a one-time thing. It felt perfect. It felt like Paradise. It felt as if she had done that all her life. And now she just wanted to never let go, and forever melt in his arms.  
Too soon, the subway stopped at their station and she had to pull away, shame finally catching up and washing all over her. She had totally forgotten about James when she had been in Jace's arms. How could he make her forget about a man that she had been with for over five years and the same man with whom she was about to have her baby?  
Once in the police station, a couple of officers glared at her. She recognized them as the ones that had desperately tried to make force her into the cursed car. The cop at the desk was shaking his shoulders with laughter along with their chief.  
"Are you telling me that it was the teacher that gave you so much trouble?"  
They started laughing at the two cops, and Clary felt bad for them. She hadn't meant to get that wild. She walked next to Jace as he was leading her through the station and from the corner of her eye, she saw Alec. But all her attention was snapped somewhere else when she saw the ruined face of her assailant.  
"I want to press charges against her! She attacked me out of nowhere!"  
Clary smiled deviously at him and swiftly escaped from Jace's grip to stand just in front of him, only having the bars between them.  
"You do that. Just know that I'll find out where you live, you creep and I won't be as nice as I was back there. I believe in cutting rotten things to the core!"  
"Threatening a guy you just beat to the pulp in the middle of a police station might not be your best move Clary."  
She turned back, surprised by Alec's hand on her shoulder. He was kindly looking at her and trying to get her away from the detention room. She glared at that sorry excuse of a human one more time, and was satisfied to see a glimpse of fear in his eyes. If only they would leave her alone with him for five minutes. Just five minutes and he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone anymore!  
Alec walked her to an interrogation room, with Jace and a nurse on their heels. As they entered the room, Alec told Clary to sit but blocked Jace's path. Jace regarded him with shock.  
"What the Hell?"  
"You are not family, therefore you do not come in. You know better Jace."  
"Alec..."  
"You are a cop and I am her lawyer here. You are not allowed in the room. And you are not to look through the black window."  
Jace glared at his brother. He felt betrayed by his own profession since he was unable to stay and help Clary or to comfort her. He angrily heaved and turned on his heels, saying that he would be in his office. Alec turned back to Clary and gently smiled to her, looking at her as the nurse was patching her up.  
"Did you call James?"  
"You just said that if they weren't family, they weren't allowed here."  
Clary was annoyed by the fact that Alec had told his brother to leave. She knew it was the legal procedure, but still, she would have felt better with Jace around. The nurse was sponging the blood out of her nose, assuring her that it wasn't broken as he looked at her pupils. He then observed her head for signs of a concussion as Alec was glancing at her stomach.  
"You should call him. Giving your condition."  
Again with the pregnancy! Could the whole wide world tell that she was pregnant? How could they when she didn't even have a baby bump yet?  
"Don't forget that my Dad is a doctor. He told me Saturday night."  
Clary nodded and the nurse asked her how she was feeling. She hesitated for a moment. She was slightly embarrassed by Alec's presence when she wanted to talk about her pregnancy symptoms. But then again, she couldn't wait to have a real doctor's appointment.  
"I'm pregnant and I... well I threw up and blood came out..."  
The nurse quickly looked at her stomach before frowning and Clary started to panic. That was not a good sign! He was going to tell her she lost her baby! He asked her to open her mouth and examined it.  
"A lot?"  
"No, just a string."  
"And do you have strong morning sickness? Are they frequent?"  
"Yes. All throughout the day."  
"Then it's 99% nothing. It is probably just because your throat is sore from so much puking. You should drink soft drinks like mango juice and such and infusions, but not too hot. I won't recommend any real food seeing that you can't keep it down. And if it gets too hard, ask your doctor to prescribe soothing gums for you, they're compatible with pregnancy."  
Clary nodded and the nurse got up to leave her alone with Alec. He looked at her weirdly before sitting in front of her and taking out papers for the case. He pushed his phone to her and she blankly stared at it, not sure what he was expecting of her.  
"To call James."  
She sighed and swiftly called James's numbers. She didn't want him to come because she already knew how he would react. He would worry and start stressing all over her out for nothing. She was fine, the baby was fine, but James would still panic. As soon as she hung up, she rolled her eyes, knowing that he was already on his way to the station. Alec still had that same expression on his face as he looked at her.  
"So, do you want to press charges?"  
"If I ever see his face again, I'll end up in court for a whole different reason, and then you won't be my lawyer, but the defense."  
Clary saw Alec smile as if he was recalling something from his past before he looked back at her with his piercing blue eyes.  
"Okay. I need to know exactly what happened. If he press charges, I want to be able to scare him off for things so this case won't get to court."  
To court? She was so going to be kicked out of the States! And now that she was thinking about it, she didn't go through the right procedures. She should have been photographed and her fingerprints should have been taken. That reminded her on how things had been weird when she first got her passport three years ago. She hadn't been able to find any papers about her, and yet she was able to get her passport. She shook her head, thinking that it was a good thing that she wasn't registered.  
"He's a pedophile. What do you want me to do? Wait for him to molest a poor innocent girl?"  
"I know. But that's not the issue here. The issue is you. Did you throw the first punch?"  
"He nailed me to a wall, so I made him understand that he should not to do that again..."  
"Clary... I need _details_. I know that it might seem like nothing to you, but he's an ex-con, and he will do anything to stay out of prison. If you want to protect any future victim, you have to make sure that I can put him back behind bars for good."

**~.o.O.o.~**

**YAY, Clary's back and kicking a**. You thought she went soft and marshmallow, didn't you? Nah, that ain't me. I already hinted that she used to wrestle for fun, so of course she's still that bada** that we like so much. **

**And is it me, or we saw some Clace fluff here? Wonder where that will go? (Who am I kidding, I'm writing the da** story!)**

**So yeah, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and it made you smile and hope, don't forget to tell. **

**. About me, myself and I: someone asked where I am from, and that got me curious. So let's make a deal, just tell me where you are from, and a bit about yourself, and I'll answer any question you'll ask me, on my profile (it's about time that I upload it). So yeah, you do that, and I'll answer truthfully your questions. **

**. About Clace: I can't really tell you what will happen between them, where is the suspense otherwise? But I know that you'll love and hate the chapter coming after the next. **

**. About next chapter: as this one was quite long, I'm sorry, but the next one will be a little shorter. SORRY. **

**. About the lemon of the previous chapter: Come on! It couldn't be real, remember how Clary felt bad when she was fake-dating Alec and she kissed Jace. Remember what she did to Aïne the girl who cheated on her brother. It would go against her moral. But ... I still had to put it because... You'll see. **

**. About Jace: So just to make it clear, sure Jace's pride is wounded, but be is mostly afraid of what him imposing himself to Clary could do to her. He knows that she has headaches when she tries to remember, and as much as he loves her, he can't lose her again like that. And someone mentioned being shocked about Jace being a cop, and that got me wondering: WHY?**

**. About Clary: Some people think that she changed, but she didn't. We just see another side of her, a side we hadn't been able to see before because of all the craziness in her life, but now that it's 'officially' gone, we can see it. I can assure you, her personality didn't change, just her interactions with people because of her lack of past. Remember how nice she was to Max. **

**. About your awesomeness: Yay! I loved reading each and everyone of your reviews, they made me so happy. Especially when so many where so long. They made me snicker sometimes (because let's face it I'm evil, and when I know what will happen next, well... I'm evil), but mostly they made me blush. I didn't realize that you were so into the story, so much that you would tell your friends about it. Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH, I cannot stress that enough. **

**. About Alec: don't hate him just yet for making Clary call James, he's only doing his job. She's pregnant, he's the father, be has a right to know what's going on. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	8. Friendship and Proposals

"Wayland, I have a message for you."

Jace frowned his brows as a young newbie was waving a piece of paper in her hands. He never bothered to learn the newbie names because they rarely stayed, especially girls. He raised an eyebrow at her, signaling that she should continue as he laid back in the position that he had previously been in, with his head gently resting on his crossed arms.

"It's from a mister Granville. He's saying to..."

"Shush. I don't want to hear it!"

He snapped his head to her, not liking the name that came out of her mouth. He knew it was the code name the Morgenstern's used when they were dealing with the police. So that meant that either Jon or Valentine were on the look out for him. And that was bad news. Whatever 'Mr. Granville' had to say to him, he knew it was Clary related, and he already knew what they would say: 'Back off!'.

"You don't want to hear the message?"

"No. I want to be able to say the truth when I say that I've never heard it. Just burn the damn thing and don't talk about it again."

This was bad. _Really bad_. Jace sighed and tried to take his mind off of the interrogation room where Clary was with Alec. He knew that he wasn't permitted to be there, but that didn't mean that he liked it. He didn't like not knowing how she was and what state of mind she was in. He knew that she was angry, that much was clear when she almost grabbed the asshole to finish what she started on the streets, but he didn't know how she was holding on now that the pressure was decreasing.

Every time that he had previously seen her in this state of rage, she needed someone to calm her down, either Jon or him, but now she had no one. How was she going to cool down? And... There was that... thing that happened in the subway. Jace had never been so happy to be stuck in a crowded subway before. She had seemed so relaxed in his arms, as if they had returned to what they had once been.

Jace looked at the time and found that she had been in that damn room for an hour and a half. What the Hell? She was just supposed to make a statement with her lawyer, not write a whole novel about what happened! Jace got out of his office and went to the desk, just to make sure that he wouldn't miss her when she left.

He saw Jerry arguing with the ex-con about favoritism. Apparently, even if she had knocked him out for a couple of minutes, Jerry was still defending her. Jace walked even closer to make himself seen by the guy behind the bars, as he continued his complaint.

"How come she got to walk here free like a bird, when I was brought in with handcuffs? How come she already got a lawyer? Is this your idea of justice? _I_ was the one attacked! _I_ am the one pissing blood! _She's_ the one who threatened me in the middle of a police station, and you people have done nothing!"

"We're sorry if the words of a skinny little woman half your size frightens you. Maybe next time you won't pull a dick move like that and try to assault the first person you see!"

Jace looked at Jerry, still a bit surprised, but he didn't say anything. His eyes had caught something unpleasant. _James_. So she had called _him_ to her rescue. _He_ was her comfort now. Jace bit the inside of his cheek in frustration and annoyance as James noticed his presence and walked towards him.

He seemed a little more reserved than usual, his eyes analyzing Jace in a way that Jace never thought he would see. He knew this look. He knew it all too well. He was jealous of him, and it was the same kind of jealousy that was gnawing at Jace to the core. The only thing was that James had no reason to be jealous of him. She was with him, not Jace, in love with him, not Jace, calling him to her rescue, not Jace.

Nonetheless, Jace smiled and greeted James, informing him that he had the ring. That had the merit to snap James out of his jealously and to make him smile. His eyes were wandering, probably thinking of Clary. It's not that Jace wanted James to have the ring, but he couldn't keep it indefinitely with him, it wasn't right. And a part of him was hoping that Clary would turn down James's proposal.

Finally, Clary exited the room with Alec, Band-Aids on her left forearm and a piece of cotton in her right nostril. James rushed to her and attacked her with endless questions. Jace saw her frown at James's flow of questions and realized that he was not attentive to it. He saw Alec make a slight movement with his head to tell him that he wanted to talk to him in private.

Jace walked them to his office as Clary left James. Before she left, he saw her glance towards him one more time. Once alone, Jace questioned Alec about James's presence.

"What the Hell is _he_ doing here?!"

"If you want to stay blind Jace, that's not my problem, stay blind. You know he had to come. I was only doing my job. That's not what I called you here for, I don't want to talk about that. I want to talk about your colleague with 'a skull so bald and shiny he could pass for a bowling ball'."

"That's how she described Jerry? What about him?"

"Do you think he will press charges?"

"No. Jerry never liked convicts, ex or not. And he is into strong women. She might have turned him on more than anything."

Alec nodded and told Jace that everything should be okay. No lawyer would want to take the case; he had a history and a file building against him. And then Alec hesitated.

"Did you see how she looked at him?"

"How?"

"She wasn't happy to see him, she was even annoyed. She didn't even want to call him in the first place, with the excuse that he wasn't family. That's not how a girl that is about to be proposed to reacts."

Jace inwardly smiled and let Alec go. She was going to turn him down. She didn't love James, at least not the same way that she used to love Jace, and that's all that mattered at the moment. That little fact that deep down, the love she had given to Jace, she never gave it to anyone else.

**~.o.O.o.~**

"This is unacceptable!"

Clary accompanied Jace to a little café that he had highly praised. Now they were sitting at the said café, drinking and enjoying each other's company. It had been a week since her little 'altercation' and it had been... weird. Weird in the sense that she liked, no, she thoroughly enjoyed it. She had spent so much time with Jace that she now knew all of his little tics. Like the way his nose twitched when he was withholding a thought, and the way his face would become stronger when he was thinking of something that he didn't like. But what she liked the most was his smile. His real smile, not the one that he used to hide his emotions. No it was the one that he sometimes gave her when they were alone and sharing a particular moment.

James was a little reluctant when she started spending so much with Jace, but he didn't say anything, after all she was still staying at his place. It wasn't as if she was doing anything reprehensible... well as long as she didn't let her mind wander, but that was something that no one needed to know.

Jace never touched her again, but he didn't try to stay away either, he was just himself with her, and she loved this part of him. The part of him that would listen to her passion about things girls shouldn't be passionate about, the part of him that would regard her with a special look, and the part of him that made her feel alive.

"I haven't been in New York for that long. It is perfectly normal that I haven't been there yet."

"You're definitely not normal. Have you even seen King Kong?"

"The Empire State Building is not THE place to be. It's just a thing people say, just like the Eiffel Tower. There are other things that are more interesting to do in New York!"

Jace shook his head in disbelief, staring at her as if she was an alien.

"You're an artist, you should crave for the view."

"I do, but it's always so crowded, and it's not like I can sneak in at night…"

She saw Jace's lips spread into a small smile, as his eyes glazed over as if he was lost in space over memories. She looked down at her coffee, ignoring the pancakes in front of her. She thought back to the time when James offered to take her to the building. She really wanted to go, but she didn't want to go with James. And ever since the 'accident' he had been overprotective, telling her over and over that she shouldn't go out alone. Still, the Empire State Building wasn't something that she wanted to share with James, or anyone. There was this aura around the building that screamed how special and sacred it was to her. But then again… she wouldn't mind going with Jace.

"I'm working tomorrow night, but the night after, I'm taking you there after hours. You have to see the view."

"After hours? Is this even legal, officer Wayland?"

He smirked at her, and a furious wave that was urging her to kiss him came over her. She smiled to hide her discomfort and drank another sip of coffee. Jace's eyes fell on her untouched pancakes.

"You're not a big eater are you?"

Of course he would think that. Every time they met during the past week, she avoided food, only drinking hot beverages and sweet juices. She didn't know why she didn't tell him that she was pregnant, it wasn't like she wasn't going to show at some point, but she kept her mouth shut about that particular part of her life. She felt like it would be rubbing her happiness in his face.

She was saved from answering by the buzzing of her phone. She excused herself before frowning at the caller ID: James. He never called her in the middle of the day before the fight. Now he always randomly called her when she was out. She didn't know if it was because of the baby or because of something else.

"Hello?"

"Hi. I have my afternoon off, and I wanted to know if you wanted to do something."

Clary restrained from rolling her eyes. James was a businessman, he talked business, he lived business, 'days off' (partial or full), were not part of his vocabulary. She kept her eyes on Jace as if he was her peacemaker.

"We could go to Central Park if you want."

"I don't know James. How about I see you at your place in a couple of hours?"

Jace did his best to keep his features calm. All week long, every time they had been together with Clary, James's shadow would strain along. And today was just another example. Clary and him were having a nice time, and apparently James had managed to steal her away. _Again_. And he could tell it was starting to piss Clary off by the way that she frowned, the way that she tightened her jaw, and the way that her shoulders fell a bit when she looked down at her phone. And now she was looking at him with a miserable face, telling him that she should probably go.

He watched as she got up and left to go to her James. He realized that no matter how much he liked spending time with Clary and no matter how much she seemed to like it too, at the end of the day, James would always be her choice. Why was loving someone so damn complicated? Why did the movies sell this picture perfect idea of couples being eternally bound to each other? That never happened in real life, and it would never happen to him.

Clary had a life of her own now, a life where she only allowed Jace in as a good friend, and nothing more. And like a masochist, Jace couldn't bring himself to stay away, to try to move on. If she wanted him in her life, he would take the slightest bite that she give him. Even though he would always want more from her, he would stay in her life and take whatever she was willing to give. How pathetic!

**~.o.O.o.~**

Clary walked into James's apartment feeling a little more dizzy than usual, but she pushed the feeling away, telling herself that she would be able to ask her doctor all about it to in three days during her appointment.

James greeted her with a bright smile, which she returned as best as she could. As much as she was delighted in spending time with James, he had stolen her precious time with Jace. He was the one who told her to make friends and now he was pulling her away from the only friend that she made. She sat next to him and he took her in his arms, gently caressing her arm.

"So how was your day?"

"I've been drinking the best coffee in the world. It is even better than Les 2 Moulins. But then again, my taste has changed, so maybe I would love my little French coffee even more."

James nodded as she rested her head on his chest and he traced circles on her back. They stayed silent like that for a moment and Clary felt that he wanted to talk to her about something. She waited for him to start talking, but when he didn't, she decided to make him.

"What is it James?"

He stopped rubbing her back, but didn't remove his hand from her shoulder, keeping her from raising her head.

"I've been thinking... Maybe you should come here."

"I _am_ here James."

"I mean maybe you should come live here. Drop your apartment in Brooklyn."

Clary's heart skipped a beat before she sat up, her eyes staring at James. What was that? He wanted her to give up her independence to come live as a perfect housewife with him? What was the next step? Leaving her Parisian apartment?

"That's not happening James."

"Why not? I don't get it. I gave you all the time and space you needed. I was always there when you needed me. I'm not asking you to give up your Parisian home, I would never ask that of you, it is your home there. I'm asking you to come live with me. It's been three years since I first asked you, and now that we're living in the same city, it feels like we've never been so further away!"

"I am right _here_ James! What more do you want from me? To be glued to your back?"

"I want you to show me that you love me enough to also make sacrifices. I know you're scared of commitment and I know that you're scared that I'll slip away one day and leave you like people did before, but I won't. I love you! I want to live with you and our child! I want to marry you!"

Clary gasped, taken aback although she had known for a while that James wanted to pop the question. She was perfectly fine with it because he never gathered enough courage to even talk about it, so she figured that he wouldn't. She was contented with his inability because to be honest, she didn't see a future with him. She only saw a future with her strawberry blond baby in her arms and a canvas in front of her. James was not in her perfect future. This was horrible to admit, but it was the truth.

She stood up and he did the same, taking her hand in his and making her look at him by taking her head in his other, bringing her face closer to his.

"I don't care about being romantic anymore. Clary I'm asking you: marry me."

"Why? For the sake of our child?"

"No, because I love you and because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Ever since you took me to the Catacombs and almost scared me to death, I've wanted to marry you. I'm not like you, I don't question every single feeling I have because I know that they only lead to one answer: you."

Why didn't he say yes? Why didn't he say it was in the best interest of the baby? She would have gone through with it for the sake of her baby. But now... Did she love James enough to spend the rest of her life with him? Did she even love James? He loved her, he told her so many times, but did she? Sure he made her laugh, happy, even giddy at times, but she had never thought of him and her as a whole.

"I'm not asking for much Clary, and I'm not asking for an answer now. Just promise me you'll think about it."

She promised. That was the only thing that she could do in the moment because at this instant, when she tried to picture her life with James by her side, James's face never appeared. And the worst part was that she was seeing the silhouette of someone else. She shook her head to make it disappear.

"I'll think about it. I'll go home and think about it."

"It's not what I mea..."

"I need to be by myself James."

He kissed her and she walked to the door. Just before she opened it, James kissed her again, as if he never wanted to let her go. He passionately brought her face to him, making Clary realize that ever since she had come to live with James, she always tried her best to avoid any intimate contacts with him. Ever since her dream, the hottest stuff she had done with James was the languorous smile that he was giving her at this moment.

"Just know that if you say no, it won't be the end of us. As long as you stay, I can take anything."

She nodded and left, whimpering on the inside. She felt like a horrible person now. She wasn't even capable of making this tiny step towards James. He had done everything for her, gave her all of her caprices, and she wasn't able to do this simple thing for him, even though she was carrying his baby. Why?

This question tormented her until she reached her apartment. When she laid on her bed, she thought back to the day that he mentioned. It was the day that she had showed him the Catacombs. A few weeks before, she had found a little entrance that led through the maze that is Paris's underground. As she brought him there, she told him frightening stories of French history: about the Court of Miracles, about the pilgrims who were buried there, and the urban legends that Parisian shared about this place. And at some point, she purposely lost him.

She saw how worried and anxious he was as he looked for her. As his torchlight was starting to flicker, she crept behind him and scared him, laughing like she had never done before. After the anxiety was gone, he had kissed her passionately. It was one of their most passionate kiss, the kiss that made her think that maybe she should give James a shot for a long-term relationship.

Why was life so damn complicated? Why didn't James take her breath away? Why didn't he make her heart beat faster? Why didn't he bring butterflies to her stomach? And what terrified her the most was the fact that all these things could be applied to someone else. Why Jace? _Jace_ of all people! The person who wasn't hers to take because his heart belonged to someone else, the person she shouldn't be thinking about in such a way because he wasn't the father of her future baby.

She started thinking what if? What if Jace had been James? Would she have been so difficult with him? Would they live apart? Would she have said yes to his proposal? Would she have told him the three words that she never told James? And then, she whimpered, realizing that deep down, her heart wanted to say yes to each question involving Jace. What kind of horrible human being was she? She didn't need a home-wrecker to sabotage her happiness; she was doing a perfect job herself.

Slowly Clary drifted into a deep sleep filled with dreams and nightmares. She was lost in the Catacombs, and a sly voice was telling her that she was about to lose the person who mattered the most to her. But she didn't know who they were! She ran, avoiding the rising skeletons that were trying to make her fall and she bumped into her knight in shinning armor. The one who always rescued her from her nightmares. She never saw his face, but she knew his voice. The most peaceful voice she had ever heard. She always felt good and complete next to him.

Suddenly, he vanished and fire spread all around her before jumping within her. She woke to the worst pain that she ever felt and her hands clutched her stomach. The pain wasn't gone. It was getting even worst. It was as if snakes of fire were squirming in her stomach. She could barely breath. She looked down at her stomach and panicked when she saw that she was in a large paddle of blood.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaa. This is the moment you've all been waiting for... Or is it? Maybe I should make you suffer a little bit more. Mohahahahahah. **

**. About Jon, just wait two chapters (if I counted properly), and you'll know all about him and all... Because we all live Jon. **

**. About the tattoo. She will see it, just wait, and you will see where I go with that. **

**. About making you cry. I'm telling you right now, the next chapters won't be really fluffy, so be prepared (see how nice I am, I'm warning you)**

**. About the reviews. I'll never ask for a certain amount of reviews, because I don't like to force people. If the story is bit intersting for you to review it, then don't. If it is, then make me happy. :-). **

**. About James. No, he's just a regular guy. It would be too cliché for him to be a villain or something. He's just in live with Clary, plain and simple. He loves her to the point that he doesn't really think straight sometimes when it comes to her. **

**. A special note to the fanatic girl. Yeah... I'm glad you like the story so much, and I'm sorry to have make you cry. Because, despise me being evil and all, my main goal is not to shatter people's hearts around me, but more to bring smiles on people's faces. I'm not doing a good job there apparently. Having siblings is fun and just fulfilling. I just live them, what can I say, I'm a big sucker for sibling love (the normal kind, not the Lannister one!). I heard on the news about what happened in your country, and I do hope that everything will turn out okay for you. All my thoughts are to you. And about your age... Like you said, Clary's first time was 15, times change. If it's okay for boys, it's okay for girls. ;-)**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full and for finding the title of this chapter.**

**Cheers**


	9. When the World Falls Apart

"Clary..."

Surprisingly, when Clary looked up she saw Robert Lightwood staring at her in a white blouse. Yes, she knew that he was a doctor working at the hospital, but she didn't know what type of doctor he was. She didn't know how she managed to get to the hospital by herself without having a panic attack, but she did. It had been an hour and a half since a nurse left her alone on a hospital bed with the information that a doctor would soon be there. Nasty and unpleasant memories were coming back to her as she rested on the bed.

Clary didn't like the look on Robert's face. It was filled with too much sympathy and understanding. She turned her head away, biting back her tears. This couldn't be happening. She heard her baby's heart beat just three days ago. It was strong and vivid. Her baby was kicking ass! Her baby was very much alive, fighting its way into this life.

"Where's James?"

"Who cares about James?! How is my baby!?"

She refused to look at him. She didn't want to hear it. She only wanted him to tell her that her baby was healthy and it was just a little scare. Some women bled during their pregnancies, so maybe it was just that.

"... I'm so sorry Clary."

Of course he was. That was what everyone always said, 'I'm sorry'. They were sorry, but they didn't even know what for. They never knew how bad it hurt inside, and they never would. She wanted to cry, but she refused to cry in front of anyone. She refused to cry at all. She hadn't cried since her first night in her apartment, and she wouldn't cry now. She got up to leave, and only realized at that moment that Robert was sitting on the chair next to her bed with a contrite expression on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"How long have you been trying to get pregnant?"

"A year. Why?"

"And was this the first time you were successful?"

Clary nodded, not liking where his questions were going. He looked at her before looking away, suddenly absorbed by his papers, a sad expression on his face. Maybe he really meant that he was sorry. After all, he knew James. And even without that, he seemed to genuinely care about her. The way he spoke to her at the party was nice and soothing, as if she was part of _his_ family, not James's.

"If the first weeks had been so difficult for you it's because your body can't accommodate to a pregnancy anymore. Your accident eight years ago had left sequels that bruised..."

"What are you saying?"

"That you won't get pregnant. And that if you ever do, you might not make it till the end."

Clary didn't utter a single word. She didn't even blink. She stayed in this catatonic state for five minutes before getting up and thanking Robert. She walked back to her place like a zombie. She felt dead. She didn't just lost her baby. She also lost herself. What kind of woman couldn't do the most natural thing in the world: give birth?

She was a freak of nature. Something unnatural. She would never get the opportunity to look down and see a bump on her stomach. She would never hear the laughter of her baby as she pampers it. She would never feel her heart squeeze with pride, as her child accomplishes something great. She would never be a mother. She would always be Clary. Just Clary. Not Mom or Grandma, just Clary. The unnatural girl who wasn't even a girl. She was just an error of nature.

Once she arrived home, she sat on the floor, staring into space for hours, ignoring the ring of her phone, the pain of her heart, and the tears screaming and threatening to escape. She would not cry. She didn't deserve to cry. She wasn't normal enough to cry. She would just... survive. Like she had done before.

At some point, she looked up. After realizing that it was four in the afternoon, she decided to go out. She checked her phone and saw that James and Eva had both called. She returned James call and assured him that everything was fine, that she was fine. She didn't know how she kept such a calm voice, but she did. After hanging up, she gathered the clothes that she bought for her unborn child. She stared at them for the longest time before coming to a decision. She would return them. She neither wanted nor needed any souvenirs of how much of a failure she was.

She went to the store. Before the salesgirl could take the baby blanket along with the other clothes, Clary stopped her. The blanket was calling to her. She couldn't bring herself to give it away, so she decided that she would at least keep that one object. Just one reminder of this sparkle of hope she had when she thought that she would become a mother and that someday someone would call her Mom.

"Clary?"

Clary turned, slipping on her poker face before facing Eva. Eva who wasn't alone. There was another girl beside her and they were both walking towards Clary. Even though she had never met her before, she knew it was Isabelle 'Izzy' Lightwood. The family resemblance was uncanny. The only difference between her brother and her was their eyes. Instead of having piercing blue eyes like her brother, she had brown. Clary looked at Isabelle, and couldn't help but comparing her to a Greek goddess from a forgotten time. She bit back her jealousy when she saw the small bump on her stomach. Eva kissed Clary on the cheek and made the introduction.

"This is my friend that I told you about, Isabelle. She's Alec's sister. And this is Clary, James's... She's with James."

Isabelle barely nodded at Eva. Her eyes were glued to Clary's face. Clary swore that she saw a glimpse of sadness cross her face before she regained her features, subconsciously placing a hand on her baby bump.

"Enchanted."

Clary forced a frank smile on her face and pretended to be happy. She didn't want Eva to tell James that she didn't seem alright because she didn't want to see him. She didn't want to see anyone at the moment, she just wanted to gravel in her heartache. A heartache that was quickly progressing and adding to her headache. Could life get any worst at the moment?

"So did you find the boutique that I told to you about? Did you find anything yet?"

"You're _pregnant_?"

Isabelle's eyes were indescribable. They were all over Clary, slightly worried and anxious, as if she feared to hear a positive answer to her question. Why would she care? Didn't she have a baby of her own growing inside of her? Clary hardly swallowed her jealousy and politely smiled to Eva.

"I have to go Eva. I'll see you soon."

With that she fled away. She couldn't… She just couldn't bring herself to tell people that her body couldn't do the simplest thing it was required to do. She wandered the streets, not eager to go back to her place. At some point, she sat on a bench, trying to keep all her negative thoughts at bay and out of her head, but she couldn't.

She wanted a baby, but couldn't have one. She wanted a past, but would never have one. She wanted things that weren't good for her. Like wanting to always be with Jace because of how he made her feel. She took her head in her hands, thinking that her life must be one of the most messed up on Earth. Why couldn't she be normal? Why couldn't she have a past and future? With couldn't she have parents and a baby on the way? Why couldn't she have someone who would love her and who she would return that love with as much passion, if not more?

"Ruby Locks?"

Clary raised and turned her head. She was surprised and confused by the tone of the person as much as by the name. She looked up with her dead eyes and saw a biker with a friendly face smiling down at her before he sat next to her.

"What did you call me?"

"Ruby Locks."

"I think you have the wrong redhead. I've never been to New York before."

"I don't think so. I can recognize my work from anywhere, and this little thing on your nape, I'm the one and proud author of it."

He had said that while touching the tattoo behind her neck. She had her hair high in a ponytail, and she laid her eyes on the tattoos she could see on his neck and hands, thinking of what he was telling her. She had been in New York before. She had at least one of her tattoos done here. _She had been in New York before_! Her head started hurting, but her heart was beating quicker than usual.

"You don't seem to remember. Did you bump your head or something?"

"You could say that."

"Wanna go to the bar? The guys sure will be happy to see you. Maybe you'll even get to see Angel Boy."

"Angel Boy?"

"A guy you used to bring along. He still comes from time to time."

Saying that he got up and offered his hand. She took it, curious about this part of her past that was being offered to her on a silver plate. The biker smiled and they walked a few feet before he opened a bar's door. As he was doing so, Clary felt that she shouldn't walk in. If she had a Mom, she surely would have told her not to follow strangers to weird bars.

But then again, he was holding a key to her past, and that's all she had now. Her missing past, which could be unveiled a bit. As she walked in the bar, her body recognized the smell of the place, and her head felt like a hammer was pounding it over and over.

"Ruby Locks!"

Many people came up to her, enquiring about her whereabouts, but all she could concentrate on was her head screaming to be banged somewhere. From the corner of her eye, she saw the bar and she rushed to it, asking for the strongest drink the bartender had.

He served her a dry scotch and as she drank the bitter beverage, Clary realized that it had been over a year since she last had any alcohol. Ever since she had decided that she wanted to have a baby. She humorlessly smiled to herself, lost in space and thinking of how things in her life didn't go according to plan. She had no one to confide to. She had no one to help her feel better about it.

She was tempted to go and see Jace, but he was working. And she didn't want to bother him with her messed up life. Would he even look at her the same? Would anyone look at her the same? Why would they that she was now less than a woman and her body refused to do the most basic thing?

Someone sat next to her, and she realized that she had emptied several different drinks. She turned and saw the biker who had brought her here.

"So, what's your name?"

"Call me Lucky."

"You're the one who tattooed my nape?"

He nodded before touching her left wrist tattoo and her left side near her breast.

"And those two."

Clary blushed as one of them was in a pretty intimate place, and then something came over her.

"Could you do another one for me? Just here on the front of my shoulder."

He nodded and went behind the bar. Clary frowned a bit, thinking that she shouldn't feel so comfortable about this situation. Lucky came back and told her to sit on the chair. As she did so, she looked around, feeling completely familiar with the place and removing the straps of her dress and bra. She drew a rune, knowing without knowing that it meant recall.

She wanted to recall. For so long she lied to herself, telling herself that she was better off not knowing, that it didn't matter that she couldn't remember her past, but now, she wanted to remember. She needed to remember. She didn't have anything else but her past now. Her future was refused to her.

"Lucky? Do you think you could describe that Angel Boy for me so I can draw him?"

"Sure. Not like any of you guys are forgettable. Teenagers rarely come here and know about all the secret rules of bars and all."

"Teenagers? We were that young... Can I come back tomorrow night then?"

Lucky nodded and when he started to ink her skin, Clary felt that she was used to the feeling, and that she even liked the sensation. She had to, with all the tattoos that were painted on her body. She then realized what she needed. She needed to let her emotions out, to just live like she used to, to not care about the next second.

"Lucky? Do you know where I could find a wrestling match?"

**~.o.O.o.~**

It's been two days since he last heard from Clary. Two days since she left him with that annoyed look on her face to go back to James. And now he was stuck in a restaurant waiting for Izzy who had _demanded_ to see him under the pretense of some 'real important business'.

She still wasn't here so he was recalling what Robert told him about how Clary's brain was a lot more fragile than expected. Robert had spoken with her at the dinner party, trying not to pry too much. He learned that she had violent migraines, migraines that have gotten stronger since her arrival in New York.

Jace couldn't help but think that Jon had been right all along and that barging back in her life wasn't the best course of action for her. But then again, Jon hadn't been in direct contact with her. Jace knew that he kept an eye on his sister after Clary told him about her 'guardian angel'. The one person that she had never seen but who always directed her in the right directions, well that was until her trip to New York. She didn't hear about him before she bought her ticket and Jace assumed that that was the reason Jon came to warn him: he didn't have time to convince her not to come. Suddenly Izzy sat in front of him, anger blazing on her face.

"What's up Izzy?"

"Guess who I saw today!"

Jace bit the inside of his cheek when he realized that he never told Izzy about Clary. He never told Max either, but he was studying abroad so it really didn't matter. But Izzy… Izzy had been as affected by him by the twins disappearance. She lost her best friend and her boyfriend and she didn't even know why.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Jace frowned at her tone. He had even expecting screams, shovels and holes in the ground to wipe his body away from planet Earth. Instead she just seemed disappointed.

"You knew?"

"Yes I did. Everyone in this damn family told me. Everyone but _you_ Jace!"

Something didn't add up. She didn't seem upset. She didn't react the way she should have reacted. This was not typical Izzy behavior.

"No. I mean you knew even before!"

"I did... But that's beside the point. What is she doing back in your life and not back as _your_ Clary?"

"What do you think? You think that I don't care? That I like seeing her so happy with that James of hers?"

"She's not happy Jace."

Jace looked away, not wanting to hear what Izzy had to say. He didn't want to have this sparkle of hope about him being able to take her back. His heart couldn't support it. If he could be in Clary's life, just a little, he'll accept that. He'll wait until it would be safe for her.

"Where did you see her?"

Izzy suddenly squirmed on her chair, uncomfortable. It's like she had been hoping not to be in this situation.

"I saw her in... a baby clothes boutique."

Thank God he had only been watching her from the corner of his eye and he had kept his gaze on the window. So she really _was_ pregnant, there was no denying that anymore, he couldn't just pretend that he didn't see it. James had managed to convince her to have babies with him. Jace remembered how repulsed she had always been to the mere idea of having a child, and now, she was pregnant. But not with _him_. Not with _their_ child.

It would never be _his_ baby. He would never get to rest his hand on her prominent tummy to feel their baby's kicks. He would never hold her hand to help her go through the pain of child labor. He would never get to see their child growing with Clary in his arms and sparkles in their eyes.

He heard Izzy call out for him, but he was still zoned out. He kept his face completely unreadable. She was _freaking pregnant_ and there he was thinking during the last week that maybe there was still hope for the two of them. The way that she always seemed reluctant to leave him, or the way she was always happy and smiling when they met somewhere. Turns out that she was just happy to be pregnant, not to be with him.

"She was out of it. I don't think things are good between her and James. Eva told me that she turned down his proposal."

"What does it matter? She's still pregnant with him. She's still going to go back to him. Her turning him down is just typical Clary behavior. She's going to go back to him because of her baby. Family is everything to Clary.

"That doesn't mean anything. Clary is clever enough not to go into a relationship just for the sake of her baby. That only ends in resentment years later."

Jace completely turned his head to his sister. There was something in her voice that told him she wasn't only referring to Clary. Now that he thought of it, Izzy didn't look like mothers to be usually looked. She didn't gleam or glow. She even seemed a little bit blue and anxious.

"How did Simon take the news?"

"We were talking about Clary! Why do you care about Simon, you never liked him anyway!"

Jace analyzed his sister's face. Once again, the mention of Simon had crisped her. She always did that, always avoided talking about Simon. Were they even really together? He never came to any of their family's dinners, and even though she talked a lot about him, it never seemed in more than a friendly way.

"Who's the father Izzy?"

"That's none of your business!"

That's not what she was supposed to say. She was supposed to be outraged by his question and not panicked. Jace dropped the issue, not wanting to create a scene with a pregnant, hormonal Izzy. He still cared about his life and although he dropped the topic, he still wondered how bad the father was for her to keep him a secret from everyone.

**~.o.O.o.~**

When he arrived to work on Friday morning, the newbie at the desk told him that Mr. Granville called again, with a very angry and threatening voice. Jace swallowed hard, thinking that from now on, he should always have his gun on him. He didn't want a furious Morgenstern to surprise him off guard in a dark alley.

He waited for Clary in the backyard but Jerry told him that she called and said she would meet him directly at the prison. Jace frowned and hurried himself at the station. He was a bit upset that this little time between them had been stolen away. When he arrived at the prison, they told him that she was already in the room. This made Jace growl. What good was he if she did everything by her own?

But as soon as he entered the room and laid his eyes on her, he was worried about all different kinds of things. She had bruises all over her arms, a hand was bandaged, and he could see a new tattoo behind the strap of her tank top. But that wasn't the worst of it. The worst part was her eyes. They were dead. Expressionless. Empty. Her face reverted to the same scary face that she used to have when she first arrived in school. Their eyes locked for a couple of seconds before she looked away, bending to tell one of the inmates how to mix certain colors to obtain a particular shade.

Jace saw what Izzy had meant. Clary wasn't happy. She was back to being that scary person that no one dared to talk to if they wanted to live. Gone was the smiling and caring Clary that he saw for the past couple of weeks. Something happened, but Jace didn't know what, and it bugged him. What could have happened to take away all the joy from her life? He saw how often she would touch the tattoo on her right wrist, which worried him even more. She usually only called for her brother subconsciously. Not her whole family.

Clary saw Jace's eyes linger on her bruises, and she felt glad that she applied make up on her face. The look on his face had passed from happy to see her, to murderous as he looked at the discoloration of her skin. She didn't know what he was thinking, but she was too afraid to ask him. This was why she had done her best to avoid everyone, she was afraid to crack and lose it, especially with Jace to whom it was so easy to confide to.

She concentrated more on Andrea's painting, trying to ignore Jace's gaze and she thought back of her night. On how good and alive she felt at each punch she threw, and at each punch she received. It had been over a year since she felt this good. Ever since she had decided that she wanted a baby, she had stopped anything and everything that could have endangered her child. She had stopped wrestling and stopped drinking.

"You alright teach?"

She smiled at Andrea and told him that she was just lost in her thoughts. Andrea was her favorite inmate, and he had real talent in him. He was there for murder, but Clary was sure that he was innocent, she was even sure that he willingly took the blame for someone he cared about. She saw how his eyes narrowed on her arms and she regretted not wearing long sleeves. But then again, it was so hot, especially for the middle of September.

Before he could say anything else, the guardians said that the class was up, and so she gathered her things. She congratulated them as usual, even though she felt nothing but disgust towards some of them. She would have to tell Jace about them. Andrea waved at her to come closer and she did even though she felt Jace tick at that. Once at his level, Andrea whispered to her:

"Don't let crap beat you down. When life smiles you down, it's always because there is something brighter at the corner."

She looked deep in his black and kind eyes. How could this man end up in jail? Without knowing what took over her, she hugged him and he hugged her back, making her feel a little bit warmer, and less distressed. But that didn't last.

"HANDS OFF!"

Before she knew it, Jace was by her side, shooting daggers at the convict. Didn't he know about the rules!? He put a gentle hand on Clary's shoulder and led her outside the room, wondering what this particular guy had told her to make her act like that. Clary never hugged anyone.

As soon as they were out of the room, he looked at her more closely, noticing that she was wearing make up, which made him frown. Clary wasn't a makeup kind of girl. The only time Jace had seen her willingly wear make up was when she tried to hide a black eye due to a fight. He stared at her with more intensity as she was doing her best to avoid his gaze.

"What happened Clary?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you have bruises all over you?"

She chewed her lower lip and frowned in worry. Apparently she hoped that this subject didn't come up. She didn't want to tell him about the activities she had done during the night because she remembered how badly he had reacted the first time she had mentioned her underground wrestling.

"I fell down."

Jace stared at her in disbelief. What did she think? That he wouldn't see through her lie? That he never heard that same sentence over and over again at the station? He swallowed hard, feeling the anger boiling in him.

"Did _James_ do that to you?"

"James?"

Clary looked at Jace, not understanding what he was implying at first. And then it hit her. He thought that James had laid a hand on her. How could he? James was the nicest person on Earth! And Jace had seen what she did to Jake the Asshole.

"Do you really think that if James did anything to me, I would be on this side of the bars?!"

Of course she wouldn't allow that, but then why was she in such a bad condition? This didn't make any sense. He looked at her, swallowing back his need to take her in his arms. She seemed beyond unhappy, she seemed sad, desperate... depressed. She did not even look him in the eyes to reassure him! She mumbled something about having to be somewhere and fled, leaving him alone with his questions. Did something happen between her and James?

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Soooooo here is the thing you all wanted. Clary lost her baby with James... You weren't expecting this weren't you? Mouhahahhahah, I told you I needed to get her pregnant. So you nobody kindred it, I was planning that all along, since chapter one (the cursed thing she threw was a pregnancy test). And yeaaaaah, I was funny (not ha ha ha, but funny, weird) to see you all ask for a miscarriage, when she was already on her way there. **

**And Izzy's back. Do you like it? And Lucky's back! Too many people rising from BAHOG. And we still don't know what she'll say to James. **

**So, about Another Chance. I am soooooooo sorry, but I'm stuck. Not in the story, it's already over in my head, but on the writing process, I can't get to the first person mode anymore. And it sucks. But I promise that every once in a while, I try and try and fail... Ouiiiiiiiiiiiiin. I'm soery, don't hate me. **

**. About you hating me. I think I can say that now, I'm used to it. I can feel it at night, when you are all cursing my name, and I can tell you, you're not finished. But still, don't hate me too much, please?**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	10. Ghosts and Knights

Someone knocked on Clary's door and when she went to open it, she saw Jace, which made her heart stop. All of the blood was drained from her face as she remembered her dream and how the Jace in it made her feel things that she never knew she could feel. She stared blankly at him, not daring to talk because she wasn't sure that her voice wouldn't betray her, not daring to move because she feared her body would betray her and she would throw herself at his throat.

She noticed that he had a small box in his hands as well as a helmet, but her eyes didn't linger on these details. They lingered on the curve between his neck and his shoulders. How many times did she wonder what it would be like to feel his heart through her lips at that precise place? She subconsciously bit her lip before gripping the doorknob to get a grip on herself.

"Jace? What are you doing here?"

"I noticed how you were feeling blue so I brought the best medicine against that: blueberry muffins."

She couldn't help but smile. Blueberry muffins were her favorite. She let Jace enter, doing her best not to think of her dream again, but failing miserably. Jace saw her inexplicably blush, which made him smile to himself. How intoxicating it was to see her blush, especially to his presence.

They both sat on the couch in an awkward silence, and Jace noticed a mauve baby blanket on the arm. He didn't let his eyes fall on it, just acknowledging it from the corner of his eye, feeling his heart squeeze a little in pain.

"I'm sure you forgot all about tonight's plans."

"Oh..."

She did forget about him. Of course she would. She had a whole new person to think about now. But she did something Jace wasn't expecting from her. She swiftly got up and took his hand.

"Let's go. I wouldn't want you to break your promise about the best view in New York."

She seemed too eager to get out of her apartment and Jace followed her outside, still wondering what was wrong with her. As soon as they stepped outside, Clary froze, her eyes on his bike - the bike that had once been hers. She hypnotically walked to it because her hands were itching to touch it. Jace saw how her eyes sparkled at something that she had long forgotten, even though she wasn't aware of it.

"You're a biker?"

Jace nodded as Clary's fingers were flying on the bike. For the first time since he saw her again, she didn't seem to have a headache at a reminder of her past and that made him smile with hope. Her fingers touched the bike, lingering on the motor, on the seat, on the wheel and her eyes were sparkling with a longing that she did not understand.

"Do you know a bar called Java Jones by any chance?"

"I've lived all my life in New York. I know many bars."

Her eyes snapped from the bike, as she looked deeply into his golden eyes. Jace felt as if she was searching for something in his soul. He didn't know what made her think of Java Jones and he didn't like not knowing. Her eyes searched for something on his face, and he kept his features unreadable, taking her attention off of him.

"You want a ride?"

"A ride? Have you seen how I reacted to the idea of getting in a car!?"

"It's nothing alike. I'll go slow, promise."

Clary looked back at the bike. The Ducati was calling to her. If she was honest with herself, she wanted to hop on the bike and feel what it was like to have the wind in her hair, to have the rush of the speed in her veins, to drive to nowhere. But she was scared.

She turned her head to Jace and saw him looking at her with anticipation, as if her getting on the bike would mean something completely different to him than to her. He wouldn't hurt her anyway. She knew it deep in her bones. And so, against all odds she nodded slightly.

Jace smiled and gave her his helmet. She shyly put it on her head and he climbed on the bike, waiting for her to do the same. As soon as she wrapped her arms around his waist, he felt her warmth and was suddenly all too aware of her. He started the motor and he heard her squeak as she clenched his shirt before she relaxed after a couple of minutes. Her fingers weren't gripping him anymore, but subconsciously playing with his abs and driving him crazy and craving for more. How he missed Clary's touch.

Clary was absorbed on the emotions that this ride was pulling out of her. This felt so familiar, so comforting, and so safe. It was as if she had done this all her life. Her legs were perfectly accommodating to the bike, her heart was beating at the same rhythm as the bike, and her whole body was screaming at her that it needed more. She wanted to go faster, to go to the edge of the world and lose herself there.

All too soon, Jace stopped the bike in front of the Empire State Building and disappointment washed over her features. It was too short. They both got down, Clary's face enlightened by a goofy smile as she did her best to keep her mind still on the ride. How long has it been since she felt so free? So good? _Herself_.

Jace smiled at her and led her to the building. He had already talked to the security system and agreed that he would bring 'an artist considering painting the town by night'. As the elevator was going up with Clary just a few inches from him, Jace felt his heart race as he recalled how this building had a particular meaning for them. It was where she had first confessed her love to him through a song, where they had their first time without a condom, and where she had made him feel like the most important thing to her.

As soon as they reached the top floor, Clary's face made him forget all about his memories, and only made him wish he could make new ones at this instant. She gasped, her eyes filled with sparkles of wonder as she walked closer to the parapet. Her fingers were itching for a paintbrush. She stayed like that for a long moment, admiring the night view of the city that was dressed with a gown of thousands of lights. She had seen many views of Paris by night, and still, nothing compared to this.

It wasn't just the view, but also what she was feeling. This moment just felt perfect. She was very well aware of Jace's presence behind her, and she wished that he had been closer to her. She ignored her headache and looked down, hiding her head in her hands hanging in the void. She suddenly felt Jace's hands on her arms, squeezing her gently.

"Are you okay?"

"Don't... Don't be so nice."

Jace let go of her. Surprised both by her tone and her statement. Was she telling him to back off?

"Why?"

"Because... I don't feel really good lately, and you being so nice makes me want to cry."

"If you want to cry, you should cry. No one should hold back their tears."

Clary had kept her head in her hands, in an attempt to not give in to his words.

She hadn't cried since that faithful night where she cried herself to sleep after returning from the hospital. She had promised herself never to cry again but now there were so many things that she wanted to cry about: the loss of her baby, the fact that she would never be a mother, the fact that she felt like a horrible person toward James, the fact that her past was now chasing her, the fact that she felt that her whole life had just been a pile of lies and the fact that she loved Jace.

She loved Jace and it destroyed her. She loved how his eyes focused on her and his deep voice. She loved the care and concern that he showed her. She loved how he always made her feel safe. She loved the rightfulness that he showed. She loved the butterflies that he brought to her. She loved Jace without knowing why. She didn't know him that well, and still she loved him and she hated herself for that. She was betraying James more that she could ever had if she had cheated on him. She loved another man when she had never been able to tell James that she loved him.

Clary suddenly felt a tear roll down her cheek, and she knew that she would break. She tried in vain to stop herself from crying more but when you open the dam and release one drop out, the rest quickly follows. That coupled with the fact that Jace took her in his soothing and reassuring arms, made her let herself go. She cried for the unfairness that life was showing her, depriving her from everything that mattered to her: a past, Jace, and babies. She would die alone, ignored by all, with seven cats eating her corpse. When she had no more tears to shed, Clary awkwardly got out of Jace's embrace and looked away.

Jace swallowed back his need to kiss her right away and told her that they'd better get back. He had his hand on the doorknob when she out called to him.

"Jace?"

Why is it that her simply saying his name made him so damn aware of her? He slowly turned back, his golden eyes steady as her green and wet eyes were traveling down his whole body.

"Yes?"

"... Thank you."

Her eyes were saying so much more than these two simple words. She was only at an arm's length, and without thinking about it for a second, Jace took her face in his hands, planting his honey eyes in her verdant ones. They stared at each other for a moment until Clary tiptoed and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

_She kissed him_! Jace didn't need anything more. He tangled his fingers in her hair, bringing her closer to him and twirled them so that she had her back on the door. He thought he was about to lose it when she moaned against his mouth as he was lifting her up. She fisted her hands in his silky blond hair, trying to make one with him, her legs squeezing his waist.

Clary's lips parted and Jace immediately assaulted her mouth, begging to make her, his again. He let his tongue squirm in her, battling for dominance, his hands flying to Clary's arms and caressing them. When he nibbled on her lower lip, she moaned and brought his face even closer to her to kiss him again.

It felt so natural, so real and so good. Better than she ever experienced. She was feeling things that she had never felt before. Not in dreams, not with anyone. And yet, it felt so familiar. The pressure he was putting against her, the warmth of his body, his scent intoxicating her, it felt so damn familiar to her. But she didn't care. She only cared about Jace and the new emotions that he was arising in her.

Jace let his hands wind up her tights, relished to feel her again. It was as if nothing ever happened, as if they had never left this roof. She was in his arms again, kissing him and bringing that Clary-fire to him that he longed and craved for, for so long. He never wanted to stop. He wanted to always feel her like that, against him and losing herself to him.

He slowly broke their kiss. Only to kiss her neck with his open mouth, his hands reclaiming the Clary he had lost so long ago, the Clary who came back to him, the Clary he couldn't live without. And suddenly, his hands touched her stomach, and he remembered. He remembered that she wasn't his anymore. She wasn't his in so many ways. And so he let go of her.

Clary opened her eyes wide with surprise when she felt him step back, not understanding what was wrong. Why wasn't he kissing her anymore? And she saw him watching her stomach with guilt.

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have taken advantage of your condition."

He looked away, knowing that his will would fail him if he looked at her any longer. Clary made a minute step to him, ready to tell him everything, but before she could act on it, she remembered James. James who was waiting for her with an answer, James who had always been there for her, James that she was betraying by having feelings she shouldn't have for Jace. And so she restrained herself and also looked away, cursing at the unfairness of life. Why couldn't she have met him earlier, in other conditions?

They stayed like that for a moment, each refusing to look at the other for fear of being overrun by their feelings. At some point, Jace walked to the door, and Clary followed him sadly. Once downstairs, he proposed to drop her off, but she vigorously refused, she couldn't bare having him so close, yet so far. He insisted, saying that they could still take the sub, but she stayed on her position, and she watched Jace drive away on his bike.

She looked back at the building, thinking of how for a minute she had almost felt complete on the roof, how her worries all fled away, how she had felt perfect against Jace, her body fitting perfectly his. She swallowed back her annoyance and frustration and she walked to James's apartment, feeling completely defeated.

Once in front of his door, she hesitated. What was she doing? James was going to be destroyed by what she would tell him! She knocked, really quietly, praying that he wouldn't answer, but of course, he did. He opened the door, looking worriedly at her before frowning and shaking his head.

"I don't want to know."

"Sorry?"

"I know this face Clary. This is Paris all over again. You're freaking out and you're trying to shove me out of your life. So I don't want to know what excuse you invoked, I just don't want to know."

She wasn't expecting that. How come he knew her so well? She looked at her feet as she felt James's gaze on her and then she looked back at him, digging her bright green eyes in his dark ones.

"I kissed someone James."

"I told you I didn't want to know!"

He leaned against the doorframe, pinching his nose and squeezing his eyes tight. For a moment they stayed like that, Clary looking at James who was breathing heavily, trying to swallow back his pride and to hide his hurt.

"Was it... No. I don't want to know. Don't tell me. I don't care. You're here."

"James..."

"It's like you don't want to be happy Clary! Whatever I do for you, you still look for someway to get away! No matter how much I love you, you still run."

"You don't love me."

She whispered the words, looking back at her feet. He couldn't love her cause he didn't know her. No one would ever love her because no one would ever fully know her. There was something crawling deep inside of her, always trying to get out and that was scaring the shit out of her, no one knew about that. James looked at her as if she was insane.

"I don't love you?! Where did you get that crazy idea?"

"You don't know me James. You don't know me because I don't even know myself. There are so many things you don't know about me. If you did, you would run away as fast as you could."

"This is bullshit Clary! I know you. I know how desperate you are to have a glimpse of your past come back to you. I know that every time you are scared or you need comfort or advise you touch you right ear. I know that every time you see something romantic you touch your tattoo on your left wrist. I know that you are never fully happy, but that ever since you came to New York your face is always bright when you come back home. How do you think that it makes me feel? Knowing that something or someone else out there makes you happy the way I never could?"

Clary swallowed back her tears, feeling how much she had hurt him. Why couldn't she just be a normal girl in love with her boyfriend of five years? Why did she have to make everything so damn complicated? James took her face between his hands, and she couldn't help but compare them to Jace's. James were delicate when Jace's were strong, warm and callous. And she longed for Jace's. She cursed at herself, not liking how much Jace had messed her up.

"There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for you Clary. If only you'd let me into your heart. Please, just let me in."

He leaned to kiss her, but she slightly stepped back. He noticed it, and let go of her, pain and hurt clear on his face. She saw him swallow hard before looking away, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything reassuring to him. She wanted to take him in her arms and tell him that she was sorry, but she didn't dare. She didn't have any rights to do so when she was literally shattering his heart.

"Why are you so afraid of us? Why can't you believe in us? Your past is behind you Clary, and it left you alone. _I'm_ here and always will be, _I'm_ your future."

At the mention of her past, something tilted in her head. _Lucky_. All she could think of now was that sparkle of hope that her past would come to her.

"I have to go James. I promise we'll talk tomorrow, without holding back, from heart to heart, but I have to go."

"Clary..."

"I'm not running away. I promise, but there's somewhere I need to be."

"And where would that be at almost 1am?"

Clary felt as if he had slapped her. He had never doubted her before, and now his voice was full of suspicion. She guessed that she deserved it, but still, it hurt. And yet, all she could think about was going to see Lucky. She backed up a bit and James opened big shocked eyes.

"Clary, don't..."

"I promise I'll tell you anything you want tomorrow, but now, I need to go."

She quickly got away, not wanting him to pull her in his apartment, and she heard his growl of frustration before slamming the door shut. She would have cared more if her mind weren't completely on what would come out of Lucky's description, the face that would help her understand herself more.

She almost ran to the bar, refusing to feel anything but the anticipation of what would happen. She refused to think of James and his broken heart. She refused to think of herself and her new found flaws. She refused to think of Jace and what he made her feel.

"Ruby Locks! You can't get enough of me now?"

Clary smiled as she walked to the tattooist sitting at the bar. Even though she couldn't remember properly, she felt familiar with him. As if he had been a sort of big brother to her. She felt comfortable and natural with him. She drew her sketchpad from her messenger bag and listened to Lucky as he was describing the man she used to come with all the time. The man, according to Lucky, who had sparkles just by standing beside her, the man who still came from time to time to the bar and sat in what used to be their spot, the man who had the same tattoo as her.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace didn't go home after seeing Clary. Instead he went to the station in order to release his stress. As he was blankly shooting at the targets, he was thinking back to what had happened on the roof. _She had kissed him_. She had kissed him the exact same way she used to kiss him back when their lives weren't messed up and he had pushed her away.

Not that he had wanted to, but he knew her. He knew how high her moral was, how overwhelmed by guilt she must feel at this precise moment. And mostly he knew how much family meant to her. She was starting one with James, she didn't need him to mess everything up for her.

He relentlessly emptied loader after loader on the targets feeling torn between going back to her at this instant, and the guilt of messing up her life when suddenly the door was shoved open. He removed his headphones and turned, expecting to see Chief Stone barking some stupid thing to him, but instead be saw a very pale and shaking Clary.

He looked at her, noticing how her eyes were holding back tears, how her lips were trembling, how her breath was quick. Too quick, she was starting to hyperventilate again. And finally he saw a piece of paper clenched in her hand. Her hair was completely messed up, as if she had been riding without a helmet, but that couldn't be, could it?

"Clary... I'm sorry about..."

"I don't care about that! What I want is for you to explain _this_!"

She walked to him, giving him the paper she had in her hands, and Jace clenched his jaw when he recognized himself on it. It was a drawing of him when he and Clary were young. He kept his features unreadable, not sure of where this was going or where it was coming from, and afraid as he saw her trying to rub away her headache.

"It's a drawing of myself. If you ask me, I've seen better."

"I don't care about your art critic! What I want to know is why this is the face that appeared when I asked about my past? Why was your bike the one mentioned when I heard tales of who I used to be? Why I can't shake this feeling that I've known you somewhere?!"

He saw her tightly squeeze her eyes before looking back at him, straight in his eyes, not allowing him to lie. She was seething with anger, he could feel it, and yet, he couldn't tell her what she wanted to hear. He wanted to tell her, but she seemed on the verge of breaking, her right hand holding her head tight.

Suddenly, she grabbed his left wrist and pulled up his sleeve. She gasped as her eyes widened at the sight of the tattoo. For what seemed like forever she looked at it before looking back into Jace's eyes, so many different emotions flooding in her eyes. And then she turned on her heels. Jace grabbed her arm to make her turn back to him.

"Clary..."

She slapped him so hard that he stumbled backwards, but he never looked away from her as she was starting to hyperventilate.

"Don't you dare touch me! Don't you even dare to say my name! _You knew me_! You knew me… and you left me! You left me all those years ago and let me believe I was all alone in this unfair world! You weren't there for me, and after you dare to call me your one exception!? And when I came to New York, you FREAKING LIED TO ME! You ignored me! You didn't even have the decency to tell me who I was! To tell me who I am! And when I think that I was feeling..."

But she never got to finish her tirade as the door slammed opened again, revealing a man seething with anger.

"Jace, I told you to stay away from my sis..."

The man stopped in the middle of his sentence, his eyes falling on Clary. And suddenly, everything about Jace was forgotten. The man looked at her with wary, apprehension and anxiety in his eyes. But mostly, what she felt was love. He loved her deeply, fondly and unconditionally. And as she saw him, she knew he was her knight in shining armor, the one who always rescued her in her nightmares. He had his voice and his height. He almost had the face that she imagined when he took off his helmet.

She looked at the intruder, her hand flying to her right ear as she subconsciously walked to him. He was beautiful, handsome even. If only his hair were fair and not black, it would soften his features, and make them gentle. If only his eyes were clearer, it would make them promise endless laughter and comfort.

She raised a shaky hand to him for she wanted to touch the scar on the left side of his jaw, but before she could do anything else, she grabbed her throbbing head in her hands and squatted on the floor, squeezing her eyes shut and wincing out of pain. She felt that her was nose bleeding, and suddenly, everything went black.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaaaaa. Jon's return! Yay! How I missed you cliffies.**

**So I hope you liked this chapter with the kiss, and well tell me. **

**For the miscarriage, it was written all over the place that she would lose her baby, it was even written at the end of BAHOG. So of course it wasn't a shocker, I am not George Martin, I can't pull out something awesome and unexpected at each line. So yeah. **

**And for 'Guest', I am actually so crazy that I always mean it as a compliment when I call someone like that, I sometimes forget that everyone doesn't know how weirdly my mind works. **

**Okay sorry for the small note, but no time... I just upload that and hop on a bike off to my Mom. So yeah. I'm already late, she'll kill me. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	11. This Is Not A Fairy Tale

Jon looked into his sister's green eyes – the only feature they had in common – as she returned his gaze. _Eight years_. It's been eight years since he last looked at her in the eyes. Sure, he always kept an eye on her, but she never knew. Now all he could think about was how much he missed her. He could see the confusion in her eyes, the hurt, the fear, the anxiety, but all he could think about was that finally, after eight years, she was _seeing_ him.

Jon noticed how pale she looked, how her lips were trembling. She had been hyperventilating when he entered, but now she seemed breathless, holding it back just like him. He saw how much weight she had lost since the last time he had seen a glimpse of her in Paris. He saw the black bags under her eyes, and he knew that they were due to worry, not restlessness.

When she started walking to him, one of her hand automatically flew to her right ear tattoo, in the same way that his own hand would trace his left ear tattoo when he needed her. She was mesmerized. He forgot all about how angry he had been at Jace for not listening to him. As she made another step towards him, he saw her blood flooding from her left nostril, making him worry and frown.

Suddenly she was on the floor, squeezing her head as if it was about to explode, and in no time he was by her side, just like Jace, but she had lost consciousness. He checked fearfully for her pulse, and sighed in relief when he felt it calm and steady. He tried to wake her up by shaking her a little bit.

"Clary... Clary wake up."

She didn't react, her eyes shut as her nose kept on bleeding. He examined her and shook his head feeling powerlessness before he kneeled next to her, resting her head on his laps in an attempt to stop her nosebleed. He heard Jace hastily get up but he couldn't look away from his sister.

"The emergency service..."

Finally he looked away from her, and turned his head to Jace. He was next to the door on the phone on the wall. He was anxiously waiting to be connected to the asked service. Why didn't he listen to him? She was barely able to support the view of their grandfather without having headaches, so what did he think? That she would suddenly remember him and that everything would be fine again? That this was a fucking fairy tale?

"I need a team in the shooting room. A 26 year old pregnant girl just fainted and I can't wake her up."

As Jace hang up, Jon looked at him with big goggling eyes. Clary was pregnant?!

"Pregnant? How did you manage to get her preggers in barely three weeks!?"

"Me? It's not mine!"

Jace still noticed that in Jon's mind he had been the first logical explanation, even though Jon knew she was with someone else, for him, Clary's baby could only be Jace's too.

"It's the latest fashion. They all fall pregnant around here. First Izzy, now Clary."

Jace saw Jon's snap his attention back to Clary even though his shoulders stiffened and he had swallowed hard. As he kept his face hidden from Jace, Jon's voice echoed in the room, full of anger.

"I told you to leave her alone! I told you to look away and pretend as if nothing happened! This is all your fault!"

"She didn't faint at my sight, but at _yours_!"

"I wouldn't have showed up if you had done what I said, or if you had dared to pick up the phone and call me back!"

Jace bit his cheeks in frustration, looking at Clary's lifeless form in the arms of her brother. He wished he could go to her, but Jon's murderous aura kept him from doing so.

"You never had to see her. You only saw her from afar. You don't know how it feels to have her two inches from you and yet miles away. You don't know what it is like to have to watch and filter all your words and moves because you could hurt her by saying something too much. You can't blame it on me!"

Jon didn't say anything, gently stroking his sister's face. Of course he didn't blame Jace, of course he knew how much he must have suffered because of her return in his life. But now, Clary was lying lifeless in his arms. _His sister_! This was so wrong and that stupid nosebleed just wouldn't stop.

He slowly got up, knowing that right now he needed to cool down otherwise he would end up saying and doing things he didn't mean and he would regret it.

"You ride with her to the hospital. I have somewhere to be, I'll see you there during the night."

Jace looked at Jon who swiftly and noiselessly exited the room, and he rushed to Clary. She seemed so frail at the moment, as if a single brisk of wind could break her. The ambulance arrived two minutes after Jon's departure, and Jace suspected that if Jon had left in a hurry like that, it was mainly to avoid the questions that he would have to answer at this moment.

As the nurses were putting his petite Clary on a stretcher, the Chief barged in the room, his eyes landing on her before looking at Jace's debased golden orbs.

"What was _she_ doing in the shooting room?"

"That's what I'd like to know. Who let her in?"

Now that Clary was under the care of the nurses, Jace let his anger out. He stormed out off the room, hoping to pin the idiot who let her enter into the room that was strictly forbidden to civilians. He saw the newbie squirming nervously with her hands, and tears in her eyes.

"_You_ let her in? What about the procedure?!"

"She said you already let her in. She said she knew all about it."

"You're a cop for Fuck's sake! You should be able to tell when someone is playing you! What if she..."

His voice died in his throat, and he contented himself by only glaring at her before following Clary in the ambulance, never releasing her hand. Once the car was driving, he heard the nurse talk to him, but it took him time to comprehend what she was saying.

"Sorry?"

"What happened?"

"She fainted. She started having pain in her head, bled, and then proceeded to fainting."

"Do you know if that ever happened before?"

"No. Just the headaches."

He looked at the nurse patching up Clary's unceasing bleeding nose.

"How far along is she in the pregnancy?"

"I don't know."

"Sorry. I just assumed that..."

Of course she did, that's what everyone was thinking apparently. That he was the logical partner for Clary. He swallowed back his bile, squeezing Clary's hand a little bit tighter. He realized that she never spoke to him about this important step in her life all because he had been too jealous to admit it. He had seen all the symptoms, yet he preferred to lie to himself and think it was something else entirely.

They arrived at the hospital, and Clary disappeared from his view. Jace had to shake off this ugly feeling of déjà vu. This time everything was going to be okay. It _had to be_. He walked to Robert's office and found his father resting, his head on the back of his chair and his eyes snapping open at the noise of his door clacking.

"Jace? What's wrong?"

"Clary has just been admitted for emergency care. She fainted."

Jace collapsed on the spare chair and took his head in his hands, resting his elbows in his knees.

"You told me to be careful. You told me her brain was fragile, but I..."

"You hoped. It's normal to hope Jace. Don't think that I don't care about how you feel. I saw how you look at her. I know it hurts, I know you want her back. I wish nothing else but to see you happy again, but will having her back make you happy when you know the cost?"

He knew what he was supposed to say, what he was supposed to wish for, but be couldn't. He wanted her because they belonged together. They were made for each other and no one else. No one could deny that. Maryse had told him how she never saw what used to be there for him in Clary's eyes anymore. Alec told him to fight for her and Izzy told him she was unhappy without him.

Robert got up and fatherly tapped his shoulder.

"I'm not telling you to give up son, I'm just saying that it will be hard. Clary is more broken than you think."

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jon entered his sister's apartment, feeling like a creep violating her confidence. During those eight years, he never once broke into her place, and now he was doing what he had never done to his sister before. He walked into her house uninvited.

The place was so un-Clary like. Clary used to be the one who was warm, she used to be the one who would make a house feel like a home. Back then, when they had moved to New York, it was her room that felt the warmest, the only room that had any colors. And now, her apartment seemed cold. That provided Jon with the insight that it wasn't home for her, that she didn't feel comfortable enough here.

He looked around, frowning when he saw the unfinished painting of Jace. This was a painting of the current Jace, yet the smile she had put on his lips, Jon never saw it on Jace's face lately, and he knew she didn't see it recently either. It was the smile he'd have when they just had sex. But his eyes... His eyes were the sad eyes that Jon saw when he first came to warn Jace. His eyes depicted his constant state of mourning. He was trapped and unable to move on.

Then, his eyes caught drafts next to the canvas, mostly of Jace's eyes until his heart stopped. There was a black and white drawing of Jace and a faceless man. Jace looking exactly the same way he used to eight years ago. He had a Band-Aid on his face and the scenery was a hospital. It was a memory she had of the day she woke up.

And Jon was the faceless man next to Jace. The only color of this drawing was his green eyes. He had no face, but two eyes staring at him with intensity, remorse and hurt. Did she really saw that the last time she had seen a glimpse of him? Did she really understand just how conflicted he had been back then? How conflicted he still was?

He shook his head and put back the drafts. Clary was going to kill herself if she kept on trying to dig into her past. Jon was well aware of her headaches, their grandfather told him much about them. About how the first time he had innocently came to talk to her she had almost vomited for her headache was so violent. About how she told him through a light conversation that she didn't like the Quartier Latin because it gave her migraines. About how he was sure she would never remember without something really traumatic happening to her.

He kept on walking throughout her apartment, and suddenly, his eyes landed on something unexpected - a mauve baby blanket. How did her mind let her remember that. It looked so much like their own baby blanket. The only thing that Jon had kept throughout the years, the only thing that he had always made sure he kept in his emergency bag. The baby blanket that their Mom had knitted for them when she had found out that she was pregnant with them.

On theirs, there was a malformed corner, proof that their father had tried to knit as well, and had lamely failed. Jon couldn't help but smile at that. At that little sparkle of memory that had come back to Clary. Sure, she surely picked it up because she liked it, and not because of what it meant, but Jon knew that the blanket had moved her somehow.

But then, he frowned. Clary was pregnant. He knew that this day would come, this day when she would start a family on her own, but that didn't mean he liked it. _He_ was her family, and she didn't even know that. And now she was starting a family with someone she didn't love. Jon knew his sister, she liked James, she was really fond of him, she cared very much about him, but she wasn't _in love_ with him. She was in love with Jace.

Still and always will be. The flicker second when she had been looking at Jace before she turned her gaze to Jon, he saw how she looked at Jace. With anger, hurt, betrayal, rage but love, mostly with love. How did he manage to make her fall in love with him all over again in such a short time? Or did undying love really exist? Did her love for Jace remained hidden in her heart until she saw him again?

Jon cursed himself, angry to have taken that latest job that prevented him from being there when she moved to New York, and even angrier to not have been in Paris to prevent her from going to New York in the first place.

Throughout the years, he had managed to always guide her in the right direction without her knowledge. He left her ads for a job, or a boxing sport room, and he left blueberry muffins recipe at her doorsteps when she was feeling blue. He subtly advised her against traveling when she was considering it.

And now, because he had failed her she was in a hospital bed, her brain doing its best to protect her from things she had long forgotten, things she was maybe better off not knowing. Jon passed a hand in his hair and went to the bathroom to remove his lenses. As he looked at his reflection, he swallowed hard, thinking of his next move. He left the apartment only to go pick the lock of another across town where he impatiently and anxiously waited for the owner.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace was sitting by Clary's side with mixed feelings. He had seen how bad Clary felt during the day, he had felt that something was off, and he didn't do anything about it. He didn't try to comfort her the way he should have, he only let her dwell in her pain. And now she was in the coma and there was nothing he could do to wake her up, nothing he could do to make her feel better about what she had learned a few days ago. Without knowing what took over him, he took her hand and laid his heart out to his unconscious Clary.  
"Don't. Don't leave me Clary. I can't live without you. I tried, and it doesn't work. You're always and always be in my mind and in my heart.  
I know you're hurt, I know you want to hate me right now, but... What was I suppose to do? What was my other option? Look what happens when you try to remember. What if you... I couldn't live with that on my conscience. I couldn't live knowing that because I selfishly wanted you, your mind broke down.  
And then you came back… and I hoped, but you were happy. And I was stupidly jealous because I never got over you. Because he loves you so damn much. Because he wanted to marry you. Because _you gave him a child_. You never wanted children, the very thought of it always made you shudder, and yet for him you were ready.  
All along, even though you were with him, I wanted you back in my arms. How many times did I drive on your bike and ultimately ended up in front of your building, fighting against myself not to go up to you, kiss you senseless and hold you once again in my arms.  
I miss you Clary. I miss you so damn much. I love the old Clary, the Clary I fell in love with in high school, the Clary who had so much weight on her shoulders, the Clary who was one with her brother, the Clary who would fight to her death for what's right. And still, I fell in love with you all over again. I saw another side of you - a softer and sweeter side. Something that I knew was there, but never got the chance to meet.  
And now, you're drifting away all over again. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me again."  
He laid his head on the bed, his hand still holding Clary's as he tried to keep his tears in. He couldn't lose her. Not again. Not when he loved her so much. Not when she needed him like that.  
"What are you doing here?"  
Jace raised his head, not letting go of Clary's hand and he looked at James standing in the doorframe. He saw how James's eyes flickered to the inanimate form of Clary, then to their intertwined hands before anger blazed in his eyes.  
"You are not family, you have no rights to be here off hours."  
"And neither do you."  
James's angry look didn't go away, it even intensified as he closed the door behind him and walked to Clary's other side, his eyes never leaving Jace.  
"I knew something was off with you ever since that dinner. You couldn't stop devouring her with your eyes. Not because she kissed you once, give you the right to barge into our life. You caught her at a moment of weakness, let her be."  
Jace ignored him, keeping his gaze on Clary, he didn't want to start a fight when Clary was still lying unconscious next to him. He wasn't even surprised about his knowledge of the kiss, it was how Clary worked, and it was how she always had worked. He knew she would tell James even before _she_ did. Even though he wasn't fond of James he felt bad for him, loosing a child was not something he wished for anyone.  
"Let go of her hand."  
"No."  
He had barely whispered, stating firmly though that it wasn't an option. He saw from the corner of his eyes how James clenched his jaw, but he couldn't care less. He understood how he felt, and still, all that mattered at the moment was Clary's state.  
"Jace, just let go of her. She is not yours to take. Whatever you promised her to make her believe in you, just drop it. We both know you're just trying to get in..."  
"I swear that if you say that I'm only trying to get in her pants, I'll break your teeth."  
"Leave her alone then! What's in it for you? You want to break her? Do you know how emotionally fragile she is? Do you know how confused she was when she came to me earlier? It's like she couldn't even concentrate on a single thing. She doesn't need that! She doesn't need you messing up with her life. She doesn't need you at all. She has our child, she has _me_. She has a real life with us."

Jace snapped his gaze to him at that. How come he didn't know? The doctors had said she had her miscarriage two days ago, so how come he believed that she was still with child? Didn't she tell him? Did she keep it all to herself and not let anyone help her through this difficult time?  
"She lost her baby two nights ago."  
"_What_?!"  
Jace looked at James stumbling backwards before falling into a chair at the other side of the bed, looking at the sleeping Clary with concern, love and guilt. What was he feeling guilty about? It's not like it was his fault? Or was it? Jace remembered how she was covered with bruises this very morning, the same bruises that were currently darkening her pale milky skin.  
"What have you done to her!?"  
James blinked away from Clary to look at Jace, slowly understanding Jace's undertone.  
"You think _I_ did that? You think I would ever lay a finger on her? Who do you think I am? Who do you think _she_ is? You think she would even let me breathe if I did?"  
Jace shook his head, he knew James would never hurt her, but her bruises were still preoccupying him. Where did she get them?  
"She probably went wrestling. She must have. That's what she does when she's overflowed by her emotions."  
Jace looked back at Clary, wondering how he could not have thought of that before. He knew how she always used to go to her basement to box when she was upset about something. He had seen it first hand.  
"Jace... Please, just leave."  
"No."  
He knew that James just wanted a moment alone with Clary, but he couldn't give it to him. What if she woke up? He needed to be there for her. He needed to do what he couldn't eight years ago. And if that meant hurting James and not giving him a few minutes with Clary, so be it.  
"Look at you, acting like a lovesick teenager. You don't know a thing about her. Why can't you just leave us in peace."  
"Because there is no you and her. Never should have been in the first place. Because I know her better that you'll ever know her, better that she knows herself at the moment. Because no matter how much you love her, you'll never love her as much as I love do."  
"You've known her for what? A few weeks? Who are you to talk about her as if you knew her? You are no one to her, just a distraction during a moment of weakness!"  
Jace didn't reply just yet, he kept on staring at his Clary. Who was he to her? Who was he to her now? He was still her Jace. Even though she didn't know or wanted to admit it, she was drawn to him as much as he was to her. Her body reacted to his in synchronization. They were harmony only when they were together.  
"I'm the one who have always loved her, even when she didn't want me to. I'm the one who stood by her when her life was imploding. I'm the one who would kill for her in the blink of an eye. I'm the one she trusted with her life. I'm the one with whom she shared more than her heart and body, with whom she shared her soul. I'm the one who will always love her."  
Jace hadn't moved all the while saying so, and suddenly he heard James taking in a sharp breath. He glanced at him, wondering what he had seen that made him react like that, and he saw that James was staring at his left wrist, more specifically at his tattoo. Ever since Clary had pulled up his sleeve, he didn't bother to pull it back down, unconsciously showing to the world how deep his love is to Clary.  
"You're the one who left her!"  
James was looking at him with indignation and disgust, rage slowly filling up his eyes as he was standing up and walking to separate Jace from Clary.  
"OUT! Don't touch her! You don't deserve to even _look_ at her! You left her when she needed you the most! Out, out, out! How do you even dare say words like love when you abandoned her and made her life miserable for so long! OUT!"  
He pulled Jace's hand out of Clary's and was trying to make him leave when Jace suddenly got up and grabbed his hand out of anger. Who did he think he was? He had no rights to be angry at him, and in the mean time, Jace was perfectly aware that he actually had all the rights.  
"What do you think? That I simply walked out on her when times got too rough? You know nothing of what happened! You know nothing of who she is! You have no rights to judge me!"  
"Fuck you Jace! You get out of this room this instant! You destroyed her back then, and now you're doing the exact same thing! I won't let that happen! Get OUT!"  
James shoved Jace, forcing him to leave, and rage was settling on both their faces. But before any of them could take it out on the other, Robert came into the room, anger in his eyes.  
"What's with all the shouting? Do you know that you're in a hospital?"  
And then his eyes landed on the two men, at their closeness and at the testosterone emanating from them. He sighed.  
"Out. Both of you, out. Clary doesn't need this right now, she needs peace and quiet, and you can't give her that. _Out_."  
Jace looked at his father with betrayal, but Robert was inflexible, signaling them to leave the room.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jon was sitting on the couch, looking at the only picture he had of his sister and wondering why he never thought of having more. And then he remembered: pictures weren't something agents did. Too many informations, which inevitably led to harm could be done because of a single picture. Even though he was well aware of the risks, he still kept this picture with him all these years. The picture they took in the photo booth in Paris, where their faces showed relief, glee and love. Clary stood between Jace and him, making a funny face, twisting her mouth and brows in a playful way and crossing her eyes. This was one of the only times that he had seen his sister let go of herself so freely.  
Suddenly the door lock clicked, and he put away the picture in his pocket, waiting for the owner to come into the living room. When she did, she didn't say anything, and only cautiously looked at him with hope. Instead of taking her in his arms like he always did, he looked at her slightly rounded stomach, and bile rose within him. He was losing everything today.  
"How come you didn't tell me that you are pregnant?"  
"How come you didn't tell me that Clary was coming to New York? I had to hear about it from my very hysteric and worried Mom!"  
Jon was annoyed at the fact that she didn't answer his question. He got up to look at the window and reign in his emotions. He heard Izzy close the gap between them and embrace him from behind, making him close his eyes to keep his emotions in. During all these years, Izzy had been his center, the one person who was always there during his rough times, when he almost died, when he had to endure the most crucial pain without his sister.  
He never planned to see her again, but fate had been kind to him, and they met again when she was in Milan, six months after he lost Clary. He knew he was the main reason why she stayed apart from her family for three years, but he loved her too much to feel guilty.  
During that night when they reconnected, he told her everything. He told her about his parents, about Paris, about Clary, about his heart being gone because he was missing his sister, his other half so damn much. He was lifeless without her, and Izzy had slowly blown a little life back in him. She never judged him for his past, she never judged him for what he became afterwards, and she just took him as he was, always opening her arms when he would come to see her.  
That's how they had started to live like that, she was never sure that he would make it alive, and he clung to this spark of life she was giving him. Ever since Paris, she had been the only one to see him without his contacts, to see him cry, to see him at all.  
And now, everything was crumbling. Clary couldn't look at him without immediately fainting; risking an aneurysm, and Izzy was pregnant. Pregnant with Simon's child. He was well aware of their relationship, but he couldn't decently ask Izzy to wait for him, he didn't know if he would ever stop his way of life. So even though there was never anyone else in his life, he accepted that Izzy was trying to make sense out of her own, unknowingly breaking his heart a little. Sure, the rare times Simon's name came out, Izzy said that he was only a friend, a good friend, but he knew better. He had once also been a good friend.  
Izzy's arms suddenly left his waist, and he snapped open his eyes to see what was wrong. He found that she was simply walking to the kitchen. He followed her there, leaning against the wall as she was pouring herself a glass of fresh water.  
"Did you know she was with my partner's brother?"  
"Yes."  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because she wasn't supposed to come. She was supposed to stay in Paris. If she had, she wouldn't be in a hospital bed right now!"  
Izzy gasped in horror and looked at Jon, her hand over her mouth.  
"What is she doing in..."  
"Your brother put her there!"  
"Don't you dare put that on Jace! He suffered as much as you! Both of you had the same dead expression in your eyes! He suffered even more than you! At least you had me to talk to, but he had no one! No one but his memories of the girl that he would never stop loving!"  
"I know that!"  
He growled in frustration, passing a hand over his face. He knew he was being unfair to Jace, but it was still easier to blame him than to blame himself.  
"I told him to stay away, but he didn't listen. And now she fainted in my arms because she couldn't handle it. I can't lose her Izzy. Not like that! That's not even an option!"  
Izzy softly looked at him before walking to him and delicately putting her hand on his face.  
"You don't have to. Maybe this is your chance to reconnect with her. Maybe this is how you can come back in her life."  
"I can't come back Izzy. She has a whole new life, a new... _guy_ or whatever, and a baby on the way. Who am I to barge in and make her suffer with our past?"  
"You're her brother. It's all that matters. Clary will only see that you, _her brother_, came back to her."  
He wanted to believe her, but it was so hard. He knew Clary. He knew that she would never forgive _him_. She might forgive Jace, their parents, but she would never forgive him. They used to be everything to each other, they completed one another, two pieces of a puzzle, and he left her. He looked after her, but he wasn't physically and emotionally there for her. She would never forgive him... he wouldn't.  
Jon closed his eyes, wanting to talk about something else, something less painful, but apparently there was nothing else but pain in his life now.  
"Why didn't you tell me?"  
"Because I didn't know how you'd react."  
"I have no say in the matter. It's your life Izzy. I'm only grateful that you let me in. This matter, is between you and Simon."  
He heard her heave and he opened his eyes to look into her brown ones. He loved her eyes. He loved how he could get lost in them, he loved how just by looking at them he could find comfort, and now he was going to lose that too. Life sucks. He painfully looked as she took a few steps back, resting a hand on her baby bump, and then she shook her head, her marvelous eyes steady in his bright green ones.  
"It's not Simon's."

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaaa. The moment you were all waiting for. Jon and Izzy having a baby! Or maybe not... Maybe it's someone else's. Who knows? She did traveled a lot... **

**So that I have more time, I didn't even asked you what you thought of the tattoo reveal. Lucky? And THE KISS. And poor James, I feel so bad for him. **

**And now, what did you think of this chapter, where it goes, what happens in it. The fight, the guilt, the love, the baby. **

**Anyway, I'm so glad you liked last chapter so much I had it all planned since I decided to make a sequel, and it wouldn't come fast enough! But now, it's out. :-)**

**. About the miscarriage: she didn't tell because she wanted to dwell in her pain. She wanted to feel the pain because it's only how she could make it real, and mostly, she didn't want the pity from others. So that's why she kept it for herself. **

**. About Jon: hallelujah he's back. finally, we'll more insights of him now! Yay, hail to Jon! I'm so happy that so many of you love him. He's just perfect (he was in the last story, maybe he changed...)**

**. About me being evil and all: just a heads up, I love cliffies, and the 2-3 next chapters are so going to have some. Mouhahahhahah. You can hate me, I'll still finish the story (finally over :-D) **

**. About you being awesome: (I shouldn't have put me being evil just before...). You made me sooooo happy with all your reviews. I know it's no fun to review and all, but it means so much when I read them, because it means you took the tile to say something. (Wipe a tear in the corner). I hope you'll keep being so awesome even if I kill Jace... ( just kidding, I intend to live at least till my 50'!). Anyway thank you all for reading the story and (long)reviewing the story. It always makes my day and always makes me smile.**

**Oh, and I'm not a biker yet, my stepfather was picking me up, but in a few months, I'll have my own baby (I hope).**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	12. Unconditional Love

Jon looked at Izzy, keeping his features calm and unreadable, even though he was freaking out on the inside. What did she mean by "it wasn't Simon's child?" He was perplexed because besides Simon, he didn't know any other man around her, with the exception of him. And that couldn't be. This _couldn't_ be happening. It was simply and plainly impossible. They always had safe sex. She was on the goddamn pill for Heaven's sake!

"Tell me it isn't mine."

"I can't do that. I can only tell you that it's not Simon's."

Jon closed his eyes shut and let himself slump against the wall until he reached the floor. Once sat, he fisted his hair resting his elbows on his knees, his eyes still closed. What have he done? What have he done to Izzy? She couldn't be pregnant with _his_ child! This wasn't good for her or the child.

"This is not possible Izzy! It has to be Simon's! It is medically impossible!"

"You know that contraceptive are not always 100% sure Jon. And it _cannot_ be Simon's!"

Jon whimpered in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. That was bad. _Really bad_. It was awful! It was his parents all over again, imposing a child to a lifestyle incompatible for a family. What was he suppose to do? His 'profession' didn't permit him to have a family. He heard Izzy kneel next to him and he opened his desperate green eyes to look into her deep brown eyes. What have he done?

"It will be okay Jon. I'm not asking you to stay, I'll love her for the both of us."

Her? So it was a girl. Izzy was pregnant with _his_ baby girl. This was his teenage dream, what he used to yearn for, what he still yearned for deep inside of him. So why couldn't he be happy? Because he knew better than anyone what his life could do to a kid. He had experienced it first hand. Fuck! He knew he shouldn't have given in into his impulses to stay by Izzy. He should have just fled. This situation was completely messing with his head and it will completely screw her life.

"You think that I'll leave you to raise our daughter alone? How low do you think of me?"

"I know that you don't want to put your life on me, especially with the risks, so I can only imagine how you'll react to your kid. But when I found out I was pregnant - pregnant with your child... all I could think about was I was having a little part of you in me. I didn't think of anything else but that, even though I knew you'd be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, I could never be. I'm mad with myself."

"Why?"

Jon shook his head and cupped her face to kiss her. She couldn't understand, she hadn't been raised the same way Clary and him was. She never knew the constant fear of the possibility of never seeing their parents again. She never knew the way they had to hold their tongues and actions in order not to give away their parents. She never knew how hard it had been to be raised to kill or be killed.

She moved a little, deepening their kiss, fitting perfectly in the hollow of his legs. He softly brushed her hair, so happy and so afraid of what would come next.

"You haven't even said hello properly. Last time I checked, you used to make me twirl and take me right away."

"Last time I checked you weren't pregnant, and my sister wasn't in a hospital bed."

She gently smiled to him, caressing his cheek with all the kindness in the world.

"She'll be okay Jon. Just go and see her if you're worried so much."

"Not now. It's 2pm, and the hospital is jammed. She will certainly kill me, and I don't want there to be any witness."

"I'll call Jace and ask him about her okay? Maybe she's asking about you and doesn't understand why you're not there."

Jon nodded, feeling a weight leaving his shoulders. He needed to know that his sister was okay, but he couldn't go at this hour of the day. He wanted to know if she remembered, if she forgave him. If she forgave them, because as long as she didn't, he would never be at peach with his father or himself.

Izzy came back in the kitchen with her phone next to her ear as she smiled to Jon waiting for Jace to pick up the phone. Jon stood up and took her hand, leading her to the couch for her to sit.

"Hi Jace. How is Clary?"

Jon saw her frown at Jace's answer before proceeding to give him the phone.

"So you are Izzy's dirty little secret. I should have known."

Jon didn't say anything to that. What could he say? That he was in love with Izzy? So desperately in love with her that when he saw her again he wasn't able to reason with himself to stay away? In a corner of his mind, he still noticed that Jace had been aware of Izzy hiding something from her family.

"How's Clary?"

Jon didn't like the hesitation he felt in Jace's voice. Something bad happened.

"She's in the coma. Her brain is okay, but she just won't wake up. And I don't think she'd want to..."

"Why?"

"I messed up bad Jon. When you came over she was in the middle of confronting me about leaving her. She still doesn't remember me, but she went to Java Jones where they portrayed me for her and… she was in a bad shape about that. And... she lost her baby."

Jon heard Jace's voice break and he squeezed the hand that Izzy had squirmed into his. Everything was falling apart in Clary's world. The life that she had managed to build herself was crumbling before her eyes.

"She lost it two days ago and she didn't tell anyone, she just kept it to herself. I saw that something was wrong and I didn't do anything to ease her pain. We messed up Jon, we never should have agreed to that. It was stupid. She misses us, she misses _you_."

Jon swallowed his bile, closing his eyes. Why did Jace have to tell him what he had been repeating to himself over the past eight years? And now Jace was telling him that she missed him as much as he missed her.

"Where are you? Are you with her?"

"I got kicked out of the room. James came to see her."

Jon didn't need any explanation to know that Jace didn't react well to James's presence. His tone alone was evidence enough.

"What name was she registered under?"

"Her regular name, Clary Fray, why?"

Jon cursed under his breath. Clary was supposed to be dead, and sure they had made sure that she changed her name, but how many redhead's named Clary with green eyes were wandering in this world? This was bad. Really bad, and he knew that their father would be there soon, worried about that.

"Nothing. I have to go..." He hesitated before saying, "Jace?... Thank you for staying with her."

He hung up, not opening his eyes or allowing himself to panic yet. He had Izzy to worry about right now. What was he going to do about her? About them? About this kid he had made grow inside of her? Even if he wanted to drop everything and live with her and their daughter, he knew it wasn't possible.

You never quit being a hit man. You never quit being someone who could kill another cold bloodily. You never quit the underground. And even if he could fake his death, make himself virtually disappear, Izzy was a renowned fashion designer. Being with her would make people question his past, and he couldn't just show up with a blank past, nothing raised suspicion more than that. He knew that better than anyone.

"Jon what's wrong? How is Clary?"

"In a coma. And apparently it's better like that. She was confronting Jace just before fainting."

"But that's great news, it means she remembers!"

"She didn't, she asked because his face appeared when she asked around about her past. She is completely losing everything right now. Her past, her future, her life, her child..."

"She ..."

Jon nodded, opening his eyes only to wish he hadn't. Izzy's empathy for his sister was too much to watch, so he closed back his eyes. What if this happened to Izzy as well? Would he be this devastated, or more? Whatever Izzy thought about him, he loved her, what she felt, he felt, and yet, he never told her. He never wanted to put the pressure on her by confessing feelings that would make her life harder. Because let's face it, his life wasn't something that could make her as happy as she deserved. His life was full of lies, shadows and death.

"Izzy... I don't know where we're going from now, but ... I love you. Always have. Always will."

"I love you too Jon. I love you more than you'll ever know."

He felt her sit on his laps and lean in to kiss him. Slowly, he let his hands travel from her smaller back to the back of her head, bringing her face closer. Somehow he managed to keep a gap between their bodies, a gap that she didn't seem to appreciate, as she closed it in an instant.

He felt how impatient she was growing, her fingers already unbuttoning his shirt and her hips straddling his, but before he could do anything to satisfy her, he felt something completely new and unexpected against his stomach. They both opened their eyes in astonishment before Izzy smiled in wonder.

"That's her first kick! I was starting to think she didn't get your fighting genes."

Jon didn't say anything, too mused by what just happened. He had just felt Izzy's baby kick. _His_ baby kick! That was the weirdest thing he ever felt, and yet, the most wonderful thing. He rested a hand on Izzy's belly, fondly smiling for the first time in weeks.

"I've been thinking of Jocelyn for the name..."

Jon swiftly ticked at that, but tried to ignore it. Now wasn't the time to think of his Mom. Now was the time to think of Izzy and their baby girl. But then again...

"How about Lynn? That's her nickname. And it's less... old fashion."

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace looked at Clary, feeling a stone in his throat. It had been almost 24 hours, and she was still sleeping in her coma. At 1:05 a.m., he snuck into the room. He remained in the hospital all day. He was under Robert's strict and specific orders that he was not allowed in the room under any circumstances. The only consoling part was that James wasn't allowed in either. James had stayed at her door, guarding it like a mad dog against Jace.

It bothered Jace. Not because of how he acted, but because of why he was acting like that. James was outraged and appalled when he learned about Jace's abandon of Clary. The sad part was the fact that he was right. But he didn't know all the information. He didn't know everything. And mostly, he didn't know that it was Clary trying so hard to remember that put her in this hospital bed.

Clary was looking like a ghost now, laying on her bed with her red hair scattered around her and the pale moon gleaming on her. It felt like she was slipping away. Jace took her hand, to make her feel that he was there for her, but mostly to reassure himself that she was there.

"Jace?"

Jace opened back his eyes, seeing Clary looking at him with her big green eyes. _Looking_ at him, she was awake, finally. She looked angry, sad and wary. But what was most startling was her tone. She remembered, there was no confusion in her voice. She remembered very well, and so he squeezed her hand a little tighter, not wanting her to take it away and run away from him.

"_You left me_! You left me when you swore that you never would!"

"I know. I shouldn't have. I didn't know what to do."

"You left me. And when I came back, you didn't say anything. You left me to live with someone else. Don't... Don't you love me anymore?"

In less than a second, Jace was sitting next to her on her bed, caressing her cheek and planting his eyes on hers.

"I could never stop loving you. But you seemed happy..."

"And? You know that I'll never be as happy as when I am with you... But… I faded in your heart. You forgot about us."

"Never! I was afraid. Afraid that you'd reject me. Afraid that I'd hurt you. And I was jealous. I was just being stupid."

Her eyes studied him, looking at his whole face, but never giving away what she thought. And then she looked into his soul, searching in his golden eyes for the truth of his love.

"Then kiss me. Remind me of us, remind me of what I forgot, remind me of what it's like to be loved by you."

And he kissed her. Just a gentle and long peck on the lips at first, but soon, she asked for more, her free hand knotted in his hair, bringing him closer to her. Jace brought his Clary-less hand to her hair as well, deepening the kiss, making it more languorous, more sensual, more _Clary_. He could feel the fire she always started in him, and he moaned against her mouth, relished by her being his again.

Then, he woke up with a start, his hand still holding Clary's. He passed a tired hand on his face, knowing that this dream was just that. A dream, a fantasy of what could happen, but never would. He had thousands of dreams like that before. Dreams where Clary would remember him, forgive him and love him all over again. Dreams that would stay just that: dreams.

Suddenly he felt an awfully familiar gaze on him. He knew this gaze better than anyone, he had been the only that ever had to suffer through it. It was a mixture of annoyance and likeness. And still, he didn't move. He stayed sat by Clary's bed, with her hand in his.

"This is all your fault. Jon was right. We never should have done this."

"Her laying comatose in a hospital bed proves the contrary."

"Her laying comatose in a hospital bed is the results of your upbringing! What kind of parents raises their kids to..."

"Careful Jace! What do you think? That this was the life I would have chosen for my children if I had a word to say? Don't even try to judge me on that. You are not a parent. You don't know what it is like! You don't know what it is to fear for your children's life at every moment of your life, and to feel guilty beyond reason because you know you have stolen their childhood! You don't know what it is like to see your little girl endlessly risk her life for you when the only thing you ever wished for her was to be happy with unicorn dreams! You don't know how it feels like to watch your children from afar because one doesn't remember you and the other refuses to speak to you! You know nothing of the pain of being a parent, so don't talk all high and almighty to me or try to give me life lessons!"

Jace didn't say anything for a while, taking in what Valentine just told him. So Jon refused to talk to his parents. Clary's disappearance had destroyed the very family that she had tried so hard to protect and reunite in her last hours.

He never really pictured himself as a parent, Clary being gone, there was no point to that, but now, he couldn't even begin to imagine the anguish that her parents must be in, seeing their children slip away from them and not being able to do a single thing against it. He vaguely wondered where her Mom was. She was her Mom and she should be the first person at her bed, the first one to be there when she opened her eyes.

"You should have stayed away like we all did. When you saw her, you should have run in the opposite direction. Now my daughter is in a coma because you couldn't stay away."

"You had the chance to know about her every once in a while! I had nothing! Nothing but the hopes that she was okay! And then she shows up at my work, of course I'll stay by her side! I left her once, I certainly will not make the same mistake again!"

"She's in a coma Jace! Why couldn't you let her have the life that she fought so hard to have!?"

Valentine wasn't hidden in the shadows behind him anymore. He was standing on the other side of Clary's bed, shooting daggers with his eyes at Jace.  
"Because it's not what was supposed to happen. She was supposed to be with _me_, to marry _me_, to have _my_ kids! This is what was supposed to happen, this is what will happen!"  
"She can't remem..."  
Valentine was stopped mid-sentence by the opening of the door. Jon was standing in the entrance. He quickly glanced at his sister before steadying his eyes on Jace and his father, analyzing their positions, their faces, and their sharp breaths. After assessing the situation, anger blazed in his green eyes.  
"Don't you dare argue over my comatose sister! OUT!"  
Valentine looked at his son for a moment before starting to move, but Jace looked back at Clary, noticing in the corner of his eyes that Jon wasn't wearing his contacts. He wondered if it was because he had seen Izzy, and that his verdant eyes were something that only she could see now. Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, and Jace glared at Valentine's hand. He was not going to be kicked out of her room twice!  
"Let him have some time alone with his sister."  
"But..."  
"He needs it."  
Jace reluctantly got up, knowing that Clary would have wanted to be alone with her brother. As much as she had loved him, it was nothing compared to the love she had for her twin. He was her other half. Jon had stayed next to the door, holding it open for them to leave, and when his father passed next to him, Jon didn't even look at him, his eyes focused on Clary.  
"She's registered under Clary Fray."  
"I know. I've already started erasing anything leading back to her."  
Jon barely nodded. He just waited for them to get out. With one last glance to his sleeping Clary, Jace left the room. Once alone with his sister, Jon closed the door and sat in the chair Jace had previously been occupying. He looked at his twin for the longest time, feeling the world crumbling in front of him. What if she never woke up?  
After what seemed like hours, he put the baby blanket that she had bought on her bed, next to her, hoping that maybe it would bring her comfort of some kind, and then he got up. He looked at the papers hung at the foot of her bed. He read between the lines and he frowned as he read about her state. There was something that Jace hadn't told him, but Jon thought that he probably didn't know. It was too personal for doctors to share with unrelated people.  
Nothing was written black or white, but from what he could tell, it was bad. He picked up his phone and called the number he always dreaded to use. His father answered on the first ring.  
"Tell me it's not what I think. Tell me we didn't mess her up to this point!"  
His father didn't answer, but he didn't have to, Jon could almost see him standing in front of him with sorrow in his eyes. They really did screw her up. He hung up, collapsing back in the chair, devastated. How did she react to that news? His eyes laid on the discoloration on her skin and he gulped. Of course she would have try to fight it off of her.  
How unfair life was. How unfair and ironic. Before she had the perfect man for her, the one who loved her to death, and that she loved equally, she had her family, she had friends, and she didn't want children, too afraid about the upbringing she would give them. And now that she had nothing, now that all she wanted was a baby, she was condemned to never having any.  
He noticed a bit of ink on her shoulder, and removed her hospital gown a bit that revealed a new tattoo. Recall. It was fresh if the redness around it was any indication, two - three days tops.  
"You want to remember? I can assure you that you don't. You don't want to remember the people who left you because it was the best thing to do. I know you think that there is no reason to abandon family. Hell I know. I saw how you reacted to Jace's father, I saw how you fought to get Dad and I back. But that was nothing; it was just the action of the moment.  
What was I supposed to do Clary? I was a kid! And you didn't even remember me. _Me_! How could you forget about _me_? You had no right! We were supposed to be a team! _THE_ team! And when I tried to get back to you, you couldn't even bare the sight of our grandfather. The person you had only seen _twice_ in your life. What could I have done to you? Sure now you are best buddies, but I know how you work. I know you swallow back your headaches and pretend that nothing is happening."  
He looked at his sister who was still stubbornly sleeping, completely oblivious to him and his need for her.  
"Damn it Clary! Wake up! Just wake up already! I _need_ you! I need you more than ever. I know that I have no right to ask anything from you. Not after what I have done to you. But damn it, I need you. I need to hear you laugh again, I need you to comfort me, and I need you to advise me. You weren't there when I needed you the most.  
You weren't there when I almost died. It was Izzy who patched me back to life. You weren't there when I decided to become what I am, or I wouldn't be what I am now. I would be living happily with Izzy. You weren't here when M... when Mom died. Izzy was there, but it's not the same thing. She doesn't know how it feels. Damn it Clary! Mom is dead and you don't even know that.  
You don't know how she cried for weeks after Paris. You don't know how much Dad and her fought over going back to you. You didn't see her determination to end Raziel's life. And now she died, never having the joy of holding you one last time in her arms. And ever since... Ever since Paris, we lost our family.  
Dad has never been the same since Paris. He missed you too much. He loves you too much. I know they're not supposed to have a favorite, but you were always Dad's. He always loved you more, and I never minded because you deserved it. But now... We don't even talk because we remind each other of too much pain. You, Mom..."  
He wished she would just wake up and help him already. He wasn't asking for much. He just wanted his sister back. He just wanted her to comfort him again. Even if it was just for five minutes. He just wanted his twin back, to feel whole and complete again.  
"And what am I suppose to do with Izzy? She's pregnant! With… _my kid_. And I know this is the last thing you want to talk about given what happened to you, but what am I supposed to do? We both know that my life isn't compatible to raise a kid and have a family. You are the living proof of that.  
What am I suppose to do? I can't be with her, and I can't stay away either. I can't leave a kid without a father... This is not how I planned my life. You were supposed to be by my side, not in a hospital bed. You were supposed to be happily married to Jace and teasing me about wedding plans with Izzy, and not having this weird relationship with James...  
I don't like him. I don't like how he made you repress yourself. I don't like how he turned you into this docile little thing. You are fire Clary, when you met him, you were still fire, and slowly he turned you to barely a spark. And he's too... soft. He can't hold his own against you. Everything you say or do, he docilely nods. Jace would have never agreed to live apart from you. Jace never would have waited five years to propose. Jace only made you brighter.  
You know, Izzy said that he died. He died on the inside when we left you. He never smiled again, never laughed again and barely talked to people. You losing your memory destroyed all of us. Not just you. We were all affected, and we all made the wrong choice to leave you in this bubble we created for you."  
Jon swallowed hard, brushing his sister's hair before passing a hand in his own hair. She would never forgive them. That thought had haunted him for the past eight years. Every day he woke up with it, and every night he went to bed with it. Family was everything to Clary, and her own had turned their backs on her, that's how she would see it.  
He leaned his back on the chair, resting his head in his hand and reflected on his life. Ever since Paris, it seemed that he had made wrong choice over wrong choice again and again. Ever since Clary wasn't there to guide him anymore, he had messed up his life. Leaving his parents when they had needed him the most, hunting Raziel down and failing to kill him, and becoming a hit man.  
The only good thing out of this was Izzy, but even there he seemed to have screwed up. He made her pregnant when he couldn't offer her and their child a stable life. It's not like he couldn't provide for them, he was a hit man after all, and killing people earned big money. But that was not what had him worried. The part that worried him was his past, his upbringing, and his way to live. He was willing to change, but being willing and being able to were two different things.  
He slowly drifted to sleep, holding his sister's hand and never wanting to let go of it again. The slamming of a door behind him waked him. He slowly turned his head and saw that James was there, glaring at him with anger and curiosity.  
"I would like it very much if I wouldn't walk in to a different man holding my fiancé's hand every time I open this door."  
Jon quickly glanced at Clary's left hand and saw that it was still ring free. This man was living on a delusional cloud if he thought that she would ever marry him. Jon was tempted to be rude to him by ignoring him or telling to just fuck off, but he didn't. After all, Clary cared for this man, she stayed with him, and she was ready to have a child with him. That simple fact bugged Jon. Clary had changed for him, in a way that she hadn't for Jace. In the way he never thought she would. But still, he remembered the sparkle he had seen in his sister's eyes just before the explosion, this sparkle of maybe, _maybe_ she would be willing to have a family with Jace.  
"She's not your fiancé. She doesn't wear your ring."  
"That's beside the point. I'm growing tired of seeing strangers with their hands all over her."  
That made Jon snap his head to look at James. He was right. He was a stranger to Clary now. Could this get any sadder? James analyzed Jon's face, his eyes sparkling with recognition.  
"She knows you... She drew you sometime."  
Jon snapped his head back to Clary before sighing and getting up. He kissed his sister forehead, whispering to her in German that he would be back for her at night and he left James alone with her, against his better judgement.  
It was bright outside, telling him that it was probably around 10. He still needed to talk to Izzy while he felt brave enough to tell her what he had in his heart.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**And is Jon going to do? **

**So yeah Jon is the father, no shocker here. It was written all over the place. **

**And to tell you the truth, I'm so glad you feel bad for James. It means that somewhere you like him. He grew in your heart. ^^**

**And yeah, this chapter was full of sadness I know. It was really heartbreaking to write it. Poor Jon, poor Jace, poor James, poor Valentine. This is so sad. **

**Someone asked about the number of chapters, and seriously I don't know. the story is over in my mind, but not on the paper, so I don't know the length and all, but it's not over yet. **

**And for Izzy... What's going on between her and Simon will be explained in the next chapter, but it is already pretty obvious I think. (Is it?)**

**And thank you to all of you. I love reading your reviews and reactions, I love recognizing some names over and over again throughout the chapters (and even stories) and I love that you take the time to tell me what you think or expect. THANK YOU. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	13. Flickering Flame

As Jace entered Clary's room, he saw James leaning over Clary and whispering things to her. What is it with comatose patients and the way that they bring your emotions out of you? Jace hesitated. His emotions were conflicted. He didn't know if he should quietly leave, allowing James to have some alone time with her or prevent it. Before he could even decide, James looked up to him with desperation in his eyes.

Jace felt some kind of pity for him because he knew the depths of James's love for Clary. He also knew that she was slipping away from James, swallowed back into a world unknown to him, a world that he couldn't even begin to understand. The worst part, and what made Jace even more sympathetic to James, was that at the moment that she was suppose to need him the most, when she lost her baby, she didn't go to him. Instead she chose to dwell in her pain alone, rather than share it with him.

Jace understood her. It was how she worked. She always tried to keep her pain and worries for herself. At the same time, he also understood James. He knew that James was unable to leave her to her own devices. Jace himself couldn't let her cope on her own, so he always imposed comfort onto her and she had always gladly accepted it.

"You just can't stay away, can you?"

"Could you?"

"I didn't let her down for eight years. I didn't let her believe that she was all alone in this world. _I_ was there for her. I'm the one who struggled to make her trust in people again, to make her trust in _me_. I'm the one she confided in for the past five years. I'm the one she loves now."

"Are you? Did she ever tell you that? If you know Clary, you know how the truth of words is important to her. Did she ever tell you explicitly that she loves you? Did she really tell you all her secrets? Like how she knows how to fight so well? Like when she lost her baby?"

"_Our_ baby is none of your concern! _She_ is none of your concern anymore! If she knew what you did to her, you'd be dead!"

Jace held back his retort for he didn't want to start another argument. Apparently James had the same idea because he looked back at her, and then decided to stubbornly ignore Jace. Or at least not look at him. Jace saw that her baby blanket was there and it made his heart clench. James was trying his best to comfort her in a way that he couldn't. It wasn't his grief, but theirs.

"Who was the man that was here earlier this morning?"

"What man?"

"His hair was too black, he had a scar on the jaw... green bright eyes that was formed like an almond a bit..."

So he saw Jon. And he recognized the only thing that they had in common: their eyes. Jace stayed quiet. Surprised that Jon had let someone see him. His sister was preoccupying him more than he showed if he let someone caught a glimpse of him. Jace didn't answer. He didn't want to put Jon in a compromising position and James snapped his head to him with anger and worry in his eyes.

"He broke into her house and brought the blanket here!"

So it was Jon who brought the blanket to her. Jon knew her better than anyone and he knew that it would bring her some sort of comfort. Why? Did it have some special meaning to them? Still, Jace couldn't let James worry about the presence of Jon or the blanket too much, or he could call the cops... How ironic.

"He's someone who cares deeply about her and who won't be as lenient as me if you cross him."

"So he _is_ her brother... She's never going to forgive any of you. No matter how much you apologize. She'll never forgive you. For years she had nightmares of abandonment and loneliness. For years she had been afraid to commit to anyone because she was too afraid of being abandoned again. For years she kept on hoping her past would come back to her, all the while dreading it. And it is all because you guys left her. You think I don't know her? I know that for her, nothing is more important than rightfulness and family. And now you want to tell her that her brother and her... and you have left her. It's not going to work. She'll hate you both for this."

Why did he have to say out loud what he had been thinking over and over again? He knew that she would be pissed at them, but James didn't fully comprehend how much family meant to Clary. It meant so much to her that he knew she would forgive her brother just to have him back. As long as they are apart, neither of them would be completely happy.

Jace remained at a distance, and observed his sleeping Clary. Why didn't she wake up already? What was so wrong with remembering any of them? Why did her brain try so hard to keep her from remembering the most important people in her life?

"Why did you do it? Why did you leave her? Why did you try to re-win her heart when you saw her again? This is not how it works. You can't just dispose of her as you wish."

"I didn't leave her. I tried to keep that very situation from happening. Do you really think that I could leave her on my own free will?"

"I don't know what to think of a man who goes around and kisses other people's fiancée."

He didn't kiss her. _They_ kissed. She kissed him as much as he kissed her, but Jace figured that James didn't need to know that. Besides she was _his_ fiancé before getting into a relationship with James. He had asked her and she didn't blow him off like she did with James. Izzy told him that she heard that she turned down his proposal.

"She's not wearing your ring."

"That's beside the point. You saw the ring, you knew I was going to propose and still, you sneaked your way into our life!"

"Because she doesn't love..."

"Don't! Don't you dare say that! She does love me. More than you'll ever care to admit."

"But less than she loves me."

James snapped his head to Jace, shooting daggers through his eyes and Jace saw that he was very well aware of this little fact. James had figured out Clary's feeling towards Jace, but he still tried to hide it from himself. He didn't want to admit it. He was living in denial. In a fraction of second, James stood before Jace, glaring at him with all the hatred and anger that he could muster.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jon opened the door to Izzy's apartment, feeling as lost as when he left. What if she didn't want him in her life now that she was with child? Now that she had more than herself and her heart to protect? But as soon as he was in, Izzy was in front of him, with a look of worry on her face. But what struck him was that her worry seemed to be about him more than anything.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just that..."

Jon looked at her frowned brows and then he saw a male coat on the hanger. If she was entertaining a guest and worried about his reaction, the only viable option was that Simon was there. It would be great not to see him. In fact, he preferred if he didn't have to interact with him in any manner. There was a feeling of jealously deep inside towards him, and Jon knew that he shouldn't give into it.

"You have company, I'll come back later."

"No! You have to stay. Just... Don't overreact."

He was about to tell her that he wasn't interested in being seen by Simon or seeing him whatsoever, but she took his hand tight in hers, her brown eyes pleading with him.

"Humor me. Remember, a pregnant woman gets all that she asks for."

He sighed softly as she led him to the living room. Women and their devilish unknown powers over men. Especially the men desperately in love with them... But when he saw her 'guest', Jon froze, looking at the man with shock and apprehension. What the Hell was he doing here? Father and son looked at each other for a while until Izzy said that she would make some tea. Jon was about to follow her, just in order to flee the idea of being alone in a room with his father, but she gave him a hard look, forbidding him to do so and forcing him to stay.

He swallowed back his frustration and turned to look at his father. Really looking at him for the first time in years. He had gotten old. He _seemed_ old. Sure he had a few wrinkles on his face, and his hair started greying, but it was more than that. His eyes were weary, the way that his shoulders were slump from tiredness, and the desperation on his face, all of that combines were making him old.

"Why are you here?"

"Because it seems like it is the only way I can talk to you for more than 30 seconds." (**A.N. **To Maaaars! Sorry, crazy me came out.)

"You didn't have to implicate Izzy in all of this."

Valentine's eyes flickered to where Izzy had just disappeared before going back to Jon, an ineffable emotion in his eyes. Jon knew that his father had always been aware of his relation with Izzy, but he didn't care anymore. He stopped caring about his father's opinion when Clary slipped away.

"I wasn't aware of the... recent _development_ between the two of you."

Of course he wasn't. Jon just learned about the damn thing yesterday! And he still didn't know what to do about it. He knew what he wanted to do, but was it the right thing to do? For Izzy? For their baby?

"What are you going to do about that?"

"Why are you here?"

"To talk to my son."

"The day Clary stopped being your daughter, I stopped being your son!"

He couldn't help but blame his father. Clary jumped on _him_ to save him. She had saved all of them, but she had shielded _him_ with her minute body to save their father. Jon knew it wasn't his fault, he knew he shouldn't blame him, but he had to blame someone. He lost his sister for Fuck's sake!

Jon saw a glimpse of pain cross Valentine's face, and he regretted his harsh words. He knew that their Dad missed Clary as much as him, especially now that their Mom was dead. Clary had always been his favorite, even though he had always done his best not to show it.

"I didn't come to argue with you Jon. I came because I missed my son. But if you want me to leave, I'll leave."

Valentine got up, and Jon didn't utter a word or move a single muscle. He didn't want to throw his father out, but he had stayed so long without seeing him that he didn't know what to do anymore. Suddenly Izzy reappeared in the living room with a tray in her hands and glanced at the two men. She must have understood that things weren't going well because she threw an evil glared at Jon before turning with a smiling face to Valentine.

"You're staying for lunch right? I already ordered for you."

"I think I'd better go."

"Don't listen to Jon. He's just being stubborn. Besides I have questions about the baby."

Jon's face was unreadable, even though he was thankful to Izzy to make his father nod to her request. Of course he would stay for the baby. It was probably the only grandchild he would ever have. Secretly, Jon wished that their daughter would look nothing like him. If she had to take his genes, he wanted her to have Jocelyn's genes.

They all sat in the living room, awkwardly holding a cup of tea in their hands, Valentine sitting in an armchair at their left.

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Pregnant woman on the way, throw that away."

Jace threw his cigarette away as Izzy came to sit on the swing next to him. It had been three days since Clary slipped into a coma. _Three freaking days_. It was Paris all over again. It was as if the Universe had decided to play some sick ironic joke on them. But at least now, he had his parents to support him. He had stayed at their house ever since his heated conversation with James. It was the one that ended with both of them being banished from her room for good. They were not even allowed in the hospital.

This time, Jace hadn't been able to hold himself back as James accused him of a thousand things that he already knew. He knew she wouldn't forgive them, for more reasons than just leaving her behind. She wouldn't forgive them because… because of their choice her family fell apart. She hadn't been there for her brother, and all their lives got messed up. There were many things that were very important to Clary, so many things that she wouldn't forgive them for that James would never understand.

Now, he was condemned to sit in his parent's garden, waiting for Robert to come back from his night's shift to bring him news about Clary. Akuma's head was on his lap. He looked at his sister as she gently swayed while the sun was setting in the horizon. She seemed less stressed compared to the last time he saw her. Of course, Jon was back with her now, what more could she ask for to be happy?

"You never really were with Simon were you? You just let us think so because it was easier than explaining Jon."

Izzy nodded. Her eyes steady on the grass at their feet. Jace always thought that there was something off with their relationship. The way she talked about him, the way they acted together, and the way they looked at each other. It was all best friends material, not love material. Simon had become a good friend of hers, and nothing more. A friend that wouldn't be too overbearing about her life like family could be sometimes.

Jace wondered how Jon and Izzy got back together, Jon who was so eager to flee everything that could remind him of Clary and Jon who made Izzy cry just by sending her a simple letter. It must have been luck, because it didn't seem like Jon to impose himself and his life upon Izzy or anyone for that matter. And that's when Jace remembered Jon's reaction at the mention of Izzy being pregnant. For a split second, just before he hid his emotions, he had seemed taken aback and upset.

"How come Jon didn't know that you are pregnant? Didn't he go to see you when he last came to New York?"

"He did, but I wasn't sure yet. And I didn't want to worry him for nothing. When I learned the news, the first thing that I did after was telling you guys. That was a week after he came by."

Jace nodded, his gaze back in front of him, lost into space. How weird was it that the twins conceived around the same time... They were linked in a level even deeper than Jace ever suspected.

"Did Clary ever saw you smoke?"

"Nope. Why?"

"She's an anti-cigarette freak. She made their Dad quit when they were 9, and apparently, it wasn't pretty."

Jace planted his elbows on his knees, bending a little and smirking, finding the irony of this situation ridiculously cruel. She had been the reason why he started, a desperate act to take his worries away and to slowly kill himself for leaving her.

"Dad is going to freak out when he learn that the father of his first grandchild is a hit man."

"Yeah, how about he doesn't? I don't need to have lectures about that. And the worst part is, I'm sure Mom would still try to get us married."

"Probably... What a wedding that would make... Us on one side and four Morgenstern's in disguise on the other."

"Four? Jace, their Mom died 5 years ago. She was killed in a mission. Jon was devastated."

Jace swallowed his bile hard. Jocelyn was dead. The Mom that Clary loved above it all, the Mom she brought back to life with a disarming calm, and the Mom for whom she cried when she thought she wouldn't wake up. Because of them, she never had the chance to hold her mother one last time. Just one more thing Clary would never forgive them about. The list just keeps getting longer and longer.

"Anyway, it's not like he proposed. Or did he?"

"This isn't a fucking fairy tale Jace. If it were, you'd go kiss Clary right away and she'd wake up."

Jace inwardly smiled at Izzy comparing Clary to a princess. Clary was anything but a stupid princess, and always hated the very idea to be affiliated to one. But still, he was surprised that Jon didn't ask for Izzy's hand right away when he found out that she was pregnant with his kid. Jon had always been the big romantic of the family. He had always been the one dreaming of white picked fence houses.

"He's not going to stick around?"

"Jon? Have you met him? Family is everything to him. I think he's just scared. Scared because of what he does, because of how they have been raised and because his sister can't help him in this major step in his life. I love Jon, I really do, and I know that he loves me too. I know that there isn't a thing he wouldn't do for me, and now for our baby. But...

He loves his sister more, and a part of him will always be with Clary. She's his Gemini Cricket. She always had been the one to advise him in his life choices, and now she can't so he's scared of taking the next step. He's scared of staying and bringing us trouble. But at the same time he's scared of leaving and missing everything he always wished for.

You know for a long time he blamed himself, he still does. He keeps on telling himself that if he had done things differently, his family would still be there. And whatever I tell him, he still ends up blaming himself for losing his sister. He misses her as much as you do. He goes and stays with her every night, waiting for her to wake up."

"So you don't know where he stands..."

"I do. He vaguely mentioned the marriage thing, as if it was nothing. But... I don't want to force him into this life. I kept our baby without even telling him or giving him a choice, and now I feel like I trapped him or something."

"Jon always dreamed to be trapped in this life. Maybe you're actually giving him the chance to live the life he turned his back on eight years ago."

Izzy graciously shrugged before starting to sway a little on her swing. Her eyes were lost into space, just like Jace's. They stayed silent like that for a while, each lost in their own thoughts on how complicated life could get. How a decision taken eight years ago could still impact their lives so much.

"I envy Alec sometimes."

"You'd like to end up with Magnus? He's not into blonds, you know."

"No, I envy their relationship. It seems so easy for them. They never fought, never had rough patches. They just lived and loved each other ever since high school. How come we didn't get that as well? How come you get knocked up with a guy you love so much, and who returns that love just as much, and still don't know where he'll be tomorrow? How come the one I love doesn't remember me and is in a hospital bed? How come she has this other guy who loves her a lot all over her? That guy who loves her so much that she even agreed to..."

Jace cut himself off. It still bugged him that Clary had been willing to have children with James. Because to Jace, that step is an undeniable proof of her love. Maybe she didn't love James as much as she once loved Jace, but she still loved him enough to have babies with him.

"She didn't agree to it. She _wanted_ a child. It's not the same thing. According to their Dad, it's because she forgot how they were brought up that now she wasn't repulsed by the idea of having children anymore. Jon was also pretty moved by her being pregnant... and her losing it. I don't know what happened, but Jon was really mad about that and Valentine was also really upset. There were lots of undertones between the two of them."

"You saw Valentine?"

She nodded, but didn't add any details, keeping what might have happened between the two Morgenstern's to herself. This was so un-Izzy like. Izzy would always bramble for hours about everything and nothing happening in her life. But then again, that was the Izzy eight years ago...

Izzy changed. She changed so much over the past eight years that she didn't feel to Jace like she was his baby sister anymore. She wasn't that little girl that he needed to protect anymore. She had this strength and this calm emanating from her that made her... different. Jace wondered if it was due to losing Jon or to having him back.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Someone just kissed her forehead and whispered something to her in Japanese before they left.

Clary woke up to this awful feeling of déjà vu. She knew this smell, this bed, this position and she sat up with a start. She was in a hospital bed. Fan-_fucking_-tastic! She looked around and saw that it was still dark outside, even though the sky was slightly getting clearer. She massaged her head, and then noticed the perfusion in her arm.

She gently removed it, grimacing a little as the needle was exiting her body and she brought her knees to her chest, resting her head on them. What happened? How did she end up in a hospital bed? _Again_!

And then she remembered. She remembered how much her head had hurt. It was nothing compared to what her heart was feeling. Jace lied to her. He betrayed her. And when she had been ready to let him know how much she despised his act, and what he had done to her, someone had interrupted her.

It was someone that she knew. There weren't even a single question about that. She had known this man. She had even drawn this man. She knew she had his sketched portrait somewhere in her Parisian apartment. She knew how obsessed she had been by this particular drawing once it was done. She knew him, she _knew_ she did, but the more she tried to remember, the blurrier he became.

Suddenly, her eyes caught a glimpse of mauve. She looked properly and saw her baby blanket. The one she had left in her apartment in Brooklyn. She knew it wasn't James's gesture because of how she had left him. He was supposed to be angry with her. He probably didn't even know she was here. By the way, how long has she been here?

She looked around and panicked when she saw her messenger bag on the table. She looked for her phone, but of course, it was out of battery. She frowned and took her clothes and put them on, thinking of what the baby blanket meant. Someone broke into her apartment and brought it to her.

Was it Jace or the mystery man? Once completely dressed, she took her bag and hesitated for a moment before leaving the blanket on the bed along with her phone. Fuck them both! Whatever they wanted to tell her, she didn't want to hear it. She wanted real answers, and they just seemed like shadows full of lies.

She creaked the door open and looked down the deserted hallway. When she was sure it was empty, she ran out of her room, and then out of the hospital. Once outside, she hesitated. She couldn't go back to her place, and she couldn't go to James. She couldn't go anywhere because she didn't know New York that well. She just knew a few people, and that's when it hit her.

She went to a phone booth and composed a particular number, praying that the person she was calling wouldn't be too hammered.

"Java Jones?"

"Lucky... I need your help, please..."

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaa. What is she going to do? What is going to happen? **

**So much drama, I know some people who want to kill me right now (aka, my little junky). Anyway, what did you gus think of this chapter?**

**So here we are, Clary woke after two and a half chapter, she finally woke up, and she still doesn't remember. Don't she will eventually. **

**So. I hope the Sizzy situation was cleared out enough for you. They actually never were together, he's just her best buddy. So yeaaaah Jonabelle (or maybe not, maybe I'll be evil and stop that love from blooming) **

**For those who wondered what Jon meant by 'we didn't mess her up to this point.', he read through the lines that she won't be able to have babies, and he gathered that it was due to the explosion. So he blames himself for that too. **

**And yeah, Jocelyn is dead I'm sorry. I had too. And yes, I think Clary losing her brother is even sadder than losing Jace. **

**And James, why do you hate him? He's nice, in love and all. I didn't make him Despicable, but adorable. You should all love him, even if you wish him away from Clary. I like James, and I'm sad for him. **

**And the dream. Mouhahahhahah. Did you really think I would go that way? It was too cheesy for me. **

**Anyway, once again a cliffy, and next chapter is going to be soooooooooo good. I love it already. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	14. Back to the Roots

Jon returned from the hospital to find Izzy curled up and asleep on the couch. He frowned at her stubbornness. He explicitly told her not to wait for him, but she didn't listen. As he squatted next to her, he gently brushed away the hair that had fallen on her face so he could see her better. How did they end up together? Izzy was destined for someone kind, selfless, loving and gentle, someone who could offer her a real life. Someone who wasn't him.

He sighed, resting his head next to hers and cursing at the many complications of life. Why didn't everything go smoothly and according to plan? Why was it that he was so conflicted? Why was it that what he wanted didn't correspond with what he should do? Izzy was already picking their baby girl's name, and what scared him the most about that was that he was already picturing himself with their daughter in his arms.

Was this the confliction and struggle that their parents felt when they found out they were expecting? Was it how they made the difficult decision to have this life? Did they feel bad all their lives because of that?

"You should sleep Jon."

Izzy was gently caressing his hair and he could hear the fondness in her voice.

"And you should be in your bed."

"Make me."

Jon looked up, and he saw her smiling playfully. Since she was going to make him sleep either way, he got up. She raised her arms to him to signify that she wanted him to take her in his arms. He did so, and once she was in his arms, he planted a kiss on her neck before walking her to her room.

"You know according to tradition, I shouldn't even walk with you like this."

"According to tradition... I think me being a humongous whale already proves that we're not traditional."

He rolled his eyes at her and sat her in her bed, standing next to her. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and made him sit next to her. She had gotten stronger over the years. Jon remembered how he had slowly taught her how to at least defend herself properly, with and without weapons. He had been so scared that someone too nosy would come after her for revenge. This was why he had stayed away from her for almost a year after their reunion in Madrid. And that's how he learned he had no willpower when it came to Izzy.

"Are you going to listen to your Dad?"

Valentine came everyday per Izzy's request. Jon knew she was trying to patch them up, but there were so many issues between them: the principal being Clary. Added to that awful fact, because of the explosion, she might never have children now. This fact caused devastation between both Valentine and Jon, even though they never really told Izzy. She didn't need to be more upset that she already was. Now his father was advising him to fake his death in order to live with Izzy.

"No. It includes too many things that I don't want to see."

"Such as? Us together?"

"_What_? No! Such as making you live a life of lies. Making you sacrifice your family because of my death, I cannot be with people who knew me. This will make you drop your dream job because your reputation and mine don't collide."

This was the problem. His past was not compatible with Izzy. And the life he had to offer her was not compatible either. _He_ was not compatible.

"I don't mind Jon. I never did. Why don't you see that? Why don't you see that it has always been you?"

"It's not because I see it, or because I also want it that it makes it right. You don't know what it is like. You weren't raised like that. I can't put that life on my child. I _won't_ put that life on my child. I want our daughter to dream of unicorns and knights in shining armor. I want her only worry to be about the boogieman in the closet and not the fear to have her parents killed during the night. I want my only worry for her to be if she's happy and not if she'll get kidnap because of who I am."

"You're overthinking it Jon. All you should want is your daughter to know her father. That's all that matters."

"It's not Izzy. As mush as I wish it is, it's not."

He leaned his elbows on his knees and took his head in his hands, sighing, frustrated as ever. This was a lost situation, everywhere he looked, it just seemed wrong. Whatever his decision, he would do wrong to Izzy and to their kid. Clary would know what to do. She would have come up with a solution.

He heard Izzy get up and raised his head to her, surprised by her expression. She seemed on the verge of tears. He took her hands in his, his heart breaking to see her like that.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared Jon. I'm scared that you'll slip away. I'm scared that you'll go on a risky mission just in hopes to be killed. Just so you won't have to make a torturous decision. I'm scared that you resent me because I kept our baby without ever telling you. I'm so scared Jon, and what you're saying now is not reassuring me."

"I'm sorry."

He never meant to scare her. He just didn't know what to do. He was completely clueless on what to do. He wanted to stay with her, but his reason was telling him that he shouldn't. What would Clary tell him?... She would probably tell him to stay. She would tell him that there is no reason to abandon family, reminding him that he already did that to her, and that there was no way she would let him do the same to her niece. Jon got up and took Izzy by her waist, burying his face in her neck.

"I'm so sorry Izzy, it's just that... I don't know what to do. I don't. For the first time in eight years I am clueless and powerless over a situation. And for the first time in eight years, I am allowing myself the hope to live again. To live this life that had been denied to me when my sister got blown away. And... I don't know what to do. I just don't."

"Then don't do anything. Just feel. Does it feel right to you? Do _we_ feel right? The three of us?"

Of course they did. Izzy felt right. Perfect even. She was made to be in his arms with their baby between them. Maybe she was right. Maybe he should stop overthinking it so much and just feel. Feel this life she was offering him.

But before he could think or feel any further, someone banged at Izzy's door. They looked at each other, frowning since they weren't expecting anyone, especially this early in the morning. As Izzy went to open the door, Jon remained in retreat, anxiety taking over him.

"Where's Jon!?"

Jace was facing Izzy, fear freezing his insides. Clary was gone. Gone as in missing without leaving a trace. And now Jon was his last resource. Jon revealed himself at the doorframe and looked at Jace's face, distorted by anxiety and fear, which made Jon swallow hard. Something was wrong.

"Clary's gone! She's not at the hospital! She's not at her place or at James's. She's nowhere! She just disappeared!"

"She woke up?"

He missed her. If he had stayed a little while longer, he would have been there for her. Why did life keep on being this unfair? Why did she have to wake up when no one was there for her?

"Maybe. I'm not even sure! She's gone. Robert passed by to check on her before leaving his shift, and she wasn't there anymore! The only thing there was just that stupid blanket and her dead phone!"

"She left the blanket?... Let me call Val... Dad."

**~.o.O.o.~**

Clary looked at the drawing she just completed with betrayal pouring through her. Whoever this man was, he knew her. He knew her better than anyone because they were related. They had so many similarities: their eyes were identically shaped, the way they held their emotions were the same, and they regarded people the same. The only thoughts running through her mind was that they were related. She could feel it inside of her. And what he had been about to say kept echoing in her head, 'Jace, I told you to stay away from my sis...'. Sis as in sister? Was he her brother? He could be. She could see herself with a brother like him. And then, the anger reignited and boiled within her skin again.

If he was her brother, why in the world didn't he ever come to her? Jace she could understand. He was free to move on and go... But her own family? Was she the horrible type of sister that you cannot get rid off quickly enough? Because she couldn't see another reason why he abandoned her otherwise or why he left her when she needed him the most.

And now that she discovered that Jace and him were plotting not to see her and to stay away from her, she thought: What the Hell? Was she that horrible? She felt so angry against the both of them. She had thought for so long that she was all alone in the world, that no one cared even a bit about her, and now she was finding out she had a whole life filled with people who 'cared'. Who 'cared' so much that they left her behind. They didn't forget her. They didn't die like she assumed. They just _left_. She must have been a burden for them since they left her behind.

The worst part of it was that for the past eight years, she felt his shadow in close proximity to her. She knew he was the knight of her dream, and she was sure he was also her guardian angel. He was the person that always, without fail, guided her over the years and helped her survive. So what the Hell? Why did he keep her at a freaking arm's length!? Why did he never try to contact her!?

She looked at the clouds through the window, impatient to get home and impatient to be back in Paris. There was a sketch there, a sketch of Scarface with her and without his scar. She wanted to be sure, so she needed to see it in person, but this stupid plane was taking its sweet time to land in Paris.

She remembered how she asked Lucky to drop her at the airport. She gave him the money that she had retrieved near the hospital to buy a ticket under his name. Jace was a cop, and she didn't want him to trace her. She didn't want to do anything with him, or with that man. She just wanted to go back to the comfort of her Parisian apartment and pretend that she never went to New York; that nothing ever happened, that she was the same as before, and not someone who had been played by the people she had trusted.

Slowly, she let herself slip into a very light sleep until the plane finally landed.

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Wayland? Someone's asking for you at the station."

"I'm off, remember? I took the week off."

Ever since Clary had fallen into coma, he hadn't gone back to work, and be didn't plan on going back unless she woke up. And now she was freaking missing. She left the hospital without checking out, and without a word. Maybe she remembered, maybe she was so angry with them that she was already plotting their murder.

And that was if everything was okay. Jon had a totally different theory about her being kidnapped by Raziel to get revenge on their Dad. Jon had told him things about this man that caused Jace to shiver in horror and disgust. It was things that went way back before Paris, things that Clary had never shared with him and yet that had bothered her deep inside. He knew that the Morgenstern's had destroyed whatever they had stolen from that man, but that only comforted him in his idea of revenge, Jocelyn was the first example.

"He's pretty persistent. Something about a Ruby Locks."

"A biker?"

"Yeah. A really pissed off biker."

Jace told his colleague that he'd be at the station in a few. So Clary went to Java Jones, he should have thought of that. They had been the only reliable people since she came back to New York, the only people who told her the truth about her past, of course she would go back to them. He quickly sent a text to Izzy to tell Jon that he might have a lead on where Clary was and he hopped on his bike.

Clary has been missing for 20 hours. _Twenty hours_ of pure agony and torture of not knowing where she was, how she was, or whom she was with. Valentine had completely disappeared after Jon called him to inform him about Clary being gone, and Jon didn't know if it was a good sign or not. Now, Jace had this slight hope that she was safe and sound at Java Jones.

As soon as he arrived at the station, he spotted an old fashioned Harley and he stormed into the building, but there was no biker in sight. Jerry walked to him and asked him if he wanted back up, telling him that the infuriated biker was in his office. He declined the offer before rushing to his office, only to find Lucky.

They regarded each other for a moment, Lucky looking as if he was going to kill someone and Jace closed the door. Now that he was facing the biker, Jace wondered how in the Hell he could have found him. It's not like he bragged about his job whenever he went to Java Jones. He was well aware of the few illegal activities in the bar - underage drinking and tattoos, illegal bets, and exchange of money that weren't that friendly - but it wasn't that incriminating. The world wasn't perfect, and no one was really endangered in that. The bikers always made sure that no one too hammered would leave the bar driving.

"How do you know where I work?"

"What do you think? That I can't recognize a cop in my own bar? I am not stupid. I use my eyes. And that leads to my question: what have you done to her?"

What did he mean what have I done to her? He saw Clary! Where was she? Did something happen to her? Did she finally break down? For better or worst?

"Where is she?"

"Out of your reach. Now give me one good reason not to rearrange your pretty little face!"

Jace couldn't care less about the biker's threat. All that mattered at this instant was Clary. He still wondered in a corner of his mind why Lucky cared so much about a girl who used to go to his bar 8 years ago and a girl who totally forgot about him, no less.

"How is she?"

"On the verge of jumping off a bridge! What happened to the crazy kids so in love that used to crash in my bar? Why is it that she almost had a nervous break down when I told her about you and that she almost lost it when I saw her this morning and asked about you?!"

"Why do you care so much?"

Lucky seemed a bit taken aback by this question, but Jace was only buying his time. He gathered that Lucky wouldn't tell him where she was, and from what he had been telling him, she was sad and depressed. Jace still didn't hear the emotion he dreaded so much: anger. The only anger there was had imbedded itself on Lucky's face. He just needed to find a way to coerce Clary's location out of him.

"Do you know how we met?"

"She walked into your bar..."

"She saved my face from some serious unwanted remodeling and then _we_ walked into the bar. She didn't know me whatsoever, yet she still came from nowhere with her helmet in her hand claiming to be my daughter. She implicitly asked the gang that I was facing not to humiliate me in front of my 'family'. How many people do you know that would eagerly risk their own skin for complete strangers? Especially a stranger looking like me. _She_ did it. Without hesitation, so yeah, I care about her.

When you first came without her, I saw the dead look in your eyes and I figured that she died, probably doing some crazy stunt again. But then I saw her again, completely amnesic. I don't know what happened, I don't know why you left her alone, but it really affected her. She cried for hours in my arms saying that she couldn't trust anyone anymore, and she couldn't even trust herself because you lied to her.

She didn't say more, but she did say that she never wanted to see your face again. What am I supposed to make of that? What am I supposed to think when the strong little girl that saved my skin eight years ago is now just a broken little woman trying to fly away from _you_?"

Jace swallowed hard. He made Clary doubt herself. He made Clary cry. He made Clary doubt the whole world. In a way, he was glad that she at least had someone she could confide in, but still, he wished it had been him. He wished she came to him to seek comfort no matter what happen.

Suddenly the door opened, and Jon appeared, anxiety clear on his face. He looked at Lucky with surprise as Lucky was taking in his hair, his scar, and his stern expression. Jon saw in Lucky's eyes that he had understood in the blink of an eye what Jon did for a living, but at the moment, he didn't care.

"Where's my sister?"

"Aren't you supposed to know? You're her brother."

"I'm not playing around Lucky. You never saw any of us angry, and you don't want to, trust me. Tell me where my sister is, or so God help me!"

Jon didn't move from the closed door. His hand was on the doorknob, using it as an anchor to reel in his feelings in order to try and keep himself calm. Lucky sighed, glaring at Jace. Apparently he didn't want him to have any part in the matter.

"I dropped her at JFK at dawn."

"No you didn't. There were no plane tickets under her name."

"She asked me to buy the ticket under my name."

"Fuck!"

Jon pinched the bridge of his nose. What did that mean? Did she remember? If she was so cautious about not being traced, what did that mean? He was sure she didn't remember. He knew that an abandoned Clary who regained her memory would beat the crap out of them and she wouldn't fly away.

He glanced at Jace, and then he understood. She was running from him. He was a cop, so of course she would try to hide her name from any official paper. She was running from Jace, but why? What did she think of him? Did she even remember fainting at Jon's sight?

"To Paris..."

Jon glanced back at Jace, surprised by his tone and his guess. It was almost not a question. More of a statement that she went back to the only safe place she knew: her home. She fled this place filled with lies and shadows to go back to the only peaceful place she knew and called home.

Lucky nodded and Jace looked at Jon, anxiety in his eyes. They were wondering the same thing. Did she remember? Did she decide to cut ties with them the same way they had with her eight years ago?

**~.o.O.o.~**

Clary opened the door to her apartment. Instant feelings of relief and comfort flowed through her. She was finally home. She was finally somewhere she knew. As soon as she closed the door, she rushed to her bedroom and knelt next to her bed.

She retrieved one of her boxes that were full of drawings and sketches. She searched through the pictures until she found the one she was looking for. It was the drawing that James and her fought over. It was the portrait that made her decide to stop digging into her past.

And it was an exact replicate of the man she saw in the shooting room. It was the same man, only younger, with fair hair, without a scar and with green eyes. He had _her_ green eyes. They were the same color and shape, the same love emitted from it and she felt comforted and loved whenever she was looking at the picture.

She remembered how she fought with James about this particular drawing. How he attempted to persuade her that it was something from her past. She remembers how she deluded herself into thinking that it was a pure product of her imagination. James told her to make copies, and to plaster this face on the walls of Paris. She snapped at him at the time, saying that it wasn't worth the trouble. If the person cared about her, he wouldn't have left her in the first place.

But now... Now she wasn't so sure. Maybe Jace and him left her because of her headaches. Or perhaps it was because of the possibility that she could faint and collapse into coma if she remembered. Now that she was thinking of it clearly, she recalled having headaches every times she had been with Jace. Ever since she had first seen him her migraines had become part of her daily life, like Jace.

She now understood the wary in his eyes every time he looked at her. But then... How could they? How could he look at her when she had been with another man all along? Did he still love her? Because she knew without a doubt that she did. Whatever their relation before she didn't care, she was in love with Jace now, no matter how awful that made her towards James. Even though he had betrayed her, she still loved Jace. What was wrong with her?

And what about James? How did he feel after all of this? Her heart went out to James. James stayed by her all those years and never betrayed her and she was… _she_ was betraying him now. She let herself fall to the floor on her back and looked at the wall upside down. She observed the wall with her unfinished painting. She closed her eyes before snapping them back open and rolling on her stomach.

It was them! It was Jace and Scarface! She ran to her spare room, the one she had transformed to a painting room and quickly grabbed paint and brushes before running back to her room with a spark of inspiration gleaming in her eyes. She filled the silhouettes, detailed their faces, colored their persons and when she was done painting them, after hours and hours had gone by while she was swallowed by her creation, she noticed something in the back of the scenery.

Two forms lost amongst the flames. She dipped her pointer finger into black paint and outlined the forms that were slowly becoming two other persons. Once she was sure of herself, she backed away to look at what she did. Four people were staring back at her. Three men and a woman. There was Jace, stunning as ever, only slightly younger. Two Scarface-like men looking exactly the same except one was older than the other, painted in flames and holding the woman's hand. The woman looked just like Clary...

This was her family. Her family and Jace. She had them next to her all along and didn't even realize it. She let herself fall on her knees, trying to steady her breath and stop herself from hyperventilating. All along the key to her past had been just next to her.

Maybe if she had listened to James she would have discovered this years ago. If only she had been less stubborn and childish. James... He must be sick and worried about her, she had promised him to visit him so they could have a heart to heart and she never did. She slowly and reluctantly got up and left her room - and the painting - to go pick her phone in the kitchen. She dialed James's number after ensuring her number would appear as private.

"Hello?"

"Hi James. It's Clary."

"Jesus Clary! How are you? _Where_ are you?!"

He seemed beyond worried and on the verge of breaking down. She bit her lip in anticipation and guilt. Even though she broke his heart by telling him that she kissed another man, he still loved her.

"I'm fine. I just needed... some ..."

"Cut the crap. You were in a coma for three freaking days! _Three days_! Three days where I had to endure... Just come back, I'm worried about you."

"I can't..."

"Are you with..."

He cut himself off and Clary wondered if he knew about Jace. If he had always known and that was why he had always been so reluctant to let her go to him after the dinner party.

"I'm on my own James. I'm... I don't want to tell you where I am, but I'm alone and I'm fine."

"You don't want to see me?"

"I just want to be on my own for a while. I have to sort things out about my life."

"Clary... Your life is just fine the way it is. Don't try to dig into your past. You won't like what you'll find. Just... Wait for me and I'll join you."

Clary frowned and rubbed her head. How in the Hell would he know where she was? And what did he mean by her not liking what she'd find about her past?

"I'm not in New York James."

"I know. I know you Clary. Just let me come to you and we can sort things out together."

Someone knocked at her door, which made Clary frown. She looked at the time and realized that it was already 11am. It was probably the postman or something. Even though she wasn't supposed to be here, that wouldn't stop anyone from knocking. She walked to the door all the while still talking to James.

"I don't know James. I have so many things going through my mind right now. I want to think about it before doing or saying things I don't mean."

She looked though the judas and saw that it wasn't anyone she was trying to avoid. It was just a man in a suit with a hat hiding his face. He was probably a contractor or something. She opened the door, still on the phone with James.

"Clary... I don't want to lose you. I don't care about what happened the other night, I just want to be there for you and..."

"James. I'll have to call you back. There's someone at my door. Just let me get rid of him and I'll call you back in five minutes"

She hung up all the while looking at the man in front of her. He was wearing a really expansive suit, and an imposing aura was emanating from him. His head was still bent a little until he looked up, his eyes was looking all over her body before stopping at her face, a small smile on his face. He stared at her, his grey eyes ravaging her every features as if she was a treasure he had been seeking for so long.

"Bonjour?"

He chuckled a bit, raising his hand to his hat to remove it to reveal silver hair. Literally _silver_, not graying hair. Clary looked at him, finding him handsome despite the age gap between the two of them. He was beautiful, _inhumanly beautifu_l. He smirked at her and took a step closer to her making her grip her doorknob in anticipation. Did she know this man?

"They did make it very difficult to find you, but eventually, I did."

**~.o.O.o.~**

**tadaaaaaaaa. Who's that at the door?**

**So you thought I forgot about you? I didn't, see. And here i come again with a new cliffie (you hate me right now I know). **

**So sorry, but il falling of sleep right now, so the author's note I really short this time. **

**Just, I'm glad to have news from my fanatic fan, because I was a bit worried, I hope that you liked this chapter and that you guys are still looking forward to the rest, I promise next note will be more considerate, but now I need SLEEEEEEEEEP, and I couldn't make you wait yet another day. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	15. All Hells Break Lose

Jon and Jace stood in front of Luke's house, lost in the memories that the place invoked.

To Jace it was where everything fell apart. It was where he decided to help Clary on her crazy quest to find her Dad - where he ultimately lost her. He couldn't help but think that if he didn't agree to accompany her or propose to be her shield and look after her life, Luke never would have let her go. She would have remained in New York where she was safe, and they would have had a whole different life together.

To Jon, Luke's house held a completely different meaning. This was where he last saw his father. It was where he shouted horrible things and blamed him for every single wrong occurrence in his life after he lost his mother and remained in catatonic state for days. When Jon cut ties with his father, he also cut ties with Luke.

Now he was back at Luke's because it was the most probable place that his father would reside. Luke was his father's best friend and probably the only person he had to spoken to since Jocelyn's death. Luke opened the door and sheepishly regarded them. If only Jon didn't need his help so bad at this moment...

"Well, it took you some time to come back and see me Jon."

"I'm not here for..."

"I know why you're here. There's no point. Your father already has it covered. You're going to stay here."

Jon blinked twice a little taken aback. What did he mean by his father already had it covered? Did he know something that they didn't? Did he pursue Clary without telling him? That would explain why he didn't answer his damn phone.

"Clary's in Paris. _Alone_."

"Like I said, your Dad is on it. You cannot go after her if you don't know what's awaiting you there."

So their father was already on her trail. That meant Jon came to Luke for nothing. He felt a little annoyed at his father for knowing Clary's whereabouts, and withholding it from him.

"Clary's waiting for me. Just give me..."

"The system broke. _Clary Fray_ was registered to the hospital in New York. A few days later, _Clary Fray_ used her credit card in New York and then at the airport of Roissy. The card leading to her address in Paris..."

Jon grimaced, his insides freezing. Clary was in the system now. Clary was traceable now. Anyone could know where she was, who she was, and what she was doing. This was bad, so bad. When she came to New York, he had erased her name as soon as possible, meaning before she even boarded. But now... Now… that motherfucking creep could trace her. She was in so much danger right now.

"Fuck that Luke! I need papers _now_! I can't use the ones I used to come! She's..."

"If you go after him this time, you'll get more than a scar on your face. See what happened to your Mom?"

"Don't you dare talk about her!"

He knew very well how his mother died. He knew it better than anyone. He was the one who didn't reach in time to save her. That was how he got the scar on his jaw, because he desperately tried to avenge her. He didn't need Luke to remind him of that.

Luke didn't seem the slightest bit impressed by his tone, his eyes were condescending Jon, and Jace knew what he would talk about even before Luke opened his mouth.

"Jon... You have a kid to think of now. You can't just recklessly go around, killing people."

"He's not a person! It's _Raziel_! The guy who ruined all of our lives! The guy who turned Dad the way he is! The guy who made my sister forget about me! The guy who killed my Mom! The guy who killed her in so many ways! He's the fucking guy who rap..."

Jon cut himself, breathing in strongly and swallowing back all his hatred for this so called man. If only he had managed to kill him eight years ago, they wouldn't be in this situation.

"He's not even _human_!"

"You think I don't know what he did? But I can't let you run to your death when you have a life ahead of you. Think of your kid. Think of Izzy."

"You want me to chose family over family?"

"I want you to think rationally. Your family always acts in the heat of the moment and that never ends well. It made your sister lose her memory. It got your mother killed. It made your father limp! Do you want this to destroy this family you can finally have also?"

Jon hated the fact that Luke was right. Too many impulsive acts had completely shattered his family. He breathed in deeply and tried to be rational.

"When did he left?"

"Four hours ago. As soon as she used her card."

"When is the next plane to Paris?"

"Didn't you listen to me?!"

"I did. I just want to see her. Just _see_ her. Whatever happens, I won't go on a Vendetta. I swear. I just want to see my sister again. Is it that too much to ask? To talk to my twin sister?"

**~.o.O.o.~**

As much as Luke had been hard to convince, it was nothing compared to Izzy. She seemed convinced that Jon would get killed in Paris, and that he was bailing on her. She finally let him go, saying that she didn't have much of a choice, but just as they were exiting, Izzy strongly grabbed Jace by the arm and planted a death stare in his eyes.

"You better bring him back to me. Whatever happens in Paris, you make him come back, or God help me I'll make your life a living Hell Jace!"

Jace promised, and he joined Jon in Luke's truck. Luke had insisted on coming with them in order to 'calm Jon's temper if needed'. Jace was lost in his thoughts, wondering about Clary and what she was thinking at this moment. Jon was right. This was not the old Clary. The Clary they knew would never remember and take off. The Clary they knew would have hunted them down to the ends of the world to find them and kill them.

Once in the plane, he was stuck between the window and Jon. He thought of how awfully similar this situation was to eight years ago: when Clary and him rushed to Paris to find her Dad and save her brother. When Clary ultimately got her memory blown away.

"How can you be so sure she doesn't remember? Maybe she changed, maybe she..."

"She left the blanket. No matter how mad she is, she would have taken the blanket with her if she remembered."

Jace quizzically looked at Jon as Jon sighed.

"It looks a lot like our own. It was the only thing we kept throughout the years, the only thing that we always had in our emergency bags, the only thing that can be considered as an heirloom besides Mom's ring. She would have kept if because it would have reminded her of our own."

"What was that about your father limping?"

"He never recovered properly from the explosion. Most of the time, he tries to hide it, but still, he'll never walk properly again."

Jace nodded and looked through the window. Even though they were going after her, they still didn't know how she would react when she saw them. Would she faint again? Would she finally remember? And mostly, what would she say?

"Jace? How is she now? Did she change a lot?"

"She... swallowed herself. If you look beneath the surface, you can still see Clary, you can still feel her fire, but she tries to hide it. She's afraid of it. She's afraid of herself, of what she knows, of what she can do. It literally scares her because she feels that she can't control it."

"We really screwed up didn't we? This wasn't supposed to happen at all. She was supposed to be happy, living in a white picked fence with your children running in the garden, and not away from us, unable to..."

Jon cut himself. It wasn't his place to tell Jace. And this guilt wasn't Jace's to bear. This was _his_ fault. His fault for running away when he had been with their grandfather, his fault for not being by her side when the car exploded, his entire fault. _Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa_. This phrase wouldn't stop echoing in his mind.

She would never experience having children all because of him. He failed her. What he did was beyond forgiving. If he had done as told, she never would have been in this state. She wouldn't have to suffer through so much pain. The more he thought about it, the less he knew what to do about it and the more guilt he felt.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Who the fuck was this guy? And why was he talking to her in English? She kept her features unreadable, analyzing what he had just told her. People tried to hide her from him. Why? Was it because he wanted to reunite with her or because he wanted to hurt her? Just by looking at him and at the way he was regarding her, she knew it was because he wanted to hurt her.

There was something malevolent in the way he looked at her. As if she was his little prey and he was going to play with like cats always did before they ultimately killed the mice. There was also something dirty. She tried to repress her shudder and calm down. Her heart was pounding in her chest and screaming at her to flee.

"Je pense que vous êtes trompé d'appartement." (_I think that you got the wrong apartment_.)

The silver man smirked at her, his eyes sparkling with amusement and something sick as he made another small step towards Clary. She did her best not to show any sort of fear, besides gripping the door a little bit tighter. Her stomach was doing somersaults and making knots inside of her.

"It is really strange to see Valentine's calm demeanor on Jocelyn's sweet face."

What the Hell was he talking about? Who were those people? Did Jocelyn resemble her? Deep inside, Clary knew she should know the answers to those questions, but she was just left with a blur.

"Are you going to let me in, or are you going to keep pretending you don't understand what I'm saying?"

"Who are you?"

This man obviously knew her, and she couldn't prolong the muse of knowing no English. He smirked at her, obviously thrilled by her question.

"I've been looking for you for eight years. Does that time lapse ring a bell?"

She didn't say anything, her face still unreadable, but her heart was slamming in her chest. Was this man a part of her past? Why did he search for her for so long? And why did he only find her now? Why was her whole past coming back and crashing her all of the sudden?

"Eight years ago you took something really important from me, but by doing so, you gave me much, so much more. And now, we will both wait for the finale."

Something changed in his eyes and Clary swiftly tried to slam her door shut, but he had been expecting that, holding the door open with a strong hand. Both of them struggled for a moment until Clary punched his white knuckles with the back of her palm. He loosely let go of his grip and she used the occasion to shut the door close.

She heard him bang on it with his shoulder. Fear was quickly pouring in her whole body. What could she do now? She was trapped in her own apartment with a maniac at the other end of her door. She couldn't go anywhere because she was living on the top floor. Then a sparkle of hope shut through her. She rushed to her spare room, closing all the doors on her way, and once there, she opened the window. It was a long shot, but it was worth it.

Just as she was sitting on the frame she heard the front door slam open. She restrained a gulp and balanced herself on the frame. Her hands were on top of the window as she was desperately attempting to escape her apartment to reach on the roof, all the while trying to maintain her balance and not fall. She hissed and just as her feet were hanging in the air, a hand grabbed one of them. She squeaked and tried to keep her hold on the frame, but in one quick and hard motion, he had her back inside, throwing her on the floor.

"You are no use to me dead. No one fights for dead people."

This man was insane. Completely insane. What he was talking about made no sense. She looked at him, still on the floor and trying to calmly analyze the situation. He was in the room with her meaning that if she ran fast enough, she could get to the front door. His grey eyes never left her as she discretely gathered herself, ready to jump and run. He smirked at her.

"What do you think? That I'll let you escape? I told you, I need you. You cannot outsmart me, everything that you know, I know. I taught your father and your father taught you. What do you think? That I can't parade my own moves?"

Her father? Her father was the one who taught her how to fight? Was he also the one who taught her how to kill? Was this skill destined to this man? This silver man who was walking to her and kneeled in front of her? This man who is taking her face in his freezing hands, hurting her in the process even though she did her best not to show it?

"You look so much like her. You even have the same fire in your eyes. I wonder how he managed to keep his hands to himself all these years. I wouldn't. I won't."

His fingers painfully trailed her neck all the way down to her nape, tightly grabbing her hair when he reached the base of her hair and he pulled her head backward. She didn't show a single emotion. Her eyes were completely focused on something else - something on his neck. It was a huge, long and ugly scar on the left side on his neck. The scar was screaming to her that he was bad news in more ways that she already knew. And a name suddenly appeared.

"_Raziel_."

She whispered the name as she was suddenly sure it was him. She still couldn't tell how she knew but all she knew was that she hated this man, and she hated everything about him. He seemed a bit taken aback by her recognition, but that only lasted a moment.

"If you remember my name, that's a good thing. It'll get things more... intimate."

She stayed silent and he smirked at her. His hand was still in her hair, and his face was too close to hers for her liking.

"It's funny how you forgot everything, yet you still act like one of us. You still act like your brother. The way to hold your thoughts, the way you look at me, the way your green eyes show more than they should. Did he ever return to you? Did he crawl back to you when I disfigured him?"

He looked at her unreadable features as she was trying to make sense out of his rambling.

"Of course he didn't. He kept you in that little bubble, hoping to keep you safe from me. And for eight years it worked. During those eight years I've watched Valentine's perfect little family crumble. How do you think he'll react when he realizes that once again he couldn't protect one of the most important people in his life? That once again he failed?"

"Is this just about some sick revenge? Is this just about getting even with that Valentine or whatever?"

If this was just that, he was one sick bastard. He smirked at her, his face still too fucking close while she was trying to find a way out.

"Let me tell you what this is all about. This is about your father scarring me for life. This is about him ruining my life by stealing and destroying one of my most valuable possessions. And now, this is about me shattering his life by doing the same to him... Once again."

During his little speech, his grip on her hair tightened and he made her head jerk backward. She restrained herself from wincing out of pain and kept her eyes open, glaring at Raziel. His smirk turned into something twisted and evil and he leaned into her.

"I promise to enjoy this as much as you'll hate it."

He tried to tackle and pin her to the floor but she headed him and squirmed out of his grip. She heard him snicker and she swiftly got up and ran to the door. As she was turning the handle, he violently turned her and pinned her against the door.

"What do you think? That I don't know how you'll react? I know everything about you. I know how you think, I know _who_ you are."

Clary tried to debate but her efforts were in vain. She only seemed to arouse him more. His hands seemed to be everywhere on her and she fought against herself not to scream or shudder. She was not going to give him the satisfaction to show him how terrified she was. She stayed inert deciding to make it as dull as possible for him.

"Your mother already tried that on me, and guess what, it's not working."

Clary took in a sharp breath, as she understood what he was implying. She tried not to vomit at this whole new notion of creepiness. She closed her eyes to keep her tears of fear in when his hands squirmed in her trousers, unbuttoning them with haste and she heard him sigh, a growl of annoyance growing in him.

"I don't want to see the Valentine in you. I want to see Jocelyn. If you won't fight me for your virtue, maybe you'll fight for your life."

One of his hands squeezed her throat and she opened her eyes wide when she felt the cold metal of a knife against her skin. For a second, she didn't care. It wasn't as if she had a life ahead of her, and no one was waiting for her. Then it hit her. She had people waiting for her, people who loved her. Even though they left her behind, she could feel that they still loved her unconditionally. They watched over her during all these years. She couldn't die. Not now.

At that moment, it was as if a spark lit in her. Her hands flew on his hand around her throat and she pulled it off of her, making him smirk. She raised her knee to his private parts, but he blocked her, a small laugh rising in his throat as he pressed his body against hers.

Clary felt completely powerless. No matter how hard she was trying to push him off, no matter how hard she was trying to fight him, he was stronger than her. He was towering over her, his disgusting smirking lips on her neck as she was trashing all over the place to make him stop. One of his hands slid her trousers down as she was scratching him and suddenly they both froze.

They heard the front door clack, and after a few seconds of surprise, Clary headed him. He stumbled backwards just a few steps, but enough for her to fling the door open and rush out of the room, her trousers still on her knees. She didn't know who came in her apartment, and didn't care. She just wanted to escape from that silver psycho. As soon as she turned to the corridor, someone grabbed her arm and made her twirl, only to plant a knife in her stomach.

She gasped in surprise and hurt, bending on her fresh wound and looked up to see Silver Fox smirking. But he wasn't looking at her. He was looking at something behind her. He slowly straightened up as Clary fell to her knees, her hands gently retrieving the knife buried in her and her mind telling her that she had around 20 minutes before she passed out. She turned her head to see what he was looking at. She saw the man in her painting from the old version. He was the one hidden all these years in the burning flames. In his eyes she spotted concern, love and sorrow. But that only lasted for a split second as he looked at her. As soon as his eyes settled on Raziel, his demeanor changed. Pure rage and fury formed on his face.

"You think that you can do to what you did to my wife to my daughter?!"

"For a matter of fact… I think I will, and I'll make you watch."

Without a warning, he pulled a gun from his back and shot the man in his chest. Clary screamed as she saw her father fall. She crawled to him, but before she could reach him, Raziel grabbed her leg. Without blinking, she turned, seeing that bastard closer than she anticipated and she slashed the knife, cutting a long wound across his face. He shouted, bringing a hand to his face then aimed the gun at her. She didn't move. She didn't even blink. She only dared him to pull the trigger, pure hatred in her eyes.

"Go ahead. What more can you do to me?"

He analyzed her for a minute, his eyes flickering back to Valentine and then he kneeled next to her with an awful expression on his face, as if he won after all.

"I can let you live. Live with the guilt that your father is dead because of you."

He smirked and left with his hand still on his face. Clary didn't dwell on that. Instead she focused on crawling back to her father. He was barely breathing, shot in his right lung. She tried to make the wound stop bleeding with her shaking hands, but the blood kept on flowing. She took her phone out of her pocket and quickly called an ambulance. He looked up at her, weakly smiling and raising a hand to her face before he tried to talk.

"Don't. Don't talk Dad. It will be okay. I called an ambulance. You can still survive."

His eyes showed surprise but she couldn't be sure. Her unshed tears were blurring her vision. Why did she forget only to regain her memory back at _this_ instant? Why not before when she could have done something for him? Her hands kept on getting bloodier and bloodier as she was trying to press on the wound as gently and strongly as she could.

"Dad?"

"_Don't talk_! Don't leave me again."

She tried to fight back her tears but she failed. She could almost see the life flickering in his eyes, but she refused to give into those thoughts. Her head was starting to spin because of her own wound, but she refused to faint. She just got her father back. There was no way she was letting go of him and no way she would lose a second with him because she stupidly fainted. He brushed her cheek, still smiling as if he wasn't laying on the floor shot in the lung and bleeding to death.

"I love you Clary."

"Don't talk like that! You're going to make it! You're going to be alright and then I'll kick your ass for leaving me!"

He chuckled a bit before coughing. This made Clary pale: he was coughing blood. She could feel her own blood pouring out of her stomach, but all her thoughts were on her Dad. Why didn't the stupid ambulance arrive yet?

"I'm sorry. We all thought it was better for you... But we were wrong."

"It's okay. I don't care. Stay with me. I love you too much for you to leave me again. Not like this."

"I love you too."

There were so much more that she wanted to say, but she didn't have the strength anymore. A cloud of darkness swallowed her, as she felt her body becoming numb and then she slipped into oblivion, her father's head still resting on her laps.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaaa. Here comes the biggest cliffhanger (yet). Mouhahahhahah. And ... I feel really like killing people lately... So, we'll see who gets to survive this story, or even this chapter. **

**So for those who wondered, remember that Raziel has silver hair and golden eyes in the book, but I changed the color of his eyes to grey, so NO, it wasn't Jem, just 'good' old Raziel. **

**And yay, Clary remembers! But at what cost? And will she even survive? And will Jon, Jace and Luke will arrive on time to see them? So many questions, so many possibilities (mlj). **

**And what about the Jonabelle? This seems to be highly endangered. Jon might just lose it, or not. I don't know (well I do, I'm writing then story, but I wont tell you yet). **

**Anyways, how did you like this chapter? What you expected? Did you like the small reveals about the Morgenstern's past? And yay, Luke is back (yeah I love Luke, sue me!). And what about Jace? We didn't hear much about him in this chapter, what do you think will happen next?**

**Oh, and guys, my sister is starting her own fanfic. It's on the Legend Of Zelda, and in French. Maybe I'll translate it, and put it in English, but if any of you can read French, go and check her story, I promise it will be good (she already told me the whole story). Her pen-name is Billy-PH, and be nice it's her first fanfic ever.**

**Oh, and I forgot last time, but I hope that the people who were fasting had a good month of Ramadan. (Not because I don't do it that I can't empathize for you guys, hope everything was okay and it wasn't too hard)**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	16. Alone You Shall Mourn

After landing an hour ago, they rushed to Clary's apartment. Now that they were in front of Clary's building, they saw that something was awfully wrong. The building was swarmed with ambulances and police cars. All of the blood drained from Jace's face at the sight of Clary leaving the building on a stretcher. There were two nurses patching up her bleeding stomach.

Jon rushed to her side, but he was frozen in shock when he saw that their father was also laying on a stretcher. There was blood everywhere, but Jon saw blood oozing out from the source in his father's chest. What the Hell happened? He only left three hours ahead of them.

As he heard the nurses talking about bullet and knife wounds, he swallowed back his bile and was pulled away by Luke.

Jace's eyes lingered on Clary as she was pulled on the ambulance. He quickly surveyed Clary and noticed that her lower lip was cut open and swollen, there were finger marks on her neck and shoulders, her trousers were pulled down and his insides froze at the realization of what might have happened.

"They're heading to Pitié-Salpétrière. Let's just go there, we have a contact."

Jon numbly nodded and followed Luke wondering where the third body was. If Raziel had come for them, then where the Hell was his body? No matter how much Clary had forgotten, she still knew how to defend herself, and she certainly wouldn't have allowed that sick bastard to touch her without putting up a fight. Why was _his_ family always on stretchers? He quickly glanced to his right, but Jace wasn't there. He looked around, but he was nowhere in sight.

"We lost Jace..."

"No, _he_ lost us..."

Luke gave him a knowing look and pulled them in the back of a taxi telling the driver to drop them at the hospital. They both stayed silent until Jon lost it.

"What if they don't make it? Their wounds are really bad. What if..."

"Then you'll go back to New York. To Izzy and your kid."

"But..."

"No. That's why your father didn't tell you about Clary. To give you this chance to _live_ Jon. No matter what happens, you have to go back to New York."

Jon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and caging his head in his hands. He sighed and wished that the cab would simply go faster.

"Even if I go back to New York, I can't stay with Izzy."

"And why the Hell not? It's not like you're involved with any organization and it's not like anyone really knows your name. You came from the shadows. It's only your prerogative to go back in the shadows."

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace was in front of the hotel's room door. He was taking deep breaths to compose himself. He couldn't let his emotions get the better of him. He had to stay calm no matter what. He quietly picked the lock and entered the room, his gun upholstered and ready to shoot. Unfortunately no one was in the room. He quickly glanced around, scanning the room, and he stealthily took a seat on a chair, waiting for the guest to exit the bathroom.

He had been surprised on how quickly the French police complied with his demand. In less than half an hour, he had the location of that asshole that dared to touch his Clary in a wrong way. He was going to make him pay in so many ways. It was almost sick that Jace was already appeased by what he could do to him.

He was going to put an end to this ceaseless chase that Raziel seemed to enjoy so much. It had destroyed Clary in too many ways. It killed her mother, and now she was lying with her father on a stretcher between life and death. _Again_! And again it was because of him. God only knew what she would lose this time because of him.

Jon told Jace how Jocelyn had become obsessed with Raziel until the morning she disappeared, which left Jon and Valentine alone. They looked for her everywhere, but it was only a few days later when they received a box with her head in it. Jace couldn't even begin to imagine the anguish that Jon and his father must have gone through. They never found her body, and they just went to Greenland to burn the only remnants they had of her.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened, bringing Jace out of his reverie. Jace immediately aimed his gun at the person leaving the room. He finally saw Raziel's face and it wasn't a pretty sight. There is a long gash that extended from the right side of his forehead, all the way down to the left of his jaw, disfiguring what must have been once a handsome face. Jace was surprised because according to Jon, the only scar he was supposed to have was an old one, inflicted by Valentine 22 years ago. This wound was fresh, and Jace could see that he had been taking care of it in the bathroom.

They looked at each other for a moment. Raziel was frozen on the spot as his eyes were going from Jace's face to the gun in his hand. He then slowly walked to the bed, his eyes never leaving Jace's.

"You are definitely not the face I was expecting to see."

Jace didn't utter a single word as Raziel sat down on the bed and faced Jace with a small smirk on his face. It was as if they were having a casual conversation between two old friends and not like Jace was aiming a loaded gun at him. Raziel's grey eyes studied Jace carefully, his mind racing with a zillion thoughts.

"Maybe I placed a bet on the wrong horse and I should have gone after your family instead. Regrettably Stephan had always been a problem, he was always good in hideouts ... and he didn't have sweet Jocelyn..."

Jace's jaw tightened for a fraction of second before he regained his features. He looked at the scar on the man's neck, finally seeing what Valentine inflicted on him and then he looked at the one that would have formed on his face if he was going to let him live. He wondered whether it was Clary or Valentine that cut him like that.

"Are you going to kill me or are you just going send death stares at me till I die?"

"I _am_ going to kill you. But not like that. You see, unlike you I have some honor, and I won't shoot an unarmed man who's not attacking me. I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"What are you waiting for then?"

Raziel's condescending smirk clearly expressed his disbelief. Jace couldn't care less. He knew he was going to end his life, so he can relinquish Clary from the burden that this man had been all her and her family's life. Raziel's smirk grew wider as his grey eyes sparkled with something else.

"Maybe you need some motivations? Maybe I should tell you what her skin felt like? Or perhaps what she smelled and tasted like when my lips touched her. Maybe I should tell you how..."

"Maybe nothing. It won't work. I know Clary and I know how she works. I know you never would have touched her like that because she wouldn't have let you. And I know that when she wakes up she'll be so angry at me because she didn't have the pleasure to see the life flicker away from your eyes herself."

With that Jace got up, removing the loader from his gun and placing it in his pocket. He then slowly walked to Raziel. He wished that he had Clary's cold calm - the one that she used when she interrogated Baldy to obtain the location of her brother - but his blood was boiling for Raziel's blood. All he wanted right now was to make sure that he would never hurt Clary again.

"I just thought that somewhere inside of you, you were disgusted with yourself... But that was just wishful thinking."

In a fraction of second, he took Raziel's face in his hands and he quickly turned it, making his head snap once before making it snap again to disfigure his head properly. The last emotion on Raziel's face was surprise. Until his very last second he thought Jace was incapable of killing him.

Jace looked at his limp body falling on the bed, and disappointment took him over. He wanted to make him suffer for hours, but he snapped at the mention of Clary and what he had supposedly done to her. He wasn't going to support it, so he just ended the bastard's life.

He heaved before leaving the room. He headed to the hospital that Luke had mentioned earlier before he retreated from Jon and him. He saw how Luke's eyes had quickly lingered on him when he started walking away from them and how he didn't try to stop him. He knew Luke had understood what he had been on his way to do, and he was grateful that he did not try to stop him.

When he arrived at the hospital, he saw Jon alone in the waiting room with his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. He sat next to him, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Jon didn't look up. He stared stubbornly at the tiled floor.

"Thank you... I wouldn't even been able to do it. I promised Izzy to stay out of any '_troubles_'."

Jon felt Jace nod and they both fell silent for a moment. As soon as Jace had disappeared, Jon knew what he went to do, and he was grateful. He promised Izzy that he wouldn't go after anyone but his sister, and there wasn't a decent way to break his promise. Now both his twin and father were in a state between life and death. Luke had disappeared with one of the doctors as soon as they arrived in the hospital, leaving Jon alone to rummage through his thoughts and worries about losing his family all over again. Except this time it would be in a more definite way.

What scared him the most was that this time he could feel the death surrounding him. Eight years ago, he knew that his sister was bound to make it. He felt it deep inside of his bones; he was never so sure about something other than that. But now… there was doubt. He didn't know. And worst yet, he could feel her slipping away. It was almost as if he could see the Angel of Death flying like a vulture above her, ready to rip her away from him.

"Still no news about them?"

"No. It's been five freaking hours and they're both still in intensive care."

Jon felt Jace bend and adapt the same position that he was in and they stayed like that for a moment, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly Luke was in front of them with a doctor, looking at them with sorrow. When Jon looked up to regard both of them, he knew that his world had once again crumbled down before him.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jace studied Clary as she lay peacefully on the bed in a corpse position. She was so pale that she seemed like a ghost. Maybe she was. Maybe all that happened during the past few weeks was a horrid dream and Jace would soon wake up. Maybe the past eight years had just been an awful nightmare and he would wake up with his Clary in his arms smiling at him, telling him that she loved him just before she left for her daily jog.  
Her hair was sparse around her head - just like he liked them – and it was wild like her personality and how she has always been. Her soft hair was calling to his fingers, enticing them to get tangled in it. His throat tightened a bit. He suddenly wished that he wasn't in this room as he saw her eyelids gently flicker open, a telltale sign that she was slowly regaining consciousness.  
She was in a hospital bed. _Again_. There were tubes in her nose and needles in her arm. She groggily opened her eyes, blinking a few times before planting her green emeralds in Jace's golden eyes. They observed at each other for a moment before Clary removed the tubes from her nose. Jace was there for her. He came back for her, even though she fled from him. But his presence wasn't enough. She looked around, disappointment taking over her.  
"Where's Jon?"  
_She remembered_. If she was asking for Jon, it meant that she remembered. She was going to kill them. Jace looked at her eyes flickering around as he swallowed harshly. Why was he the one who had to tell her? Why did she have to wake up at _this_ precise moment? When there was no one with him who could take the heavy burden to tell her. He tried to elude the news, hoping that he wouldn't have to say anything, and hoping that they would just hurry back in her room before she would ask that one fateful question.  
"He's at the reception, filling out some papers."  
Her eyes narrowed at that before Jace saw her miss a breath, panic settling in her eyes. He saw her glance around as her breathing was becoming more hoarse. He could almost see her brain clicking to understand his words. Why else would Jon be filling papers in a hospital?  
"Where's my Dad?!"  
Jace looked away, refusing to be the one to break her the news. She just had her memory back. He wasn't going to be the one to shatter her world again. He heard her breathing becoming more erratic, and he hoped that Jon would hurry back.  
"WHERE IS MY FATHER JACE!?"  
He could feel her trembling. He could feel her tears hurting her eyes as she was starting to understand his inability to answer. Suddenly she got up, ripping the needles off of her body and dangerously endangering her bandages on her stomach. He looked back at her and saw that she was walking to the door. It opened before she could even reach it or before Jace could move and intercept her to a solemnly looking Jon.  
The twins looked at each other for a split second before Clary took her head in her hands and shook it in denial.  
"Don't you dare say it! Get out of my way! I want to see my father! MOVE!"  
She lunched herself at the door but Jon caught her. As she was shouting at him to let her go, tears were streaming down her face. She was thrashing all over the place in his arms. Jon told her to calm down because she could open her wound if she kept on struggling. She ignored him and kept on screaming again and again, punching Jon's chest to make him let go of her. This went on until a nurse came in with a doctor and gave her a sedative shot.  
Slowly she fell limp in his arms and Jon laid her back in bed knowing that this state was only momentary. Even though they had prepared for it and dreaded it all their lives, losing their parents wasn't something they'd ever thought to experience like that. Nothing could prepare them for the moment where it actually happened. It was hard, _too hard_. It was something that he'd like to forget, and Jon wished that he could also be sedated just to avoid the pain. He didn't want to feel right now.  
He sat beside Clary and wiped the tears off of her face, dreading the moment that she would wake up and inquire about their Mom. How was she going to react when she learns that she lost both of their parents?

**~.o.O.o.~**

When Clary woke again, she saw Jon and Jace sleeping on chairs near her bed. Her heart pinched a bit at their sight, as she felt guilt taking over her. They must have been through hell during those eight years where she was completely oblivious to them. She then remembered something far more important and more depressing. She softly got up and sneaked out of her room to wander dark corridors of the hospital at night until she found the room she had been looking for.  
She entered the room on her tippy-toes and looked through the cases hoping not to find the name she was dreading to see. She allowed herself a slight hope when the name never came until her eyes stopped at 'Martin X'. With a shaky hand she opened the case and pulled open the door. She swallowed hard as she was taking the tray out. She hesitated when she pulled out the white sheet.  
When she saw the closed eyes of her father, she paled, feeling tears burning in her eyes. He was dead. _Her father was dead_. He was dead because of _her_. Because she hadn't been strong enough to fight Raziel off, to remove him from this life that he didn't deserve. She had acted like a scared little puppy when he had come to her, and now, because of her stupidity she lost her father.  
She felt a tear roll down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She didn't deserve to cry, she wasn't _allowed_ to cry. She had torn up her family by her actions. Suddenly the entrance door opened and she looked up to see Luke along with a doctor. Luke barely seemed surprised by her presence there and he quickly asked the doctor in French for a moment alone with her.  
Once he left, Luke walked to her and stood on the other side of the tray, his eyes set on his late best friend.  
"I am so sorry Clary."  
"Does Mom know yet?"  
Did her mother hate her yet for taking away the love of her life? She waited for the fateful answer, but it never came. She looked back at Luke and saw something that she wasn't expecting in his eyes. It was another thing that she wasn't prepared for. She stiffened, refusing to believe what her heart was telling her. It _couldn't_ be. This couldn't be happening to her, to them. She couldn't lose both her parents! She couldn't lose her family! Especially now! Why did it have to be when she had now barely gotten them back?  
And Jon... Jon must hate her right now. He wasn't there when she first woke up, and he barely talked to her. He just held her when she lost it. He must be mad at her since she was responsible for losing yet another parent.  
Anger bolted in her. _He_ had the time to grieve for their Mom, but _she_ hadn't. She had to deal with losing both of her parents all at once. She swallowed back her tears. She wouldn't cry. Not in front of Luke. He wasn't the one who should bare her tears, and then she turned on her heels, trying to keep her head high.  
"I don't want to see any of you right now. I'll just see you at... in Greenland."

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jon looked at the flames rising high in the air and contrasting with the cold ice for the second time of his life. When and how did life get this unfair? Why did his sister have to get back her memories at the cost of their father's life? He glanced at Clary who was standing alone, in retreat from them. He saw her furiously blink her eyes in order to keep her tears at bay, but still, he didn't go to her to comfort her.  
He didn't know what she was thinking right now. For the first time in their lives as twins, he didn't know what was going on through her mind. He knew she was mad at them. He knew she was sad, and he knew she was devastated by what was happening to her all of a sudden, but he didn't know how she was holding up.  
She had refused to talk to any of them, even during the flight, and now she was putting as much distance as she could between her and them. The only time she talked was when she saw their grandfather. She just stated that he shouldn't have come given his fragile health.  
They were now all silently saying their goodbyes to Valentine. They knew that it was the last time that they would ever see him as a whole before he turned into ashes and scattered in the wind. Jon's heart was heavy. Heavy with so much pain and sorrow. It was only getting heavier as he couldn't just let go and ask his sister for comfort. The same comfort that he was supposed to give her, the same comfort that they should have been able to share together.  
Jon saw Jace walk to her, carefully navigating so he wouldn't slip on the traitorous and hidden ice. He saw him place two comforting and muffled hands on her to embrace her but she stiffened. Jon saw her whole face harden as her lips pressed together in an angry position before she whispered:  
"_Don't_."  
She twirled on herself and looked at the four of them: Luke, their grandfather, Jace and Jon. Jon knew that if Izzy knew, she would have insisted in coming, but Jon refused to tell her. He knew that it wasn't the best idea to make her stand on the traitorous snow and ice given her condition.  
Clary's green eyes were sad and glistening with unshed tears but she was shooting daggers at them. She removed her hood letting her hair fly wild in the cold and blowing air.  
"Because of you, because of that stupid decision you all made eight years ago, I am here burying both my parents today! Because of that idiotic decision, I never got to tell my Mom how much I loved her! Because of your stupid decision, my _Dad died on my lap_s!"  
Her voice was so angry, reaching the high notes at the end of her statement. She quickly glanced at Jon before averting her eyes back to their burning father, leaving Jace standing there hopeless. He didn't know what to do to make her feel better.  
She was pissed at them, and the reasons why were just enough to make them feel guilty for the rest of their pathetic lives. She suddenly straightened and started walking away. Before she got too far, Luke called out to her.  
"As much as you want to stay away from us Clary, the only plane leaving is not until tomorrow night."  
She turned on herself, glaring at the four of them individually.  
"I just want to be ... _alone _..."  
With those murmured words, she walked away from them, never once looking back. The next day when they took the plane, Clary was nowhere to be seen. Jon saw the distress in Jace's eyes, and he couldn't help but feel bad for him. None of them could do anything for her, and she made sure that none of them would. Jon knew that she certainly snuck her way onto a fisher's boat to take her to the closest country. That reinforced his idea: Clary would never forgive them for tearing her family apart.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Okay, I know most of you hate me for killing yet another parent, buuuuuut, when I first thought of this sequel, JACE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE ON CLARY'S LAPS. And for the longest time I wanted to end it like that, but then I decided against it. See, I can be nice sometimes... **

**So yeaaaaaaah. I could even stop the story maybe I should... Maybe I will ...**

**I hope you liked it, and that you were happy by Raziel's final demise and that you liked how the chapter went and transcribed their emotions.**

**Aaaaaaaaaand, I'm off to bed, sorry for this REAAAAALLY short note, home you liked the chapter and the story. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	17. When Life Smiles At You

Jon came back to New York alone. He had left his grandfather and Luke in Paris with their grandfather promising to join Jon as soon as possible in the Big Apple. And now he was standing in front of Izzy's door, completely devastated by losing his whole family. The only thing holding him up together was the thought of Izzy and their baby girl, the thought that together they could have a future.

When he entered, he found Izzy curled on the couch. _Again_. He softly shook his head at her stubbornness and gently took her in his arms to put her quietly in her bed. She woke up as he was settling her under the cover and she smiled to him as she took him in.

"You came back!"

There was surprise and relief in her tone, which made Jon understand that it was something she had doubted and it hurt him. No matter what he promised her, she still doubted his return. He had to work on that to never make her doubt him again. He kneeled next to her and hid his head in his arms. He felt Izzy sat up and after what felt like an eternity, she started to caress his hair in a comforting and reassuring way.

"What happened?"

"... Our father died..."

He heard her take a small gasp and move to be closer to him, but he didn't look up. He couldn't look up and see the sorrow that he was feeling in her eyes. So he stayed in this position for a while, trying to get a hold of his emotions and failing miserably. He couldn't grieve another of their parent without Clary. He couldn't believe that Clary wouldn't forgive him and turn her back on him, and in the same time, he couldn't blame her. He was the reason she lost everything.

He was the reason she lost her memory eight years ago, if he had stayed where he had been told to stay, they never would have taken this road, and the explosion never would have happened. He was the reason she couldn't have babies, if the explosion hadn't been, she wouldn't have an empty stomach at this time. He was the reason she lost their mother, if he had listened to his instincts and followed his Mom on that fateful day, she would still be alive. He was the reason she lost their father, if he hadn't been so stubborn and just allowed him back in his life, maybe Valentine would have acted differently when be found out where Clary was.

Out of nowhere, he told Izzy everything. He told her how the three of them arrived on a bloody scene, how for hours he thought he lost _and_ his father _and_ Clary, how he knew what Jace went to do, how Clary refused to talk to any of them, how Jace never came back from his 'bathroom break' when they came back to Paris, how lost and desperate he felt at this very moment.

They stayed quiet for minutes as Izzy kept on caressing Jon's head, trying to comfort him but not knowing what to say, nor what to do. And suddenly, Jon raised his head and looked deep in Izzy's brown eyes, decided to set things right with her.

"Let's go to your parents."

"_What_?!"

She stared at him with big goggling eyes as if he completely lost it. Maybe he had, but there was at least this one thing in his life that he was going to do right.

"Let's go see your parents and tell them about the three of us."

"Jon ... I don't know if it's a good idea ..."

"I've been thinking a lot Izzy. Too much if you ask me. And you told me to just _feel_. And _this_, this is what feels right. You, me and our baby girl. When I was at the hospital waiting for any of them to come back to life, I was just thinking of you and how you always knew how to keep me calm. When I was at the ... in Greenland, I wished that you could have come to show you where my parents' love bloomed.

I won't lie. I'm not offering much. My life is not the life you deserve. I'll never be a famous rock star like Simon that you can parade at your arm. I'll never be anything more than a shadow. I'll never forget my sister. But ... I love you. You're always in a corner of my mind, no matter how many times I tried to push you off. And ... I want this. I always did. I want a you, me and baby Lynn ... Do you?"

Izzy looked deeply into his green eyes before letting herself fall back on the mattress, her hands on her baby bump. Jon didn't move a single muscle, readying himself to be thrown away from her life.

"This is so ... complicated. You come back from a week of radio silence during which all the worst scenarios went through my mind. I've been imagining ... so many things, so many horrible things that I don't even want to think about it anymore.

And then you come back, telling me your family fell apart, telling me my brother is somewhere in the wild, his heart broken once again and telling me that you want this life with me. How do I know that in two months you won't change your mind and think that the risk is too big for us? If it had been just me, I wouldn't even question it, but now ..."

"Now you have someone else to protect. I get it."

Jon got up, keeping his features unreadable and straightening up, doing his best not to look at Izzy for he didn't want her to see his heart break and in no time she was also up, her hand in his.

"No! Now I need you to promise me that you'll stay. That no matter what, you won't back on us, you will stay with us because despise everything, _this_ is the good thing to do. _We_ are the good thing. I need your word Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern. I need your word that you will stay committed to this family you want to build with me. If you cannot give it to me, if you have the slightest doubt, then yes ... Go. Go and never come back because my heart won't bare it."

He cupped her face and planted his verdant eyes in her brown ones. He saw her determination and no matter how much she meant her words, it still hurt her to say them.

"I _will_ make us work."

And then he kissed her. He kissed her to show her how much he also meant his word, how much he loved her, his lips delicately brushing hers. She wrapped her hands around his neck and gave him back his kiss, only to tell him through their joined lips:

"Your word Jon."

"I swear to you I won't walk out on us. Any of us, no matter what."

She smiled and he kissed her again before she turned it in something more languorous. Slowly he laid her back in the bed, being careful not to crush her and drowning her in soft kisses as his hands endlessly caressed her skin. She hungrily lifted up his shirt as he lazily let his fingers travel under hers. But when he touched the tensed skin of her stomach, he stopped all of the sudden, making Izzy sighed as she was scolding him with her brown eyes.

"I swear Jon, if you tell me something stupid like 'what if I hurt her', I'm going to lose it!"

"I wasn't ... It's just very ... unknown territory ..."

Izzy growled and flipped them so she could be on top of him. She really got stronger over the years. She stared down at him, anger and lust blazing in her eyes.

"I don't care! I want you and I'm very hormonal and we haven't done a thing since August! _August_! I'm not a freaking nun!"

He smiled to her upping himself on his elbows, and he tangled his fingers in the dark and thick hair behind her neck to bring her head closer to his and to resume kissing her. She moaned against his mouth, her hips straddling him as her hands were fisting his hair. He tried to take back the upper hand, but she didn't let him. She pushed him back on the bed and leaned on top of him, never ending their kiss and her fingers playing with the muscles of his upper body.

He trailed his hands on her whole body, slowly peeling off her shirt. She broke their kiss to take it off and he used the occasion to flip them back. He gently but urgently kissed her neck, his fingers playing tentatively with the hem of her yoga trousers and he could feel her growl of annoyance growing in her. This was always a game between them, who would have the upper hand, and this was always something that would end mind-blowing as none of them was willing to give into the other.

"Jon..."

"Yes Izzy?"

Saying so, he kissed the skin just behind her right earlobe to hide his smirk and he trailed his hand behind her left knee, making her moan of pleasure and limp in his arm. He always knew that those two particular spots would always make her melt. Slowly, the gentleness that he wanted to show turned into something more urgent, more ardent, and he retook possession of her mouth, his hands now savagely winding up her body.

Quickly, he peeled the rest her cloths off of her as she was arching to him and asking for more with her body. He tasted her sugarcane-like flavor on her skin, that very particular flavor that Izzy had and that always filled his mouth with wonders all the while making him crave for more. He wanted to take his time, but the pressure in him was building too quickly, and Izzy didn't seem to agree with sweet and gentle.

She demandingly took him in hands and led him in her, sighing of relief when she felt him in her before flipping them and topping Jon once again. He sat up to never stop kissing her as she was coming up and down again and again on him. He tried to slow the pace when he felt that he could quickly finish if she kept on going like that, but she only accelerated, moaning higher in the crook of his neck.

And before they both knew it, they heaved out of pleasure, overwhelmed by the other. Jon let himself fall backward, bringing Izzy along in his arms. They stayed silent like that for a while, appreciating the simple fact to be with the other as Jon was tracing small circles on Izzy's back. He had missed her. Missed the whole of her, and for the first time in a long time, he felt almost good just by laying there on a bed. She rolled on the side, resting her head on his chest and she started playing lazily with her fingers and the inside of his elbow. He could feel her smile against his chest, making him smile as well.

"I love you Jon."

"I love you too Izzy."

**~.o.O.o.~**

He was standing in front of the Lightwood house, Izzy's gentle hand in his, and suddenly all the confidence he had build up during the past week was gone. What her parents were going to say? Sure they had been nice when he met them, but that was eight years ago. _Eight fucking long years ago_! And he hadn't secretively knocked up their daughter back then.

Izzy smiled to him and he did the same, following her inside and plastering a confident smile on his face. He couldn't let her know that he was nervous or she would freak out and doubt him again. The house was empty and she walked them to the living room and there he saw that, throughout all these years, the Lightwoods had kept the painting that Clary had made of them. He quickly looked away, knowing that it would be too painful to watch. This one reminder of his sister that wasn't even his. He had nothing of her to remember, only his memory, his regrets and his guilt.

He saw Izzy catching his glance at the painting, but she didn't say anything about it and she sat on a sofa, patting the place next to her for him to do the same, but he didn't.

"Where are your parents?"

"Dad is probably on his way back from the hospital and Mom shouldn't take lo..."

She stopped herself as someone clacked the entrance door. Her eyes set on the living room door, and Jon turned on his heels only to face both of Izzy's parents. They looked at him for a split second before Robert tilted a bit his head to look at his daughter. Then, unexpectedly, he politely smiled at Jon before going to sit on the sofa facing the one Izzy was in. His wife joined him and Jon awkwardly sat next to Izzy, feeling all his confidence crumble before him.

After days and days of talk, Izzy and him had decided to let her family know about his implication in her life, and to answer any of their questions, whatever they might be. But now that he was in the situation, Jon felt that it wasn't as easy as he thought it would be, and that startled him. He was used to pressuring situations, so why was this one so hard on him? Because he was personally involved?

"So after nights of sneaking in my hospital you finally decide to come and say hello..."

Jon didn't say anything, keeping his features unreadable as Robert was looking at him straight in the eyes. Jon figured that he must have caught him while he was at Clary's side when she was in the coma. Of course he did. Izzy had told him that their disappearance had also touched her parents, but Jon guessed it was for a whole other reason than just two kids missing. He also knew that Robert was the one who had seen Clary for her miscarriage meaning he was probably the one who told her about her inability, meaning he certainly saw that her wounds weren't usual car accident wounds. And still, he didn't seem to share that with his family.

Robert didn't leave Jon's green eyes for a whole minute, analyzing his features too calm, the distance between him and Izzy, the way he stood, the cold demeanor from his eyes, and Jon saw in Robert's blue eyes that he understood more than he was saying. He had understood more or less what Jon had been doing for the past eight years, but the interrogation in his eyes when his eyes flickered to the small distance between his daughter and Jon made Jon gather that he knew nothing of his relationship with Izzy.

"We are having a baby girl!"

Everyone turned their surprised heads to Izzy who was beaming. Jon looked at her with big goggling eyes, wondering if she could have been even more blunt, Maryse's eyes flew from Izzy to Jon again and again and Robert just stared dumbfounded at his daughter.

"We? What do you mean we?"

"I mean Jon and I, Mom."

"You mean ... I thought it was Simon..."

Izzy gritted her teeth and Jon saw that she had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes and that she glared at her mother instead.

"It _cannot_ be Simon. There never was anything with Simon to begin with!"

"Thank God!"

Robert had let out a relieved breath, letting a small smile creep on his face. Then he looked back at Jon after having exchanged a small and deep look with his wife. Jon saw the way Maryse played nervously with her fingers and he remembered what Clary had told him about her and Jace's father relationship. Surely she must have guessed what kind of job he did, and now she was fearing Jon was in the same 'business'. At a certain extent, he was.

Suddenly Robert got up, his eyes on his daughter and the bump hiding his future grandchild.

"Can I talk to you Jonathan?"

_Jonathan_ ... That wasn't good. Not good at all. He got up and followed Robert in the kitchen, leaving Izzy alone with her mother who had already moved to sit next to her daughter. Once alone, Robert turned to face Jon, completely calm which surprised Jon. He had been expecting Robert to be mad at him and to throw him out of his house and of his daughter's life.

"Did you know?"

"That she was pregnant? No."

"So this is just you owning up to your actions?"

Robert's blue gaze settled calmly on Jon, an eyebrow quirked up and Jon understood that Robert had the same worry that Izzy had earlier, him leaving at some point.

"No. This is me ... This is me taking the chance Izzy is giving me. The chance to live the life I always dreamed of. To live this life and build our own family."

Robert nodded, apparently satisfied by this answer, and then he leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving Jon as if he was trying to read through him.

"What about your ... past?"

So Jon had guessed well, when he figured they knew more than they said about Jace's father. They knew, but they just didn't want to acknowledge it. In a corner of his mind, Jon admired them for still taking Jace with them. Knowing that he had luggage with him, they still took him in, not caring about the risks of having an agent's kid, not caring about his father's past.

"My past will remain what it is, my past. I won't let it tarnish my future, nor my family."

"What about your ... sister?"

"What about her?"

"Jace called. He said he wasn't coming back. He didn't say why, he just say he _couldn't_ come back, and the only thing that could make him take this decision is your sister."

Jon frowned for a split second. He knew where Clary was, and he knew that Jace wasn't with her. He knew what names she used, where she lived, what she did for a living. He knew she came back to New York for one short night, and that it ripped his heart in half that she didn't do anything to contact him. And it was why he didn't do anything to go and see her in London. She didn't want to see him, she had been clear enough with all of them when she left them in Greenland: she wanted to be _alone_.

"My sister ... She is surviving the best she can. I know she's okay, it's all I can ask from her now. I took too much from her already."

"You took?"

"I saw her medical file. I know you're the one who broke her the news, I know you know that her wounds aren't normal car accident wounds, but explosion ones, I know that even though she didn't want children before, now she does and she can't, and this ... To make it short, it's my fault, and her and I both know it."

Jon saw Robert's empathy on his face before he composed his features, going back to the main subject: his daughter.

"So you're staying?"

"I'm living. I'll build a life with Izzy and our baby girl, and I'll make her as happy as she deserves."

Robert nodded before passing a tired hand on his face.

"Better you than that Simon kid. I never really like him. You better keep your word Jon. Maybe I don't know how to kill a person with my bare hands, but, being a doctor, I know many untraceable poisons..."

Jon smiled back at the smirk Robert was giving him, even though he was starting to think that maybe he shouldn't eat at the Lightwoods too often, just as a precaution. Even if he said it with a light tone, Robert had seemed darn well too serious.

They were on their way back to the living room when they heard Maryse's concern voice.

"Why don't you want to marry him?"

"Because I know Jon. He wants his sister to be here for this big day in his life, and she's not around now is she? He wants Clary, and I can't make him do that without her. It's not fair of me, he needs his sister."

**~.o.O.o.~**

"Jon! Come here quickly!"

Jon rushed to the bedroom where he found Izzy smiling up to him as Lynn was up on her elbows, holding her head high on herself. Jon smiled as he quickly walked to them, kneeling to the bed to be at Lynn's level. After a few more seconds of efforts, she let herself fall, and Jon took her in his arms, wrapping her in the mauve baby blanket and sitting next to Izzy on the bed.

"Who would have thought that we'd have a genius for a daughter."

"She's just holding her head for thirty seconds Jon... But promise, when she'll do something Nobel price worthy, I'll let you know."

"She's just two weeks you know!"

"You're such a papa bear."

Izzy gently shook her head all the while smiling before she got up and kissed Jon. He smiled too and followed her in the kitchen, worried by her relocation.

"I'll cook the dinner don't worry."

"I'm just getting a glass of water! And for your information, I've been taking lessons with Magnus!"

Jon gently smiled and nodded, keeping for himself that Alec and Magnus got sick after she cooked them a simple leek pie, and he busied himself with Lynn to avoid continuing this conversation.

Lynn Mary Fray. Lynn for Jocelyn, Mary for Maryse and Fray for Clary, just like Jon who had changed his last name for Fray. And she was a treasure to Jon. She had Izzy's pale and soft skin, Alec's bright blue eyes and Jon's fair hair. Maryse said that beside the hair and the eyes, she looked just like Izzy at the same age. She had the same almond like eyes as Jon and Clary. With a little pinch to the heart, Jon thought on how she had been the first one to hold her head when he had been the first one to grow teeth.

Lynn had brought with her a whole family to Jon. The Lightwoods were all completely crazy about her, Max even took a couple of weeks break to come and see his little niece. He had gone back to Japan yesterday where he was studying to become a video games designer, saying that he wanted pictures of her every days to be sure not to miss her growing up.

Their grandfather also came to New York to see his great-grandchild grow up. Even though he didn't say it, Jon knew that he suffered to not having see _them_ growing up, and so he was making up with the lost time with Lynn. Luke also showed up more often. He had been the first one Jon called when Izzy got into labor, the one who helped him settle Lynn's room, the one to whom he confided to when he was feeling blue about his sister. Luke was the only who could understand him, he knew Clary better than anyone else, she was like a daughter to him.

Izzy walked back to Jon and took Lynn from his arms.

"You better start cooking now if you want to go the bar tonight."

She smiled to him and left the kitchen, telling him that she would call her brother to tell him the news. Ever since he came back from Paris and revealed himself to her family, Izzy had become even closer to Alec and Magnus. Jon suspected that she was compensating the void left by Jace's absence, even though no one ever talked about him, nor about Clary.

Jon knew that she came back to New York for a night and that she went to see James, Izzy told him that Eva was pesting against her. Apparently Clary had set things clear between James and her and she told him the truth of her feelings for him. She loved him, but she wasn't _in love_ with him. She loved him like she loved a really good friend, not like she should love him, not enough to build a life with him. After that she disappeared, making James suspect that she ran off with Jace for he was missing also.

If only he knew that none of them knew where Jace was. Jon only knew where Clary was. And even though, he never gathered the courage to go and see her. The guilt he was feeling toward her was eating him alive, and now that he was blessed where she never would, he felt even more guilty. He never told anyone about this, not even Luke, not even Izzy, keeping this guilt for him as a punishment for what he had done to his sister.

**~.o.O.o.~**

Jon was working in Lucky's bar now, not really sure of what he was doing there. It's not like he really needed money or Lucky really needed help, but still, he had offered him a job as barman to 'give a hand to aging Santa'. Lucky never asked about his sister, but something in his eyes showed that he cared and would like to know. But it was so hard for Jon. He barely talked about her to Izzy.

He came back to a normal life, letting his hair grow to their natural color (to Izzy's greatest delight, she never liked him having black hair saying that it was sterning his face), living in a nice penthouse with Izzy, having a little familial SUV. He was completely fitting in the life of any average American, and he was loving it, if only there wasn't this little shadow darkening his thoughts. He had bought a new bike, because no matter how much it was a Clary-thing, he still loved to ride, and it reminded him of the old times when his sister wasn't resenting him.

It has been six months since Lynn's birth, and nine since Paris. Nine months that he was living this perfect little life, but also nine months since he had seen or talked to his sister. A customer sat at his bar which made Jon frown. He looked at him, anger boiling in his veins as he took in his suit, the unreadable expression on his face, and the fact that he obviously didn't belong in a biker bar.

"You have some guts to come here!"

He knew that it was bound to happen. He knew they would come after him to make him join the Clave, but that didn't mean he liked it. And it worried him that they came to him somewhere so familiar to him, and his thoughts went directly to Izzy and Lynn

"I came here to make you an offer."

"I don't want it."

Seriously? Did they really think that he would go with them? After his whole family got shattered because of them. Sure they were working for a better world, but to Jon, it didn't worth his family's life. He already gave too much for the Clave.

"We're not responsible for your losses Jonathan."

"Hell you are!"

"If your parents had sticked to the rule, they wouldn't've been dead. Never go on any kind of mission without a partner."

"Whatever. I don't want anything to do with you. I don't trust any of you."

"Ever since Raziel's death, the Circle is crumbling down. Surely you must know something about that..."

The agent looked at him expectantly. Apparently, Raziel's death had been put on his account, which was only logical. Jace was only a civilian to them. What business did he have to end Raziel's life? Jon heaved, he didn't want to know any of this, this life, this secret war, wasn't any of his concern anymore.

The man cleared his throat, and planted his eyes in Jon's, taking a more professional position as he understood that Jon wasn't going to dwell on the subject.

"Anyway, it would be a great help if you would join us, we wouldn't have time to spare in training you. We would always keep an eye on your family, and for your partner, ... we were actually thinking of your sister..."

That made Jon's blood run wild in his veins. He knew they weren't threatening his family, the Clave wasn't the Circle, but still, he was very protective of them. More of Clary who was supposed to be wiped out of the surface of the Earth. He knew where she was because he knew how she thought.

And what about Izzy? He couldn't make her uproot all her life because of them, because of his past. This was something he swore to himself to never do.

"Don't talk to my family, don't come near my family, don't even _think_ of my family in any way, or I swear, the Circle won't be the only organization crumbling down!"

The man got up, sighing of disappointment and left the bar, letting Jon frown of worry. What if he hadn't been clear enough? He threw his napkin under the counter and found Lucky to tell him he had to go home. Lucky asked him what was wrong, but he just shook his head and rushed to their apartment in Manhattan. He found there Izzy arguing on the phone with someone, and he waited for her to end her conversation, leaning against the frame of the living room.

When she hung up, she walked to Jon, a frown of worry knitting her fine brows together.

"What are you doing here so early? It's barely 11pm!"

Jon only shook his head and pointed the phone with his chin.

"What's wrong?"

"Work. They want me to go to the Paris fashion week of September. It's like they forget I have a daughter now!"

"If you want to go, we'll go. It's okay."

Izzy shook her head, hugging gently Jon. He knew that she invested herself a lot in that collection, and he felt like she was refusing the offer just because of him and what Paris meant to him.

"I know how you feel about Paris. I don't want to bring out unpleasant memories. So tell me, how come you're already here? I know you miss us and all, but come on, you can leave us for a few hours."

She chuckled against his chest, and Jon looked into space above her head. Should he tell her? Should he tell her that his past was catching up to him and maybe endangering their family? He didn't want to freak her out, but he couldn't leave her in be the blind.

"Someone came to the bar..."

"Someone?"

"Just ... It shouldn't be a big deal, but ... Be careful. Maybe I should stay actually..."

He was supposed to leave in a few days, but now he was questioning it. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, maybe he should just stay and let Izzy plan his birthday like she always wanted to. He didn't need to go.

"Don't you even dare think about it! We both know that you want to go. I don't want to see you all glooming around me!"

She had stepped backward and was looking at him with an ardent gaze, her eyes drowning him with her love as she was giving him no other choice but to leave. He smiled to her and slightly nodded, not really convinced, but knowing that she was right. He always was depressed around his birthday. For so many reasons. It was yet another reminder of his sister's absence, of their parents anniversary, of how his life would be devastated without Izzy and Lynn.

"I'm off to bed, but you are more than welcome to put me to sleep..."

She wiggled her eyebrows to him, a lustful smile on her lips and Jon chuckled before telling her that he'd be with her in a minute. As soon as Izzy was out of ear range he pulled his phone and called that one person he could still depend on with his life and his family's.

**~.o.O.o.~**

"There's a customer who asked for a _strawberry shortcake_!"

Anne was looking at Clary with a big wild grin and wiggling her eyebrows which made Clary roll her eyes. It had been nine months that she was working in this little English bar in the middle of London, and every once in a while, a customer would refer to her hair to ask to be served specifically by her.

"Come on Mary, he is really _hot_!"

"Is he now?"

Clary smirked and fixed her bun. Ever since the last time she saw _him_, she never wore her hair down. She never even thought of his name because it was too painful and too infuriating at the same time. This was how much he still could mess up her feelings. Even though he wasn't with her anymore.

Jon was a whole other thing. The guilt she felt was just too big. She couldn't decently go to him. She contemplated this idea when she had been in New York to set James free, but she didn't dare. She deprived them of their only remaining parent, and now he was building a family. A new happy family that she would only stain with her bitterness. She couldn't impose herself to him. And even though it broke her inside, she stayed at a distance, sometimes tracking him through a computer to know if he was doing okay. It's all that she could do now. Look after him from afar like he did for her when she lost her memory.

She straightened her apron and took her tray with four beers on it, decided to serve her first table before going to her mystery admirer. When she arrived at her table of regulars, one of them tried to make her sit with them, like he always he did, and as usual, she declined with a playful smile and a small wink.

Then she walked to the table Anne indicated her and she saw that the man had the menu up in front of his face.

"Evening, I am Mary. What can I get you sir?"

Slowly the man put down his menu and looked at her, a knowing smile on his lips. Clary's face passed from inviting to blank in less than a second when she recognized that too familiar face. How in the Hell did he found her? She had been really careful to stay out of sight. And still, seeing him brought so many complex emotions in her. She was happy but sad, relieved but angry, perplexed but eager.

"Well, hello ... _Mary_..."

They stared at each other for a moment, both analyzing the other before Clary regained her composure and straightened up. No way she was going to make a scene at her work place.

"What can I get you sir?"

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaaaaa! Who's the mystery man? I knooooow. And for everyone who will guess right, I promise a sneak peak of next chapter and a mention of you in the story if you're not registered. But, you have to guess first. :-P **

**So, I guess this is the time I should say SO SOOOORRY for making you believe it was the end of the story. Of course it wasn't, or I would have killed Jace (mouhahahhahah). You know, just to give some real closure. Buuuuuut, doesn't mean that people are safe... Naaaa, who am I kidding, I CAN'T kill Jace, clary on the other hand... Okay, I think I'm tired. **

**So yeah the story continues (like 10 more chapters or something) and every Jonabelle lover just died of feels right now. They're finally together, with their baby (I hope you like the names). So beautiful... At least one of the couple made it. **

**And Jace disappeared in the wild... Where is he? What is he doing? Whyyyyyy? **

**And James is out of the picture, or is he? I can see some people already dancing. But maybe he'll come back who knows (I do ^^)**

**And, I just had to say it, I almost died laughing when EvilXtwin (if I recall the name properly) said I had a weird definition of nice. I was nice, Jace is not dead. I could have killed him, buuuut I needed him a little bit longer. **

**And for those who think that Raziel's death was too quick, I know I feel it too, but, playing with her pray is a Clary thing, Jace doesn't have her cool, and so he let his emotions get the better of him, like he often did before, I mean, see what Raziel was saying. **

**Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter (I might edit it later though, don't worry nothing of the story will change), the where it's going and that you don't hate me too much for making you wait for so long between two chapters. I didn't mean to let you down promise! Don't hate me :-(**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments character mentioned in this, everything else is mine, and don't forget to also thank my beta AlwaysNaked to make the story more fluent and less grammar full.**

**Cheers.**


	18. The Strongest Love

She stared down at him, daring him to make a scene, but he just shook his head, his hair longer than Clary remembered. The last time she had seen him, she didn't really pay attention to him, she had been too blind by rage, anger and sorrow. But now, she saw how the eight, now nine years that had separated them, had left a trace on him.

His face was marked by tiredness, his eyes weary, his shoulders holding an invisible weight, and suddenly, Clary felt bad for him. No matter how angry she had been, she should have tried to put herself in their position at the time. She had, but just later, when grief wasn't blinding her anymore.

"For someone who left without any resources, you are pretty difficult to find."

"And still you're here."

And why was he here? How did he find her? She had made sure that no one would. Not that she was fleeing any of them, but she was more trying to avoid any contact between her and any agents, Circle or Clave, they were all the same for her. If Luke found his way to find her, they certainly would as well .

"I'm not the one who found you. Jon did, he always knew where you were. Must be that special bound you share."

Clary paled at this information. Jon knew where she was! He always knew and yet he never came. Why? Did he hate her that much? Why did her twin didn't come to her if he knew where she was? She swallowed back her hurt and decided to deal with it later.

"And still _you_ are here."

Luke shook his head of disapproval as Clary look down at him, anger in her eyes. Of all the people that could have come, Luke wasn't the one she wanted to see. She was happy to see him, but he couldn't ask her to come back. _He_ wasn't the one that should have come. _Jon_should have! He was her twin for goodness sake! How could he? How could he just hate her so much?

She regained her features, refusing to show how much Jon's refusal to see her had affected her and thinking that at least Luke was there for Jon. Luke and their grandfather. She knew he left Paris for New York and she figure it was because of Jon's daughter.

Maybe she was the reason he didn't want to see her anymore. Maybe the life he wanted for his kid couldn't include her and their messed up past. He had always been the one who wanted a family, she had always been the one who didn't. And now, they were both having what they had longed for during their teen years. Except that Clary was the only one bitter about it.

She looked in Luke's electric blue eyes and sighed.

"If you don't want to order anything, I'll just take care of someone else then."

She should have known it was Luke. He used to call her 'Strawberry Shortcake' when she was still a kid, and Ann had always had something for older men, of course she would think he was hot. He was, Clary could tell that much if she were interested in older men and incestuous-like relationships.

He didn't say anything, and so she turned on her heels, blinking back her tears. Jon didn't even had a message for her, not even a 'take care' or some crap like that. It was worst than hate, it was indifference. Jon just didn't care about her anymore.

As she was walking away, she felt someone grab her arm and suddenly, she was out of the bar, Luke in front of her, towering her against the wall. Anger and concern were blazing in his eyes and for a moment, she was sent back in her early teen years when Jon had rebelled against their parents and Luke had knocked some sense into him. He had the same exact expression, except that now it was directed toward her.

"Your brother misses you Clary! I thought that the bound you two share was stronger than anything! You're angry he -_we_- left you, I get it. I don't blame you. You can stay as angry as you want 'till the end of your life. But not at _Jon_!"

Clary stubbornly stayed silent, feeling a lump growing in the back of her throat. There were so many things that she wanted to say, but she didn't, they weren't meant for Luke's ears.

"What happened to you Clary? What happened to the girl who couldn't stay away from her brother more than a minute? What happened to the girl who beat the crap out of other children just because they would make fun of her twin? What happened to the girl who lost her memory just in order to get her brother back?!"

What happened to her? Jon didn't need her anymore, that's what happened. Jon had the perfect life he always dreamed of, and she was the stain in it. That one person who deprived him from the loving advises of their father about parenthood, that one person who ripped away from a baby girl the spoil of a grandfather, that one person who forbade to Izzy to ask her father in law about Jon's childhood.

And then again, she couldn't help but feel annoyed and angry at Jon. They were supposed to be a whole, they were suppose to always be there for the other, and Jon was clearly giving all the signals that he didn't want her anymore, that he didn't want to take back in his life this bitter stain that she was.

"Why do you care? What's between Jon and I, is between Jon and I. Why do you act like this is all _my_ fault? _He_ knows where I am, and still, _you_ are here!"

"He's scared Clary. Scared that you'll reject him because _he_ of all people shouldn't have left you."

"Well, he's stupid!"

.

**~.o.O.o.~**  
.

Clary looked at the arising, blinking her tears back. She couldn't cry or her face would freeze. She shouldn't cry anyway, after all this time, she should know better. She was sitting on the bare ice, ignoring the freezing cold and thinking how ironic it was that the place she had dreaded for years when she was young was now the place that was bringing her some sort of peace.

For eight years she had always been depressed in August, and now she knew why. She knew it was because her inner-self was missing Jon. Jon, their parents, what August meant to all of them. And now, now they were all gone, Jon was avoiding her.

Whatever Luke was saying, Clary knew her brother. He wasn't scared to confront her like she wasn't scared to confront him. They knew better than to be scared, they were twins. Fear wasn't what was keeping them apart. She was feeling guilty, and he was just... passed her. There were no other explanations. Her own brother had moved on from her, not forgiving her for taking away their Dad.

Suddenly she felt someone behind her, and she knew it was Jon, like she always knew when he was near. They stayed like that for a moment, Clary waiting for him to talk, to do something toward her, but he never did. She sniffed a bit, swallowing back her emotions and she got up to walk away and leave him to the peace he came to find here.

"Is this really how this is going to be Clary? You fleeing me every time you see me?"

Jon looked at his sister slowly turning on herself, her eyes glistening, fighting to keep her tears in and anger blazing in them. Her face was thinner than the last time they saw each other, and her eyes seemed dead if there wasn't this furiousness in them. They stared at each other for a while, Jon seeing his sister's face getting redder and redder, and he knew it wasn't from the cold, but from the anger building inside her.

"_I_ am the one fleeing? _You're_ the one who knew where I was! _You're_ the one who never came!_You're_ the one who didn't bother for me! _You're_ the one who deserted me!"

_He_ deserted _her_? How could she even think that when she was the one who ignored him for more than nine months!

"You didn't seem so eager to see me either when you came to New York! You're the one who asked to be alone!"

"I was grieving, you idiot! Shouldn't you know me better than anyone! You didn't do anything to stop me! You just left me when you shouldn't have! You were supposed to be at my side, and you weren't! I needed you and you weren't there!"

Jon blamed at her words. She was saying what he always dreaded to hear for nine years. She was reproaching him his abandon. But something in her words didn't add up. It wasn't the fact that he left her when she lost her memory that she was angry about, it was the fact that he left nine months ago.

And then, anger blazed through Jon. She couldn't put it on him, she had no rights. He suffered as much as her. He waited for so long for her to come back to him and forgive him and she had done the same thing. Except that she had no excuse to do so, this wasn't how Clary worked. The only time he needed her to act like herself, she acted like a damn damsel in distress, waiting for him to do what she should have done!

"You forgot _me_! You left and never did anything to come back to _me_! You're not the only one who suffered here Clary! You didn't have to receive Mom's head in a box! You didn't have to see Dad get more and more depressed over the years! You didn't have to watch your twin build their life oblivious of you! Maybe you needed me, but I needed you too, and you weren't here for me!"

"And who's fault is that!?"

She was glaring at him, her arms crossed over her chest and her feet steady on the ice. She felt it crack a bit, but she didn't care. Finally Jon was there, in front of her, talking to her, and she just couldn't bring herself to apologize. She should just tell him how sorry she was instead of harassing him with this meaningless things. But she had been so angry for so long, and now she finally had the opportunity to let it out, to tell him how hurt she was by his choices.

Jon looked at her, decided that this had to stop. She was coming back with him, end of the question. No matter how much he was in wrong to her, he needed her, and now he saw that she needed him as well. That's all he needed to know. And still, he had to make her understand that everything wasn't completely his fault. Sure he had messed up, but everything wasn't entirely his fault.

"You can't blame it on me! Your freaking brain is the one to blame! You freaking collapsed into coma when you saw me! I don't even know how you got your memory back without any brain damage. I just kept you safe and sound!"

"And? Why didn't you come to London?"

"Why didn't you come to New York?"

"Because ... because I killed Dad..."

She looked at him, staring into his green eyes and taking in whatever emotions she would see in them. She knew he didn't know about what happened in Paris, how could he, he hadn't been there. And now had come the time she had been dreading for so long, the moment when Jon would know about her failing their family.

"That's how I remembered. Raziel came to me, he wanted revenge on Dad, and he thought that repeating history was the best way. And I didn't know what to do. I was so scared, I didn't remember anything and I was stupidly scared. And I froze. I didn't do anything against him, and when Dad came ... I was just able to do nothing but watch him being shot. That's when it clicked, that's when I remembered. When I killed our Dad by my inactions."

Jon stayed silent for a moment. It couldn't be. That's why she never came back? Because she thought he was mad at her for their father's death? This was so Clary! Taking all the crap on her. He should have known. It was how she always worked, she always took every blame of the world on her, even the ones she shouldn't. This was ridiculous, he lost his sister for something completely ridiculous. This was ...

"Bullshit. How can you even think like that?! This is you being so stubborn again! Because you felt a guilt you shouldn't feel I lost my sister again!"

"And what's your excuse for not coming to me? You're the one who ignored me! You weren't there when I woke up in Paris! You didn't even talked to me when we came here for Dad! You didn't even try to make me feel better! You just ... left me, even when I remembered."

He did. He did just left her. He just didn't want to rub his happiness in her face when it was something that she would never have.

"You wanted to be alone."

"You should know better than never it could have mean you. You should know that ..."

"... I do. I just ... I'm sorry."

For everything. He was sorry for everything he did to her, for everything he took from her, for everything he put her through. Without a warning, he closed the distance between them and he took her in his arms, hugging her like he hadn't had the possibility in nine years. His sister was back in his arms, and that was all that mattered at that time. He tightened his grip on her and she did the same, both of them finally feeling whole again. And suddenly, he heard her sniffle.

"Don't cry Clary. Your face will freeze."

They both laughed at the seriousness of his tone and she quickly wiped away the forming tears off her eyes.

"Come back with me. Come to New York with me. I'm not asking, I'm telling you: give me back my twin."

He looked at her face tighten at his demand and he saw a glimpse of sadness and hurt. He knew it wasn't his request that brought that emotions out of her but more who she would not find in New York. He promised himself to look more into it, but now he had to make sure she would come back with him, she would make him complete again.

"Please Akuma."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jon told her that he never freed her apartment in Brooklyn as well as he never sold her Parisian one because he always had this small hope that she would come back. And even though the last memory she had of Paris was her father getting shot in front of her, she held on to the apartment. She didn't dare going back in it though, but she still kept it. She had agreed with Jon to go back to New York, but first there was something she needed to do in France.

"How do you know he'll come here. He didn't even know her."

"I just know."

She placed the folded drawing on the gravestone, along with the flowers she brought with her. This was the only thing she could do to tell him where she would be if he ever wanted to see her again. A drawing of the view they shared each time they had been on the Empire State Building. She knew he would understand what it meant, but what she didn't know was if he would come back to her.

Jon placed his hands on her shoulders and she sighed, straightening up and facing him. She missed him so much. She missed having her brother just by her side.

"You should keep the apartment. For when you'd want to come to Paris with Izzy..."

"What about ..."

"I can't go back there Jon. I simply can't. But... I can't let it go either. Part of my life is there."

Jon nodded, wondering if himself could go in the apartment. He understood why she couldn't and why she couldn't let it go either, but it was hard for him too. But at least, he had Izzy. They stayed for another moment in the graveyard before finally heading out of it, going back to the train station.

Before they entered the train, an idea sparkled in his mind, an idea to bring the Lynn issue without rubbing his happiness in her face.

"You want to see Izzy?"

He looked at her as she stopped in her tracks and he saw how she hesitated to even look at him. This simple reaction told him that much: she knew about his daughter. She knew that seeing Izzy implied meeting their baby girl.

"I don't know Jon. It's ..."

"I get it. But she'd be really happy to see you, she misses you, we all do."

She wanted to say yes, but she was scared. Scared to be bitter when she'd see their little girl. Because this was one thing that her brother had that she would never have. Not that it mattered now anyway. With whom would she share this joy? He was gone and he was the only one with whom she ever really considered building a family with. James had been different. She wanted a child and he provided that for her, but she never managed to picture herself with him as a whole family.

She gently nodded before getting in the train and Jon weakly smiled to her. None of them talked about what was implied behind their words because they didn't have to, but he still hugged her, so tight that she felt like crying again. He patted her hair, and once they were sitting and on their way back to Paris, he pulled out his phone to call Izzy. She picked up at the first ring, sleepiness and panic in her voice.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Why would something be wrong?"

"You never call when you're away."

He never did, but that was at a different time. Now was different, but then again, he never really explained that to her. Nor what he had hoped to find in Greenland. Izzy only knew that this place meant a lot to him and his family, but she never really knew why.

"Sorry. It's just that I have a favor to ask."

"What?"

He smiled to himself and glanced over at Clary. She was looking through the window and Jon knew that she was giving him the intimacy he was supposed to need. He poked her with his elbow making her turn a surprised head to him and he handed her the phone. She took it out of reflex and he signaled her with his eyes to talk to the line.

She swallowed hardly, bringing the phone to her ear and fearing to hear Izzy. The last time she had seen her, she had been the rudest person on Earth to her, and the time before, nine years ago, she had lied through her teeth to her about Jon.

"Hello?"

"_Clary_?"

Her voice echoed with disbelief and Clary couldn't help but being brought back to her memories of high school when Izzy would call her to talk about boys, dates and girl stuffs. When Izzy had been a true friend to her telling her what she should hear and not what she wanted to hear. When Izzy had been that person she would easily fight for just to keep her happy and smiling.

"Damn it Clary answer me!"

"Sorry. You were saying?"

"'_You were saying_?' If only I could see you to kick you right now!"

"Sorry."

"You're coming back right? As in right now?"

"Yeah ... We just have to go back to Paris first."

"Paris? Can I talk to Jon for a second?"

Clary gave back the phone to her brother and went back to looking through the window. If she didn't know any better, she would say that Izzy had something in mind. She had had this voice that she used to have when she was preparing something, plotting with Jon against her and ... When they were all happy, back in high school, completely oblivious of the harshness and sorrow ahead of them.

She barely listened to what Jon said to Izzy, a question hanging in her mind. She knew they weren't married, there was no trace of marriage registration in their records, but she didn't know why. Jon, better than anyone, knew better. He had a daughter now. Why didn't he marry Izzy? Clary knew how romantic Izzy could be, that she probably planned this day since the day she walked, and so she knew she wouldn't have turned Jon down.

And Jon, Jon knew that beside proclaiming their love, marriage was mostly to protect children. It was why they parents got married after their birth. It was why she never really considered the idea before ... _him_, because she never even contemplated the idea of children.

Jon hung up with Izzy, having both decided that she'd do her Paris Fashion Week and she'd be meet them with Lynn at the airport in Paris. He turned to look at Clary, still not quite believing that she was finally standing by his side.

"Jon?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to go back to New York if it's for us to act weird toward one another. I just want to ... "

"... _Have my twin back_."

They smiled to one another as they said the same thing in the same time and as they looked at each other, they bursted in laughter. It was a laughter of relief, of them finally letting go of all the tension that had been between them. When they came down, Jon rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. He felt Clary's fingers on his scar and he could tell that she was frowning.

"Let me guess. It happened six years ago. March the fifteenth."

Jon nodded, not asking how she knew it. If he had been able to feel her heart stop nine years ago, she certainly had been able to feel him almost dying. Except that she probably didn't know at the time what it was. Just a awful pain in her chest that wouldn't go away for weeks, making her worry about things she didn't know or remember.

"Can I just say ... Thank God you dropped the died hair, because this my friend, was just wrong!"

Jon chuckled, opening back his eyes just to have the pleasure of seeing his sister when he was doing so.

"Yeah ... Black hair don't suit me, I get it."

"Not at all! I mean, you're suppose to be gorgeous, not scary."

"What I was doing back then required me being scary."

"Maybe, but scary doesn't mean taking away the gorgeous. I don't even get how you managed to come near Izzy with that kind of hair..."

She snickered as he made a face at her and then she returned her attention to the window with the flying landscape.

"How did Luke manage to extirpate my location out of you?"

Luke had told her that Jon knew all along where she had been, but if Jon never came, it wasn't to send someone after her instead of him. She figured that he also must feel guilty and didn't want to impose himself to her.

"He blackmailed me. I had to make sure he'd look after Izzy and not leave while I was away."

She gave him a signifying look, asking him silently if he had been approached. He barely nodded, wondering if it had been the case for her too.

"Yeah, apparently they seem to think that you and I would still be interested in doing their dirty work."

"You and I? They never came to me."

Jon didn't say anything to that, realizing that the Clave had been counting on him to locate his sister, and that he led them straight to her. But at least, they were together, and he knew very well what she would say if they came to her. The same thing that he did, with less delicate words.

"Actually, I've been a real dick to Luke. When I saw him, all I could think about was that he was there, and you weren't. And I just ... I acted like ..."

"Like you always do when you're angry. It's okay, I'm sure he got it. To tell you the truth, he didn't say anything about it when I saw him before I left. He didn't even mention seeing you. I didn't even know he went to London."

"Yeah. He must have figured I'd go to Greenland too. God I feel like such a kid..."

Jon nodded and kept for himself what he knew they were both thinking. Luke had always been a second father figure for them, the fun uncle with whom they had their first hangover, the compassionate godfather who would reason their parents, the ear to whom bitch about the unfairness of their lives, the wise person to whom they'd turn to when they couldn't go to their parents. And now that both their parents were dead, he was the one who was trying as hard as he could to bring them back together.

Jon remembered how persistent Luke had always been about Clary every time the subject of her had been brought up. Luke knew that Jon was well aware of her whereabouts, and he kept on hinting him to just go to her already. And every time he would just tell Luke that he couldn't go, leading Luke to have this desperate sad look gleaming in his eyes before quickly disappearing. Jon knew very well what this look meant: he was missing Clary as the daughter he never had, as the little girl he saw growing up, the young girl to whom he taught many things, the woman he never got to know.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

They were waiting at the airport, and Clary couldn't help but feel nervous about it. It wasn't meeting Izzy that made her anxious, it was meeting their baby girl. Ever since she had learned that she would never have children, she stayed as far away as possible of children, especially infants. She didn't tell Jon about it because it wasn't his burden to bare, and because she felt that, even though he didn't tell, he knew already.

Jon spotted Izzy walking right to them, Lynn in her arms, but as soon as she was at their level, she gave Lynn to Jon and, instead of kissing him like she always did, she pulled Clary into a bear hug that Clary awkwardly returned after a few seconds of shock and hesitation.

"You better not pull that shit again Clary, or I swear I'll kill you!"

"Yeah ... I missed you too Izzy."

She really did miss Izzy. The friendship she had with Izzy, she never found it again. Izzy had been more than a friend, she had been like the sister she never had. She always had been there for her, never scared to tell her when she was wrong, never judging her for her crappy temper, she just took her whole.

Jon looked at Izzy steeping back and fondly smiling at Clary. He never realized how much Izzy missed his sister because he never wanted to talk about her. He saw how Izzy held a question for herself, and he knew she had been about to ask about Jace. But she seemed to have understood even before asking.

Lynn wiggled in his arms to go back to her mother, and he caught the look of pain in Clary's eyes. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to make her meet Lynn so soon. But as soon as she was in her mother's arms, Lynn stretched her arms in direction of Clary who seemed completely terrified by what was expected of her. Slowly she lifted her arms up to take the baby and Lynn let her little hands travel on her face making Clary smile. A smile that Jon never saw on his sister's face, never thought he would see.

She looked at her niece, a small pinch squeezing her heart at the thought that if she hadn't been so defective, she would have had a baby of her own at that very moment. A baby slightly the same age as her twin's daughter. But as soon as Lynn started playing with the edges of her face and babbling around, Clary's lips spread into a wide smile that reached her eyes and she rubbed her nose against Lynn's small one.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Don't even think about it."

Jon looked at Izzy with big shocked eyes, not really knowing what she was talking about. She was getting ready to go to her parents, and he had been just leaning against the frame of the door, staring at her with love and care.

"The answer would be no Jon. Not now. We're still missing a piece for that to happen."

Jon didn't say anything, didn't let a single emotion go through his features. Ever since Clary's return, this question had been hanging in his head. Especially since Clary called his crap on it when they were still in Paris, Izzy completely busy with her show and him and his twin busy bounding again with Lynn as a center.

He had a ring, a ring that Alec helped him to find because even though he had his Mom's ring, it had always been destined to Clary, ever since Jace proposed a few hours before she lost her memory. Their mother refused to wear the ring after the explosion, it being an awful reminder of her never getting to share those special moments with her daughter.  
But still he hadn't proposed because as much as he wanted his sister there for him, he knew that Izzy wanted the same about her brother, and he was still completely missing.

He did tried to track him down, to tell him about Clary, to give back to Izzy the brother that she was secretly missing, but he never could find him. Jace had completely vanished into thin air, and Jon was suspecting him to have entered the secret services to make his disappearance for data bases so sudden. All he could do now was hope that Clary knew him well enough and that Jace would understand the message that she left him in France.

"Can't I just look at you with love?"

"Of course you can. Just with less love."

She smiled at him and kissed him longly.

"You know we could be a little late ... It's not like we have to prepare Lynn, she's with Clary."

"A little? You'd take three more hours to get ready again."

But still saying so, he let his lips travel the uncovered skin of her arms, his hands bringing her closer to him. She let him lead the pace for a moment before stepping back, her face flushed, her cheeks pink and her eyes sparkling with lust, even though the determination Jon saw in her eyes wasn't the one he was hoping for.

"Let's just go to the diner. Your sister said she had something to say and Mom will never forgive us if we're late for Christmas dinner."

Jon just nodded, already knowing all about it. They went to the Lightwoods house, finding Clary already there with Lynn and Magnus in Izzy's old room.

Ever since she came back four months, Clary had been all about Lynn, and Lynn all about Clary. It was to Clary that she gave her first smile, Clary's name she first said, with Clary with whom she did her first unsteady steps. Every second she had free, Clary would just go to her niece, spoiling her like crazy, and Lynn would just love it.

Clary growing so close with Lynn undeniably led her in developing a friendship she never had the time to be in with Magnus. The both of them would pass so much time with Lynn that Izzy would sometimes joke about it to Jon, saying that the two of them should probably adopt Lynn. She never actually said the joke in front of them because she knew that Alec and Magnus had been trying to adopt for over two years and also because she felt bad about Clary's miscarriage.

Jon sat Indian-style just in front of his sister, just like her, and Clary smiled to him holding Lynn by her arms. She swiftly and delicately turned the baby in her arms so she could face her father and Lynn automatically giggled at the sight of this man who adored her.

"Chichi!" (_Daddy_!)

Jon raised an eyebrow at Clary as Lynn was clapping her hands, proud of herself and giggling some more before claiming to go in his arms. He took her and got up to follow the rest of the family who was already downstairs.

"Nihongo? Shinken ni?" (_Japanese? Seriously_?)

"Chichi! Chichi!"

"She seems to like it. And anyway, it's better than Chin..."

"Don't say it! Chinese is a really beautiful language. You should go into it, in ten years, we'll all speak Chinese."

"I'll just have to make sure I died before then."

She childishly stuck her tongue at him, and for a moment they stayed in the staircase together, Lynn keeping on babbling on this new word she learned. Jon eyed his sister for a moment as she was smiling at her niece, one of her fingers locked in Lynn's tight closed fist.

"So you decided to sign?"

"Yeah. I missed it anyway, and if it can actually pay the bills, it's just perfect for me."

"Is it just because you missed it or because you're hoping for him to recognize ..."

He cut himself, seeing her face clouding all of the sudden. It had been four months since she left her secret message to Jace, and still, it seemed that she kept on hoping he'd come back. She shook her head and looked at Jon straight in the eyes her fingers still in Lynn's hands.

"No. I just want to go back to that. It's one of the only thing that brought me peace back then. And for him, let's not talk about infuriating things."

Jon simply nodded and they both went to the dining room to join everyone there. The Lightwoods had welcome back Clary with an eagerness that neither Jon nor Clary could have suspected. It was as if she had always been part of their family. They never questioned her about her whereabouts during the past year or about James. But even though they were anything but kind to her, it was still difficult for Clary to go and see them because of the missing piece in their family. The missing piece that she apparently caused, even though they didn't seem to hold her responsible for that.

The person with whom she had the most difficulties to reconnect to was Robert. After all, she had been the rudest person on Earth to him. And he was the one who told her about her abnormality. She knew that he had kept her secret because no one of his family never looked at her with pity. Not even him.

She sat between her brother and Max before talking to the latter a bit in Japanese. Max came back two days earlier for the Christmas break, and he had been staying at her place ever since because he didn't really wanted to stay at his parents. Not that he was having problems with them, but he just didn't want to justify himself every time he'd want to go out, or worry about cover few. And Clary was more than happy to have him home, she could speak to him in Japanese, and feel a little less lonely in her apartment.

Now that everyone was sitting, they were only waiting for Luke and their grandfather who arrived just five minutes later, Luke pushing Kristof in his wheelchair. They greeted everyone with a big smile, but Clary still noticed that their grandfather was thinner than the last time she saw him, which was only three days ago.

She glanced at Jon and saw that he noticed it too. They both frowned their brows, feeling like time was finally catching up with the only relative they had left. Jon knew that Maryse had gone through a lot to assemble the whole family together for Lynn's first Christmas, but he still saw in her eyes the sadness she felt of having a missing son.

He felt so bad for her because even though he knew what it was to deeply miss a loved one, he hoped he'd never had to miss his daughter that way. He caught Luke slightly nodding at Robert in a significant way, and Robert slightly smile at that and so Jon looked at Clary who seemed as perplex as him on the exchange that just happened.

"So what did you want to talk to us about Clary?"

She tore her gaze from Jon to look back to Robert, feeling slightly embarrassed to be suddenly the center of everyone's attention.

"I sold a few paintings two days ago. So ... Yeah, I guess we could say my collaboration with Hodge is back on track to his biggest delight."

Everyone looked at her as the information sank in, and she cleared her throat a little before continuing.

"And I kept my anonymity, so it would be great if we kept that between us?"

Jon slightly shook his head and squeezed her hand. He knew that she never liked talking in front of an audience, especially when it was all about her.

"Does this mean you'll stop tattooing at Java Jones?"

When she came back in New York and accompanied Jon to the bar, Lucky had welcomed her with opened arms. He even proposed her to second him in his tattoos when he learned she was an artist and now, many people only came for her. Lucky didn't mind, saying that it gave him some rest and that now the new generation should work their asses off to make his bar as good as always.

Clary had found it funny that every person that was now sitting around the table had come to her at Java Jones to ask for a tattoo. The person that shocked Clary the most was Maryse, but still, she did it, even though it ripped her heart to do so: she wanted on the inside of her arm the dates of birth of her children. _All_ of her children. She looked at Maryse as she caught Alec frowning at his mother's question.

"I thought you weren't into tattoos."

"I am not some old fashioned and decrypted Mom, you know Alec. I'm a person before being a Mom."

Clary let a small smile spread her lips, but Jon saw that it never reached her eyes. No matter how much people tried, only Lynn had been able to make her smile with her whole being. Sure she would also truly smile to him, but that was so rare and it only happened when they were just the two of them.

"I'll keep working at Java Jones. It's just that ... I missed painting, and Hodge and some _other people_ had been nagging me to go back to that."

She glared at Jon who just made a face at her. Of course he pushed her in going back to paint again. He saw the spark that defined her as an artist when Izzy asked her to paint Lynn's room. The way she seemed absorbed by her work and completely free of pressure as the paintbrushes slowly gave life to a pirate room. Clary said that there was no way in Hell she would paint a princess room for her niece, but still, she managed to keep the room feminine enough.

"Who cares about the tattoos? Are you telling me that I won't get to dress you up anymore?"

"Seriously Magnus? Do you know me at all?"

Magnus smiled to himself, reassured by her statement. Shortly after having started to tattoo for Lucky, he came to her and asked her if she was up for a match, and she had been more than happy about that. It had been exactly what she had been looking for, a mean to release all her pressure. And ever since, Magnus and Izzy had been all about dressing her up, giving her outfits completely indecent. She already had a match planned in four days, Lucky had called her a few hours ago to tell her that he found her a last minute opponent.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**  
.

"Remember, don't be mad at me, but at the game."

"Aren't I always?"

Lucky just knowingly smiled to her and pointed his chin at her adversary behind her. She gave him back his smile and twirled on herself, removing slowly her hood and only to face someone she hadn't been expecting. Her smile froze on her face as all her blood was drained out of her, but she couldn't help but stare at him.

And then, she finally had the strength to tear her gaze away so she could look back at Lucky, glaring at him but he just shrugged, that stupid knowing smile on his lips."Not me, the game."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

**So yeah, I know ... I'm sorry. Don't hate me for updating so late promise next one will be within the week.**

**So a new chapter is up (a long knew to make it up to you) and yeaaah another 'mysterious man' in the end. Except that we all know who it is... It's Voldemert mouhahahhahah (don't judge it's 5am here!)**

**So about the Jonabelle, I know some people thought the last chapter had too much of it, but I wanted to show that no matter what, the twins need each other more than anything. So without a Jon, a Clace cannot really be happy (if Clace there is).**

**I also wanted to ask you WHY? Why did some people thought that the previous mystery man was Alec or Magnus? Or even Tetsuji or James (do you like Tetsuji so much you want him back ^^)**

**I also wanted to make a little special note for my 'fanatic fan' in Israël, I hope you're okay because I haven't heard about you in a while, and so yeah I worry about you (I know I worry for nothing, but still, I hope everything is fine for you).**

**And yeah I don't know if you've noticed, but I started two other stories, so if you want to check it out, feel free to do so. I'm rereading Another chance, editing chapter by chapters, and now I think I'll update each story at least once a week.**

**Anyway, I know many of you are starting back school, and so good luck for you guys, may the force be with you. For those who are still in holidays lucky you, enjoy while it last! For those who work like me, may we just be brave enough to face the day. (Like I said, it's five in the morning here!)**

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments mentioned in this, everything else is mine.**

**Cheers.**


	19. I Love You

She looked at Jace, frozen on herself, frozen in her feelings, frozen in her features. What was she supposed to do? What was she suppose to say or even feel? He looked the same as when she last saw him in Greenland, except his hair were longer and he grew a well furnished three days beard. But his body, _his body_, was still the same: lean and muscular, his features were still perfect, his eyes were still ... still looking at her with that damn expression that infuriated her so much when she came back to New York last year.

He was wearing black sweatpants and a grey shirt, lining perfectly his stupid and attractive golden body. She looked over at his left wrist, where he had their common tattoo before her eyes caught ink on his other wrist. The mourning rune along with her name in Japanese kanji. Exactly like Jon. Except that Jon had two more names and it was on at his left wrist. The same names that where now on her right forearm.

She breathed in deeply through her nose and turned on her heels, holding the cord high to get off the ring, but people started to boo her and Lucky quickly placed himself in front of her, shaking his head to let her know that he was still expecting her to fight.

"Get off my way you sneaky traitor! I'm not fighting _him_!"

"Afraid to lose?"

"To kill him more like it."

"Well, do. If you don't stay, I'm not letting you back on the ring Ruby."

Clary looked at Lucky with betrayal before angrily turning back to Jace. She wanted to jump on his throat, but she was torn between kissing him senseless and ripping him apart, and so she just glared at him. And then the bell dinged and Clary just felt helpless on what she should do.

Jace stared at her, his eyes lingering on her outfit showing so much skin, the pale blue clashing with her red French braided hair hanging on her left side. He stayed still, waiting for her to have a reaction, any reaction instead of blankly looking at him with her big green eyes.

"_You left me_!"

That's all she could think about. The fact that he left her all alone. _Twice_. He didn't say anything just looking at her with his stupid golden eyes, and she launched herself to him just to have a reaction out of him. He easily dodged her, only infuriating her a little more and blinding her with anger.

"Say something damn it! Why?! I thought you were too selfish to let me go! Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me in someone else's arms? Why didn't you fight for me!? Why are you only coming back now?"

At each question, she had aimed at him with her hard fists, but he knew her so well that he dodged each of them and at some point Jace just took her wrists in his hands, making her stop and forcing her to look and listen to him.

"You broke your promise! What about me always being in your heart? You shoved me away when I came to you! When I wanted to be there for you, you turned your back on me!"

She squirmed her leg between his and made him lose his balance and therefore making him fall with her on top of him. As soon as she had the upper hand again, she resumed in punching his chest, but he quickly put his hand behind her head and brought his to hers to kiss her forcefully. She gasped in surprise: it was so not what she had been expecting. She didn't know what she had been expecting actually, but Jace kissing her was _definitely_ off the map. Especially not kissing her like that, as if the nine years behind them never happened.

She started melting to his kiss, feeling the sensations Jace always brought to her growing in her when she suddenly realized that the crowd was wooing them. She quickly got up and left the ring, not without glaring at Lucky.

She rushed to her place, not passing through her dressing room and going straight to her apartment who wasn't that far away on foot. Once in front of her front door, she realized that her keys were still in her bag who was still in her lodge, and that Max was out clubbing tonight, and so she leaned her head against the wooden door, banging her forehead a few times.

Why couldn't she just act like a normal person and accept that he came back to her? Why couldn't she just jump in his arms and tell him how much she missed him? Suddenly she felt his warm and callous hands on her arms and she froze, trying to keep her tears in.

"_You left me _..."

"I know."

He tightened his grip on her and slowly he leaned to kiss her neck. He felt her loosen up and he closed the distance between them. He had been so afraid that she'd try to run off again, that she'd again disappear in the wild, but she was there, steady in his arms, only pouring her heart out.

"I'm here now. I'm here because you and I, we cannot live without the other, only survive."

"So you're staying?"

"Always. I came back as soon as I had your location. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry we lost nine years. But all that matters right now is that you're here in my arms."

He didn't apologize for leaving her nine years ago because they both knew that it would only bring them more pain and unpleasant memories. He just kept on kissing the skin of her neck, his hands squirming on her naked stomach to hold her even tighter. He felt her pulse through his lips getting more erratic as she leaned against him, finally letting herself melt back to him, in that perfect way in which they belonged.

Swiftly he reached for his pocket and grabbed her keys that he had taken from her dressing room when she had run away a few minutes ago. He opened her door and she suddenly twirled on herself, crashing her lips again his and fisting her hands in his hair. He took her in his arms and closed the door with his foot once they were in her apartment.

He just couldn't believe that finally, after nine years of Hell, _finally_ she was back in his arms. He held her even tighter as her legs squeezed him and her lips left his to fly along his neck and collarbone.

"I missed you so much Jace. I missed you so freaking much."

"I missed you more. I don't want to ever live that again. I love you too damn much!"

She fought to keep her tears in. All her anger, all her fears of him moving on, of him never coming back, everything just fled away as he was pecking endlessly all the skin he could access to, repeating again and again how much he loved her. Without knowing how, they were both in her room, his shirt lost in the way between the door and her bed.

He laid her on her bed, and Clary frowned at the sight of a fresh wound on his left shoulder. The wound wasn't more than a week old, she could tell. She gently caressed it with her fingers, barely touching the stitches and still being able to almost picture the blade who caused it transpiercing his skin, and making him shiver before leaning in and kissing her with love and need.

His hands travelled on the skin of her stomach, his fingers gently tracing the thin and invisible scars there and his lips never leaving Clary's. How long had he be longing for her like that in his arms? Just thinking about it formed a lump in his throat and he kissed her even harder as she arched herself to him, her fingers hidden and strongly tangled in his hair.

She wanted him so bad that it hurt just to think of it. She wanted to feel him all over again, to feel again this sensations that only he had ever brought to her, to bring from her. She wanted to be _his_ again, falling completely into oblivion under his touch.

Slowly he peeled her blue and short shirt and he stared at her, laying there in front of him only in her matching blue short shorts and black lacy bra. Her braid was coming undone and when their eyes locked, they both lost it, falling back in that passion that bounded them together in their deepest beings.

She hungrily out topped him, her hands feverishly getting rid of his too annoying trousers as his own hands were already removing her short shorts. As their cloths flew out of the picture, she felt his hands ardently winding up her body before he sat up, crushing her against him to never lose her again.

As he felt his need of her growing stronger, he violently set her back on the bed, kissing and nibbling her whole body as she was passionately scratching his back. Urgently, he squirmed his fingers in her very core, relished by how still perfect she felt to him, how she could still send him on fire by her very presence, but when he felt her react so well to this small penetration, milking his fingers, he could only moan and stop what he was doing to her to thrust in her like there were no tomorrow.

She screamed his name, begging him with her body to make her his again. As he kept ramming in her, she wrapped her legs around his waist, already feeling a sensation in her that she hadn't felt in years, a sensation that only Jace had been able to bring her and suddenly, she felt her whole body tense as he was giving her one final thrust, growling out her name before falling on her.

She caressed his blond hair, realizing how much she had missed this special connection she had with Jace. They stayed like that for a moment, her caressing his hair as he kept on pecking her neck and collarbone, and at some point he tried to roll on the side in order not to be too heavy for her, but she didn't let him. She liked having his weight on her, how perfectly modeled for the other they were, and slowly she fell in a peaceful sleep, still mindlessly caressing his hair.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace woke up when the sun wasn't up yet. With Clary in his arms. For how long had he been dreaming of that? His Clary, back in his arms. She stirred a bit, and he knew she was going to wake up, but he didn't want to let her go. Not now, not ever. So he tightened his grip and she snuggled against him, resting her red head on his bare chest, but never opening her eyes. He waited a moment to see if she was going to wake up, but slowly she went back to sleep so he followed her back in Morpheus' arms.

When he woke up again, he felt the urge to go to the bathroom, and cursed mentally at it before trying to gently get off of Clary's bed without waking her up. But as soon as he moved, she squeezed her arms around him, preventing him to get up.

"Don't leave."

"I'm not, I'm just using your restroom."

"No you're not."

She lustfully smiled at him, before kissing her way from his chest to his collarbone and then to his lips. Her fingers started to play with his muscles as she was forbidding him to leave the bed, climbing on top of him. Their kiss changed into something more languorous, Jace sliding his fingers in her wild red hair to bring her closer to him, when she suddenly heard the front door click, and she remembered that Jon was supposed to pick her up today for them to go see their grandfather. She quickly stood up and smiled at Jace, telling him where was the restroom before swiftly slipping in his shirt and putting on her underwear.

She rushed to the front door just as Jon was about to close it. He turned to her and raised an eyebrow when he took her in. She wasn't looking as usual. Despite the fact that she abnormally obviously just woke up, her eyes were sparkling of something he hadn't seen in years, of something that seemed dead for the past months. He noticed her smile, the way her shoulders were relaxed, the fact the she was rubbing her nose and he let out a small smirk, backing up and opening back the door to leave.

"Jon..."

"One day. I can only give you one day."

Only Jace could put that smile on Clary's face, and if he was back, he couldn't hide it from Izzy indefinitely, no matter how much Clary wanted to have him for herself. She smiled to him, placing herself in the small creak between the door and the frame to thank him.

Jace walked out of the bathroom in boxers and looked for Clary only to find her at her front door, whispering to someone and keeping the door almost closed tight against her body. He heard a male voice whisper back to her which made him frown. So he _did_ hear properly when he thought that someone came into the apartment. That was why she was suddenly so eager to leave his side. To whom Clary did leave full access to her apartment? And to whom belonged the man's cloths in the bathroom?

Clary closed the door and turned on herself, hiding the best she could her surprise to see Jace standing just behind her, she thought he would have gone back to the bedroom because she wasn't planning on leaving it today. She smiled to him, happy that he hadn't been just a really nice and vicious hallucination but the frown on his face didn't go away. She walked to him and wrapped her arms against his waist, kissing his chest just to have the pleasure of feeling him against her.

"What's wrong?"

"You don't have to put your life on hold for me. Whatever you needed to do, just ..."

He watched her step back, her eyes blazing with anger and hurt. What did he do to hurt her? He just wanted her not to feel obligated to him. If she had made a new life for herself because he wasn't there for her, he would just let her be ... Who was he kidding? It wasn't okay at all if she moved on from him because he would never.

"My life on hold? Don't you get it? My life has been on hold ever since I lost you. My life is missing something without you. How can you not see that I need you to stop surviving and to start living again. I love you. I love you so much that I'd go through the pain I was in all over again just to have you back again. I just simply and plainly love you."

Clary blushed at this outburst of her feelings like that and squatted on the floor, hiding her face in her hands. What took over her to lay her heart like that when she didn't even knew if he would stay, let along stay _with her?_ This had been the most stupid thing she ever did.

Suddenly she felt his hands on her, trying to make her raise her head, but she refused. After a few moments of struggling, Jace finally managed to make her look up to him. He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs as their eyes locked and he lovingly smiled to her.

"I love you too. I love you so much that I feel like I'm finally breathing again now that you're back here, in my arms."

She blinked her lashes and suddenly leaned forward to kiss him, making him stumble backwards. She climbed on top of him, her legs on each side of him, never breaking their kiss but bringing it on another level. His breath quickened as she started straddling him and he squirmed one of his hands under the shirt that she was wearing, his other hand strongly knotted in her hair.

He brought her closer to him and she jerked her head backward, giving him access to her neck and so he sucked there the soft and milky skin of her collarbone, removing her too annoying shirt. As soon as the shirt was out of the picture, she feverishly resumed on assaulting his lips, caging his head in her delicate hands as Jace played skillfully with his fingers and her nipples, making her squeeze her tights around his waist and moan against his lips. As much as their embrace was forceful, their kisses and caresses were all about love, tenderness and care.

She started grinding on him, making his arousal crave to be in her and he left her mouth to taste her breast, making her gasp of pleasure, arching herself to him a little bit more, her hands going south to grab and strike him. He inhaled deeply when she lead him inside of her before she hid her face in the creek of his neck, moaning out of pleasure his name.

Passionately, both of them increased the rhythm, making it match to the beat of their erratic and common breathing, and completely losing one to the other. Jace's strong hands were holding Clary's small waist tighter, making her ride him faster, harder and deeper until they both reached this cloud nine they always reached together, heaving out their common orgasm by saying the other's name.

Clary's rested her head on Jace's shoulder, contempt with the feeling of his comforting arms warmly wrapped around her. He was back. Back for her, back with her, and it was all that mattered at this very moment: Jace was back to her. She could almost cry of happiness. She had started to give up hope, resolved to have this constant hole in her heart and soul, but he came back to fill it for her. If only they didn't had to waste those stupid nine years.

"I should have promised you to never leave you. It was too easy to promise you that you'd stay in my heart, of course you were going to stay there. I should have promised what you asked me and we ... we wouldn't have ..."

"It's okay. What's done is done. Let's just make a life from now on. A life of our own."

Clary smiled to him, but Jace still felt her stiffen a little, and he saw that she was holding something back from him. But before he could even think more about it, she leaned forward and kissed him swiftly on the lips. Then she got up and quickly dressed back as he did the same, before taking her in his arms from behind and gently kissing her neck just for the sake of it. Just because he could finally do so.

"You should go see your family. Your Mom misses you, and it wouldn't be fair of me to keep you from her."

Jace didn't say anything at first. What could he tell her? That he was apprehending seeing his parents as much as he had anticipated seeing her? He did left without so much of a goodbye, just a heads up that he wouldn't come back, but nothing more. He put them through so much for the past nine years.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"What are you doing here?"

"Clary had a last minute thing, so we're going tomorrow."

Izzy looked at him conspicuously and he just smiled to shake off any suspicions. They both knew that basically nothing would stop Clary to see family, especially not their grandfather and his declining health, but he had promised his sister a day of quiet for her to reconnect with Jace, and so he would give her that. A little extra Christmas gift just for her.

Izzy shrugged and looked back in her mirror to finish her make up and Jon leaned against the doorframe of their room, staring at her with love. He had dropped Lynn earlier at her grandparents on his way to Clary's.

"Would you marry me?"

"_What_?!"

Izzy twirled on herself, her eyes wide open of surprise as Jon kept his gaze on her, analyzing her every reactions. She hadn't been expecting that in a million year, that was clear on her face, but still, beside the surprise, Jon could see her eagerness, her anticipation, her love, and still, hidden in the back of her eyes, a little glimpse of sadness.

"I'm not asking you to marry me _now_, I'm asking you if you _would_."

She blinked a few times, her cheeks getting slightly pinker, and then she regained her composure, closing access to her thoughts to Jon and sitting slowly on the bed as her eyes never left his. Jon cursed at himself for teaching her how to master her emotions in the blink of an eye but kept his gaze on her, never living from where he was standing.

"Where does that come from?"

"My heart. I know you won't get married until Jace comes back, and I'm not asking you to do so. I'll never ask you something like that. I just want to ... know if you would."

She kindly smiled to him before standing up and walking to him, her tender smile never leaving her lips. She gently caressed his cheek with love and care, her brown eyes ravaging his whole face.

"Of course I would. How can you even think I wouldn't? I love you. It's just that ... you've used me to more romantic outbursts."

"It's not a proposal. It's just a checking on how things are doing."

She knowingly smiled at him, shaking a little bit her head. This was something that he never really managed to get rid off from his hit man days, this need to always be sure of everything around him, to be aware of the situation, to be sure he'd be able to re-bounce without even moving. And still, she never seemed to have minded.

Then Izzy locked her hands behind his neck and smirked at him, a playful smile spreading her lips.

"So you don't even have a ring that I can show off?"

"Of course I do. But I'll keep it for the real prop..."

"No! It's too late, this is the real proposal."

She had meant it as a joke at first, but now Jon could see how serious she was. He cursed at himself again, knowing that she would never let it go now and blaming himself for telling her about the ring. He still tried to make change her mind, all the while knowing that it was just a waste of time for she had already set her mind on seeing the ring.

"Come on Izzy. What about the romantic dinner place, the kneeling, the uneasy heart rate, the tears?"

"Really Jon? I should have ended with Clary, she would have given me the ring already. I don't care about that, as long as you mean it."

He smiled in defeat and retrieved from his pocket the small little box. He always kept it with him because he couldn't risk her unexpectedly finding it somewhere in their apartment. He looked at her brown and loving eyes, feeling completely overwhelmed by the love he had for her.

"In that case, would you marry me?"

He opened the box and showed Izzy the ring. A silver ring with three diamonds on the top, the middle one bigger than the two other ones, and an inscription inside it. She looked at him, barely glancing at the ring, pure and unconditional love in her eyes before she pretended to think about it, a small smirk placed on her lips.

"I don't know Jon, it's _so_ sudden. I really wasn't expecting that."

Jon shook his head and she kissed him, transmitting all her love through that kiss. He gave her back her kiss and when they broke it, they leaned each other's foreheads against the other, smiling their love and glee. Then Jon took the ring and slid it on Izzy's finger, fitting it perfectly on her as planned.

"If I had know, I would have dressed completely differently. It's changing all my balance."

"Maybe I could help you undress."

"Or maybe I could call-in sick. I feel really feverish all of the sudden."

Jon smiled down to Izzy and kissed her passionately showing her all his love.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"I wasn't expecting to see you for at least a week."

Jon snickered from behind the counter as he saw his sister glaring at Lucky before she walked to him. He served her a beer that she gladly took before she leaned against the bar. He had just dropped Izzy at the mall around 4pm for she wanted to already make the shopping for Lynn's birthday -which was three weeks later. He knew that Magnus had already joined her, both completely crazy when it came to shopping, and he was actually surprised that they didn't call Maryse over. But then again Lynn was with them.

Jon watched his sister go to the pool table, her beer in hand and he joined her, taking a cue on the way to play against her. She barely glanced at him, and just broke the perfect triangle, a small frown on her face. Jon aimed for a particular ball, not liking this frown and sighed.

"Reassure me, you didn't kick him out."

Clary looked at him with big goggling eyes as of he was insane, which was reassuring in a way.

"What? No! He just went to see Robert and Maryse."

"But he's staying right."

"Yes."

"With you?"

She hesitated at that and Jon had to repress from rolling his eyes as she bent down to shoot and 'miss'. Ever since they were little, it had been a game between the two of them, the best would actually manage to lose, and therefore their parties could last for hours.

"I guess."

"Didn't you talk about it? About how desperate you both were and all that other soapy stuff couples say when they had been separated for so long?"

He had tried to lighten up the mood, but her frown didn't go away.

"I don't know Jon. It's so much. It's been nine years since I've been this happy. I'm scared that I don't know how to be happy like that anymore."

Jon frowned his brows, not sure on what he could tell her. What could he tell her when for nine years she had learned to live with this whole burning in her heart? All he could do was to take her in his arms and comfort her as he could when his words were lacking.

Clary stayed in her brother's embrace, keeping for herself what was really preoccupying her. Jace wanted to start a life with her, but he had no idea of her empty stomach. How could he start a life with her when her stomach would always refuse them that? She remembered that he always had wanted children, even though he never really formulated the idea out loud. What would happen to this flickering flame that they had just reanimated if he knew? How would she manage to survive without him now that she had him back?

"You'll learn all over again. It's not like your love isn't real guys. Nine years you stayed apart, and you're still all about the other. He'll fight all he could to make you happy again, and you know it."

She stayed silent for a moment before relocating her attention on the game and striking a ball to make it bounce on the opposite side and barely enter the hole. She smirked at her brother and he shook his head, knowing that this ball would be tricky.

"So he saw your picture."

"I'm not sure of that. Remember what I told you when we where in Strasbourg."

He remembered very well. She said that she felt someone shadowing them ever since they left the graveyard where was resting Jace's mother, and the worrying part was that Jon felt it too. But at that time, he had put that on the account of the Clave.

"But that doesn't make any sense. If he had someone following you for the last four months, why did he wait so long?"

"He has a stab wound. Military one."

She looked up from the game to look in her brother's eyes and he barely nodded, understanding what she was implying. Of course. He was about to ask her if she knew more about it when his phone rang. He checked it and frowned when he saw Izzy's ID.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace was standing in front of his parents' house feeling completely clueless. Now, he wished that he didn't turned down Clary's offer to come with him so she could be with him right now and tell him what to do. It has been more than a year since he had had any contact with them, and sure he always knew how they were doing, but they didn't.

He stood for a while in front of the door, not daring ring the bell. He didn't want to see their sad expressions, but before he could even decide to go back to Clary's and wait for her to come back to his parents with him, he heard barking inside, and a dog scratching the door. So they had kept Akuma all this time with them.

He heard Robert's footsteps as he asked her what was wrong, and suddenly the door flew open, releasing Akuma to jump on his throat. She lapped his face as Robert was looking at him straight in the eyes, a mix of relief and apprehension in his blue eyes.

"Took you long enough. You were supposed to be here four days ago."

So Luke had talked to his parents, or at least to Robert. Jace looked down, his hands automatically scratching his dog's favorite spots. On the morning of Christmas Eve, Luke had come to him while he was barely recovering, to Jace's biggest surprise, but he hadn't been able to go back with Luke that day, so they had decided that he'd come back later, and Jace immediately called Lucky to make sure Clary wouldn't run off.

"Sorry. I ..."

"It's okay, you're back. You're staying right?"

What was it with people asking him constantly this question? Of course he was back for good or he wouldn't have shown up at their doorsteps.

"Yes."

"Good. Then you can come in and give your Mom the Christmas gift she's been waiting for for over a year."

Robert stepped aside and let Jace in, but as soon as Jace had stepped in, he hugged him as the father who had feared that his son would never come back to his family. Jace gave him back his embrace before walking in the kitchen where Maryse was apparently cooking dinner. Before he could even make himself known to her, she turned on herself, as if she had been sensing him, and after a few seconds of shock, she launched herself at him, taking him in her arms.

"I knew you'd come back eventually."

"I'm sorry Mom."

He heard her sniffle in his neck before she stepped back wiping away her tears and motherly looked his face with love. Akuma used the occasion to jump again on Jace and he skipped his gaze to her to avoid looking at his mother's tears, scratching Akuma behind her ears. Jace heard a baby cry and Robert said that he had it. Jace swallowed hardly realizing that he missed so much of Izzy's life, he missed the birth of her baby, he missed Izzy becoming step by step a Mom, he missed Izzy building back a relationship with Jon.

"I'll call everyone to come to dinner tonight."

"Isn't it a bit late?"

It was almost 5pm, but Maryse shook her head, calling out nonsense. Jace kneeled to his dog and he heard Robert's footsteps behind him before looking back up at his Mom who was string at him with love and concern.

"Have you seen her yet?"

"Yes ... She's at work."

Maryse nodded of understanding before walking to her husband and taking the baby girl in her arms. She was looking at Jace with a confused face, and he recognized the face Clary had been working on back in her apartment on a small canvas.

"Lynn, this is your uncle Jace. He is Mom's brother."

Lynn looked at Jace with Alec's blue eyes and when he smiled to her, she squeaked before hiding her face in Maryse's shoulder. Jace smiled and turned back his attention to Akuma, he didn't really know what to tell them, nor what he could tell them.

"I called Izzy she's on her way with Magnus and Jon. Alec will bring her after their meeting."

Jace frowned at Robert's statement, wondering why they wouldn't say Clary's name, but before he could think any further on the matter, a squeal tore him away from his thoughts. He looked up and saw Lynn asking for the floor before she wrapped her arms around Akuma's neck, looking at Jace with determination and clearly telling him that she was _her_ dog and not his.

Jace chuckled and got up as his parents were softly laughing, Maryse back in front of the stove and Robert sitting on a chair just behind Lynn. The love in his eyes as he looked at his granddaughter was ineffable and Jace surprised himself wondering how it would feel like when it would be his and Clary's child.

"Yeah, I guess you'll have troubles getting your dog back. She's really fond of her."

Jace sat next to his father a smile on his lips, but Lynn glared at him, apparently not liking the closeness between Akuma and Jace.

"So, what kind of meeting do Alec and Cl..."

"Don't say her name!"

Robert and Maryse had stopped him at the same time, both glancing at Lynn before looking at Jace.

"She's going to cry for hours if you say you-know-who's name and don't show her in the next five seconds."

Jace quickly glanced at Lynn who was still playing with Akuma with pure glee and understood that Clary had apparently a little fan completely obsessed with her. He nodded of understanding and Robert gave him the information he had been asking about.

"They're trying to get someone out of prison, but it's kind of hard for them considering he doesn't want to get out."

"Of course she is."

Jace shook his head. Clary would always be Clary, always trying to give justice to this world, even in the least expected places like jails.

"So what are you planning to do now that you're back."

"I already talked to Chief Stone, so as soon as I'll be able to hold a g... As soon as I'll be good as new, I'll go back to the station."

"What do you mean 'as good as new'?"

Maryse had flipped on herself, a concern frown knotted on her brows and Jace cursed at himself, he hadn't planned on telling them about his injury. Even though she hadn't say anything, he had seen the concern in Clary's eyes when she had seen it, but he mostly saw that she had understood what caused it. He was certainly not going to put this worry on his parents shoulders.

"Nothing. I'm just not feeling very well right now."

Robert raised an eyebrow at him, showing him that he clearly didn't believe him, but he didn't say anything about it. Suddenly they heard the front door, and Robert gently smiled before Izzy, Magnus and Jon entered the kitchen. There was a heavy silence during which Magnus and Izzy looked at Jace with shock before Izzy walked to him and slapped him.

Jace barely moved, only wishing that people would stop hitting him when they'd see him, but still he noticed that Jon wasn't surprised at all, he just bent over to pick up his daughter who was now giving him plenty of wet kisses.

"Care to tell me where you have been for this past year!?"

"I'm back Izzy, who cares about where I was?"

"I do! Clary will! I'd like to know what place was so interesting that it stole me my brother!"

"Cla'y!"

Jace heard Izzy curse under her breath before turning to her daughter while Jon was scolding Izzy with his eyes.

"She's not here yet honey. She'll come later okay?"

"No! Cla'y, Cla'y!"

"She's not here. I promise you'll see her later."

"Noooo!"

Lynn started to shed tears, and so Jon adjusted her in his arms so she would look at him.

"We'll call her okay? And she'll tell you when she'll come."

Lynn sadly nodded, and Jon kissed her forehead before leaving the kitchen. Magnus quickly followed, and Izzy turned back her death stare on Jace.

"I really want to rip your head off right now!"

"But you won't. I know what I did was really ... But I was really ..."

"I know. I'm just sad because you didn't think _we_ could help you."

"You could have, but not the way I wanted."

They both stared at each other, and he saw that Izzy understood he was talking about Clary. She barely nodded, everything in her posture telling him that they'd need to talk when their parents wouldn't be around. A small smile crept on Izzy's lips and he took her in his arms as she wrapped them around his neck.

"I'm still considering killing you for the record."

He chuckled at her whispered words of love and broke apart when Maryse gasped loudly. They both looked at their mother and she pointed Izzy's left hand with delight.

"_He proposed_!"

But instead of squealing with her mother, Izzy narrowed her eyes at her ring and then at Jace.

"You saw him this morning! That was you the Clary's last minute thing!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Mom, can you please take back Lynn."

Maryse looked at her daughter with concern and curiosity before pulling her husband's arm and disappearing of the kitchen. Jace looked at Izzy who was wearing a unreadable mask on her face. He started walking out of the kitchen when Izzy stopped him.

"No, you're staying too!"

At this instant Jon entered the kitchen and leaned against the frame. His eyes quickly lingered on Jace, on his shoulder, and Jace knew that Clary had talked to him about his wound. Jace was a bit taken aback that Jon didn't seem to apprehend at all Izzy even though it was clear that behind her mask she was seething of anger.

"You knew my brother was back, and you didn't tell me!"

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaaaaa. Will Jonabelle survive? Will I be a good girl or be the evil devil that you all know?...**

**So, here comes a new chapter, really quickly because I did make you wait a lot for the other one. The next one should be up Sunday or Monday. **

**So, yeah, of course it was Jace. I could have brought Tetsuji (just kidding). A yay, Jace is back. Did he come back as you expected? Did you like the reunion between Clace? Do you think it will last? **

**I hope you liked this chapter, this chapter that took 19 long chapters to come. CLACE IS BACK (for now, mouhahahhahah). Anyways, just tell me your impressions, because I've been building this moment for so long. **

**Anyways, Jonabelle is in the red zone apparently, it looks like it. But still, Jon proposed. And there was a inscription on the ring. Can you guess what it was? Something from the first story between them. If you do guess, I'll send you a sneak-peak of next chapter, or give you a big shoutout in the next chapters. **

**Anyways, I have go to work, but still, thank you for keeping on reading even though the updates had been a little less regular, And thank you for keeping on reviewing, a review always make me happy, wether it's from a new person, or a regular one, I love to read your impressions.**

**Oh, and by the way, I've started other stories if you want to Check them out, go ahead, it'll make me happy to see what you think about them. (And so maybe i'll stop kill ing people around, or will I? Mouhahahahaahahhahahahha) **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns every Mortal Instruments mentioned in this, everything else is mine.**

**Cheers.**


	20. Love and Happiness

Jace woke up around five in the morning with the certainty that he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. He stayed laying on his back for a while, Clary's head on the creek of his shoulder until he finally decided to get up as quietly as possible doing his best not to wake her up. As he left the bed, she stirred a little but turned on the side in her sleep and went back to slumber.

Jace looked at her wild hair sparse on the bed, contrasting with the white sheets. Her face was peaceful, a small and faint smile on her lips and at this instant, Jace wished he could have her talent to capture an image of her like that, to keep her in more than his memory.

He silently left her room and went to her kitchen. Once there, he opened the window and lost himself in his thoughts. What he wouldn't do for a smoke right now. He had stopped ever since Paris, but right now, it would help him calm his nerves just fine.

Even though everything was going how it should now, even though he had his Clary back in his arms, he still felt that something was off. Just by the way she was acting toward him when they were too close, she was being somehow distant, if not physically, Jace could still see it in her eyes. And the worst part in that, was that he understood her and could actually relate to her.

Their relationship had just been a following up of ups and downs, mostly downs. How were they supposed to act toward one another now, when they fought so hard all these years to be together, without ever really having the opportunity to be together.

He wanted to be with Clary, of that much he was sure, but he didn't know _how_ to do so. He didn't know how she worked, how she lived on a daily basis. Even less now that she was living as a simple civilian.

"You know, I am scared too."

He turned to look at her, hiding the best he could his surprise and the fact that she had startled him by her silent arrival. She walked, his shirt drowning her body until her mid-tights, and she leaned her elbows on the window frame, staring into space like he had been doing ever since he woke up.

"I'm not scared Clary. I've never been scared of my feelings for you. I've always known it was you. It's just that ... I don't know how to live with someone. Let along someone I care so much about."

"Me neither. But that doesn't mean that I'm not willing to do my best. For us. Because I love you."

He glanced at her, surprised by her outburst. She used to never talk about her feelings out of the blue, and ever since he came back, she had kept on telling him how much she had missed him and how much she loved him. He gently moved a little to place himself behind her and wrap himself around her.

"I love you too. Me not knowing doesn't mean that I don't want it. It just mean that it might be awkward at first."

It was almost as if he could see her smile grow on her face. She leaned against him and he lovingly kissed her neck. They stayed like that for a moment, just appreciating the calm of the city at six in the morning and the presence of the other next to them.

She could so easily get used to this feeling, she already was. She didn't want him to leave her again, and still she was terrified that he would do it if he knew about her. And even more, what would happen to her when he would have to go back wherever he had been for the past year? Because the wounds he had on his body only proved that he had been in contact with military services. That and how he acted now, the perfect control he had of his body, the way he could silently walk, the fact that he didn't liked being surprised.

"Jace? Where have you been for the past four months?"

"In Columbia."

Clary barely nodded, taking in the information and the careful tone he had used. She gad guessed right, he had been working for an organization for the past year. She felt Jace tighten a little his grip on her as if he thought that she'd try to flee, but she only leaned even more against him, feeling his chest echo when he explained her what he had been doing.

"You have to understand that you had disappeared, but the thing was I knew you remembered. And I knew I couldn't live without you. I tried, and it didn't work. I waited for you in Paris for a week, and when it had been obvious for me that you wouldn't go back there, I tried to track you.

But you were nowhere to be found so I made a deal with the CIA, they'd track you down for me and I'd work for them as a sniper. And every time I'd come back from a mission, you'd still be missing, until a week ago, on Christmas Eve, when I came back earlier than planned because of ... unexpected events.

A guy came to me with a file of you, saying that four months ago you came to my mother's grave and left there a folded paper that was in the file. He said that you were in New York now but that if it hadn't been for you spending so much time with my family, he wouldn't have been able to really track you.

And then he said I had a visitor, and for a split second, I hoped it was you, but it was just Luke. He kind of scolded me, telling me that I was punishing my whole family, that I was missing a lot, and that you ... were waiting for me to come back."

Luke didn't say she was waiting for him, he said that she was slowly getting into depression and that the only thing that was really holding her up was her niece. She turned on herself to plant her verdant eyes in his golden ones as she locked her hands around his neck.

"Why didn't you come back that day then?"

"I couldn't. They didn't let me."

Her eyes quickly fell on his wounds before going back up to his golden orbs, a small frown on her brows.

"What about the shot wound in your back?"

Jace grimaced at the memory of this particular wound. He had thought that his last day had come, and all he had been able to think about was Clary and the fact that he wouldn't have the possibility to hold her one last time in his arms. He also noted that she noticed it even though he had done his best not to show it to her. He knew how she worked and how she was already blaming herself for not being there when he needed her.

"It's nothing Clary. I'm here now."

The frown didn't leave her face, only got more intense as she rested her head against his shoulder. She felt that all she managed to do was scar the people she cared about, if not kill them. Her brother, Jace, her father, her mother. She never asked Jon more about their mother because she was so scared of what he would tell her. He had already slipped that he had to receive her head in a box, and so she didn't know if she would bare hearing the rest.

She shook her head, trying to focus on the happy things that were happening in her life at this very instant.

"Let's go eat something."

She led him to the kitchen by taking his hand in hers, and once there, she started the kettle before settling in baking her favorite muffins. Jace softly smiled as he saw her put the blueberries in the preparation but he stayed during the whole time that she cooked leaned against the fridge. She put the muffins in the hot oven and busied herself with the small dishes while Jace just enjoyed this image of them being like that.

She was thinking of what Jon told her, of how she should tell Jace what she wanted, what she _needed_ from him because it was pointless for her to try to deny how she felt for Jace.

"Do you want to move in?"

Jace stared at Clary's back with more intensity that he had already been doing. She didn't turn to look at him, but still, he knew how much it had cost her to ask him that. It wasn't in her character to be so straightforward when it came to her deep hidden feelings. Especially toward him.

Noiselessly he moved to take her in his arms and kiss her neck. She slightly gasped and slowly he held her even tighter.

"Of course I'd love to. That's all I ever wanted ever since I told you I wanted to marry you. It's what made me dream all these years: this image of us living together, sitting in our garden and watching our kids grow up."

Clary swallowed back her bile, refusing to go down that road, she would tell him later. This had been consuming her ever since the dinner, but, she couldn't tell him now, not now that she just had him back. So she smiled the best she could, finding the comfort she needed in his words and ignoring her fear and pain, and then she turned on herself to kiss Jace.

Slowly, their kiss turned into something more languorous, more loving, more passionate as she trailed her hands to his hair. Gently his hands tightened their grip on her before swiftly lifting her up and making her sit on the counter. She locked his waist between her legs as their kiss got even deeper, both battling for power. Jace's hands squirmed under his shirt that she was wearing before reaching her breast.

She moaned against his lips when he took them and she squeezed her legs a little bit tighter. She left his hair as her fingers trailed down his muscled chest until they found the waistband of his trousers. She started playing with it when Jace took her hands in his.

"_Don't_."

He secured her hands in his against the counter, kissing now her neck with love and longing and trying to steady himself. He wanted her right now, but he wanted the _whole_ of her.

"Give me this dream I've been having for years."

His hands hesitantly left hers, and when he saw that she wasn't opposing it, that she wasn't trying to take back the control, he slowly traced the skin of her tights with his fingers until he found the hem of the shirt. He lifted it, and as soon as her head reappeared, he kissed her again before slipping his kiss to her collarbone where he knew one of her sensitive spots was.

"Let me make love to you until you completely lose yourself to me."

She didn't say anything, didn't do anything, already falling under his touch. It was as if they never had been apart, his touch felt so familiar and exquisite. Slowly he kissed his way from her collarbone to her lips, feeling a lump growing in his throat. Feeling her like that wasn't the same as the times before where they had just been passionately and blindly reconnecting with one another.

This time he wanted to take his time, he wanted to feel her build herself up until she would no longer be conscious of what she'd do or say. Gently he pushed her so she'd lay on the counter, and he climbed on top of her before taking one of her breast in his mouth. He heard her slightly gasp as he started sucking her nipple and he played with his hands and her whole body, going endlessly up and down.

Her breath started becoming more and more uneven as she was arching to him and suddenly she felt his fingers exactly where she wanted them. He started rubbing her clit making her make noises she wasn't aware she could produce anymore and he changed his interest to her other breast. Her hands itched to take his length and make him feel as good as he was making her, but he stopped her before she could grab him and he tackled her hand back against the counter.

Then, as he kept on playing with her clit, he slowly started kissing his way down, lingering on each of her scars, before finally reaching her core. Before even touching it, Jace looked up and saw that she had closed her eyes, her back was completely arched to him and her hands where knotted in her hair.

Slowly he slid a finger in her, feeling himself ready to lose it when he felt her so wet for him and she opened back her eyes screaming his name. The pressure in his boxers got stronger and he tried to tame it by returning his attention to Clary, sliding another finger in her as he was going back and forth in her.

When he slid another finger yet and started playing with his tongue and her clit, Clary was no longer with Jace, she was somewhere else. Somewhere above everything terrestrial, somewhere high on cloud nine. She just couldn't take it anymore. She felt that sweet and agonizing pressure in her lower stomach building stronger and stronger under Jace's assaults and she could tell that soon her whole body would be completely numb.

Jace's fingers kept on singing music to her, chanting a melody that slowly was becoming quicker, more harmonious but also more instrumental. She could almost hear the beat of her own heart as clearly as she was hearing her unsteady and ragged breath.

"Jace ... I ... Fu... JAAAAACE!"

She completely sat up, her whole body tensed and Jace looked up to her, a satisfied smirk on his face. She didn't let him brag for one second as she closed the distance between the two of them and kissed him, tasting herself on his lips and not caring for one second. She wanted to take back the game in hands, but as soon as Jace had understood that she was already ready for another round, he locked her hands in his and laid her back on the counter.

"I don't think so."

In one swift motion, he sprained his erection free, aching to finally be in her. Clary sat up to passionately kiss him, moaning and longing for him to take her. But he didn't right away, playing with his head and her entrance, feeling her wetness overwhelm him and without a warning, he finally penetrated her in a low growl.

And it felt like Paradise, like it always did. She was made for him, and he was made for her, it was written to their most intimate details. Her tightness around his length, her moans in his ear, her nails planted in his back, this was what he had longed for during the nine past years. Only her could take him where she was taking him right now.

He rammed in her trying to copy the rhythm to their erratic breaths and growling when her walls tightened a little around him. Her hands flew up in his hair, bringing him closer to her face as she was knotting her fingers in his blond mane, and they kissed, Clary feeling that she was losing her mind a little bit more at each of his thrust.

When he quickened yet again the pace, she couldn't help but curse out loud and cling even tighter to Jace, wrapping her arms around his neck as his hands -who where on her breast before- fell on her ass. His thrusts became harder and faster as she squealed in the crook of his neck, and they both knew that they would soon lose it as both of their body tensed under the pressure. And then in one last thrust, he brought them to this perfect bliss that they always shared as he growled his love to her in her hair.

"God I love you Clary!"

Clary smiled, her face hidden in his shoulder, her arms still locked around his head, her whole body trembling of what had just happened. She had missed it so much, she had missed _Jace_. Only him had ever been able to make her feel like that. Only him could touch her with not only his body, but also with his heart and his soul.

And the bliss that she felt yesterday when she finally reconnected with him was nothing compared to the ecstatic state where she was now. She felt _loved_, completely and utterly loved by Jace. The way he held her, the way he touched her, the way he screamed his love to her, everything was just a proof of how much he still loved her.

"I love you too Jace. I love everything about you, even the things that infuriate me, I still love them in the end because it's you."

Jace chuckled and kissed her hair. She just enjoyed this moment that they were sharing, when suddenly, her senses got aware of the environment beside Jace. She shoved him off and rushed to her oven, but the muffins were already completely burned.

"Oh no! They're burned out!"

She took them out, waving off the smoke and wondering how she could have not noticed the smell or the smoke when Jace had been playing with her whole being. This was how much he affected her, everything around them would always fade away when they'd be just the two of them.

"It's okay, we'll eat out."

"It's okay, I already brought you breakfast guys!"

Clary opened big goggling eyes at the sound of Max's voice before squatting and hiding her head in her hands. Jace quickly put back on his trousers wondering what Max was doing here, he had decided to stay at their parents' to give them some 'privacy' as he put it. He walked to the living room where his brother was sitting, a smirk on his face.

"I'm never eating in this kitchen again!"

"Next time don't come back out of nowhere."

"I didn't have any cloths back at the house, and usually Clary is supposed to run at this time. I guess she did a different kind of cardio today."

Max's grin grew even wider before his eyes fell on the wound on his shoulder. Jace quickly put a jumper on to avoid any questions and at this moment Clary entered, his shirt back on her and a tray of drinks in her hands. She barely glanced at Max, mortified by him catching them in action.

"It's okay Clary. I went to pick up the breakfast when I got that you were ... _busy_. I guess I just came back a little too soon."

Clary tried to stay unaffected by his words, but she still blushed like a tomato as she sat on her knees in the armchair. Jace sat next to his brother just in front Clary, watching her face matching her hair. Max leaned forward and took a doughnut out of the bag to bite in it, a cup of tea in his hands.

"So Jace, now that you're back and all, are you going to propose to Clary or do like Jon and wait ages and a baby later?"

"Geez Max, when did you get so nosy?"

He didn't say anything about it, but still, Jace noticed how Clary uncomfortably shifted in her sit at Max's statement. Max chuckled and Clary smiled to him, shaking slightly her head, but Jace could still tell that something was bothering her behind her sweet smile.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Did you get any sleep at all?"

Jon looked up at Izzy sleepily walking in the kitchen before he turned back his attention to Lynn who had her mouth big open waiting for her spoon of food. He gave it to her as Izzy served herself from the coffee pot.

"Not really."

She placed herself behind him and comfortingly rubbed his back before kissing gently his cheek with love and comfort.

"You should stop worrying so much. They're going to be fine. Look at us."

He smiled and she messed a bit with his hair before sitting next to him and taking the relay on Lynn's feeding. Lynn brightly smiled at her mother and Jon simply appreciated this moment he was having with his family.

Izzy had been outraged by him not telling her about Jace, but in the end she understood why he did it. She would have done the same if the situation had been inverted. No, what was worrying Jon was his sister and what she would do from now on. She had seemed completely lost and scared of what was to come when he saw her at the bar yesterday.

And Clary's first reaction when she was scared like that was to retrieve on herself, on what she knew. So now Jon was scared that she'd run off again, and he knew he wouldn't be able to live through that again.

"I hope Mom didn't scare you."

He returned his attention to Izzy who was smiling to him all the while feeding their daughter. He gave her back her smile, leaning in to take her free hand in his. When Izzy had gotten off her chest her annoyance from Jon's little secret, her Mom jumped on the ring subject and all that it included. While they hadn't even had the possibility to discuss it together, Maryse had already started planning their wedding with the help of Magnus for he was an event planner.

"As long as she drops the idea of August, I'm fine with everything that includes you."

"Is it because of your parents?"

"Partly. And Clary too. It was supposed to be _her_ month. I can't take that from them."

That was one of the reason why August had always been so hard to Jon. It had been the month when Clary was supposed to be the happiest, and it turned out to be the month he hated the most. Their birthday, their parents' anniversary, Jace's proposal. So many things that depressed him during the eight past years. He didn't want this special he would have with Izzy to have anything remotely close with it.

Izzy nodded before turning her head to him and brightly smiling, malice and love in her eyes.

"You know Clary pointed something out to me yesterday. I'm shocked I didn't see it first, but I guess she knows you better than I do."

Jon frowned at what she was saying, and Izzy showed him her left hand, the one holding her ring. Jon contempt himself with just lovingly and knowingly smiling to her. He knew she was talking about the inscription that he had had written in it. 'The Best Weird Feeling Ever.'

"You're such a romantic Jon."

"I'm surprised you didn't see it before Clary pointed that out."

"I don't care about the ring. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but I said yes to you, not to the ring."

Jon smiled and kissed Izzy on her lips.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

As much as Lynn adored Clary, she seemed to dislike Jace to her core. She wouldn't go to him, wouldn't let him take her in his arms and would scream of indignation whenever he would touch Akuma or Clary. And now she was glaring at Jace from Clary's arms, daring him to come any closer to them.

Clary had insisted on going to Jon and Izzy's to see her niece and Jace had just followed because Jon had told him that he had something to tell him during the dinner party. And now that they were in their penthouse, Clary seemed to have completely forgotten about him.

Her eyes were gleaming of a light that Jace never saw on Clary's face. But still, he caught that tiny hint of sadness that she was trying to hide. He knew that she was probably reminded every time that she was seeing her niece of her own baby that she should be having in her arms at this right moment.

Jace was so conflicted about that and he didn't dare bring the issue. She never talked to him about being pregnant nor having a miscarriage, and so he kept her wish not to talk about it. Mostly because an awful and ugly small part of him felt relieved that she didn't have her baby with James. If she had, she might have chosen a whole different road, going back to James and build a life with him.

"Don't you like Jace, Lynn?"

Lynn shook vigorously her head before glaring once again at Jace, making Clary chuckle before glancing in Jace's direction. She gave him a small smile before returning her attention to her niece. Lynn was playing with her hair with wonder sparkling in her eyes, and Jon noticed that it was the first time she let them down ever since he picked her up from Greenland.

"Looks like it runs in the family not to like Jace at first sight. Soon she'll be all about him, like her aunt."

Clary glared at her brother who only smirked back to her. He knew how she hated that title but he kept on teasing her with it any chance he got. And now the teasing was even funnier as he could actually make a joke about their teen years without her having that sad expression in her eyes at the memory of Jace.

Lynn giggled at Clary's funny face and Clary walked her to her bedroom to get her ready, Izzy following her, not without giving at Jace a meaningful look that they still needed to talk. Jon made a small sign with with head to Jace to indicate him that they'd go in the kitchen, and once there, his smile left to leave place to a concerned expression.

"I'm not losing my sister again Jace. Whatever must happen between the two of you, you better make sure you don't make her runoff again or I swear you'll wish you were never born."

"Haven't we already established that I can't be apart from her, as well as she can't from you and you from her?"

"Good for you to acknowledge it."

Jace didn't re-bounce on that. Clary's and Jon's relationship was too strong for him to understand it or try to interfere. It was almost as if they were one and same person. Clary told him how she felt it when Jon almost died, even though she didn't remember him at the time, Jace saw how her very own body was calling out to her twin when she came back to New York memory-less. No, their relationship was too deep, and in a way, Jace was glad that she found her brother before he found her again. In a way, he felt that she never would have been truly happy without him, and he knew he wouldn't have bared it.

Jon looked at Jace, not liking having the feeling to look at his reflexion from when he came back to Izzy. It was almost as if he could see the questions that he had been asking himself back then echoing in Jace's golden eyes, but also a determination that Jon didn't have. He loved Izzy, but the love he had for Izzy was different that the love Jace and his sister shared. Their love was fire while and Izzy's and his' love was more like a river. Calm on the surface, constant, unending.

He played a little with the box he had in his pocket, the very same box his parents and he had kept all these years for Clary, and he briefly closed his eyes and sighed, hoping that Jace would make the right choice at the right time.

"By the way, I know this was destined to you."

Jon gently threw to Jace the small box in which he had kept the family ring all these years. Jace took it out of a reflex, but then, when he understood what it was, he couldn't help but smile. A smile of love, anticipation and relief that reassured Jon in thinking that he made the right decision.

But before Jace could say anything, Clary entered the kitchen, Lynn all dressed in her arms and Jace swiftly made the box disappear in his pocket. His gesture didn't go unnoticed by Clary, but she didn't say anything about it, her eyes slowly going back to her brother.

"Lynn's ready. I ... _We, _Jace and I, should take her to the park."

She slowly walked to Jace, feeling incredibly awkward about what she was about to do, but still tiptoed herself once she was at his level and gently kissed his cheek under Lynn's protests like she had seen Izzy do so many times with Jon.

"Still I think Izzy would like some alone time with you."

Jace nodded and kissed her forehead before leaving the kitchen. Jon saw how she stiffened at this last kiss, but didn't say anything about it. It wasn't Jace's fault if she was reminded of their Dad every time she was kissed like that. The only person who could still kiss her like that was him like she was the only one with whom he would talk in French. Sometimes, it felt like a curse to them to look so much like their parents.

"So? Do I still get to be your best man?"

Jon smiled at Clary's smirk, letting himself fall in the memory of them organizing their lives when they were still teenagers. Jon used to always tell her that she would be his best man because she was the only person he trusted enough to be there for him as much as to bring fun to his bachelor party. And that feeling hadn't change one bit.

"Guess what. I'll be the first one to get married."

"I don't care, I was the first one proposed to!"

It was the first time she mentioned to him the fact that Jace proposed to her. He knew it because their Dad told their Mom, and it actually had been one more nail into Jocelyn's heart, he knew it because Izzy told him when they met again in Madrid, but _Clary_ never told him.

"So you would have said yes."

"Of course I would have. I love him."

Jon nodded and his sister returned her attention to Lynn, smiling brightly to her. Jon also smiled, satisfied that his sister was finally fully happy. Of course there was still this little sadness that he could see in her, but there were still other ways, and it wasn't like Jace didn't love her enough to help her through this.

"Will you say yes _now_?"

"That's not for you to first know."

"_What!_? I'm your twin!"

"And you didn't tell me anything about proposing to Izzy! You just vaguely mentioned the idea. I hadn't even seen the ring before yesterday."

"It came out on the heat of the moment."

Clary mimicked him childishly before sticking her tongue out to him before turning her heels to him. She put Lynn in her stroller and waited for Jace as Jon was giving her Lynn's baby bag. She smirked at him as he leaned against the wall and she put on her own coat.

"Don't go crazy while we're not here. Max took the habit to intrude when you least expect him."

"He caught you?!"

She didn't have to answer, just the embarrassed look on her face told him enough and he bursted out of laughter while Clary scolded him with her eyes. Jace arrived at this moment, followed by Izzy and Clary vividly opened the window to escape Jon's snarky remarks.

Once outside, Jace wrapped a hand around Clary's waist to which she responded with a bright smile, and they went to the park to rock Lynn on one of the swing. She giggled as she was going back and forth under Clary's steady hands, and after a while, she even smiled to Jace, warming his heart more than he could ever imagine. He looked up at Clary, love gleaming in his eyes.

"I don't want you to freak out Clary. I know we just got back together and all, ... But I can't wait to see us in this park with our own kids to rock."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Yay a new chapter with no more drama. See I can be REALLY nice sometimes, or maybe I should stop this lovey dovey thing and kill someone or something. You know, just to stay true to myself ... How about Jace? Mouhahahhahah aha. **

**Okay, I stop the teasing. So how did you like this chapter. No, it wasn't a filler chapter, even if some might think that. It was important to me that Clace had LOVE and not just SEX. And there's some issues evoked too. And next chapter you should really like it. Well I do.**

**So what did you think of Jace's past? And Jon's little romantic gesture (such a romantic that Jon)? And Clary's reaction to the baby subject? Well just tell me. And tell me which month you think Jonabelle should get married?**

**So yeah, Jonabelle was never really in danger, but hey, you know me, I like playing with my characters and their world. I'm glad you liked the family moments because ... Yeah I'm a big sucker for family love... (In case you haven't already figured that out)**

**Anyway, I hope you're all glad that Clace is back together. Your reviews made me so glad, even the French ones. But for all the people who ever reviewed on this story, there's a surprise in the very end of this story, you'll see. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine. **

**Cheers. **


	21. Life Goes On

"Your girl is here."  
Jace looked at Jerry sitting in front of him with a small smirk on his face and a heavy file in hands. It has been almost two years since he had been back. Now, he was back at the station, back in his office, back with the tones of files waiting to be solved and he was enjoying it. He liked being a cop, he liked the action and the feeling that, at the end of the day, he had done something good.  
When he came back two years ago to ask Chief Stone his place back, his officer lost it against him, saying that he couldn't disappear in the wild and come back,out of the blue as a fresh flower. Jace had let him yell for hours and when the Chief seemed finally out of breath, he gave him the paper that guaranteed Jace the security of whatever job he needed, the paper saying that 'his country had needed him' without saying more.  
And so Chief Stone had given back to him his office, his gun and his badge not without trying to get out of Jace where he had been for the past year. But Jace had stayed quiet. The only person who knew was Clary (and probably Jon now because they shared evrything with one another).  
"She knows the way and she doesn't need a butler to announce her, you know that right?"  
Even if two years had passed, Jace couldn't get over the fact that Jerry had tried to hit on Clary when he hadn't been here. It wasn't something that surprising, Clary always drew attention to her even if she didn't want to, but still, the fact that he knew Jerry more than a faceless man in the streets bugged Jace.  
Of course Clary had been completely oblivious of Jerry's attempts to a flirt, and it was actually him who told Jace about it, but still, it annoyed him. Even more that she seemed quite close with him now. Not to the point that she would call him 'friend', but enough to always talk and have fun with him when she'd drop by the station.  
"You're gonna have to get pass this Wayland. It's not like something ever happened between us, or ever will. She only has eyes for you, even freaking Ray Charles could have seen that."  
"Don't make me angry Jerry."  
Jerry shook his head and got up to give Jace the file that he had on his hand. Jace quickly opened it before closing back the file and sliding it back to Jerry with a tired sigh.  
"I don't do abuse cases."  
"Chief's orders. It's mixed with a drug case that you're working on. The Smith's one. Stone said that if we can pin them for abuse, we could easily get the kids to talk to add the drug to their case after."  
Jace sighed again and looked back in the file, hearing the door being closed and indicating him that Jerry left. The case was ugly: a couple of meth dealer who would adopt children for the social aids. It infuriated him how unfair the adoption system worked, even more when he thought that his brother and Magnus never had the possibility to adopt when they were the nicest people on Earth.  
The year before, they had hired a surrogate mother, resigned to the fact that they would never be able to adopt and to bring joy and happiness to at least one kid in this world. And during all the surrogate pregnancy, Jace watched Clary distancing herself from Alec and Magnus. She barely went to the hospital when the baby boy was born. Emanuel Lightwood-Bane who was four months old now and to whom Clary gave as much love as to her niece.  
Jace had tried to bring the kids subject more than once to Clary, but every time she avoided the topic, turning their conversation into something more physical and every time Jace would fall for it because let's face it he wasn't going to pass on any opportunity he had to be intimate with Clary. He didn't know what to think of it. He didn't know if she was still grieving her miscarriage, or if she didn't want to have babies anymore, but that last option seemed completely ridiculous to Jace. The way she acted with her nephew and niece was a living proof that she wanted children.  
And that brought Jace to wonder if the problem wasn't him. Ever since they got back together, they never talked about contraception, never used contraception, and still, her stomach stayed stubbornly flat. Maybe _he_ was the problem. He knew she could conceive, she already had been pregnant, but he, he had no proof that he could make life grow in her. Maybe she figured that out and that was why she didn't want to bring the baby issue.  
"God, what happened to your sixth sense? I could have so easily killed you at least ten times!"  
Jace smiled and shook his head to look up at Clary who was standing by the door of his office, her hands in her back and a playful smile on her face. He closed the file and got up to walk to her. That was something that he swore to himself: whenever Clary was around, he would drop his job to give her all his attention. Too often he had seen his coworkers get divorced because they were too much into their work. Not that he had to worry about getting a divorce ... He needed to get married first.  
Just something else that didn't go perfectly well in his life with Clary. She never accepted his proposal. Not that he really proposed, but she made it clear to him that it would be better if he wouldn't, and he didn't know why. Why didn't she want the whole wide world to know about how much he loved her? Every time he 'innocently' talked about wedding she shut herself and stubbornly told him that she loved him. But her voice in those moments was scared, not loving, and Jace couldn't figure out why.  
"Sorry I got carried away by this file Jerry brought me."  
"We can wait you know. Like that _I'll_ drive."  
Jace smiled to her and shook his head, chuckling a bit. Clary was still in love with the idea of speed as long as it was on a bike. She still was terrified to death by cars, even though she knew now that she had no reasons to be, and Jon said that she was destined to be like that. Younger, she never liked cars and only learned how to drive one to out top him.  
"We can still leave now and you get to drive. I don't mind being behind you, it gives a whole new ... _perspective_."  
She smirked at him, leaning in to kiss him, but he never did. Instead, he kissed her neck, making her gasp as his lips imprisoned the skin of her collarbone. He pushed her a little for her to be completely leaning against the door and he let his hands travel in her body, looking for the hem of her shirt.  
She had been gone for a ten days, like every year in August, and he had missed her so bad. He thought for a second of how unhealthy it was for him to need her that much, to depend of her to feel completely happy and fulfilled, but he couldn't care less. He loved her, and that was it.  
"Seriously Jace? At your _work place_?"  
Her breath was uneven, and her voice full of lust even though she had tried to be serious. Jace smirked against her neck, nibbling and sucking it, and his hands finally found their way to her soft and delicate skin.  
"Do I have to remind you that you lured me in the storage room at Lucky's, _and_ your dressing room _and_ that you seduced me in front of painted _ducks_ at your expo..."  
She bursted in laughter, and he knew she was lost to him so he stepped back. He knew he shouldn't have mentioned the ducks, she always laughed when he did, even though she never made fun of him.  
When she stopped laughing, she pecked his lips and they walked out of his office, his hand securing her waist just as she liked it. They left the station and went to the parking lot where Jace's bike was parked. Even though it was now an old model, he kept the Ducati. The engine meant even more for him now for he knew that Clary had taken care of it for him when he hadn't been there, all the while refusing to retake possession of it.  
"You know the case made me think of you."  
"Oh, how so?"  
"There's a little Kevin in it."  
Kevin was a little 8 years old that Clary met in the park once when she had been with Lynn. He had been crying about the unfairness of life because he was separated from his big brother. Clary had comforted him and every once in a while she would see him at the park, now happy for him that he was staying in a family with his brother.  
Clary's eyes lit up at the mention of Kevin before darkening with worry to what was Jace saying.  
"I thought you weren't into those kind of cases."  
"I'm not, but there's a connection with a case I've been working on for a while."  
Clary nodded before hopping the bike and putting her helmet on. Jace placed himself behind her and she drove them to his parents house where everyone was meeting for a family dinner, like every time Jon and her would come back from Greenland.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"I'm pregnant."  
Jon turned his head from the road to look at Izzy with shock before brightly smiling to her. He took her hand in his and returned his gaze on the road, even though his attention was all on Izzy and what she just told him. She squeezed back his hand a little, and he asked about the wary tone that she used.  
"How did you think I'd react?"  
"I don't know Jon. You do freeze at the very motion of pregnancy so I wondered if ..."  
"It's not because of us Izzy. It's ... something else."  
From the corner of his eyes, he saw Izzy open her mouth to ask a question before closing it, holding what she was thinking to herself. Deep inside, he was sure she suspected something about Clary, but she never asked about it and he led her toward another path, less painful and dangerous.  
"How old is the baby?"  
"Five weeks. And it's already a freaking pain in the ass. I wish this one could just be like Lynn."  
Jon squeezed a little Izzy's hand to reassure her. He did had noticed that she seemed more tired than usual, but he had put that under the pressure of her upcoming show in Paris.  
"Did you tell your parents yet?"  
At that Izzy snapped her head at him, and Jon could feel a little annoyance in her gaze. But she mostly seemed anxious and angry.  
"Let's talk about that: what is freaking wrong with your genes?! It wasn't planned! We were supposed to wait for Lynn to be four before thinking of another baby! We are _so_ going back to condoms because your super sperm keeps on going through the pill!"  
"'My super sperm'? I'll take that as a compliment."  
Izzy glared at him and he gave her an apologetic smile. She seemed really anxious about this pregnancy, more than she had been for Lynn, and Jon couldn't understand why. He sighed and parked the car in a small alley before turning and really look at Izzy. He quickly glanced at Lynn and saw that she was still sleeping, her small fair hair falling off of her hairband on her face.  
"What's really bothering you?"  
"I don't know. Lynn felt completely normal, I loved her the moment I knew I was pregnant, even though she wasn't planned. But this one ... it just seems wrong. I can't help but be upset about it."  
"Why?"  
"I don't know Jon! It just feels like that!"  
She hid her face in her hands, bending so her forehead touched her knees and Jon soothed her back to comfort her the best he could. His eyes widened when he heard her sob and he felt completely useless to help face this situation she didn't seem ready to confront.  
"I'm a terrible person!"  
"Don't say that..."  
"Why? How can I love one of my children more than the other?"  
"It's not true, you're just panicking because it's not what we planned. But in the end we'll love this one as much as Lynn and you'll laugh when you'll think about this time when you doubted."  
She looked up to him, hope gleaming in her glistening eyes. He gently smiled to her and wiped away her tears.  
"You really think so?"  
"I know so."  
She weakly smiled to him and sniffed a bit before regaining total control of her features and smiling brightly to him. He kissed her lovingly and started up the car.  
"I hope we'll have twins this time though."  
"We probably won't."  
"Why? You have the genes and your super sp..."  
"As much as I liked it the first time, now it's starting to get weird."  
They laughed together, Izzy's hand back in Jon's as they were approaching her parents neighborhood.  
"And for the twins, it usually skips a generation. So unless your parents have some hidden twin somewhere in the wild..."  
Jon parked the car under Izzy's chuckles and spotted Jace's bike, indicating him that Clary and him were already there. Clary who, for some unknown reasons, still haven't said yes to Jace. Whenever Jon had brought the subject to her, she had waved it off, saying that they had plenty of time.  
On his wedding he had clearly told her that she was the next one in line and she had just smiled at that. Something was holding her up, and Jon was scared that it was the baby issue. And if it was what was holding her up, it meant that they were in disagreement about it. Knowing Clary she would say she'd still want to try, but knowing Jace, he'd follow the road of reason and security, and refuse to go down that road with her.  
His sister tore him away from his thoughts, rushing to the car to take Lynn away from her baby sit and giggling with her.  
"I missed you so much sweetie!"  
"Clary! I made you a picture because Mama said you'd be here."  
Clary smiled to her niece, settling her down to tidy her little blue dress. That was something she had to reckon to Izzy, she never dressed her daughter with pink. Thank God for that. Lynn gave her the drawing, telling her the whole story behind it and Clary smiled brightly before looking up at Jon, taking Lynn back in her arms.  
"Thank God she didn't take your genes! She can actually draw more than a stickman!"  
Jon childishly mimicked her face and she laughed before walking back in the house with her precious package. He followed her there with Izzy in his arms, and she noticed something in the way Jon kissed Izzy that made her insides freeze. She examined Izzy with more attention and noticed how she seemed a little bit more tired, how she held a subconscious hand on her tummy, how she seemed to glow.  
She didn't need to be an expert to know what was going on, and she had to swallow back her bile and her jealousy. This was something that she would never have. For the past two years, she kept on hoping on some kind of miracle, but the miracle never came. Her stomach remained stubbornly empty, and more the time passed, more scared she was to tell Jace.  
She heard the longing in his voice to have children, she saw the envy gleaming in his eyes every time they were with Lynn or Emanuel, she felt how sometimes his touches were more about getting her pregnant than about loving her. She couldn't blame him, she felt exactly like him, but she knew how chimeric it was to dream about that. And still she kept on leading him on because she was too afraid that he'd leave her if he knew.  
She couldn't live without him, she knew that, but what about him? He was young, good looking, caring, he'd find someone else in the blink of an eye, someone who wouldn't be defective like her. That's why she never let him go through the proposal, she couldn't bind him to her. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't. She knew he loved her, but how much? Now that they were all grown up, how could she know that his desire of children wouldn't be stronger than his love for her?  
She felt Jace's arms wrapped against her waist, and she gently smiled, even though she knew he couldn't see her. Lynn was in her grandmother's arms, telling her all about her day with her little voice full of gravity, and Jace chuckled at the serious tone that she was using.  
"How about we go on holiday?"  
She felt Jace stiffen behind her at her sudden outburst. She surprised herself with her request, but she knew how difficult it would be for her to witness Izzy's pregnancy first hand all the while knowing she would never get that. They were a little in retreat compared to the rest of the family, and after a while, he placed his mouth next to her neck, whispering softly to her.  
"Where do you want to go?"  
"I don't know. _Away_."  
He was about to ask her what was wrong when she squeezed a little his arms surrounding her and so he kept his question for himself. Every time she acted like that -asking him to physically be there for her- it was because she was feeling blue and needed comfort, so who was he to deny her that. If she would find comfort in going away, that was what they would do.  
"Let me just take my weeks off with Stone and we're out the day after tomorrow. How about the Grand Canyon?"  
She slightly nodded before joining Magnus and Emanuel, having regained her whole emotions. Jace frowned as he watched her going away. He knew something had upset her a lot, but she didn't tell him what, and it annoyed him. The fact that she kept on keeping him away on the things that bothered her wasn't to Jace's liking. He went to the kitchen where he found Jon who already had a beer in hands that he was giving him.  
"You'd think that working in a bar would make us stop, but no."  
Jace took the beer, knowing it was for Clary, and he opened another one himself before slowly bringing it to his lips.  
"Jon? Did something happened while you were there?"  
"Nope. Same old, same old. We went down memory lane, talked to people who aren't here anymore, talked about our lives ... Did she say something?"  
Alec entered the room at that very moment, also grabbing a beer for himself and leaning his elbows on the counter next to Jace. Parenthood had changed him for the best. Before he used to always be tired during the family dinner sitting in a corner and fighting against slumber, but having a baby gave him a sort of strength. It wasn't that he was less tired, on the contrary, it was just that the exhaustion was worth it.  
"She wants us to getaway."  
"That's normal. You've been together for what? Two years, and you've never been together alone. There's always either someone, either work. It's like she's asking for a honey moon."  
Jace nodded at Alec's statement. Maybe it was just him being paranoiac and Clary actually taking the next step in their relationship, taking them to a deeper level.  
"Or maybe it's Izzy."  
"Izzy?"  
"Maybe she still didn't mourn her miscarriage Jace. Some women never do, and Clary can be really stubborn, not only in life, but in her feelings too. You saw how she reacted to Emanuel's pregnancy. She never came to see the surrogate mother, so maybe she's fleeing Iz."  
"Iz is pregnant?"  
Jace glanced at Jon who looked at him with a very concerned look on his face before snapping out of it and nodding, the frown still in his brows though. For a split second, Jace was sent back in their teen years when Clary was conflicted about her feelings and Jon trying to help them as he could.  
"Yeah, we have another baby on the way. Jace everything alright between you two?"  
Jace nodded. Everything was alright between the two of them. Ever since he came back they never had so much of an argument. They loved each other and that was it. Sure they weren't that perfect Norman Rockwell couple, but that could still happen, they just needed to be patient.  
"You should take her to London. She misses the place."  
Clary was upstairs in Jace's bedroom with Lucky on the other end of the line. She looked at the room, a pinch in her heart at the sight of it being so plain. It was exactly like Jace had left it: plain and white, and as long as he would stay with her, it would never change. Alec's and Izzy's room changed, they were now nurseries for their children whenever they would come and spend time with their children. Maryse had even started changing Max's room, ever since he had been talking about his girlfriend back in Japan and about how things were getting serious between the two of them. But she never touched Jace's room. Robert must have told her not to do so.  
"You _sure_ you're okay sweetie?"  
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"  
"Last time you asked for a last minute gig, you had a lot on your mind."  
Jace entered the room and rose an eyebrow when he saw her on the phone. She mouthed Lucky's name and he nodded, understanding that she would probably fight tonight. Knowing that she wanted to fight when she just came back comforted Jace in his idea that Alec was right. It had something to do with Izzy's pregnancy. She never fought when she just arrived from Greenland, always spending as much time as she could with him, and now she had just called Lucky to release some of her pain through punches.  
"I'm okay Lucky. I'll see you tonight."  
She hung up and Jace sat next to her, taking her hand in his, transmitting all his love to her through this simple touch.  
"You know you can tell me anything right?"  
She smiled to that, with that same smile she had when he would talk about children.  
"You know that I love more than anything. Nothing can change that."  
"I love you too Jace."  
She doubted him. He could hear it on her voice, she felt that something could come between her and his love for her, and that frightened him. If she felt like that, she could very well decide one day that she wouldn't endure the pain and she would runoff.  
He shifted a little in order to face her and slowly he cupped her face to kiss her. She didn't responded as he thought she would by saying that this was completely inappropriate for him to do so under his parents roof as she always did. On the contrary, she clung into him and placed herself on his laps, grinding on him. He held her a little tighter and to his big surprise, he was already ready to take her.  
Swiftly, her hands were under his shirt, trailing his muscles all the way down to his bulge. Within seconds, his trousers were open and hers out of the way and she was empaling herself on him, pressing her lips hard together to keep her pleasure noises in. She hid her face in the creek of his neck as she was going up an down on him, and as she accelerated the pace, Jace praised the Heaven that the bed wasn't a squeaky one.  
He felt the pressure going so strong that it was almost intolerable, and still delectable as she was clenching his shaft with her walls tighter and tighter, and then, he released, unable to hold it any longer as she squeezed him knew last and long time.  
She rested her head on his chest as he held her and kissed her arms, and after a few more minutes like that, she got up, saying that they should go back downstairs before someone came to look for them.  
"I can't believe that I had to wait more than a decade for you to agree to have sex in my room."  
She furiously blushed before rubbing her nose and they headed back downstairs as if nothing to have the family dinner. Clary caught Jon's look on her and the comment gleaming on his eyes due to her nose rubbing and she rolled her eyes at him as she could almost hear the joke he was thinking.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

If traveling was supposed to take Clary out of her worries, it didn't. They left New York a week after the dinner and Clary was more exhausted than ever which worried Jace a little because she used to be always so resistant, but he put that on the account of the sun. When they arrived in Arizona, he first proposed that they rented a car to road trip through the state, but he quickly dropped the idea when she seemed paralyzed by the idea of getting in a car.  
So they walked to the Grand Canyon, hiking what used to be the bed of the Colorado River. At first they were supposed to climb a few times, but they didn't when Clary fell of exhaustion the night of the first time they did. They were supposed to stay two weeks there and also visit the Grand Canyon National Park, but Jace said that they'd better go directly to London where she would be able to rest a little.  
Clary hated feeling so weak and so sleepy all the time, it gave her the impression to be a helpless child, and so when they arrived in London, she took it upon herself and hid the best she could her tiredness.  
Once they did all the touristic places, she took Jace to one of her favorite area, the Jamaican district. She knew he would love it because it was where most of African food where sold and that meant mangoes. And she was right, he loved it. It soon became the only thing that they ate, going to Peckham only to buy some.  
She also took him where she used to live, in Kilburn explaining to him that she chose this area because of her Mom being Irish. She walked with him in the streets where she had hoped she would run into him and appreciating the fact that they were now sharing these perfect normal moments together as a loving couple.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary got up suddenly, shoving Jace's arm away from her and rushing to the bathroom. He followed her there and gathered her hair up as she was throwing up. It had been a week since she woke up every morning to go and throw up and Jace couldn't help but hope that maybe it was what he had been expecting for so long.  
To Clary on the other hand, it was a simple food poisoning. And maybe she was right, she had been vomiting all days long, unable to keep the food in and having already lost a few kilos. But still, hope lit up Jace's heart.  
She rose up and flushed the toilets before sitting on it, her head hidden in her hands. Jace kneeled next to her and gently soothed her back.  
"Maybe we should go back Clary."  
"Yeah. Let's go back to real food and flee this place with poisoned pudding and jello!"  
"Are you sure it's the food?"  
Clary rose her head to Jace and looked at his golden concerned eyes as he kept on gently rubbing her back.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Maybe you're just pregnant."  
"Don't be ridiculous Jace. This is just some really bad food poisoning."  
"How can it be ridiculous that you could be pregnant with _my_ child?!"  
Clary closed her eyes at the hurt of his voice. She had answered automatically, without thinking that he didn't know. Of course he would think she was pregnant. Even she was thinking the same thing, but she was scared to hope she was. What if it was just some bad joke her body was playing her?  
"I'm sorry it's not what I meant. I just think we should check before getting our hopes up."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Quick update between two clients. So yeah, hope you'll like it, don't forget to tell. **

**Is she pregnant? Well at least Izzy is. So boy or girl? What do you think it will be?**

**So for all those asking for a miracle pregnacy, I never said that she wouldn't get pregnant, just that it'd be difficult, and even more difficult to keep it. And that she may die from childbirth. So yeah, maybe, we'll see. **

**Sorry for the short note, but gotta go. Just tell me what you think will happen because I like to know what you're expecting and what goes through your minds. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine. **

**Cheers**


	22. Hope & Reality

"Jace and Clary are coming back earlier than planned."

Izzy had just hang up the phone, apparently talking to her brother and Jon nodded to her statement. He sat next to her and took her legs on his laps to gently massage her feet.

Contrarily of what she had been expecting, she was taking the pregnancy quite well. Her morning sicknesses who had been really violent at first were now completely gone and Jon could now see in her this glow that pregnant women seem to always have. She just had been scared, but now she was already picking up names.

"I knew she couldn't stay away from the kids from that long."

"Your twin detector must be broken. They're coming back because she's ill. Food poisoning apparently."

Jon frowned a bit at that piece of information, not really sure of what to make of it. Clary had always had a strong stomach, capable of handling the worst foods.

"If you want my opinion, something happened there because Jace seemed quite anxious over the phone. When I said I'd drop by with Lynn by their place, he literally refused saying they'd contact us when she'd feel better."

"You think it's something more?"

Jon could tell she was implying something, but he couldn't figure out what it was. She sighed, straightening up and placing her feet under her as she moved closer to Jon.

"I think she's _pregnant_ Jon."

"That's not possible Izzy. She literally _cannot_."

Jon swiftly closed his eyes and cursed at himself from letting it slip away like that. He could feel Izzy's gaze on him waiting for him to elaborate his affirmation.

"That's how bad Paris destroyed her. That's why she had a miscarriage two years ago. Your father is the one who told her. Her uterus is completely messed up and they know it. Why do you think that they went away the second they heard you were pregnant."

He knew it was the reason for their getaway, because Clary didn't want to see firsthand all the stages of pregnancy she would never be granted. Jon opened back his eyes and looked deep inside Izzy's brown orbs as she was taking in the information. He saw the sadness in her eyes, but also incomprehension.

"Impossible is just a word Jon. You don't know, maybe they'll be able to have their child. They cannot just give up ho..."

"Yes they can. I'm _not_ losing my sister because she's too stubborn to get that her body can't keep up! I'm not losing my sister to childbirth!"

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"You're four weeks pregnant."

Clary let a big bright smile lit up her face as the news sank in. _She was pregnant_. Pregnant with Jace's baby. All her worries about not being able to conceive flew out the window. She was going to have a mini Jace in her arms in a few months. She was aware of the risk of miscarriage, but she promised herself to be extra careful and to go to the doctor as often as required. She was going to do her best to have this pregnancy all through the end.

"Four weeks?"

Jace's voice brought her to the present moment. He had his hand lovingly squeezing hers and that's when she understood what his question was implying. She furiously blushed when she understood that the baby had been conceived at the diner party when she had gotten wild and she almost attacked him in his old room.

"Yes. Now if you do not mind, there are some things that I'd like to talk to with miss Fray, _in private_."

Jace felt Clary freeze a little before she turned to him and gently smiled, telling him that she'd be there in a second. Jace left to wait for her in the corridor, not liking being closed off like that about his girl and their baby. _Their bab_y. Just the thought of that made him smile of happiness and feel like he could fly.

He couldn't wait to tell his parents and siblings, but Clary didn't seem that eager to share the news yet. He didn't know why, but he figured that it must have been because of her miscarriage back then, maybe she wanted to make sure first that she would keep the child. And now for the first time since they were together, he wondered why she had a miscarriage. He never really wondered because that was bringing him to a dark period, but now he realized that he should have asked her, showed her that he cared, even though he knew it hurt her.

She stayed almost half an hour in the office only to finally get out with a plastered smile on her. Jace gently hugged her, knowing that something was wrong just by her posture, and the doctor gave him a pile of prospectus. He saw from the corner of his eyes Clary frown at that but he didn't have time to dwell on that as she pulled him away.

"You're not going to tell me what that was all about?"

"Just my past. Nothing damaging for the baby don't worry."

"What about _you_?"

She sighed a little and he frowned at that. It felt like her pregnancy wasn't going to be an easy one. She was already really sick and extremely tired due to her morning sicknesses and Jace could tell that it was worrying her more than she let appear.

"Apparently I lost too much weight so he scolded me saying that I have to eat more. And then he asked about things I didn't know like my family medical background and yours. And he also wanted to make sure that I wanted the baby hence the making you leave the room."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I had the face of a really scared puppet when we came in?"

Jace nodded and Clary internally sighed. The truth was that the doctor actually tried for twenty good minutes to convince her to get an abortion because of her condition. He had told her that the chances of having a viable baby were barely reaching the five percent and the chances that she would make it alive were even thinner, but she didn't listen. She wanted her baby. She wanted it even more than last time because _this_ baby was a proof of the love she shared with Jace.

They both went back home and once they were both settled on the sofa, Jace pulled Clary against him for her to be between his legs. He still couldn't believe that they were expecting, that finally, after all those years of waiting, this little piece of them was growing inside Clary's stomach. This was probably one of the best day of his life.  
He lovingly caressed Clary's hair as her head was rising and falling to the rhythm of his breathing, and he closed his eyes, appreciating this moment they were having. Now for them to have this perfect American picture, he just needed to marry her. But that could wait, for the moment, only the three of them mattered.

"I think it will be a boy. I'm _sure_ it will be a boy. The other one I wanted a boy, but I felt like it was a girl."

Jace stiffened, opening back his eyes to look at Clary's head. He could hear in her voice that she was minutes away from sleeping, but that wasn't what had picked up his attention. What made him fully aware of what she said was that it was the first time that she talked to him about her first pregnancy. She must have felt him straighten because she raised her head to be able to look at him in the eyes.

"What's wrong? You want a girl?"

"It's not that. It's just the first time you talked to me about ..."

He trailed his sentence, and Clary heard in his voice the hurt that he was trying to hide. Apparently the pain she had tried to save him by avoiding talking about James and anything related to that period, he still felt it.

"I'm sorry. I just thought ... I just didn't want to put that on you."

"It's okay. It's just that it makes me wonder sometimes."

Clary didn't like the sound of his voice. It was almost as if he was doubting himself and her commitment to their relationship. She turned to sit on her knees and she locked her hands behind his neck and looked deeply in the gold of his eyes, overwhelmed by the love she had for him.

"You know that I love you and that I won't be as happy as I am with you, and now the mini-you. Right?"

"I know, and I love you too. I just wished you would have talked to me earlier about your first pregnancy. And about your miscarriage."

Jace saw how her eyes darkened with sadness and he wished he hadn't been that abrupt. She leaned to rest her head back on his chest and her voice got considerably smaller as she let out in almost a whisper:

"I don't want to talk about that. Let's just enjoy this one as it is given to us."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

It had been two weeks since they came back to New York and ten days since they knew for sure that Clary was pregnant. Jace had gone back to the station, finding more work than he had expected and doing his best not to over obsess about Clary. She had promised him to manage herself and to be extra careful if he wasn't overbearing, and so they both went back to their routine.

Clary didn't return to the bar right away because she had her mind full with new ideas of paintings and so she was staying at the apartment, painting all day long fairylike sceneries out of the landscape she saw in Arizona. At the speed with which she was going, the exposition she had promised Hodge for the end of the year was going to be for the end of the month of October.

Her success was so big that she had a command for a big firm in middle of January. Hodge had made sure that they'd keep the secrecy of her anonymity and already set up an appointment for her to meet them at the beginning of the year to know what they really wanted her to paint.

And moreover, painting seemed to considerably calm her nausea. Maybe it was something in the fumes, but her stomach wouldn't feel that upset whenever she was painting. Still, that didn't keep her for keeping on throwing up everything that she ate. Everything besides mangoes, and so Jace would always bring her a few every time he would come back home from work.

And now they were going to dinner at his parents and Clary was terrified at what would Robert say. Three years ago he had spotted her pregnancy without a problem, so he would certainly do so again, except that now he knew the risk for her. Would he rat. On her to Jace? And what about Jon?

This had been the main reason why she didn't go back to the bar even though she missed it. Even though they never talked about it, she knew that he knew. It was obvious in the way he sometimes looked at her as if he was sharing her pain and how she saw in his eyes that he would do anything to help her through this. But there was nothing he could do about that. And she knew Jon. He would shout at her for trying to have a baby while risking her life.

When they entered the house, Clary was attacked by a giggling Lynn who was telling her that her cousin just said her name earlier in the day. Clary followed Lynn as this one was pulling her inside the house to go to the living room where Emanuel was with Magnus, Izzy and his grandparents.

Jace swiftly kissed Clary's cheek before going to the kitchen to make her a juice of grapefruit and sparkling water that always helped with her nausea. He knew though that she wasn't going to it much tonight, like every night, but they had been already isolating themselves too much of their family and Clary had assured him that she'd be okay. Of course he knew that she was actually taking it on herself to appear fresh and all, but he couldn't treat her as if she was made of sugar or she would lose it.

Jace had read with a lot of attention the prospectus the doctor gave him, a bit taken aback that he also gave him papers about abortion. But what worried Jace the most at this moment was the medical background. He knew nothing about his biological parents, and when he had tried to innocently ask Maryse she had been as clueless as him.

And that gave Jace only one left solution, entering back in contact with Stephan. He remembered how Stephan came to him eleven years ago during his first month as a police newbie and how he had tried to build a new relationship with him. And Jace had blown him off, accusing him of things that weren't his fault. He had been just too blinded with the loss of Clary.

And Jace was completely anxious about contacting him. If Stephan knew why Jace needed to talk to him, there were no doubts that he would want to come back in his life in a more effective way. Of course he would want to be in the life of his first grandchild, but Jace didn't know if he wanted him back in his life, and that's why he pushed to the maximum the time he'd have to tell him.

Jon gave a beer to Jace, tearing him away from his thoughts, and he shockingly saw him drinking it. That never happened because Jace knew it was Clary's beer, that special beer that only the two of them drank because it was the first beer they ever drank together with Luke. It was a French beer from Bretagne called Saint Erwann and that always brought a little taste of nostalgia to them whenever they would drink it.

"You know that was for _Clary_."

"She won't drink it."

That had the effect of a fire alarm in Jon's ears. Clary never turned down a beer, and even more this beer. The only reason why she would refused it wasn't even thinkable. They weren't _that_ stupid!

"And why is that?"

Jace raised an eyebrow at Jon's menacing tone, not understanding why he even opened the beer for her. He figured that she _at least_ told her twin like she always told him everything, but he was apparently wrong.

"She didn't tell you?"

So she _was_ pregnant. How could Jace had convey to her this thing? He was supposed to be the one who would temper her, and now he was beaming of anticipation for this baby that would probably kill her. This was unbelievable!

"Are you fucking _insane_?! What's wrong with you for you to agree to this. She won't make it! She can't make it!"

Robert entered the kitchen at this very moment, blocking Jon who was already on his way to knock some sense into his sister's stupid head. When he saw him, Jon breathed in deeply and did his best to keep his features calm, but it was so hard because he could see the world crumbling before him. It annoyed him, knowing how good he was in keeping his emotions to himself in any other given situation.

"Please tell your son that what he's doing with Clary is _pure madness_!"

Robert frowned a little, closing the door of the kitchen behind him to keep in any damage that could happen, and Jon realized that he must have come in because of the angry ushered noises that they made with Jace.

He also noticed that Robert didn't understand right away what he was talking about, meaning that Clary was probably doing her best to hide her pregnancy from him because she knew what the doctor in him would say: get rid of it.

"What do you mean?"

"He got her _pregnant_!"

"_And_? What's wrong with us _finally_ having a child together?"

At that Jon turned on himself to really look at Jace, understanding with shock and horror that Clary never told him. Jon had always assumed that Jace knew and that it was a latent subject between the two of them, and he never actually dared ask her about Jace's feelings about it because he didn't want to rub it in her face.

Robert looked a split second to Jon with worry before turning his gaze to Jace. And Jace didn't like at all how medical and professional Robert's face had become all of the sudden.

"Her accident from eleven years ago made it really difficult for her to conceive. And even more hazardous for her to safely give birth. I thought she told you already."

Jace let the information sink in, finally understanding Clary's behavior to the children issue. _That_ was why she never wanted to talk about children, why she tried to distance herself from every pregnant woman she encountered, why she didn't want to talk about the reasons of her miscarriage. Because _she fucking knew!_

He felt a ball of her anger rising within him and directed toward Clary. She had known all along about her condition, and she didn't trust him enough to tell him. Worst, she was now endangering that feeble life of hers by forcing her body to do something it couldn't.

He understood now why the doctor had talked to her about abortion and given him prospectus about it. She wasn't going to make it, everyone seemed to think so. He wanted to confront her right away about how he felt like betrayed,but he thought better of it. He needed to cool down or he'd let all his steam out on her.

He saw Jon walking with a determined pace to the kitchen door, and in less than a second, he was next to him, holding him back. He couldn't let Jon let her know that he knew, they needed to talk this out by themselves. No matter his deep was their twin connection, this was something that _Jace_ needed to talk to with Clary, not Jon.

"Don't. I'll talk to her tonight when we'll get home."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

The dinner had been quite uneventful, and Clary was actually proud of herself, she had kept in all her food, even though she had eaten very little. When Maryse had grown concerned by her lack of appetite, she had waved it off by saying that she was still recovering from her food poisoning, but still, she caught Robert's gaze on her telling her that he was clearly not believing her.

Jon had been extremely quiet with her, avoiding to a maximum to be alone with her for some unknown reasons and Jace had just seemed to her a little bit off, but she had put that on the exhaustion of work. She knew that the Smith's case had been a lot in his mind lately because he didn't want to bring the children in the matter, even if he tried not to overwhelm her with his work talks.

And there was also the fact that every time that she woke up in the middle of the night because she was too cold or too hot, he'd wake up with her, and help her find the right temperature with his body. She didn't know how he did it, but he had the possibility to suck the warmth out of her, or on the contrary, give her the warmth she needed.

As soon as they got back home, her feeling of satisfaction for keeping her food flew away as she rushed to the bathroom to hurl her guts out. She let the acid fluid empty her stomach and she suddenly felt Jace behind her, gently holding her hair away from her face as she was bending again on the toilet boil.

She felt tears build up in the corner of her eyes, and she knew it wasn't just due to vomiting. She couldn't help but feel bad for Jace who had to endure that without being able to do anything, and so who ended up feeling helpless. She got up abruptly, flushing the toilets and quickly wiping away her tears by washing her face and mouth with cold water, and once she was done, she turned to look at Jace, a small apologetic smile on her face.

But he wasn't looking at her as he usually did with love and wonder. This time he was looking at her with concern and hurt, and his golden eyes suddenly felt like cold ice to Clary, making her shiver against herself.

"I think we should get an abortion."

"_What_?"

She looked at Jace with big goggling eyes, not understanding where this was coming from. He wanted children as much as she did. Ever since they learned that she was pregnant, he had been the most enthusiastic one. Why would he all of the sudden want to get rid of their baby?

"How long did you think you could have kept this from me Clary?"

How did he know? Who sold her out? She knew it couldn't be Robert because of the professional secrecy so it only left Jon. Jon must have told him and that was why he had refused to talk to her at the dinner. She knew it had been a bad idea to go there, she should have followed her instincts and stayed home until she felt better. Now they would be all over her case to tell her how much of a mistake this was, and Jace wasn't even going to support her, he was the first one against her.

Jace looked at Clary as she blinked a little, seeing the understanding of what he was implying slowly filling her green eyes. He saw a little bit of shock and guilt and horrifyingly understood that she hadn't been planning on telling him anytime soon, and that infuriated him to the highest level. All the calm that he had managed to summon during the evening was gone. Now he was facing one and only reality: she was willing to kill herself to get a child, and he wasn't.

"I'm _not_ losing you again! I'm certainly not losing you with something that definitive! You're going to live, even if it means we won't have kids! They are other ways. We could ..."

"I'm keeping our baby Jace."

She was now looking at the floor and Jace saw how hard she was clenching her fists. He knew that she wanted to cry and that she was doing her best to hold back her tears, but he couldn't spare being compassionate to her right now. He _couldn't_ lose her, no matter how willing she was to give her life away.

Suddenly he regretted all the times he had talked to her about kids, wishing he had just shut his goddam mouth. Maybe if he hadn't been so pushy about it she wouldn't be that willing to die and she would just take the road of reason.

"No you're not! If I have to rip it out of you, I will. But you're not keeping that _death trap _inside of you!"

"This is _our_ baby you're talking about!"

"THIS IS A KILLING MACHINE!"

She hiccuped, stepping back a few steps. This was the first time he ever rose his voice that much, the first time he was losing his temper, and what made it worst to Jace was that he was feeling that he was losing her too. Just the fact that she refused to show him her damn emotions was proof enough.

Her face was closed, only betrayed by her tears threatening to fall. She looked at Jace in the eyes feeling completely betrayed by his position and his words. How could he have pass from 'our little one' to not even wanting to mention the baby?

"How can you say that about our child? This is maybe our one chance to have a proof of our love and you won't even give it a chance?"

"This is your one chance to get _killed_!"

"Jace..."

"Clary! How can you think I'll put _that_ before your safety? How can you even consider that I'll be okay raising it knowing that I could still have you just by going to the clinic?"

Why was she always so stubborn? Why couldn't she see that this was too dangerous for her? She needed to come back to reality right now. He hated the distance she had put between them, and wanted to close it, but he couldn't. He needed to make sure first that she would listen to reason.

"This is a child you're talking about. _Our_ child. Do you realize what you're saying?"

"Do you realize that I won't let you go through this? There's no way in Hell that I'll lose you like that! Did you even think about _me_? About what I'd have to go through if ... _something_ happened to you?"

Jace saw a single tear roll down her cheek before she looked back to him with dead eyes. That tear scared him because Clary's walls never fell that easily, and still there she was standing in front of him, as fragile as ever, her big bright eyes never really meeting his.

"You're right. I'm sorry…"

She stepped back, not coming to kiss him as he expected, and he understood too late that it had just been a way to make him cool down for a few seconds. He rushed behind her just in time to see that she was closing the front door behind hzr, and when he tried to open it, he heard her turn the lock.

He quickly took his own keys out of his pocket and he tried to enter the key in the hole, but it didn't go all through the way, and so he understood that she broke the key inside the keyhole to prevent him from going after her. He punched the door of frustration with the back of his palm as he heard her small steps fading away in the corridor.

"Clary damn it!"

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**See, I can be nice and update really quick sometimes. I was really surprised by you guys thinking that the last one was a cliffy, because for me it wasn't. This one one the other hand. Mouhahahhahah a. **

******Anyway, do tell me what you thought of this chapter, and if you're nice and ask really nicely, I might post another one sooner than expected. **

**So where do you think she went? How did you feel about Jace's reaction to Clary's secret? And what will Jon do? **

**So, from what I gathered, you guys all want her to DIE in childbirth? I'll have to change my whole story to fit that somewhere ... Or maybe it was planned from the beginning ... Or maybe Jace will die of childbirth? Mouhahahhahah. I guess I am completely crazy right now! Or mlj is right and I turned into Satan. Mouahahahhahah. **

**So yeah. Clace is completely in danger, not sure if I'll put them back together (well, I know but I'm not telling you right now, you'll have to read the rest of the chapters). **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine. **

**Cheers. **


	23. Will I Lose You?

Jon looked with anticipation his phone ringing. He had been expecting a call, but from Clary, not from Jace. Jon knew that Jace had been planning on confronting Clary, and he had been waiting anxiously to have Clary calling him to shout at him for selling her out. He brought the phone to his ear, not liking the feeling of unease growing in him.

"Jon you gotta take her! She took off and locked me in!"

"I'm on it!"

Jon hung up, knowing that Clary wouldn't contact him at this point. He was the one who blew off her secret, she was certainly not going to run in his arms. Maybe she would go to Lucky, their relation had gotten extremely strong ever since she came back.

He rushed in the corridor, getting his shoes on the way, and Izzy popped her head out of the bathroom, raising a curious eyebrow at his rapid movements and at his worried face.

"What's wrong?"

"Clary is in the wild. Jace didn't know about her and she runoff. _Again_."

Izzy rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down, but it didn't work. Jace called ten minutes ago, with that head start, Clary could already be anywhere she wanted and never be found again. He _really_ hoped that she turned for help to Lucky.

"Jon, you _cannot_ force her to get an abortion."

"Hell I can't!"

"No Jon! It's her child you're talking about. Of course she'll do her best to keep it. It's what we _all_ do. We can all die during childbirth, and still we do it because it is worth it! What you're asking of her is _inhuman_!"

He looked at Izzy with hurt. He knew how much Clary wanted a child, of course he knew, he could see it every time she was with Lynn. And now this was also endangering his relationship with Izzy. The tone Izzy used made it clear that even though she had been keeping her thoughts for herself, she wasn't thinking nonetheless. And she was clearly disagreeing with him. He _had_ to make her understand.

"I'm asking her to _live_. Of course I know the risk when you are pregnant. You think I don't think of it every second I look at you? You think my heart didn't stop every time you squeezed my hand when you gave birth to Lynn? Of course I'm aware of any pregnancy's risks, but here she's asking for it!"

"Maybe it was meant to be. You said she couldn't get pregnant, and yet this is her second pregnancy! Maybe this one will last, maybe she will have the easiest delivery ever, you don't know that you can't deny her her child!"

"Izzy..."

"No Jon! I'm not siding with you on this one! I'm with Clary!"

They looked hardly at each other and Lynn stepped out of her room at this moment, sleepily rubbing her eyes. Izzy walked to pick her up, worry on her face, neither of them realized that they had been arguing so loud. Jon hadn't move from his position and he watched Izzy twirl on herself, an awful look of determination on her face before she returned her attention to their daughter.

"Mama? What's wrong?"

"Nothing honey. We're just going to see Emanuel a little, okay?"

She glanced at Jon, making sure he understood what was hidden behind her words and she left.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace hung up the phone, feeling completely defeated. He had been sure she would be going to Jon. Jon was always her first reflex, the one person she would go to for comfort or advise. But it seemed that he didn't know her that well after all.

Jace sat on the floor and leaned his elbows before resting his head on his knotted hands, his phone still in his hands. He was doing his best not to lose it, but he was failing miserably. The fact that she left like that was scaring him like shit. She clearly cut him off, locking him away of her life.

Suddenly an idea lit his hope and he called Jerry's post at the station.

"Geez Wayland, do you miss the station that much?"

"I need you to track me someone."

He gave him Clary's number without letting him speak any further. He heard Jerry type quickly on the computer before a heavy silence fell between the two of them.

"You want me to track your girl? You know that I can't do that Wayland. Trouble in Paradise doesn't qualify as...

"Just do it!"

He knew that Jerry was deliberating on wether to tell him or not. No matter how cop Jace was, he had no right to track a civilian like that without a case on that person. But he couldn't spare to follow the protocol here. For all he knew Clary could already be on her way to the airport.

"Fuck Jerry! Just tell me already!"

"She's at your place dude."

Jace almost threw the phone across the room, but he stopped himself at the last second, only to hold it a little tighter.

"Can you check JFK's cameras?"

"That I _really_ can't. You know I need permission to go through national security surveillance. And don't be ridiculous, I know she's a tough girl and all, but you having a love sprat won't make her flee the country. Just buy her some nice flowers and go apologize for whatever you did."

Jace hung up gritting his teeth. He wished he could simply do that. He wished it was a simple love sprat like Jerry suggested. Suddenly someone violently barged at the door of the apartment before Jon entered with a penultimate bang of his shoulder.

"What happened?"

"She left. I told her I knew and she said she wanted to keep it anyways. She didn't even planned to tell me, and now she left."

"You told her you wanted an abortion?"

"Of course I did! I want her to live! I can't watch her die Jon!"

Jon looked at Jace passing a very tired and conflicted hand over his eyes. He had heard Jace's delight when for a few seconds he had thoughts they could have kids as anyone, and now he just seemed devastated and lost by the situation. Jon himself was.

A part of him agreed with Izzy, Clary should try, she should hope that this pregnancy would be the good one. He wanted to give his sister this little hope. But another part of him was so scared to lose her. Because this wouldn't be like when he lost her but still knew how and where she was. This time, it would be more definite, and he knew he wouldn't bare it. Both of them where still mourning their parents with deep grief, what would it be if he had to do it with his _twin_. It was unthinkable.

"Let's go to the bar. Lucky wasn't there, meaning that he's probably with her, he'll tell us what we need to know."

.  
**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Thanks Lucky."

"No problems sweetie..."

Clary gave back to Lucky his spare helmet and he removed his own, deep concern in his eyes. She had rushed to the bar completely panicked and asking for his help that he gave her without asking questions. She didn't take her own bike because she wasn't sure that either Jace or Jon had bugged her. That was why she had left her phone in the mailbox.  
During the whole ride she had managed to not cry, even though Jace's words kept on coming back to her, stabbing her heart each time as if they were each a burning sharp blade. How could he? How could talk about their child like that? How could he had forgotten about all those plans they made like buying a house, like him building a swing in the garden, like her painting their child the best ninja room? How could he have so little faith in their happy ending?

"Clary?"

She looked up at Lucy, snapping out of her thoughts and trying to force a smile onto her face, but failing miserably. His long greying hair were flying behind him in the wind as he pulled Clary into a tender bear hug.

"You know that I'd fight whoever put you in that state, right? May it be your cop of a boyfriend or your cleaner of a brother, I'd still beat them to death."

"That's why I'll never tell you. I need them, no matter how stupidly childish and stubborn they can be."

"Your heart is too big for your own good."

He chuckled a little and messed with her hair before going back on his bike.

"I'm always a phone call away anyway."

Clary thanked Lucky and rang at Alec's door, praying that he'd be the one to answer. If it were Magnus, she knew that she would cry like a baby because he had this possibility to make her feel so good around him. She had come to them because she knew that, out of all people, they would be the first ones to side with her.

Alec abruptly opened the door, and clear relief washed his face. They looked at each other for a fraction of second, and Clary understood that he knew. She didn't know how, but he knew about her state and her quarrel with Jace. And that's when she lost it. She started to cry and he took her in his arms as she was shedding the tears that she had refused to shed in front of Jace.

Alec soothed her, whispering softly in her ear that it would all settle down fine, but that only made her cry even more. Never she would forget the look of disinterest when Jace talked about their child. It was as if their baby wasn't even theirs anymore, as if Jace couldn't care less what would happen to him.

"Let's go inside Clary. I'll make you some hot tea."

Alec led her inside by the shoulders as she was wiping away her tears and doing her best to regain her features, and he sat her on the couch before disappearing in the kitchen. Magnus arrived a split second after and he sat next to her before taking her hand in his.

"What happened sweetheart?"

"He ... doesn't want our baby. He doesn't even want to call it a baby. _Our_ baby. I waited for so long for this moment, and now he doesn't even want to share it with me."

Magnus stayed silent for a moment. For so long that Alec had time to come back with a hot camomile for Clary.

"Clary, he's scared. He's not scared of parenthood, he's scared of having to be a parent without you. You cannot ask him to change. This is how he works, he always put you first, and that's how he'll always work."

"He should put our child first."

"He won't. He doesn't know it yet. He knows you, he _loves_ you, and ... he already had to go through seeing you in a hospital bed, he doesn't want to see you in the morgue. Try to see from his perspective, what if the roles had been reversed?"

Clary drank from her mug just to avoid to answer. If the roles had been reversed, she would have reacted like Jace, but ... it was their baby they were talking about! She couldn't just get rid of this one chance that was given to her, she just _couldn't_.

"I called Luke, Clary."

"Why?!"

"Izzy is coming over meaning Jon will soon be here too. And I know that Jon and Jace are together, Jace just called to ask if we heard about you."

Why was Izzy coming? It was almost midnight. Clary felt a lash of guilt thinking that maybe because of her Jon and Izzy had an argument. But Alec was right, she couldn't see any of them right now, neither Jace or Jon, or they would guilt her into killing her baby and she would spend the rest of her days hating them for doing so.

.  
**~.o.O.o.~**

.  
Jon arrived with Jace at Alec's place, but even before going in, he knew that Clary wasn't there anymore. And he also knew that Alec wouldn't rat on her. He and Magnus knew what it was to want a child and not being able to do so, so of course they would do their best to help her through this.

Izzy came out before they could even knock, and she quickly closed the door behind her, her eyes hard on both of them, giving them the impression that her gaze had been replaced by a whip.

"You can't come in now, Lynn is trying to fall asleep and if she sees you, she's going to talk for hours again."

Her tone was as hard as when she left the penthouse, and Jon passed a hand over his eyes before looking at her straight in the eyes.

"Izzy you can't ask me to..."

"I _shouldn't_! She's your damn sister Jon! Your _twin_, that girl with whom you share one and sole mind! _You_ should be the first one to side with her, _you_ should be the one to shield her right now, _you_ should be the one to beat the crap out of Jace for asking such stupid demands! And you're _not_! And this makes me wonder: are you still the man I fell in love with?"

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace was sitting at his desk, like every night since three days. He didn't go back to the apartment because he knew he would find it empty. He felt completely lost in this situation Clary and him were in, and the fact that everyone was siding with her wasn't helping. His whole family had sided against him, all coming one by one to tell him to just go and apologize.

But it wasn't that simple, they didn't know. They didn't know how it felt to lose her. _He_ did. And worst, he remembered really clearly how it felt to know that she was on her deathbed. _Twice_ he had to go through that feeling, he couldn't make it a third time.

The visit that moved him the most was Robert's one. He had thought that Robert would have sided with him. After all, he was a doctor, he of all people should be the one to convince her to follow the path of reason. But when he came to Jace, Robert's lecture wasn't the one Jace had been expecting. He had literally threatened him to banish him from the house if Jace 'didn't look further than himself'.

The doctor in him told him that this was exactly what Clary didn't need right now. She needed him beside her to support and comfort her instead of adding her some more unnecessary stress. The father in him told him to get his shit together and ask himself if this was worth losing Clary. Because wether she made it or not, whether the child lived or not, this wasn't something that she would forgive him if he didn't go to her right now.

And deep inside of him, Jace knew that. If she had the slightest chance of luck and made it all through, she wouldn't forgive him for what he said and for deserting her when she most needed him. _Once again_. He wanted to go to her, he wanted to forget and be happy about their child, but he couldn't. He was so afraid to lose her.

Suddenly someone heavily coughed and Jace looked up only to see that Luke was standing in front of him. He got up in less than a second at Luke's presence and concerned look, fear freezing his insides because he knew Clary was staying with him. What if something had happened to her? Luke looked deep into Jace's eyes, and for a second, Jace saw the ghost of Valentine in Luke's blue eyes.

"Do you know who Clary is to me?"

"Your Goddaughter."

"She's more than that. She's my daughter. That daughter I never had, as much as Jon is the son I never had. I was there for their first steps, I was there when they had chickenpox, I was the one who showed them that there are no monsters in the closet. I saw her heal Jon's heart break, I was the first one called when you came in the picture, I'm the one who looked for you when she was slipping into depression.

I've known all along about her condition. Even before _she_ did. This was something that was discovered after the explosion, something the doctors didn't tell her parents in front of Jon. And yet she never told me, nor Jon, nor you. You know why? Because saying out loud was making it real. As long as she kept quiet, she could still hope.

And I don't blame her. Nature can be a freak sometimes, and that's what she's hoping on. She's hoping that she will have this thing she desperately want because this is how she can make a family with you, this is how she can live and love more than she ever did. The love you have for your child Jace, you'll never have this love for anyone else.

Now tell me, does this really worth the hurt you're inflicting her? Do I really have to watch my daughter and her child suffer because you can't place yourself in her position?"

Jace stayed stunned a few second, only realizing how deep was the relation between Luke and the twins. He knew that Luke had always been a second father figure to them, a third parent to whom they could always rely on, but only now he saw that what Clary had gone through to rescue her father eleven years ago, she would have gone through the same thing for Luke. He loved them as much as their parents did, but in a more subtle and distant way.

He wanted to listen to Luke. He wanted to go right now at his place and beg Clary to take him back, but there was still this threat planing over their heads like a vulture.

"She may _die_! I won't live through this! I can't watch her die! I already lost her too many times!"

"And she might die by falling down the stairs. She's stronger that she looks, I thought you'd figure that from now. Put yourself in her position. She's finally happy, with the love of her life and a baby on the way, and you want her to choose between the two of them."

Jace sat back seeing things under a different aspect. Never he had seen this situation this way, but Luke was right: he was asking her to choose between him and their child. Even though it wasn't his intention, he did. Through his words, through his actions, he did made her think that either she'd live with him, either with their baby.

Jace passed a tired hand on his face, noticing from the corner of his eye that Luke was leaving his office. He had almost closed the door when he stopped himself.

"And Jace? Call Stephan. You don't need to put more risks on her because your ego is wounded."

.  
**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace looked at Lucky dropping Clary at the clinic, and his heart broke when she removed her helmet and jacket. Despite that she obviously lost weight in not even three days, she seemed completely desperate. He heard Lucky attempting to make her smile, but she wasn't listening to him anymore: she had spotted him.

They looked at each other for a while before Jace walked to her. He noticed Lucky tense a little, even though he didn't do anything to stop Jace or place himself between them. Once she was at an arm length, he stopped himself and he saw her eyes blink a little, making him understand that she was trying to keep in her tears.

"The doctor is going to scowl you again, you are supposed to _eat_ Clary."

From the corner of her eyes, she saw that Lucky was getting ready to leave, and she was grateful to him for that. If she was to cry, she would rather not to do it in front of him. Especially since she felt like crying. There was so much more behind Jace's words. The fact that he cared meant that he came back for the baby too.

They silently walked side by side and went to the waiting room full with other pregnant women. They didn't say anything for a while, and after a few more moments of silence, Jace took Clary's hand in his.

"Did you even eat a little? You were supposed to try to stabilize."

"Luke tried to make me eat soups..."

Jace grimaced and squeezed her hand a little. He knew that she couldn't keep anything in beside mangoes.

"We'll go and buy mangoes when we're over. You need to eat and keep the food in."

"So you won't try to make me ..."

"No. I'm freaking out right now. I'll keep on freaking out, but ... I can't let it come between us Clary. Like I said, I can't lose you, and this looks like losing you."

She turned her head a little and looked deep into his eyes. All her worries and fears flew away as he looked at her with unconditional love. _He still loved her_. Slowly she leaned to kiss him, slightly brushing his lips with hers to make him understand how much she loved him too.

"We'll be alright Jace. We'll make it through together. Because we love each other."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**And here was another chapter. Hope you liked it. And because so many of you had been so ... demonstrative on your feelings toward the death of a character, I can promise that no one we know will die ... In the two next chapters. (I should really stop the teasing). **

**So yeah, they're back together. For those who wondered why they fought, it's a pretty big pill to swallow for Jace, anybody would have had strong feelings about that, and well, you know Clary's temper is bound to collide with Jace's. **

**And guys relax, now she's only 7 weeks pregnant, before even thinking of childbirth, we have to see if the baby will make it, remember she lost the other at the same period. **

**I can say that one of you already saw a glimpse of the future, but I'm not saying who. I can also say that the story will have ten more chapter (give or take). And mostly, I should tell you the story is finished in my mind(it's been for a while, since chapter 2), it's a beautiful ending, and so I won't change anything that I planned before we get there. But I still want to hear your thoughts, of course that won't change. **

**For those who think that I'm REALLY evil, I'm not THAT evil, it's just that a flat story doesn't interest me, and I like to play with my characters, that's how I get attached to them. Sorry if this way to work gives you feelings you weren't expecting when you started this story, but that's me. And I promise you, the end is worth it (promise no memory loss ^^)**

**I also wanted to point out the way Clary had been acting. If you remember, I told you back then that it was important for her to get pregnant with James. It was because she doesn't react to the pregnancies the same way. With James, it was her baby, with Jace, it is theirs, see the difference? (plus I had to introduce the impossibility to conceive thing) **

**And I decided to be nice and not put a cliffy on this one. Mostly because the next knew will, and I know that some people won't like me for this particular cliffy (don't worry, I promised no death)**

**Anyway, like I said, I hope you liked this chapter and you're looking forward fir the next, tell me what you thought and what you think will happen next. **

**Anyway, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instrumehts franchise, everything else is mine. **

**Cheers. **


	24. Damocles' Sword

"I freaking _hate_ this body!"

Clary was kneeling next to the toilet bowl at Lucky's, like everyday since four months ago. She was in the middle of her fifth month, and she was still vomiting all the time. Jon soothed her back, but didn't say anything. Lately she was really emotional, and a nothing could make her cry, making him feel extremely helpless.

Izzy's pregnancies had both been extremely easy which gave him no experience on what to tell his sister to make her feel better. Izzy and Maryse kept on telling them that it would pass, but it never did. Clary kept on throwing up any food that she'd take and kept on losing weight. Jon knew that she was getting more and more scared as the months passed by, because the possibility of her dying was becoming more and more a reality, but she never phrased her fears because she didn't want to scare them too.

Clary got up and rinsed her mouth before walking out of this cursed room that felt like her second house. She shouldn't be so used to go in the toilets and kneel next to the bowl. Jon walked with her and she sat on the armchair that Lucky had brought especially for her.

Lucky hadn't been so keen to let her come back to work at the bar when he had learned how difficult her pregnancy was, but who could argue with a pregnant Clary and her bad temper? And so he did everything to make it the most comfortable possible for her.

Jon gave his sister a drink of grapefruit and sparkling water and he sat on the arm of her chair next to her. They didn't talk for a while, Clary resting her head on her brother's forearm, her drink in her hands. She looked at her prominent stomach with a concerned frown. Izzy was a month ahead of her, and still, it seemed that Clary was the one with the most advanced pregnancy.

She had gotten all skinny because her stupid body refused to keep the food in. No matter how hungry she could be, she would always give back her food. And now she looked like nothing. Some skeleton with a big pumpkin for a stomach. Some nightmarish creature that would scare children to death. Maybe that was why Jace wouldn't touch her anymore?

Ever since they had made up, Jace always avoided to get things too heated between the two of them, keeping things at PG 13. And every time that she tried to take the control and push it onto him, he invented stupid excuses, not even looking at her in the eyes. _Stupid Jace_!

"Jon? Can I ask you a favor?"

"_Of course_ you can. That's not even a question."

"Can you talk to Jace?"

Jon glanced at his sister knowing very well what she meant. Jace had told him how he felt about being intimate with her right now, and he couldn't blame him. She looked like she could break at the simple brisk of wind.

"As much as I don't mind talking sex with you Clary, somehow, it feels wrong to have the sex talk with your fiancé."

"My _fiancé_?"

Jon cursed at himself and swiftly got up to flee to the bar. Jace was going to kill him if he knew that Jon ruined the surprise for him. Jon knew that Jace had the whole thing completely ready and that he was just waiting for Clary to feel a little better.

Clary also got up and worked to the bar to lean on the counter and look deeply into Jon's eyes. From the corner of his eyes, Jon saw Lucky frown at Clary's new position and so he made her sit on one of the strollers before turning his back to her and pretending to clean his liquors.

"No. You didn't hear that. I didn't say anything. You just forget what I said."

He knew that she didn't believe him one bit, but he also knew that she would keep her mouth shut and not ask anymore question or confront Jace on the subject. Well that was what _normal_ Clary would, he could only hope that pregnant hormonal Clary would do the same.

Suddenly he heard her wince out of pain and surprise, and he turned his head so brusquely that he felt a small pain in his neck. In less than a second he was next to her, Lucky on her other side, worry written on both their faces. But she didn't seem to notice them, her hands placed on her stomach and a small anticipative frown on her face. And then she hiccuped and smiled.

"He kicked!"

Jon and Lucky sighed of relief as she was moving a little her hands to try and feel her baby again, all the while getting up to go behind the counter. Once there she retrieved the stethoscope that Robert had offered her so she could hear the baby's heartbeat and she placed it on her stomach, a marvelous smile on her face.

"I can't _wait_ for Jace to feel him too."

She giggled a little before blinking to keep her tears in. She should really stop crying for nothing. Last night she cried because they were out of blueberries and that she wanted to bake her favorite muffins. It took hours and the promise of fresh blueberry muffins in the morning for Jace to calm her down.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Are you okay?"

Clary smiled to Jace before walking to him and kissing him on the lips. That didn't stop him from worrying. He was supposed to go and pick her up at Lucky's like everyday, so her coming alone at the station was something worrying.

"The baby kicked."

She brightly smiled to him and took his hand to place it on her stomach. Jace waited expectantly, very well aware that the whole station was watching them as they were in the middle of it. That was how much Clary was submerged by her pregnancy. Before, never she would have had these intimate gestures in front of anyone, but now she just wanted to share with Jace that moment of wonder.

"Oh!"

"I know. Isn't it amazing."

"It is. Let's go home."

He walked with her outside the station, giving Jerry a significant look that he was leaving earlier today. Finally Jace had made peace with himself and his stupid jealousy toward Jerry. Ever since Jerry took care of Clary when he couldn't because he was on a ground mission. The first and only scare the pregnancy really gave them.

The time when Clary was supposed to wait for him at the station and she fainted. Out of nowhere. She fainted and no one was able to wake her up. The doctors still didn't know what had happened, some said that it was maybe a sequel of her accident, but neither Clary or Jace believed that.

"Stephan wants us to have diner together tonight."

They were walking to the nearest subway station because there was no way in Hell Jace would allow Clary to sit on a bike and she was still scared to death of cars.

Jace had contacted Stephan four months ago because no matter how much he wasn't ready to start a new relationship with him, Clary's condition came first. Stephan had been more than willing to come into their lives, especially since it meant that in the end, he would have a grandchild.

But to Jace, Stephan's presence was nothing but frightening, reminding him that dying in childbirth was what he might have to go through. He could see in Stephan's eyes how sometimes they would sparkle of sadness and nostalgia when they lingered on Clary, and that only made the lump in Jace's throat grow even more.

"But tonight's we have your family for dinner. I thought you didn't want them to meet."

"Damn, I forgot about the dinner. I'll call him and postpone it. Not that I mind."

"Be nice. He's really into this. Actually he brought me your baby blanket. It's in the house already."

They were in the middle of moving just like Izzy and Jon. They bought neighboring houses where the Morgenstern's used to live and now Clary was putting the final touches of paint in the nursery. Even though they didn't want to know the gender of the baby, she stayed persuaded that it was a boy, and Jace never tried to persuade her otherwise. Mostly because he believed that her brother and her shared that mystical connection and that if he was having a boy, so should they.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace looked at Clary painting small ninjas on the bottom of the wall of the nursery, a bit of paint on her cheek and he smiled. No matter how neat her work was in the end, she would _always_ get paint on her right cheek, just on her cheekbone. He kneeled next to her to wipe it off and she chuckled a little before leaning in to kiss him.

"My parents are here and Jon is on his way with your grandfather."

Clary smiled, setting her paintbrush down and looking at Jace with love. She put their hands on her stomach, hoping the baby would kick again and Jace laid on the floor to listen to her tummy. She loved when they were in that position and she caressed his hair appreciating this little peaceful moment they were having.

"Jace?"

"Mmmh?"

"Would you marry me?"

Jace didn't move from his position, just tilted a bit his head to look at her in the eyes. Of course he would marry her, he's been waiting almost twelve years to pop her the question properly, and she just asked him like that, out of the blue. He couldn't help but smile because this was _so_ Clary. She didn't bother with complicated and romantic, she just loved right through the moment.

"You know, it's supposed to be the other way around."

"Why? Is there a law dictating that somewhere?"

"No. But a there's a man somewhere in this room who had planned this whole romantic night for months."

Clary lovingly smiled to him and shook her head.

"I don't care about romantic Jace. I love you and that's it."

"I know, and I love you too. I just wanted something for us to say to our kid when he'd ask how I proposed."

"We'll tell him that Mommy got high with the fume of his room."

Jace laughed at that and sat up properly, standing as close to Clary as he could for she was sitting Indian style. He looked through his pocket for the ring that he always had on him and took her very suspicious hand in his.

"_Jace_..."

"Clarissa Adele Morgenstern-Fray, do you agree to complete me and marry me?"

"Yes, I lov..."

She stopped herself mid-sentence, her smile fading abruptly from her lips, for she had caught a glimpse of the ring, and before she could stop herself she bursted in tears. It wasn't the emotion of the proposal that made her cry, no ,it was this one reminder of her mother. Ever since the beginning of her pregnancy, she did her best to to ignore her need of her Mom, but the ring was the thing too much.

She hid her face in her hands, crying endlessly as Jace hugged her not understanding what just happened.

"Clary what's wrong?"

"I want my Mom!"

And she started crying even more, unable to stop herself. Jace shushed her as he could, but it seemed completely useless. He swiftly got up and rushed downstairs to the living room where he found his parents along with Jon, Alec and their little families -he must have stayed in the room more than he thought.

"Mom I need you upstairs. _Please_."

Maryse got up with a concerned look and followed him to the nursery where they found Clary still crying on her late mother. Maryse raised an eyebrow at Jace and his mouthed her Jocelyn's name. Maryse nodded of understanding and went to sit next to Clary before taking her in her arms.

"It's okay Clary, you're not alone. We're all here for you."

Clary's sobs slowly calmed down as Maryse kept on gently and motherly rocking her. Clary let herself fall into this embrace that she had been missing so much, the one she had carved for ever since the explosion, the one that a mother had for her child. Then, when she felt completely drained of tears, Clary weakly smiled to Maryse and Jace and she struggled to get up.

"I'm sorry. It's just the ring, it..."

"_The ring_! Oh Jace, you finally proposed!"

Jace repressed himself from rolling his eyes at his mother's passion for marrying her children. If she could, she would marry Max to his Japanese girlfriend even though he was only 22.

Izzy's wedding had been celebrated last year on April the 23rd in the biggest luxury. Between Maryse, Magnus and Izzy, Jace didn't know who had put the most efforts in that wedding. All he knew was that Clary's idea of a wedding didn't correspond to what they saw at her twin's wedding.

"Yeah. Let's not dwell on that. Let's go back downstairs, shall we?"

Maryse had been about to say something more but Jace gave her a look to just drop it. They didn't need Clary to start crying again. He took Clary by the waist and they all headed downstairs where Clary put on her best smile. No one could have ever tell that she just cried a river. No one, except Jon who immediately interrogated Jace through a silence talk. Jace shook his head and once again mouthed their mother's name making Jon frown even more before nodding.

"How's my favorite granddaughter?"

"It's not like you only have me as a granddaughter Pappy."

Clary bent a little to kiss her grandfather as he opened big arms to her. He chuckled a little, making him cough harder than usual, before smiling up to her. At this moment Lynn ran to them and asked to be in Clary's arms. Clary tried to take her, but she didn't have the strength anymore so she just helped Lynn to sit on Krystof's laps.

"Si tu sais que tu ne peux pas le faire, pourquoi tu t'obstines à quand même essayer?" (_If you know you can't do it, why do you still try to do it_?)

"Parce que certaines choses en valent la peine." (_Because some things are worth it_.)

Clary knew he wasn't talking about her inability to lift Lynn anymore, but about her pregnancy and how she was still trying to live her life as before. That was why he talked French to her, to have the littlest people understand what he was saying. Even though he had been very supportive of her going through her pregnancy, he was against her doing any sort of efforts, saying words such as 'bed-rest' and 'staying home' every chance he got.

Izzy walked next to them and tidied a bit Lynn before turning her face to Jon as Alec settled little Emanuel next to Lynn on Krystof's laps.

"We'll make a picture of the family growing up."

Then she stood behind the wheelchair, pulling Clary next to her and they all smiled at the camera as it flashed them, engraving the memory forever on a plasticized paper.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Are you _sure_ you can do this?"

"I'm pregnant Hodge, not made of sugar."

Clary rolled her eyes as they both sat in the lobby of an imposing building to meet up her new clients. It wasn't the first time that was doing paintings out of orders, but it was the first time that she was doing it face to face and the first time she had taken a command since she gotten pregnant. Hodge had tried to make her change her mind, but she had stubbornly refused to go back on her word.

The baby kicked Clary once again and she grimaced at the feeling, making Hodge be all over her case again.

"Clary, they would perfectly understand if you just postponed the thing. It's not like they have a deadline or something. You should man..."

"I _swear_ if you tell me to manage myself, I'll make you eat your tweed!"

"Well then, I'll make sure not to tell you anything remotely close to that."

Clary turned her head at the sound of the intruder's voice and got up to shake the hand that he was presenting. She saw him glance a little at her stomach before he brightly smiled to her and presented himself as the president of the company. As he led Hodge and her to his office, Clary looked closely at him.

He must have been in his early sixties. His hair were completely gray and he was kind of small for a man. Not as small as Clary, but almost. He had expressions wrinkles that Clary liked because they proved that he smiled a lot and his brown eyes were sparkling of wisdom and kindness.

As they all sat in his office, Clary with less grace than the men, the president, Mr. Akim Mocktar, proposed them something to drink that they refused politely. Still he served a drink of sparkling water and slid it to Clary after having put a few slices of lime in it.

"I wouldn't want you to say that I do not treat well pregnant women. Especially when I am a big fan of their work."

"Are you now?"

"I've been to most of your exhibitions, and you cannot imagine my delight when I heard that C.M. was settling down in New York."

He smiled to her and Clary did the same, sipping slowly her drink As she took the office in. It was quite simple but warm due to the wooden furniture. Still it missed a little colors.

"But I must say, I did thought that you were a man at first."

"Don't worry, even my brother still thinks I am a man, despite the obvious evidence."

She pointed her stomach and they both chuckled as Hodge coughed nervously. He had told her to keep her talks strictly professional and not to tell anything about her private life because a leak could happen so quickly.

"So Mr. Mocktar,..."

"Call me Akim."

"So Akim, what do you do here? What do you sell and why do you need me?"

"We sell dreams. And I need you to make this dream palpable by our potential clients. A paradisiac island, an enchanted forest, Paris. Whatever make people dream, I'd like you to paint that for me."

Clary thought about it for a moment before nodding. This was something she could do, her imagination was flowing at the moment. Akim left saying that he was going to look for the Vice President and she allowed herself to rest her head back and close her eyes all the while gently caressing her tummy.

"Clary, if you don't manage yourself all the scary men of your life are going to kill me."

"They're not scary Hodge. They're just not usual. And they should quit treating me like _I_ am the baby. I'm just carrying one."

She heard Hodge pout in his corner and she couldn't help but smile. She knew that for someone as traditional as Hodge, Jon and Jace could be scary. If she added the equation Lucky the biker, Alec the stern lawyer and Magnus the sparkly GAP, she could admit that it was a lot to handle for Hodge.

After waiting for a while, she got up and told Hodge that she would find her own way to the bathroom before wandering in the corridors. She was about to go inside the restroom when she heard a voice that she wasn't expecting to hear again.

"I should have guessed you'd be the artist in question."

Clary froze at the sound of this voice before slowly turning and seeing James standing a few feet away from her. He didn't change one bit. He was still classy in his suit, still had this presence of his, but something in his eyes wasn't right. They weren't sparkling of fun and joy like before. Now they were hard and cold.  
She felt his gaze on her whole face, seeing him frown a little before his eyes fell down on her rounding stomach making him clench his jaw.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**See? I can behave, no one died. I told you. **

**So what did you think of this chapter? Do you want to kill me for bringing back james the infamous? Poor James, no one will ever like him, no matter how nice he is. And what do you think of Clace's baby? Is Clary right? Are they having a boy?**

**So someone asked about a sequel, and I'm sorry, but I don't feel a sequel after this one. The ending isn't like BAHOG's where possibilities came flooding. Here it won't. **

**I also wanted to know, curious me, where do you guys come from. Promise I'm not some stalker who wants to murder you in your sleep (actually, I should be the one scared that you'd do that to me after all I've put you through). So if you could tell me in a review where you are from, I'd love to know where you live (just the country, don't worry I'm not an axemurder, just the Devil ^^). **

**And yeah also I'll update my profile tomorrow so go and check it if you want, it'll make me happy. **

**And also, I might not be able to update until Sunday, but because I'm so bad at saying no, if you ask nicely and persistently, I might just give in (Imagine the horrible big sister I am, unable to set limits...)**

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine. **

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (I guess we're intimate enough for me to sign off as i usually do with my friends. Still, do you know the reference?)**


	25. The End

"What are you doing here James?"

"I work here. I'm the new VP."

Clary nodded and looked at the floor. She hadn't been expecting to see James again, especially not here. Suddenly, she felt extremely bad for the way she broke up with him. She never really explained anything to him, but how could she? Her whole life would have brought too many questions out of him. And back then, she was mourning, completely blinded by grief to think clearly.

James looked at her again, his eyes staying a bit longer on her obvious pregnancy before flying to her left hand. His eyes narrowed a little as he saw it ring free, and a disabused chuckle escaped his lips. But then he looked back at her face, his dark green eyes showing concern as they were going from her face to her arms.

"Why are you so skinny? Doesn't your doct... Of course, you'd still rather kill yourself than take medicines, right?"

He shook his head of disapproval and Clary looked back on the floor before taking the pretext needing the bathroom to escape his stare. She stayed there longer that she anticipated, thinking of the probabilities that James would be her new employer's VP.

James who used to be the sweetest person on Earth and who now seemed completely cold. Was she the one who did that to him? Was she the one who changed him like that? She shook her head, thinking that they were all responsible adults and that him being her ex shouldn't be a problem in their collaboration.

When Clary got out of the bathroom, James was still at the door, apparently waiting for her all the while signing some paper that an intern was holding for him. When he saw her, James quickly dismissed the intern and Clary and him started walking back to the main office.

"How's life?"

"_Life_?"

James chuckled darkly as if her question brought some ironical joke on him.

"Well, I just got this new job two days ago, but I'm still living in the penthouse in Manhattan and I'm still in love you."

"You shouldn't."

James stopped walking and so did Clary. They were both in front of the office's door and Clary couldn't bring herself to look at him in the eyes. He shouldn't love her because he didn't know her, he barely knew her shell. He didn't know all her dark secrets nor all the deaths and scars she seemed to bring around her.

"Why shouldn't I? If that idiot of a cop couldn't move on from you in eight years what makes you think that _I_ could?"

"Don't talk about Jace like that."

She finally looked up to stare him in the eyes, and she saw him narrow his eyes at her reaction. Then, he seemed to understand and he opened big shocked eyes, hurt gleaming in them.

"_Oh my God_! It's _his_ child! You're having _his_ child! You said that you weren't going back to him! You said that you were leaving to be _alone_!"

"I did. But then he found me."

"And? What do you think? That I didn't look for you? I hired countless PIs to look for you all over the world! Of course he found you, he's a freaking cop!"

Clary couldn't help but feel bad at the hurt tone James used. She did tell him that she was going away to be alone, but deep down, she had always hoped that Jace would come and find her. Jace, not James. And now all she seemed to have manage to do was hurt James, even though she had been clear with him about her feelings toward him.

"No James. He found me because I wanted him to find me."

"You wanted him to... How could you? How can you forgive what he did to you? He abandoned you!"

"There's a lot you don't know about that, and it's not like I'm going to tell you anyway. As I told you James, even though I loved you, I was never _in love_ with you."

Pain crossed his eyes once again before he quickly regained his cold look, the one Clary didn't like because it didn't suit him. James used to be always nice and promising endless laughters. This look seemed to only promise indifference.

He leaned a little toward her, and Clary automatically backed away. He looked at her with shock before sadly smiling and shaking his head of disillusion and he opened the door. As his hand reached the handle, Clary felt completely stupid to have thought that he'd try something on her.

"Who do you take me for Clary? I won't make a move on someone else's girl. No matter how much I love her, _I_ still have some morals."

They had started to walk inside the office, Hodge opening big goggling eyes at the sight of James, and Clary stopped on her tracks to turn and face James, whispering angrily at him. She couldn't let him think like that of Jace, because she was the one at fault in this mess.

"I already told you James, _I'm_ the one who kissed him, not the other way around!"

"_Stop defending him_. Maybe you did, but he did everything to lead you on!"

"Is everything alright Miss Fray?"

Clary turned to Akim and Hodge, having completely forgotten about them, and she blushed to the deepest shade of red when she realized that she just displayed her personal life in front of them. She nodded before walking back next to Hodge who kept on eying James.

"Your name wasn't on the list they sent me for the confidentiality contracts."

"I started working here two days ago. And do you _really_ think _I'll_ blow her anonymity?"

Clary pulled Hodge's arm and silently told him to drop it before she sat down, resting a tired hand on her stomach with a small wince of pain. Hodge immediately rushed to her side, but she just shook her head, waiting for the pain to simply go away. She heard James whisper with Akim, and when she turned her head back to them, she saw a hint of surprise in Akim's eyes before James left the room.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**  
.

Jace was waiting for Clary and Hodge in front of the building where she had her appointment, a bag full of blueberry muffins that Maryse dropped at the station for Clary. He leaned his head on the back of the bench, his right hand playing with the ring box in his pocket.

Clary had told him to keep the ring until he would do his big romantic night, and that she would faint the surprise like in the chick movies. Of course, now he didn't have the pressure of possible refusal, but still, he was nervous about the reaction that she'd have on the place he picked for them.

Finally, Clary left the building, along with Hodge and _James_. Jace didn't utter a single world about James' presence, but didn't think nonetheless. He impassively looked at this man who almost stole his Clary away, and saw in his eyes something that he didn't like. James was still in love with Clary. Jace could tell that much just with the way James was glaring at him. Jace slowly walked to Clary, not leaving James out of his sight for a second.

"Just to make it clear, you don't deserve this second chance that she's giving you."

"_James_."

He had promised her not to bring up again her personal life in their discussion, or at least, not to talk about Jace, and she said that she would try to keep the awkwardness to the lowest level.

Clary scolded James with her eyes, and Jace had a feeling that it was something they already talked about. And, even though he felt happy to know that Clary was defending him, he couldn't agree more with James. It was something that he couldn't get around with. He did abandoned Clary when she needed him the most. Sure he did it out of love, but he left her alone. And the fact that she decided to take him back as if nothing happened was something he was grateful for every single day he woke up next to her.

Clary tiredly rubbed her face and rested her hand on Jace's chest to make him understand that she didn't want him to start an argument. She was exhausted and she just wanted to go back home to take a long hot bath. He seemed to understand because he just wrapped his arm around her waist and directed them to the other direction after a quick nod to Hodge. But just as they were starting to walk away, he turned his head to look at James.

"I know, but I'm still taking it."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"He's going to propose tonight. Just to let you know."

Clary nodded to her brother, her eyes locked on the dull ceiling that she was considering painting. Jon was laying on the floor next to her in her basement, both in their position, their hands behind their heads and their eyes lost into space. The basement was an exact replicate of the one they had when they were teenagers, set as a training room with target practices, punching bags and fleecy mattresses on the floor.

"Are you still my best man?"

"Always."

Clary smiled and removed a hand from behind her neck to sooth her kicking baby. She was on her seventh month now and finally starting to feel a little bit better since a month ago. Her doctor had told her that he was starting to be confident about her pregnancy, even though he kept on insisting to see her weekly.

They still officially didn't know the gender of the baby because Jace wanted the surprise, but she was sure it was a boy. She could _feel_ it was a boy. A boy that she would name Krys as a tribute for her grandfather, the same way Jon's second name was also a tribute for him. She'd often try to picture her baby, and she always had this image of a mini Jace with green eyes and really pale blond hair.

"Though there won't be a lot we could do in your condition."

"Then we'll wait until I won't look like a elephant anymore."

Jon heard his sister chuckle as he remembered what they did for his own bachelor party. Izzy had been a bit saddened by the fact that Clary would spend this day with him rather than her, but she understood. And Clary had planned for the both of them a day that took them back in the days, when they were wild and young.

"Is it bad for me to miss the action sometimes."

Jon turned his head to her, wondering if she had been thinking at the same thing as he was. Clary stubbornly kept her gaze on the ceiling. She felt bad to admit it out loud, but she did miss the adrenaline that they would have back then. That was why she kept on wrestling, because it would give her back a little bit of that feeling she used to like. Not that she wanted all the drama that came along with that sort of adrenaline. She loved the life she had now, she loved living with Jace and slowly settling to have a family of their own, but still she missed the adrenaline.

"I miss it too."

Jon saw her lips spread into a small smile, and he wondered how much he could tell her. Not that he intended in keeping any secrets from her, but she was so emotional lately, and he knew how much she hated it. But still, this was something he had wanted to tell her for quite some time, but he never knew how to tell her, because he knew that this particular topic would bring many questions that he didn't particularly want to answer to.

"You know, at some point Mom and Dad almost split up. It happens a lot to couples when they lose a child."

"Mom and Dad could have _never_ split up. They were in love like freaking teenagers!"

"I know, but ... Mom wanted to at least give you back Jace. She wanted to fly him to Paris for him to 'accidentally' find you and for the two of you to live a life together. But Dad said that if Jace came back in your life, we should all do it, and I was completely agreeing with him. I was just selfishly thinking that I wanted you back and I didn't want anyone else but me to be with you, because you're my other half. But now that I think of it, I guess Mom was right, we _should have _given you Jace back."

Clary deeply breathed in, taking in the information. What Jon was telling more, was more than just random facts, he was opening the valve that both of them had carefully avoided ever since she came back. And strangely, what upset her most wasn't that she could have had Jace back earlier but that her parents might have split up because of her.

The love their parents had shared for one another was unconditional and undying. It was one of the reason why she had been so resistant at the idea of love for so long, because the example they had set for the twins was so deep and so strong that Clary was sure she would never find it anywhere or with anyone.

The love of their parents was the reason why Jon completely lost himself to Izzy and Clary to Jace. Because this was how they saw their parents love each other, ready to do everything for the other, more in love each day that came by. Clary could still remember how their Dad would fly all across the world, dropping a mission just to be with the love of his life for a few hours whenever she would feel blue, for her birthday, for their anniversary, or just to be with her.

And now Jon was telling her that her losing her memory made that strong fire that they shared flicker. She tried to blink away her tears, but miserably failed.

"Akuma?"

"I miss them _so much_. I feel like crying every time I think of them and still I'm not sad. We just had happy memories with them. I can't think of a single time we didn't feel loved by them. Even when we had arguments, even though they weren't home that much, even though they brought us up like that, we felt unconditionally loved. I hope I'll be able to give that to Krys."

Jon couldn't agree more. No matter how angry he could have been with his parents, he never doubted their love for them. Even after Paris, even after he harshly put the blame on them for losing his twin, he still knew that they loved them deeply.

"Krys? Is it a cue for me to call my boy Adelino?"

Clary chuckled and shook her head. Her baby's name was something she had talked to to no one, not even Jace because he seemed to still have this slight hope to have a girl. And Stephan seemed to have the same hope for whenever he would drop by, he would hint her on girl's names, Celine being the first one.

Clary saw how Stephan's visits would always make Jace a little bit gloomier, and even though they never talked about it, she knew why. She knew that Stephan's presence kept on reminding on how she could not make it. And it scared her for Jace and what would happen to him if, indeed, she didn't make it.

"Jon? How was Dad? After Mom?"

"I don't know. I left after Mom and started living on my own. But Luke said that he died along with Mom. He only survived, and none of us was there to help him through his grief, so I guess that didn't help either. The few times I saw him since, I never saw a smile on his face. _Dad_, the man I thought invented laughter. And still, I was too angry to take away from his shoulders a bit of this burden."

"He smiled to me. In Paris. That's the last thing that he did."

"That's because he loved you more."

None of them said anything for a while, both knowing the truth of his words. Even though he always tried not to show it, Valentine had always loved Clary a little bit more. Gently, Jon took her hand in his and squeezed it as she silently kept on shedding tears.

"You know, it's not because you're her brother that I won't ruin your face if you make my girl cry, Jon."

Jon and Clary synchronically raised their heads to stare at Jace who was leaning on the doorframe. Jon graciously got up and then helped his sister to do the same. She walked to Jace who gently wiped her tears away from her face before kissing her swiftly on her lips. Jon messed a bit with Clary's hair before telling her that he'd come back the next day to finish the basement for her.

Jace nodded at Jon before returning his attention to Clary, a small smile on his lips.

"So? How are my two girls?"

"It's a boy, Jace."

Jace chuckled a little before swinging his arm over her shoulder. He was sure she was right, but he kept on teasing her that they could have a girl just so he could see that little smile she would always have as she would try to reason him, sure of herself.

"Ready to go?"

She nodded and they both left the house. He led them to the Empire State Building and couldn't help but grin when he saw Clary's eyes sparkle of malice. They both went upstairs as Jace had already arranged everything with the security guards for them to come off hours.

Once in the lift, he blinded her before leading her outside where he had this little table for two ready. He knew she wouldn't eat much, but the table was mostly because he didn't want her to stand up for too long.

Slowly he took the blind off of her eyes, and Clary smiled at the thoughtfulness Jace was showing her. He helped her sit down and she had to blink away her upcoming tears and do her best to keep her features calm. Jace sat in front of her and smiled to her.

"The painting you're making in the bedroom made me think of this place."

Clary smiled back as she thought of that painting. It was a really simple picture of New York by night, viewed by that very same spot on the Empire State Building, but it actually held a lot more behind. That's why she had started painting it on the ceiling of their room, even though she was waiting now to be more in control of her body again to put the final touches.

She loved the painting for what it represented: the first time she told Jace how she felt about him, the first time he told her how much she meant for him, their first time without a condom, where she realized that she loved Jace, even though she didn't remember him at the time. It was _their_ place.

"You didn't have to do it now you know. I could have waited."

"Maybe, but not me. I wanted to marry you ever since we took that plane together to go find your father. I wanted to spend the rest of my life ever since you sang me your love on that roof. I wanted to love you ever since you let me in to be there for you, even though you didn't need me."

Clary's smile grew even wider, and Jace moved from his chair as he saw small tears building in her eyes. He started to kneel when she shook her head.

"Don't kneel. I want us to start this life on an equal level."

Jace frowned for a second, not understanding what she meant. But then, he gathered that Clary, being Clary, was seeing things on a down-to-earth point of view, not like him on a romantic point of view. He chuckled and helped her get up before taking off the box out of his pocket, and looking down in her green and bright eyes sparkling of love.

"So, I guess this is it? The moment you become mine forever and more?"

"No, it's not. This moment already happened long ago. This is just us making it official."

He smiled to her before sliding the ring in her finger and passionately kissing her.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Are you okay sweetie?"

Clary was tattooing the skull of a skeleton on Lucky's nape when she had abruptly stopped. She knew that the way she just bent should have made little Krys but he didn't. She worriedly touched her stomach, trying to get her baby to react, but her stomach still didn't move.

She swiftly got up and rushed behind the bar, Lucky hot on her heels, asking her what was wrong. She looked for her stethoscope and as soon as she had it in hands, she listened for the steady heartbeat of her baby. But she never found it.

"Lucky! _I can't hear him_!"

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

Jace angrily refused the call from the station for the tenth time of the night. He quickly returned his attention on his target. That perfect soccer Mom who just happened to deal meth. Nothing in her appearance gave away that she was a drug dealer. She had that perfect denim jeans, that perfect white blouse, those perfect pearls, the perfect blind hair knotted in a high bun. The perfect Bree Van de Kamp.

This is how he could tell the difference between good drug dealers and shitty ones. The good ones never tasted their in medicines, they could easily pass for a mister or misses nobody. Never a good drug dealer would be caught addicted on his own product.

And the one Jace was shadowing was a perfect example of that rule. She was a good drug dealer. So good that she had managed to fool the social workers and adopt a bunch of kids. Jace saw her give a package to another parent in suit and he took a picture. He could arrest her right now, but he wanted the couple, and for the moment, the husband had been the hardest to catch on action.

His phone rang again, showing Lucky's number and Jace angrily picked it up just to make him stop calling him. He should know better than to call him when he was on the field.

"It's better be good Jerry!"

"We received a call saying that your pregnant fiancée is at the hospital. Is that good enough for you?"

Jace didn't even bother answering back, he hung up and immediately tried to call Clary, but after a few attempts, it became clear to him that she didn't have her phone on her, or that she couldn't answer. Jace called back Jerry, not allowing himself to think of the worst.

"If you let me finish. She's at your father's hospital. He's the one who called the station."

Jace rushed to the hospital, doing his best to stay calm. Nothing could be wrong, Clary and the baby were just fine when he left them at the bar in the morning. As soon as he arrived at the hospital, Jace almost ran to Robert's office and he found him on the phone. Jace assumed it was Jon because Robert just said to the person to hurry to the hospital because Clary would need them.

"What's wrong with her?"

Robert examined Jace for what seemed like the longest moment to him and then he shook his head, sorrow darkening his eyes.

"The baby is dead Jace."

"_What_?"

"Clary's and yours baby is dead. She couldn't feel him kick anymore and she came right away. He just wasn't strong enough."

Jace passed a hand over his face, relief washing over him: Clary was okay. He knew he should feel completely devastated by the death of their baby, but at that right moment, only Clary mattered.

"Where's Clary?"

"She's in labor room. You should go there."

"Labor room?"

"The baby still needs to be ... evacuated."

Jace opened big goggling eyes and numbly looked at Robert opening the door for them to leave the room. They walked in silence while Jace was still processing the idea of Clary having to give birth to their dead child, and it's once they were in the lift that he lost it.

"She can't give birth to ... _him_!"

"She _has_ to. And she refuses to have a cesarean."

"She refuses! You're the damn doctor! _Make he_r!"

"I'm not her doctor Jace. First I'm too involved in her life, second I'm not that kind of doctor. She's major and sane of mind. And you're not married to make decisions for her. The only one who can _make her_ is you by making her change her mind."

Jace grunted out his frustration as they both walked into the room, then he rushed to Clary's side who was sitting, her head hidden in her hands. He took her in his arms and she silently cried against his chest. They stayed like that, Clary hiccuping harder every time Jace tried to sooth her or to bring the cesarean.

After almost an hour of Clary crying in Jace's arms, a doctor came in with two nurses. He told her that they would help her just fine. Jace tried once again to change her mind, but she refused to listen to reason, and so he just stood next to her and took her hand.

Jace's heart stopped every time she squeezed his hand or that she winced out of pain, and after an eternal time, the baby was finally delivered. But as the doctor was telling them that it was over, the tight grip that Clary had on Jace's hand loosened, making his heart sink deep inside of him

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**Tadaaaa. So I know you all want to talk about the cliffie, but I'd like to know how you feel about James and also about that little talk that Clary and Jon had. Let me known it wI'll make my Day. **

**So just to make it clear, Clary couldn't have twins and not know it, she was going to the doctor every week. Plus the twiN gene usually skips a generation meaning it her children who would have twinS. **

**Oh oh my gosh, the five continents are reading this story! So for those who still don't know I live in Paris, France and it's not that much the city of Love. But it's still beautiful and wonderful. **

**Anyways, im really tired, it's 2am here, and I forced myself to upload now because I said I would, so please be nice and reward me. (Puppy kitty look) I'm sorry if the chapter seems a little less ... usual, I might edit it when my eyes won't close in their own. **

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	26. Grief

Jon hesitated before turning the handle of the door, revealing Jace angrily shooting at the moving targets. It had been a month since Jon last saw him, ever since the funeral. Even though they were now neighbors, Jace barely went back to his home anymore. And Jon couldn't blame him, what good was there to come back to a house you know will be empty?

Jon stepped further into the room after closing the door behind him, and he waited for Jace to empty his loader before walking closer to him and resting a hand on his shoulder. Jace seemed to barely acknowledge him an loaded a new set of bullets before aiming at the targets again.

"Not now Jon."

Jon retrieved his hand, and Jace resumed on shooting, even though it wasn't enough. After lurking in the house for a whole week, he couldn't take it anymore and he came here, hoping that he would be able to let go of his frustration. It used to be where Clary would come to do so, where she took him when he had learned the truth about Stephan. If only she was here too, Jace wouldn't need to shoot blankly and automatically at stupid targets. But then again, if she were here, he wouldn't have had the need to be here.

"JACE!"

Jace tiredly removed his headphones and turned his head to face Jon, staring in those green eyes he shared with his sister. It had been too long since he last saw her eyes, and right now he would give anything to see them again.

"You need to go and _talk_ to her Jace."

"She won't talk to me Jon. She won't talk to any of us."

"That doesn't mean that she won't _listen_. Tell her how you feel because right now she's a mess and she doesn't know to whom to turn to."

Jace inhaled deeply, remembering how Clary silently cried for days, shutting down every one around her, including him. He tried to sooth her down, he tried to comfort her, but nothing he could say eased her pain. And the night of their baby's funeral, out of the blue, she snapped at him, accusing him to have never loved their child and not to grieve properly. And then she stormed out of the house only to come back the next morning, covered with bruises and avoiding to look at him.

That was the last time they talked, because after that night, Clary was always out, taking her pain out on wrestling and she did her best to avoid him. That's why he avoided the house now, he didn't want to find it empty, or worst, to find Clary doing her best to avoid even _looking_ at him.

"Did you see her fight lately? It's freaking _scary_. You need to talk to her Jace because you're the only person she'll listen to. She won't even talk to _me_."

At that, Jace's attention snapped. He knew that Clary secluded herself from everything and everyone, but he didn't expect her to do so with her brother. This was inconceivable. Jon was everything to Clary. But then again, Jon was lucky where she wasn't. Jace heaved and set his gun tidily on his belt.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Please, next time can you _not_ kill your opponent before the two first minutes?"

Clary looked at Lucky and nodded before returning her gaze to her reflexion in the mirror of the bathroom, barely noticing herself. She hadn't slept of the night, spending her night at tackling lame opponents on the floor and still trying to find that someone that would make her forget. But none of them were good enough to hold even ten seconds against her.

When she first came back on the ring, she was completely out of shape, rusty in her movements and in her reflexes, and she had loved taking the ground because it would make her feel _something_. But now that she had regained her strength and her agility she couldn't feel anything. Anything beside the void left by the loss of her baby.

Clary blankly stared at herself until she felt someone's presence behind her. She blinked a little and turned to see a young teenager at the doorframe. He was rather skinny, as if not fed enough, but still he was almost taller than her. His hair was raven black and his eyes were turquoise and brown around the iris. Just like Kevin's.

"Are you Tyler?"

"Yeah. Kevin wanted to give you that."

He quickly and nervously gave her a box from a bakery shop that she took without looking away from the boy. He looked a lot like his younger brother, except that he had a fire in his eyes that Kevin didn't have. The same fire that Clary always had for Jon and Jon for her, the fire that grew when you had seen a lot and who was saying 'don't touch my family'.

Clary quickly looked inside the box and saw that it was blueberry muffins. She remembered how she had bought some for Kevin the day his former family decided that they didn't want him anymore. She had felt so helpless for him that she just resulted herself in buying him the food that always comforted her. And it seemed that he remembered that because now he was sending his brother to do the same with her.

She had seen Kevin two days ago while she was wandering in the street on Bronx, and she knew that even though he didn't say anything, he saw that she wasn't pregnant anymore and that she wasn't holding her baby in her arms like any new mother should. He didn't ask her anything and just talked about how nice was this new family that he was in and how glad he was that they took his brother with him, and at the end, he just gave her a big hug.

Clary snapped back to the present time and examined Tyler a little bit more, clearly seeing that he was malnourished, which stroked her as odd as Kevin seemed well fed. Tyler was supposed to be fifteen but he looked older, which was probably due to the way he would look at people, trying to be scary, but Clary only saw a kid scared and desperate for love. Apparently Tyler wasn't adjusting as well as his brother to their foster family.

"How did you find me here?"

"I followed you once after you talked to Kevin at the park. I had to make sure you weren't some sort of creepy pedophile when he started talking about you nonstop."

She gently smiled at the love and protectiveness echoing in his voice, and at that very moment, Jace appeared behind Tyler. They looked at each other for a moment before Clary returned her attention on the teenager.

"You should go. If your parents know that you came in a bar, they would worry. Make sure to thank your brother for the gift."

Tyler seemed on the verge to tell her something, but he stopped himself at the last second when he realized that Jace was behind him. He just nodded and almost ran out of there, leaving Clary and Jace alone. Jace glanced at the bakery box before returning his gaze on Clary's face, not liking the frown in her brows. She obviously worried about this kid, even though she tried not to show it.

"I missed your smile."

"Aren't you supposed to be working?"

"It's my day off."

Clary swallowed hard at that piece of information, realizing how much she had been off lately. She had isolated herself so much in her little bubble that she wasn't aware of Jace's schedule anymore. She had been planning on going to the station in the afternoon to beg him not to leave her. She knew she had acted completely selfishly toward him since her second miscarriage and she was afraid that now Jace grew fed up of her comportment.

"Jon came to talk to me yesterday. He and Lucky seem to think you're becoming dangerous on the ring."

Clary's lips trembled a little as she tried to keep her emotions in. It had almost been a month since they really saw each other, and he wanted to talk about her behavior on the ring?! Was it really over between them?

"Don't leave me! Please Jace. I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Please don't say you don't love me anymore."

She looked down at the box she was holding, not wanting to see his expression if he came to indeed break up with her. Jace slowly walked to Clary and lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"Not loving you anymore? Even if I died right now, I'd keep on loving you."

"I'm so sorry Jace. I ..."

"It's okay. Let's just go back home."

He gently smiled to her and kissed her before leading her out of the back rooms of the bar.

"I didn't know I already had concurrence. I would have brought cakes too otherwise."

She smiled while shaking her head and explained him on their way back home how Kevin had managed to give her muffins to cheer her up. Once they arrived in front of their house, they both hesitated in entering before Clary turned the handle and stepped inside, her hand in Jace's.

It felt so weird for her to come back in this house, even though Jace was standing next to her. She didn't come back ever since she stormed off from Jace the night of Krys' funeral because the house felt too big for her now. When they bought the house, all she could picture was their little boy running in it, but now, this house was condemned on being silent.

She breathed in deeply and turned on herself to face Jace.

"I love you Jace. Even though I'm the worst person to set a life with, I love you and I'm so glad and grateful that you love me too."

Jace smiled to her, and he saw in her eyes a sparkle that he hadn't seen in a long time: lust. Slowly, he leaned to kiss her, and she immediately responded to him by wrapping her hands around his neck and bringing him closer to her. He lifted her up in his arms and led them to their bedroom in the attic as she kept in kissing him.

When he laid her in their bed, he didn't have a shirt anymore and she was only in her underwear, but when he leaned to kiss her again, the reality of what they were doing came down to him, and he rolled on the side.

She stood up on her elbow and looked at him with concern, even though Jace saw that she was trying to hide her hurt.

"What's wrong?"

"I _can't_ Clary. I'm not going through that again. Do you know how scared I was during your delivery? I saw every worried glances that the doctor gave the nurses, I saw how you almost didn't make it, I remember very clearly how your hand let go of mine and how the doctor had to do CPR on you to bring you back to me. And that's without even talking about the pain of losing another baby. I can't fall in love with another baby and never get to hold it. I _refuse_ to go through all of that again."

"So you won't make love to me anymore!?"

"Not until we get contraception."

Jace looked deep into her eyes, hoping that she understood his reasons, and after a few minutes, she nodded and rested her head on his chest.

"You're right. It was too painful. I'll take an appointment tomorrow morning to go back on the pill."

Jace could hear the hurt in her voice. He could _feel_ it. What they just said was that they were renouncing of having their very own baby. He didn't even bring the possibility of a surrogate mother because he knew that Clary wouldn't support seeing another woman experience all the things that _she_ should be experiencing.

Sure they could still adopt, but the road of adoption was long and tricky, Alec and Magnus were the very proof of that.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"_Jon_?"

Jon woke at Izzy's sudden and urgent tone. She gripped his arm and squeezed it hard all the while wincing of pain, making him all too aware of his surroundings. He quickly switched on his nightstand light and horrifically saw Izzy's face torned by pain.

"My waters broke!"

In less than a second Jon was on his feet already calling Clary for her to look after Lynn when Izzy stopped him, crying out of pain.

"That stupid son of yours is in a freaking hurry to get out! We won't make it to the hospital."

At that Jon completely froze, unsure of what to do for a moment. Izzy screamed once again, gritting her teeth, but Jon was unable to move and so she glared at him.

"I swear. if you don't do something right now Jon, I will _personally_ chop your balls off!"

That had the merit to snap Jon out of his trans and he called 911 before calling also Robert while Izzy was panting and cursing him to die. Then he helped her settling more comfortably on the bed, pilling pillows behind her before she grabbed his arm and dugged her nails nails in it.

Jon let her take her pain on his forearm before removing the covers, trying his best not to show his worry. The baby wasn't due for another month and he was coming way too quickly if Jon was comparing this delivery with Lynn's. He hoped that the ambulance and Robert would just hurry up because he had no idea of what to do.

"This is so all _your_ fault!"

Izzy bent and gritted her teeth as another contraction came in, and Jon simply nodded, not willing to disagree with anything she would say. He tried to tell her soothing words like he did when she had Lynn, but he stopped at the glare she gave him. Then another contraction arrived and she squeezed her eyes, her hands buried in the sheets.

"I hate you so much!"

"I love you too."

"_No_! I freaking hate _you and your stupid radioactive sperm_! You are _so_ getting a vasectomy after that!"

Jon simply nodded again, not agreeing at all, but keeping it for later as another contraction came and that was when he saw the dark head of their baby coming out. He smiled to Izzy and told her to push- which resulted by her yelling at him not to tell her what to do- and he blamed when the baby started to come out.

The umbilical cordon was around the neck of the baby, giving him this strange and terrifying blue color. Instinctively, Jon slid two fingers between the baby's neck and the cordon, and he made the deathly cord pass above the baby's head, who still did not cry.

"Why isn't he crying? Jon _I don't hear him_!"

Jon turned his back at Izzy to gently spank the baby while Izzy was literally panicking over not hearing their son's cries. But no matter how much Jon was spanking the baby, he did not cry. Jon rubbed quickly his small chest before hanging him by the feet and spanking him once again, and at the exact same moment when the baby finally cried, Lynn entered in the room.

"Mama why are you shouting?"

Jon walked to Izzy as she bursted in tears and took their son in her arms to feed him, and he quickly rushed to Lynn to take her in his arms. She his her face in his shoulder as they approached Izzy and the baby.

"Chichi, kowai wa." (_Daddy, I'm scared_.)

Jon considered the scene from a four years old and admitted that walking in her bloody mother holding a bloody baby in the middle of the night wasn't the best thing for her. He soothed her and sat next to Izzy.

"It's okay ma belle. It's just your baby brother. Don't you want to see him?"

Shyly, Lynn peaked behind Jon's shoulder to see her brother, and after hesitating a moment, she reached a finger to touch his hand as he was avidly sucking on his mother's breast. He grabbed his sister finger, making her giggle, and Izzy looked up to Jon, a satisfied smile on her face.

"You don't have to get a vasectomy."

"Good."

She smiled as he leaned to kiss her forehead, and that's when the nurses finally arrived, followed by Robert who frowned at the scene before smiling.

"What was the point of making us come? You handled it perfectly."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**See nice me already updated because I had so many reviews when I woke up that I had the motivation to quickly write for you guys. (Take the hint, the more reviews I get, the quicker I update wink). And I know the chapter is quite short, but come on, it is quite early too. **

**Admit it for a second you thought I killed Clary. Mouhahahhahah. And then baby Jonabelle. I could have, but it wouldn't fit in my story. So this chapter may appear as a filler chapter but it wasn't, just you wait and you'll see.**

**So now let's talk about the terrible person I am. Yes I didn't give them their baby, it was planned from the very beginning. That was why she needed her pregnancy with James, that was why she had a tough pregnancy. I know many of you think that I'm horrible, but it happens, and I talk from personal experience (not me of course, but someone really close to me). One of you guessed the why I did that and congrats to that person, but more seriously, I wanted to tell you thank you. This chapter was a chapter I dreaded to upload because of this issue and of the reviews (not so kind) I might receive, and i didn't received any. Share you didn't like it, but I didn't feel any hate in your reviews (or maybe I didn't read between the lines). But thank you for that. Now I feel confident for killing Jace (just kidding).**

**On a more cheerful note, the Jonabelle interaction between the pregnancy was also from personal experience (still not me, but my mom and stepdad) and well, those are a few lines that I actually find hilarious that my mom said throughout her different deliveries. Of course there are others, but... They're not translatable...**

**And by the way, what should be the name of baby Jonabelle, because I'm struggling with that.**

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	27. That Single Bullet

"Stupid Lucky!"

"Aww, I know you love me."

Clary glared at Lucky before walking to his bed and sitting next to him. He had his arm in a cast and a few bruises all over his face due to a careless accident he just had a few hours earlier. Clary and Jon had been the first ones called and she hadn't stopped rumbling on how stupid Lucky had been.

"It's not my first broken bone, and certainly not my last one. Where do you think I got my nickname?"

Clary rolled her eyes as Jon chuckled at Lucky's statement. She glared at Jon mumbling that Lucky shouldn't push his luck so much. Riding at full speed in the middle of a busy city such as New York without his helmet on had probably been one of the most stupid thing he did.

"Still, where are my comfort muffins?"

"You don't deserve them. We shouldn't even be here worrying about you. I think I'll leave."

But even though she said those words, Clary didn't move a single muscle from her seat next to Lucky. She just had been extremely scared when she received that call from the emergencies saying that he had been hospitalized. Lucky had become someone very important for the twins, and seeing him on a hospital bed was hard on them, even though he was smiling and laughing at the situation.

"So I guess this is the time I should tell you about how I put you guys on my will."

Jon glanced at Clary, but both of them didn't say anything. The word 'will' wasn't scary in itself for them, they had their own ready ever since they were fifteen, re editing it every year. It was something their parents had inculcated them and which save them a lot of troubles when they had to deal with their inheritance. And still, Lucky telling them that he put them in his will touched them deeply.

"You know, for someone to look after the bar when I'll be gone. Wouldn't want strangers getting their hands on it and changing it, right?"

His tone had been careless, but the twins could still tell that he really meant for them to have the bar, as if they were his children. Clary got up and swiftly kissed his forehead, saying that they'd talk about it when he wouldn't be in an hospital bed anymore, and then Jon and her left him to rest. They silently walked to the parking lot where Clary's bike was parked, both lost in their thoughts.

"It feels so _weird_."

"To have someone outside of family care so much about us? Yeah."

"Do you realize that countless times Lucky had been my first thought when I was in trouble. He always helped me without ever asking something in exchange. He gave us jobs without even thinking about it twice. And now he leaves us his bar to take care off. I feel like he's giving more than he ever received."

Jon couldn't agree more with his sister. For him, Lucky had become a full member of their family, and he always was someone he knew he could rely on, no matter what. But this favor Lucky was asking of them felt like so much more than just a boss passing on his business, it felt to him like a real legacy.

"I'm glad you decided to stick up your nose where it didn't belong that day, Akuma."

"Me too."

They smiled to one another appreciating this little moment they had together.

"How's CJ?"

"Still ridiculously small and annoyingly noisy."

Still, Jon goofily smiled as he talked about his two months old son. Carl-Jam Robert Valentine Fray. Jon didn't really had a say in his name, Izzy reminding him that _she_ had been the one who had to go through labor without epidural. So she had chosen Carl for Clary and Jam as the first letters of her three brothers. Jon wasn't really fan of that name, but he still liked the nickname.

Clary found herself quite at peace with her new nephew. She had thought that it would be harder to be around him, knowing that she felt her baby kick and that she actually saw her lifeless little Krys, but, even though it was hard, she still passed through this, loving her nephew as much as she did for Lynn or Emmanuel.

Due to the fact that he was premature, CJ was extremely small, even though his lungs seemed to be fully developed. He had Izzy's black hair and Jon's nose, but what was most striking about him was his eyes. He had one dark green eye and one dark brown one. Apparently his genes couldn't choose between the two parents so they mixed it up.

"Lynn can't stop talking about him. His name comes every two words in her mouth."

Clary chuckled before hopping the bike, Jon climbing behind her, hugging her to give her comfort. He knew that, even though she loved CJ as much as her nephew and niece, it was still hard for her. He was after all this one reminder of her losing Krys, and her having to come to terms with the fact that she would never have kids.

"I love you Akuma."

"I love you too Tenshi."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Ruby, there's someone asking for you at the bar."

Clary frowned her brows at Lucky but he just shrugged, implicitly telling her that he had no idea of who that could be. She followed Lucky, who was still limping in his cast, out of the storage room where she was inventorying the ink and did her best to hide her surprise when she saw Tyler there. She glanced at Jon who was eying the kid before he looked at her with a meaningful look, clearly telling her what she had seen in Tyler when she last saw him.

She walked to him and sat them at her table with a concerned look on her face as he nervously sat in front of her. From the corner of her eye, she saw Jon disappear in the kitchen, and she knew that he was going to bring food for Tyler. He really was _too skinny_.

She waited for him to talk to her, to tell her what he came to tell her, but he kept on glancing around nervously, playing with his hands under the table. They stayed quiet for a moment until Jon arrived with a greasy fat burger and fries for the kid. Then, Jon sat next to his sister and pushed the plate in front of Tyler.

"It's supposed to be lunch break, right?"

Tyler looked at Jon and then at the plate before happily digging in under the concerned eyes of the twins. Tyler looked back at them, his mouth full of fries while his hands were holding the burger already half-eaten.

"Aren't you going to say I should be in school?"

"You _should_, but if you don't want to go, I'm certainly not going to be the one who will tell you to."

Tyler looked with surprise at Jon who gently smiled at him before getting up and kissing Clary's forehead. Then he left them alone, not without telling in Japanese to Clary to be careful in what she could say. Tyler narrowed a bit his eyes at Jon as he walked back at the bar, before returning his attention to Clary.

"Is he your husband?"

"My husband? _Ew_, no! He's my brother."

"You don't look alike."

"I know, but still, at the end of the day, he's still my twin."

Tyler nodded, his eyes quickly lingering on Clary's left hand before he resumed eating. Clary let him eat in peace, sipping her drink every once in a while and thinking on what could have brought him here. He didn't seem like he was mistreated back home, not physically at least. The fact that he was eating too quickly proved that he wasn't always fed enough, but what worried Clary the most was his eyes. He seemed completely scared and desperate, and still, he was trying to hide it through a dark determination.

"Did you mean it when you told Kevin that you'd help him in any situations?"

"Of course, I did."

"I want you to take him out of this house. It's not good for him."

Clary didn't say anything right away, her heart breaking for this fifteen years old kid forced to think and act like an adult for his little brother's safety. It wasn't his role to do so, he was supposed to only care about cars, video games and girls, like any normal teenager.

"What about you?"

"_Me_? I can take care of myself, _he_ can't. They ... They asked him to do something he shouldn't and he doesn't even know how wrong it is, even though he's scared."

"Your foster parents? What did they ask of him?"

Tyler glanced around and shook his head, refusing to tell her more about that matter. Instead he looked deep into her eyes, pleading her to save his brother.

"Tell me that you'll take him. _Please_. He likes you. You could give him a better life than what they're offering him."

Clary significantly glanced at Jon and he nodded before coming and taking off the dirty plates. When she was sure that Jon did what she needed of him, Clary got up with Tyler and lead him out of the bar.

"Go back to school Tyler. _School,_ I said, and then go pick your brother up."

"_You're not going to take him_! You _promised_ him that you'd help him!"

"Please, do as I said. You go back to school, and then, you go and pick up Kevin."

Tyler looked at her with anger and despair echoing in his eyes and in his tone, as if his last hope had just blown away before him.

"I _knew_ it was just words. You're not different than anybody! Just giving fake hopes to a poor little boy who didn't ask anything to this cruel world!"

And with that he took off, not looking behind him one single time. Clary watched walking away before she walked back into the bar and sat at a stroller at the counter. She looked at Jon who gave her Tyler's wallet that he had subtly taken out of the teen's backpack when Jon came to clear the table. She looked into it until she found what she had been looking for, his home address.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

**We need to talk when you get home tonight. C.**

Jace frowned, trying to keep his worries at the lowest level. He knew Clary, and he knew that when she was saying that they needed to talk, she meant it as it was said, they needed to _talk_. There were no implicit meanings behind her words, but still it worried him because the matter she wanted to talk about was important enough for her to warn him about it.

He quickly put back his phone in his pocket and looked back at the road through the passenger window. They were on an intervention mission, and Jerry was his backup, like every time he had to take a backup. Of all the men in the station, Jerry was the only one Jace trusted the most even though he wasn't fully confident. The only person to whom he would still blindly give the care of his life was still Clary. But it's not like he could take her on a mission to watch his back, she always refused to become a cop. Just like Jon.

They both said that they wanted to be able to kill someone without feeling bad about it because of their profession. Jace didn't agree with that because he never felt bad at killing someone on the job. But of course, the job would always do anything to make him feel bad by imposing on him stupid and useless therapy sessions.

"Isn't it Clary's bike?"

Jace snapped out of his thoughts at Jerry's statement and looked in front of him where he saw Clary's bike parked two houses away from the one he was going to make an arrest. This was a nice neighborhood of Bronx and he knew that Clary had no business here. He quickly tried to call her, but she didn't pick up, and an ugly feeling started to grow inside of him.

He quickly reached for the glovebox as Jerry stopped the car and he looked throughout the file. Jerry started going out of the car, but Jace stopped him as he reached the page talking about the adopted children. Five in total. Elijah, Sarah and Jessica, all siblings from a first adoption and who were all in their middle teen years. And Kevin and Tyler from a second adoption. _Kevin and Tyler_.

"Fuck!"

Clary did talked to him a few times about Kevin's brother and how his name was Tyler, but it never stroke him that Clary's siblings and the ones of his case could be the same. And now, he knew that Clary was in that very same house where he was supposed to do an intervention, probably because she learned something about the parents. He knew that Clary's sense of justice wouldn't wait for everything to set legally. If something was wrong toward the kids, Clary would make sure that the injustice stopped right away.

"What's wrong Jace?"

"She's freaking inside!"

"Who Clary? Come on, be reasonable, her bike is two houses away. Maybe she's visiting some friends. What would _Clary_ do in a meth dealers' house, seriously?"

Jace was about to retort when the second police car parked behind them. He realized that he didn't have time to argue that he was right because the Smiths probably already noticed the presence of police cars on their lawn.

He quickly got out of the car and they both walked to the door with Jerry, Jace having his gun ready in his back. They were halfway there, when Jace saw a flash of red in the living room. He grabbed Jerry's arm and tilted his head toward that direction. Clary was arguing with a blond woman quite demonstratively, both of them up and trying to intimidate the other.

Jerry signified him that they should go round the house and Jace turned to silently tell their teammates to call more backup. It had been supposed to be a quiet arrest, and they actually chose this time because the kids would be at school and therefore not in the house, witnessing their foster parents getting arrested by the police. But now it seemed that every neighbor would be aware of this intervention.

Jace silently crept inside the house through the kitchen door, Jerry on his heels, and he heard Clary's angry voice rise in the air.

"Did you even think of the impact that would leave on him! It's not because he can't be arrested that he can't be scarred!"

"This is none of your problem. By the time he'd be grown, he'll be just as I want him to be, just like the others!"

Mrs. Smith had let a small laugh to which Clary responded by a sharp and shocked intake of breath. Jace could almost see the anger rising in her as he noiselessly directed himself toward the living room, followed by Jerry. There they saw both women glaring at each other, Clary's small fists clenched really hard as her whole body was trembling.

"I'm going to kill you."

The blond woman sneered and turned her back to Clary, but Jace knew how much of a mistake it was for her to do so. The calm and dead tone that Clary had used was actually proof enough that she could go through with it in the blink of an eye. Mrs. Smith walked away a few steps before stopping at the chimney and bending to the hearth.

"Like I'll let you do that and go around to spread my little secret."

In the blink of an eye, Jace knew what she was about to do, and he rushed to Clary to tackle her on the floor as Mrs. Smith pulled the trigger toward her, making a deafening noise. Clary's head knocked hard on the foot of the table, but she didn't acknowledge the pain as Jace fell on her. Once the surprise on seeing him here washed over her, she quickly sat up and took the scene in.

Caitlyn Smith was looking at her gun with curiosity and Jerry was aiming at a dead spot in the stairs. On the floor of that dead spot was laying, lifeless, a man who Clary assumed to be the husband, a gun in his hands. And then, she finally looked at Jace as Blondie was screaming and rushing to her husband, and she paled.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**Yeah, another chapter with another big cliffie. I know I'm so mean, especially when you think that my first thought when I wrote this sequel was to kill Jace ...**

**So just to make it clear, many of you are calling out the injustice of Jonabelle out on Clace. I just want to remind you that Jonabelle also had its rough patches, especially when it came on settling down together, it took Jon several chapters to do so while JJace and Clary never questioned it and right away became one again. It only seems more sad for Clace because it is about the baby issue, but beside that, they're really happy. Jon and Clary had to go through the same things, losing their parents, losing their twin, struggling to settle to a normal civilian life. So yeah, it's because I'm more about Clace than Jonabelle that it seems sadder, but Jonabelle also almost broke up. But if you want, I can write more about them and you'll see that everything is not all the time pink and all with them. I stopped writing about them too much because some of you said I was getting too Jonabelle and that it would actually take me more time to update because it takes time to write (duh). But if you want, I'll write more about Jonabelle.**

**So now about the silverlinings, don't worry, they're here, or they're coming. Like I said, this story will be less heartbreaking than the first one (in the ending). So yeah, bare me a little and promise you won't hate me that much in the end. I have to say, I don't intend on purpose to make you cry. Sure, I want to move you somehow, but I don't intend to depress you or anything, I just want to make you dream, or at least escape in this world I've created for the few minutes it takes to read an update.**

**For baby Jonabelle name, Valentine is clearly impossible as a first name, you'll understand why later. So I took one of your advise, thank you.**

**and yeah, what did you think of Tyler?**

**There is actually so many things that I want to tell to so many of you, but I'm keeping that for later, so be on the look out for that.**

**Some of you asked about the remaining chapters, I really don't know, maybe ten, or something like that. So yeah, I'm sorry about the long AN, but I felt like I needed to tell you those few things, hope I didn't bore to death with it, and don't forget to tell me your thoughts about the chapter (as you can see, the more I get, the quicker I update :-P.)**

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	28. New Connections

"Are you _sure_ you're okay Clary?"

Clary nodded in direction of Jerry, still refusing to look at Jace. They were both sitting on the Smith's couch, Jace pressing hard with his left hand on his right arm to make a tourniquet on his wound. Jerry had arrested Mrs. Smith, and she was already on her way to the station, so now Clary and Jace were just waiting for the ambulance that Jerry insisted on calling. Jace glanced at Clary while she was still stubbornly watching the hearth of the chimney.

"Are you _sure_? Your head hit pretty hard the ..."

"I do _not_ talk to stupid idiotic blonds who jump in front of a shooting gun!"

Jace smiled at her before gently taking her hand. He knew she wasn't really angry, just scared, but that was nothing compared to the scare he had when he saw Mrs. Smith looking for her gun and Clary doing nothing about it. He quickly glanced at Jerry who was smirking at him, and Jace silently asked him some private time, so Jerry excused himself, saying he would wait for the ambulance outside.

"Seriously Jace! Do you think I'm _that_ stupid to let a dealer take her gun out without making sure that I stemmed it first!?"

Clary had known that Caitlyn Smith was a drug dealer the minute she had laid her eyes on her. She had her suspicions due to what Tyler told her, but the cold demeanor that she saw in the blond woman, confirmed her suspicions. So of course, Clary pretended to be just another soccer Mom, concerned about Kevin.

Mrs. Smith had looked at her up and down before letting her in and proposing to her some homemade ice tea, and Clary had used the opportunity to look for her gun and to find it in the most cliché hiding place ever. She had used her sleeves to touch it and stem it before rushing back to the couch, a plastered smile on her face.

"Well, the bullet is still here isn't it? You would have done the same for me Clary, don't try to deny it."

Clary humphed, knowing the truth of his words. She knew he saved her life, and that if he hadn't been there, the bullet would have been buried in her skull at this very moment, but that didn't make it any less frightening. Sure he had a minor injury, but he still took the bullet for her, risking uselessly his life.

Jace squeezed her hand a little and she finally managed to smile gently to him, all the while trying to ignore her growing headache. Jace saw how her eyes were unfocused and it worried him. He didn't know if it was because of her bump or because she was worried about him.

"Still, what were you doing here?"

"Taking my weekly dose of drug."

Jace waited a little for her to calm down. Even though she had meant it as a joke, he still heard the anger echoing in her voice. She closed her eyes and rested head on his laps, hoping to calm her headache. She was growing concerned about it because it had been years since she had those.

"They were using Kevin to make deliveries. With him being below 16 and therefore non-arrest-able and all. Kevin! He's barely 10! He should play whatever little boys his age play and not being used as a mule!"

"It's okay, they can't do anything to him anymore."

Jace tried to sooth her by caressing her arm with his right hand, the left still holding his arm. But he still took the information in. That was something they didn't know back at the station. After months of shadowing, he finally knew how they were making so many deliveries: they were using the kids. Jace grimaced because that meant that the kids would have to be brought into court to testify against their foster parents, well against the remaining one.

"Jace?"

"Mmmh?"

"I want to adopt them. Kevin and his brother."

Jace didn't reply anything to that. They had already talked about adoption before, and they had established that they wouldn't take babies. Clary had said that it would be too hard for her, and Jace couldn't agree more. The fact that she had to give birth to a dead Krys and that they had to burry him afterwards was something that bruised them both deep in their hearts.

But before he could voice his thoughts on the matter of adopting the young siblings, Jerry came back inside saying that the ambulance was here. Clary swiftly got up, and Jace saw how she looked for her balance during a few seconds. A nurse came in, and Jace also got up, his eyes still on Clary who smiled to him before she quickly pressed her lips on his.

"I'll see you at the station."

"You're riding with the ambulance, Clary."

"No, I'm not."

"You hit your head on that damn table foot, I'm not letting you hop a bike when you can barely find your balance!"

"And I'm telling you that I'm not going into that death trap!"

Jace internally face palmed himself, having completely forgotten for a second her phobia of cars. The nurse was pressing him to go in the ambulance and Jace annoyingly dismissed him before giving back his attention to Clary.

"Then call Jon."

Clary rolled her eyes and called her brother under Jace's demanding eyes. Once satisfied, Jace asked one of his colleague to stay with her until Jon's arrival because he knew his Clary and how stubborn she could get. Then he kissed her and hopped in the ambulance, quickly followed by Jerry.

"You know that we'll have to say that she was in the house in the report."

"I know."

Jace tiredly rubbed his face with his free hand while the nurse was patching him up. As he was being sewed back, Jace couldn't help but remember the day he saw Clary doing the same to her Dad all the while scolding him for being reckless.

Jace stayed stoic as the needle came up and down his arm, gingerly thinking that he was going to be put back at the station for a while because he couldn't shoot anymore. And he already hated it. He hated being stuck at classifying files and getting drunk teenagers out of detention every morning.

On the other hand, he was starting to consider taking a few weeks off to take care of this idea Clary was proposing him. He knew how fond she was of Kevin, but honestly, they didn't know a single thing about those two brothers.

"Jerry? I need a favor. Find me the adoption file of the two last kids when we get to the station. _Before_ the social worker gets there would be great."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

When Jon dropped Clary at the station, he told her to go see the nurse right away. She had told him about her growing headache, and he knew that it meant bad news. He had insisted on staying with her, but she refused saying that she already had Jace worrying all over her case.

Clary watched her brother take off on her Harley and then walked into the station where she saw Kevin and Tyler sitting on a bench as far away as possible from who she assumed to be their foster siblings. She walked to them, and when Tyler saw her, he evil looked at her, tightening his grip on his little brother.

"Clary!"

She smiled at Kevin before squatting in front of them and giving back to Tyler his wallet. He took it, surprise and suspicion gleaming in his eyes.

"Are you a cop?"

"_Ew no!_ And never leave your wallet in your backpack, it makes it way too easy to steal."

"How did you... Your brother."

Clary nodded as Tyler narrowed his eyes at her. She knew he still had in mind the fact that she refused to help him and his brother, but the fact was she didn't want to give them false hopes. Because no matter how much she wanted to help them, she didn't know if she could.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"A social worker came to our schools and brought us here. He said cops needed to ask us questions."

Clary frowned at that, and then she saw Tyler squeeze his brother's hand a little tighter again. She was about to ask if they knew what the police wanted with them, when a very annoyed and worried voice echoed just behind her.

"Clary! Jon called."

Clary rolled her eyes and got up, noticing the anxious way the brothers looked at Jace. Jace wrapped his non-injured arm around Clary's waist, pressing her a little for her to go see the nurse, and he used the occasion to really look at the kids.

They looked exactly like one another, one being the older version of the other. They both had really dark black hair, and striking turquoise eyes with a hint of brown around the irises. They had the same aquiline nose and determined chin. But still, the way the older one was looking at his brother reminded Jace of Clary and the way she would look at her twin.

The boys looked at him with apprehension, and Jace couldn't blame them. He was a cop, covered with blood stealing away that only person who had been nice with them ever since they arrived at the station. He felt Clary's hand resting on his chest before she glanced at his fresh bandage and frowned. Then she turned back to the siblings and gently smiled to them.

"I'll be right back."

They walked to his office where a nurse was waiting for them and examined Clary asking her questions to which Jace answered each time. He knew that she wouldn't talk on her own about her migraines in the past, but it had to been taken in consideration, even though it was probably just the bump that shook her a little bit too much. The nurse advised her to take some medicines that Jace knew she wouldn't take and left them both alone.

Once the door closed, walked to Clary who was still sitting on his desk from her examination, and he took her in his arms. They stayed a moment like that, both appreciating the living presence of the other. Just thinking that he could have lost her a couple of hours ago made Jace tighten his embrace as much as he could given his injury.

"I'm dropping the case."

"Why?"

"Because the more involved I am with that case, the less chance we have to adopt them."

Clary put a little distance between the two of them to look deep into his golden eyes, finally allowing herself the hope that they could adopt the brothers and give them a proper home.

"So you agree?"

"Whatever makes you happy."

Clary frowned a little because she wanted Jace to really feel comfortable about it. But of course, he didn't know them like she did, he never saw or talk to them so he couldn't know how right the siblings were for them.

"They're really nice. You'll see, you'll love them."

Jace smiled, a bit taken aback. He knew that she spent a lot of time with Kevin. She met him three years ago in a park and ever since she talked to him, listening to how he transferred from foster house to foster house, with or without his brother. But Clary only saw Tyler once when he came to give her muffins a couple of months ago.

"Kevin I get, but Tyler? You don't even know the kid."

"He came to me today to ask me to take care of his brother. Someone who acts so selflessly toward his sibling is bound to be good."

Her smile was ecstatic, and Jace feared that she was hoping more than they could get. He didn't want her to get her hopes up because he knew that if they couldn't adopt the young brothers, Clary would go back in that state of depression she fell in when they lost Krys. And Jace knew that he wouldn't support it to see her so sad again.

"You know that it's going to be difficult right? You don't have a past, we still aren't married, I am a cop who worked on their case."

"Trust me, it will work out just fine. We will have our family, the four of us. Go and talk to them."

"I can't. I'm a cop, I'm on duty and they're here for a case. Me talking to them without an legal adult can result to too many problems."

She gently smiled to him, and Jace wondered how she could build so much confidence in their new project. He kissed her swiftly on the lips before telling her that he should talk to the social worker. She left his office and went back to the boys who were still sitting where she had left them.

"How come you're in here if you're not a cop?"

"My fiancé is a cop. And I had a little altercation earlier, so I had to come down at the station."

"Does it have anything to do with ... what I told you?"

Tyler looked significantly in her eyes, clearly stating that he didn't want his little brother to know about their earlier encounter, and Clary nodded, all the while squatting and smiling at Kevin who was showing her the progress he made in calculus. She didn't want to tell them about Jace's and hers intentions, but she didn't want them to give up hope.

"Do you know why you're here Tyler?"

Her eyes were still on Kevin and his notebooks, but her attention was all on Tyler. She saw from the corner of her eyes that he nodded and so she told him how important it was for him to be cooperative with the social worker and the cops.

"What you almost told me, you'll have to tell them. And not only about him. About you too. About what they made you do, about the food deprivation, about the affective blackmail."

Tyler didn't say anything, keeping his eyes stubbornly on his brother's Maths. Clary knew that he was trying to keep his emotions in, but she also knew he needed to let it out. She knew that the only reason he didn't try to runaway was his brother and that the Smiths had probably figured that out, forcing him to do things he shouldn't even be aware of.

"The policeman we saw earlier, was that your fiancé?"

Clary returned her attention to Kevin, still glancing at Tyler from time to time. He seemed to have taken an internal decision, and now was completely concentrated on his brother.

"Yup."

"He had a scary voice when he talked to you."

"Because he was worried. I bumped my head very hard and I was doing my best to avoid the nurse."

"I don't like doctors too. They always try to put their needles all over you."

"My thoughts exactly."

Clary smiled at Kevin as they were both sharing their aversion for doctors, and Tyler let then in a small murmur:

"He seems to love you very _very_ much."

Clary was about to answer when Jace appeared in her peripheral vision, along with the social worker. Jace walked to Clary and discreetly asked her in Japanese in she asked about the case. When she replied that she didn't, Jace sighed of relief and said that they should go.

She said goodbye to the boys, and they both went back to their house via the subway because Jace couldn't drive and he refused to let her drive as long as her headache was still here. Once they got home, Jace slumped on the couch, letting Clary digest the news that they had a fair chance of adopting.

The social worker had told him that he would put them on the top priority concerning the young boys adoption, but that as long as the case wasn't solved, they wouldn't be to leave the system. The social worker basically told Jace that as long as Claris and his application was stainless, the kids could be theirs by the end of the year.

Clary sat on top of Jace, smiling down at him and snapping him out of his thoughts.

"I still didn't thank you for saving my life you know..."

She wiggled her eyebrows and he smiled back at her, biting his lips of anticipation. She leaned to kiss him and he brought his left hand behind her nape to deepen the kiss. But she didn't seem to like it like that, so she took both his hands in hers, being more careful with his right hand, and then she resumed on kissing him.

Slowly she let go of his hands, to unbutton his shirt and Jace had to fight against his will to not roll her on the couch and take her right away. It had been so long since they had been intimate like that. Sure they still had sex quite frequently more than the average couple of their age, but the routine came in the way, making their outburst less spontaneous and more casual.

Clary started gently grinding on Jace, feeling herself ready to ride him, but she wanted to tease him as long as possible. Her lips gently traced the jugular of his neck, feeling his Adam's apple echo as he was growling in a murmur her name, and she smiled, her hands starting to play with the buckle of his belt.

"If you don't stop teasing, I'll take you right here, right now."

Clary's smile grew even wider, and in one swift movement, she had removed his belt. Jace eyed it, and before he knew it, Clary had imprisoned his hands above his head in a tight knot of his belt. Then she smirked at him before leaning next to his ear and grinding a little bit more.

"What are you going to do now? You are injured, tied and at my mercy. I am going to play with you like you have no idea."

Then she straightened up and slowly removed her shirt, still grinding on him. Jace's eyes never left her as she got up to seductively remove her trousers and come back on his laps to brush his hard on with her delicate fingers. She dangerously blew in his ears before her tongue found its way from his collarbone to his lips that she kissed feverishly, all the whole grinding him.

Without really knowing how, Jace noticed that she had managed to take off his trousers without ever stopping the friction between them, and now he was just longing to be buried in her. The way she was teasing him was agonizing, and yet delightful. He wanted it to stop, and yet to never end. And when she slid her hand in his boxers to fully take him in hand, he couldn't stop a moan to escape his lips.

She started to stroke him, all the while playing with her clit, and after a few minutes of unending agony, Jace tried to break free to just take her senseless. Clary lustfully smiled to him and his efforts to take back the upper hand. But set him down properly before slowly, agonizingly slowly, impaling herself on him.

They both let out a grunt of satisfaction, and she started to go up and down on him, matching her speed to what he was craving for. A few times, he tried to retake possession of hi hands, but she never let him, riding him harder every time he tried so, and soon, before they both knew it, they reached their climaxes, Clary holding Jace's hands and Jace biting on Clary's neck.

"I should get shot more often."

"You should stop saying stupid things like that or I'll have to punish you."

Jace deviously smirked at Clary and she shook her head to him. Then, when he felt that she slowly let her guard down, he finally broke free from his bond and flipped her on the couch.

"Or maybe, I should punish you for almost getting shot."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary woke up on the floor of the living room, Jace's arm under her head, presented as a pillow, and she silently got up. She considered for a second waking him up for him to go to bed, but decided against it and just pulled a blanket to cover him.

Then she swiftly put on his shirt and took her phone. She hesitated on calling for a second, but then she set her mind on it. She walked out of the living room and went upstairs before stopping in front of the nursery. She hadn't been in the room since her miscarriage, and she knew that Jace hadn't either.

Softly she opened the door and let all the emotions that she had buried come back to overwhelm her. The hopes, the joy and ultimately the pain and the grief. There was the small crib that she had painted pale green with small knights and samurais on it, the chest that Jace had built for their little boy, the walls covered with small ninjas fighting the air, the rocking chair that Luke had brought her telling her that her Mom used to always feed them on a similar chair.

She saw the zillion of stuff animals that Alec and Magnus had already bought for their future nephew and the crochet alphabet that Maryse had done for him. Clary's eyes lingered on the little red heart that Izzy had painted one day with her, trying to get her feminine side out, and failing miserably.

But what made Clary break down was the little frame above the crib that she had started filling with pictures. The first picture they had of the ultrasound scan, a picture of Jace, her and her enormous tummy, the onpy picture Jace had of Celine, a picture of Jace when he was young, a small drawing of her when she was young, the picture where Izzy and her, both pregnant, were standing beside her grandfather, with Lynn and Emmanuel.

She did her best not to cry, but she still did, and after a few minutes of silently shedding tears, she called that one person she knew would help her get that family she wanted.

"Luke. I need you to create a life for Jon and I. A suitable one."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**See, I can be nice, no cliffie, silverlinings on the way, oh my, what's hapening yo me? I decided to be nice on my birthday (enjoy it's only once a year). So tomorrow, I'll go back on killing people, maybe Jace ... Mouhahahhahah. Just kidding (or not). **

**But still, what did think of this chapter? Did you like the fact that Jace wasn't even a tiny bit in danger? What did you think of Tyler and Kevin? And the Clace moment? **

**So yeah, a short AN because hey, my lover (meaning my bed) is seducing me to join him and I have no will power against that seductive voice of his... Yeah I'm TIRED. so yeah? hope I'll wake with all your lovely reviews, putting a big goofy smile on my face. **

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	29. Kevin & Tyler

"Can I just say, I've never been so nervous in my whole life."

Jace smiled to Clary and kissed her temple as they were both waiting on their front porch for the social worker to come with Kevin and Tyler. After months of battling and papers, Clary and Jace were finally the legal tutors of the two boys. They both knew that Luke, beside creating her a fake past out of the blue, had pulled some strings in his relations to speed the process of the adoption.

Officially, Clary's and Jon's parents had been working for a secret governmental agency, and the social workers didn't ask more. As soon as they saw 'Classified Informations' in her background as well as in Jace's (for he had worked over a year for the CIA), the kids were as good as theirs because who was going to question a couple who already was protected by the government?

Clary looked at the car pulling out in the driveway, feeling her heart ready to explode. She couldn't believe that it was finally happening, it seemed almost too real to be true. She felt Jace's arm squeeze her a little bit more against him, and she quickly glanced at Jon's house, knowing that he was inside feeling ecstatic for her.

Tyler and Kevin couldn't have arrived on a better day, hers and Jon's birthday. It was as if they were bound to become part of her family. She remembered how she felt like flying when Bradley, the social worker, told Jace and her on several occasions that the boys specifically asked for them as their new foster family.

And now, they were getting out of the car, a bean bag each and looking awkwardly at Jace and her. Jace felt how Clary had stopped breathing all of the sudden, and he kissed once again her temple, gently whispering in her ear to breath.

She chuckled and they both walked to the boys, Jace quickly taking their bags in his hands and frowning at the light weight. He glanced at Clary and saw that she understood what he had wanted to tell her before he even had to state it out loud. They walked the boys inside, and after an awkward silence once the door was slammed shut, Clary regained composure of herself and she inhaled deeply.

"You want to go upstairs and chose your rooms before we show you around?"

The boys nodded and so she led the path. Once upstairs, Jace and her let the boys look at the three different rooms to which they had given access to the boys. They had five rooms in total on this floor, but one of them was already Clary's study where she would paint and the other was the still untouched room of little Krys, neither of them had the moral strength to go in and remove everything from it.

Tyler took the room closest to the stairs and Kevin the one just next to it. Then Tyler suspiciously looked at the closed doors, and Clary smiled to him, asking him if they wanted a tour. Tyler's eyes lingered on the door just behind Jace and Clary, the one leading to Krys's nursery.

"Is that your room?"

"No, our room is in the attic. Clary has a thing for attics."

Jace smiled as Clary started walking up the stairs to show the boys their room. Tyler's eyes quickly passed from Clary to Jace, lingering an instant more on Jace, before he took his brother's hand and followed Clary. Jace had the clear impression that Tyler didn't like him much.

Every time that they had had the possibility to spend some time with the young siblings at the foster house, Tyler had always looked at him with weariness and suspicion after looking closely at Clary. Kevin on the other seemed more than willing to accept them both as his new foster parents. He seemed to literally adore Clary and had already asked her if she could paint his room like Jack Skellington.

Before they had time to finish the tour of the house, someone rang at the front door, and so they had to leave the basement aside. Even before Jace went to answer, Clary knew it was Jon and his little family for they were invited to dinner to meet the boys, along with the Lightwoods parents and the Banes.

When Jon entered the open space that was the ground floor, he saw on his sister's face a smile of delight that he had never seen. That smile that was showing that finally she was happy beyond reason.

Kevin was literally eaten away by Izzy and Magnus, and he seemed to love it. Jon caught Tyler looking longly at his brother before he seemed confident enough to leave him and walk to Clary in the kitchen space. Jon followed him there, and his twin grinned at him when she saw them. He leaned against the counter next to her and regarded Tyler.

"You know Tyler, if ever Clary is a pain in the ass, my house is literally next door."

"Shouldn't you not say 'ass'?"

"Because you're a kid? Nah it's okay. As long as you know what it really means."

"A donkey?"

Jon nodded and chuckled with Tyler as Clary couldn't stop smiling. She stirred a little her ratatouille in the pan, happy to see that the kids didn't feel that awkward around them after all.

"You remember what you did in the bar? Could you teach me that?"

Clary glanced at Jon before turning to look at Tyler, a small frown on her face. She knew he was referring to the fact that Jon had managed to steal his wallet in the blink of an eye, and that brought the question that Jon and her asked to each other on several occasions: what should they teach to their kids from their upbringing? Should they teach them to fight? Shoot? Steal? Talk different languages? Hack a computer?

Lynn was already taking judo lessons, but that had nothing to do with Jon's doing. It had been Izzy who said that she refused her little girl to feel helpless like she did when she was younger, and so they had registered Lynn in a kids club of martial arts.

"Why would you want to know that nasty trick?"

"Like that next time someone tries to steal something from me, I'll know."

Jon raised an eyebrow at Tyler, not expecting this answer and then glanced at Clary who just couldn't stop smiling. Still, he saw in her eyes that she didn't expect that answer either and that they would need to talk about what to teach them and what not to teach them. Jon turned around to take the bread and cut it, but didn't kill all hopes in Tyler's heart.

"We'll see."

Clary saw on Tyler's face the first real smile that wasn't directed to his little brother, and that alone made her melt. Jon gently elbowed her for her to stop grinning so much and she regained possession of her features for a mere five seconds, making Jon laugh at her. Still, he was happy that she finally found the bliss of having a family.

"Aren't you guys supposed to be working? It's Saturday night, bars are supposed to be full, right?"

"We don't really work there. It's more a hobby than anything."

Tyler looked at Clary with big surprised eyes before glancing at Jon as if to ask if she was joking. Jon shook his head, a small smirk on his lips, before he left them alone to go take his son out of Izzy's arms for he saw that she was starting to get tired of rocking him.

Clary looked at her brother going away, knowing that he just gave Tyler and her some alone time. She moved to be standing next to Tyler who had now his hands in his pockets and was frowning of worry. She leaned against the counter, just like he was, wondering what she could have say wrong.

"What's wrong Tyler?"

"Your hobby is to waiter in a bar?"

"No. I tattoo."

Clary saw a gleam of envy light his striking blue eyes before the worry took over again. It bugged Clary that at his age he worried so much about stuff like that. At fifteen he should only worry about his grades and the latest video game out.

"But then, what do you do for a living? A cop's wage doesn't pay that kind of big house."

"I'm an artist. I sell paintings all over the world."

Tyler's eyes lingered on the painting that decorated the wall of the living room. It was a giant representation of a blooming cherry tree with pinkish petals flying all over the wall, as if the wind blew them away. Clary had painted it right on the walls, a few weeks after Krys's funeral, at the same time as the painting of her parents that ornamented the door of her study.

At some point, Tyler's eyes narrowed at a certain spot, and Clary followed his gaze, only to see that he was analyzing her signature. Even though it was a private painting, she still signed, like she always did ever since she could hold a brush. From the corner of her mind, she registered that Jon had joined them back and that he was also looking at the painting, rocking little CJ in his arms.

"Oh my God! _You_ are C.M.! I did a paper on you last year! I thought C.M. was older though, like fifty or something!"

Tyler looked at her with wonder in his eyes, and Clary just humbly smiled as Jon gasped of indignation.

"Wow! Take that back right now! I'm _so_ not ready to be fifty!"

The three of them laughed as Clary took CJ in her arms for he was asking for it. She caught Tyler's gaze on her, and the hint of empathy gleaming in his eyes. They never talked about it, but both of the boys knew about her miscarriage, and she had no doubt that, if not Kevin, Tyler had figured out her condition.

"So _you're_ the bread-maker."

Jon spotted how Tyler's eyes narrowed a little as they flickered to Jace who was squatting next to Kevin, listening to the young boy talking about his anticipation about his new school. Jon glanced at Clary, but she didn't see it, busy by making faces at CJ.

"We don't see things that way. We both just do what we love. Jace loves being a cop and bringing justice in the streets, I love to paint and make people feel something out of my work, among other things."

Tyler nodded and Clary smiled to him, gently rubbing his arm in what she hoped to be a motherly touch, and then she told him that they should go to the living room with the others. Jon didn't follow, saying he would check on the food, and Clary beamed at Jon when Tyler nicely squeezed her arm.

Jon smiled of happiness for his twin as he watched them mingling in the family, everyone doing their best to make the two young boys feel like they belonged to the family. Kevin seemed to have understood that, he was sitting between Robert and Maryse, Emmanuel on his laps playing pica-boo with him under Lynn's giggles.

But Tyler seemed more reserved, not that Jon could blame him. He always had to watch out for his little brother to preserve his innocence. But still, Jon couldn't help but feel that Tyler had the grudge against Jace. The way his jaw would tighten when Jace would kiss or touch Clary made Jon certain that the teen didn't like Jace at all. But the why stayed a mystery for Jon.

Jace joined Jon in the kitchen space for Clary had asked him to set the table, and Jon proposed to help, his thoughts still on the young boy. Jace pulled out the cutlery before giving to Jon the plates and going to the table. Jon used the opportunity of everyone being busy elsewhere to voice his thoughts to Jace.

"He doesn't seem to like you very much."

Jace looked at Jon, bothered that what he had seen in Tyler wasn't just a trick of his imagination. He saw how Tyler didn't like that he would touch Clary, having anger blazing his eyes sometimes, but he couldn't figure why.

"I figured. But I don't know why. He likes Clary just fine, he even adores her."

"Yeah, but for them, Clary is the one who took them out of this shit they were in. And he trusted her from the beginning or he wouldn't have come to her for help in the first place. Just give him time to see that you're more than just a cop."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

Jace looked Clary who was sitting on his chair, in his office. She smiled to him, and the worry of seeing her in the middle of the day disappeared immediately. He closed the door behind him but didn't move as she got up and walked to him.

"You want us to have lunch together?"

Clary shook her head, her smile still on her lips, and that's when Jace noticed what she was wearing. A white summer dress with black dots everywhere and a very generous décolleté. She had added a black belt which curved her waist just enough to make Jace wish that they weren't in the station.

It has been a month since they took the boys in, and therefore a month since they shared anything more than a chaste kiss on the lips. The presence of the young boys and the knowledge that they could hear them had blocked both of them, and so Clary had been taking her frustration out on wrestling while Jace did on shooting.

But still, seeing her like that made Jace's fingers itch to just take her in his arms right now and finally do to her what they hadn't been able to do for weeks. Clary closed the small distance between them and locked her hands behind his nape, looking at him seductively and biting her lips.

"I've been a very bad girl mister officer. I think I need to be taught a lesson."

Jace smiled at her and locked the door of his office before trailing his hands on her body. She luxuriously smiled to him before jumping in his arms. He kissed her and led her to the desk where he sat his Clary, his fingers already caressing the skin of her tights under her dress.

Clary seemed to think that he was taking too long because she whined against his lips, her fingers feverishly undoing the button of his jeans. Jace let the passion take over them and flew his hands up to her breast, making her moan when he squirmed one of his hand under her bra.

"I want you so bad Jace. Take me _now_!"

It had been just a low whisper that Jace wouldn't have heard if he hadn't been so close to her. He leaned to suck the skin of her collarbone, all the while placing himself between her legs, ready to plunge in her, and after teasing her a little bit more, he finally entered in her in a low growl as she was whimpering in his chest.

She jerked her head back to kiss him and he used his lips to silence her moans. The fact that any one of his colleague could try to enter his office at any moment added something more exiting to their frolics but didn't stop him from going harder and harder, hearing Clary doing her best to stay silent which actually turned him on more than anything else.

Jace never meant to finish that quickly, but when she bit his shoulder, clenching her inner walls tighter and planting her nails in his back, he let go of the pressure and release in her. Clary heaved as quietly as possible, kissing his chest through his chest every now and then, delighted by what just happened.

Slowly, they parted, and after quickly dressing back, Jace took back Clary in his arms, nuzzling his nose in her long and marvelous red hair.

"How do you do to keep on surprising me?"

"I don't know. How do you do to keep on loving me?"

Jace leaned to kiss her on the lips, but she dodged him, tapping his chest and straightening her cloths.

"I should go or I'll be late."

Clary had volunteered for the upcoming month in Tyler's high school as an Arts expert, even though she hated the term. Jace had been against the idea at first because she was already doing too much between her upcoming exposition, the bar, the wrestling and raising perfectly to teenage boys. But Clary had objected that it was an opportunity for her to spend more time with Tyler, and she was _not_ going to pass on it.

"Do you want me to drop you off?"

"You and me on school ground? I don't think that's a good idea when you recall on how we met."

Jace smirked at that and opened the door for her, telling her that he would at least walk her to the subway, and they both left the station, Jace catching Jerry's gaze on them. A gaze accompanied by a smirk saying 'I know what you just did, you nasties'.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Mr. Wayland?"

"Speaking."

"Your foster son just started a fight. You are required to come to the principal's office to discuss about his case."

Jace hung up after saying that he would be there in as soon as possible. He quickly left the house for it was his day off and hoppex in his car, knowing that Clary was already there. It was one of the days when she would give her classes, and probably that the principal was waiting for him to arrive to summon her as well.

He was a bit worried though because even though Tyler still obviously didn't like him -some days even less than others-, he had been really quiet at school, bringing good grades and mingling perfectly with people. What passed through his mind to make him snap like that and start a fight?

When he arrived in front of the principal's office, he saw Tyler sitting at the door and who glared at him as he walked closer. His knuckles were bruised, but his face was clear. Apparently Clary's and Jon's lessons had sank in: always protect your face. Tyler didn't even look at him once after his glance, looking stubbornly in front of him.

That was the thing with Tyler, he never clearly admitted not liking Jace, but he never talked to him when he could avoid it, and he always did his best to never be in the same room as Jace. When Jace talked about it to Clary, she told him the same thing as Jon, the cop image was playing against him, but Jace felt that it was something else, he just couldn't tell what.

"Are you okay?"

Tyler shrugged before lifting his head up as Clary appeared in the corridor. She seemed worried, but shocked as well as the principal was behind her, telling her that they should take the matter in her office. Jace saw Clary's eyes narrow at the empty chair next to Tyler, and he understood her thoughts. Where was the other kid?

The three of them followed principal Hopkins in her office and sat in front of her desk, Clary between Jace and Tyler, her eyes having caught his bruised knuckles.

"Mr. Wayland, Miss Fray, you do know that we have a zero tolerance in the matter of violence, and the comportment that Tyler displayed this afternoon is _inconceivable_."

"Why?"

Principal Hopkins hiccuped at Clary's question, shocked written in her face, and Jace discreetly took Clary's hand in his to squeeze it.

"Because like I just said, violence is not accepted in this school."

"Yes, I got that. But if that was really the matter, why is only Tyler here? A fight cannot be called a fight if there isn't at least two people on it."

"The young Toby McBryan never had any pro..."

"Neither did Tyler. Either you take them both, either you let them both be. How come my son is the only one who gets in trouble? How come he's the one who doesn't get to see the nurse for his bruises? Where is the little McBryan? Because I'd like to hear their side of the story. You don't even know what started the fight."

Jace squeezed Clary's hand a little bit tighter for her to calm down, and he registered how Tyler's head snapped to look at Clary when she referred to him as her son. Jace saw Tyler's eyes glisten of emotion before falling on their intertwined hands and narrowing of anger, his jaw tight.

"Miss Fray, we have to look into our students files. And given Tyler's past..."

Clary brusquely got up, forgetting about Jace's hand soothing her and only seeing that woman emotionally hurting her kid.

"Don't you _dare_ say it! What kind of person are you to judge a kid based on a past he never asked for?! You're supposed to be a principal, and not jailer!"

"I would ask you to keep it quiet Miss Fray. It's not because you volunteer here that you can talk to me like that."

"And it's not because you're a heartless bitch that you can mistreat my kid like that!"

"_Clary_!"

Jace got up and took her by the shoulders, trying to make her see reason, but she was seething with anger.

"You know what, don't even bother suspending him, I won't let my son stay in a crappy school who favorites some of their students depending of their background."

And with those words she took Tyler's hand with an unexpected tenderness and stormed out of the office. Jace looked at Mrs. Hopkins who was still shocked of what just happened, but he saw with relief that she wouldn't push it any further. So he also walked out of the office and found Clary and Tyler on the parking lot next to his car.

Clary had already opened the passenger door and was looking for the emergency kit in the glovebox to treat Tyler's knuckles. She told him to sit there, and then she applied the cream on his bruises, asking him if he had any others.

"Why did you take my defense?"

"Because I know you didn't start the fight. Whatever it was about, I know they pushed you into it."

"How do you know?"

"You're a calm kid Tyler. Like that idiot of a principal said, you have a background, there is no point in denying it. And because of this background, you know better than to punch a kid just to punch him."

"You don't even know what happened."

"I don't. I'd like to know, but if you don't want to tell me, it's okay. I trust you. I have faith in you and your judgement."

Clary smiled to him before getting up and closing the door. Then she looked at Jace who was standing on the other side of the car, anger boiling in her as she remembered that he said nothing to defend Tyler while that old hag was almost putting him in jail, and they both silently agreed that they would talk as soon as they would arrive home.

Jace sat in the car as he watched Clary hop on her bike and start up the motor with a little bit too much energy. He passed a tired hand on his face, knowing that this would probably result by a fight and then he started his own engine, Tyler looking through the passenger window.

"So? What happened?"

"I don't want to tell _you_."

"Did you tell Clary?"

"I'm certainly not going to tell her!"

Jace sighed, saddened by the fact that he couldn't get along with one of his son. He desperately wanted to, but Tyler was doing his best to keep him away, not allowing Jace in. Jace made a detour to pick up Kevin who instantly brightened the mood. Whatever grudge Tyler had against Jace, he would always put it aside when his brother was there.

"Jace! We're going to have a show and tell in two weeks! Can you come? Like that for the first time I'll have a cool Dad to show off!"

"Sure kiddo. Whatever you want."

Jace smiled at Kevin in the rear mirror as this one was buckling his belt. Then he drove off heading to their house as Kevin told them about his day and how he was so exited because his class was going to do a school trip in March, and how he couldn't wait to show Clary his grade in Arts, and how he had a friend who had a sister in the same grade as Lynn, and how they should all organized a big play date all together.

He only stopped talking when Jace parked in front of the house, and he ran in the house before Tyler and Jace even had the time to undo their seat belts. Tyler opened his door, when Jace felt that he should at least advise him if there should ever be a next time.

"Tyler? Next time you want to punch someone, don't go for the obvious. If you punch the bones, it will hurt you as well, go for the stomach and the throat. It will hurt the person as Hell, and you won't get bruises."

Tyler didn't look at him, but Jace was how tight he was holding the door. He heard him mumble something, but he wasn't sure of what it meant, so he let it go and they both walked into the house. Once there, Jace saw Clary smiling from the bottom of her heart to Kevin who was showing her the drawing that he did in class today, and then she looked up go him.

"Kevin, honey, I have to tell something to Jace. How about you tell me all of this when we'll make dinner? Lucky is coming tonight."

Lucky came at least twice a week to spend a little time with the kids and Clary couldn't help but feel that he was like a grandfather to them. Just like Luke. And both of them were spoiling the boys like crazy. Luke had already promised Tyler to buy him his first crappy car that they would tune up together, and Lucky would systematically pick up Kevin every Friday and have a tour of the town with him on his old Harley.

But if Lucky was coming tonight, it was because she had a big fight to do, and that she didn't feel up to drive back on her own after it. After a heated conversation with Lucky threatening to forbid her the access to the ring if she kept on knocking her opponent down in the first two minutes, Clary had agreed to let the match flow a little before tackling her adversary to the floor.

And this deal had worked wonders on Clary ever since her miscarriage, the punches gave her back this little hint of adrenaline she had been missing, and so sometimes, she would take more on purpose, just to see where was her breaking point.

"Hurray! Maybe I should make him a drawing, what do you think?"

"You should, I'm sure he will love it."

Kevin clapped his hands and said that he would draw in the garden next to the pool. Clary turned to Tyler about to ask him if he was hungry, but he said he would be in his room, and so Clary and Jace went in their room, not wanting the kids to see them having an argument. As soon as he closed the door, Clary exploded.

"Give me _one_ good reason not to rip your head off!"

"Clary, you need to be more careful. You can't talk to people like that."

"There's no way in Hell I'll let people talk like that about my kids. About _our_ kids, Jace!"

"Clary..."

"_No Jace_! I can't understand why you didn't say anything! Why you let her shove Tyler's past in his face and use it against him! _You_, more than everyone else, know how it feels!"

"Because they can take them back! If she calls the social services and say that we are not fit parents, they can take them back! And there's no way in Hell that I'll let that happen, even if it means shutting my face when I know he's right!"

Clary let herself sit on the bed, taking her head in her hands. She never thought of that. She never thought that now that they were officially and legally theirs, the boys could still be taken away from them. She felt Jace sitting next to her and soothingly rub her back.

"Don't worry, she won't call the social services. I saw it in her eyes. We'll just have to find a new school for Tyler."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think of that for one second."

"Of course you didn't. You acted like any mother would have, you protected your kid."

Clary smiled, but before she could say anything, the door flung open and Jon appeared in the frame. He looked at them and instinctively walked to his sister when he saw the distress in her eyes.

"What's wrong Akuma?"

"I'm being stupid. But what's new? Why are you here?"

"You were being too loud, I've been called to the rescue."

Clary's eyes widened, and Jon shook his head to reassure her. He knew that she didn't want to put that on her kids, like every parents, and that him being called meant that the kids must have been scared out of their minds.

"It's just Tyler. He probably never saw you fight and was surprised of the intensity. You know, with the two of you being so sickening in love all the time."

Clary gently shoved her twin before saying she should go check on the kids. Jace and Jon followed, Jace filling Jon up with what happened at the school, and Jon stopped at Tyler's room and knocked before entering. Tyler was on his bed, clearly pretending to do his homework as his books weren't even open and he had no pen in his hands.

"So, I heard you got in a fight? Wanna talk about it?"

Tyler glanced at Jon, hesitantly before nodding. So Jon closed the door and sat on the chair of Tyler's desk. Every time that Tyler had a guy problem, he went to Jon instead of Jace, and Jon helped him each time, all the while wishing that Tyler wouldn't be so closed to Jace. He knew that it hurt Jace, and so by extension Clary, that Tyler refused to talk to Jace more than necessary, but Jon would never close his door to the kid.

"It's just that. They've been saying very _inappropriate_ things... And they just wouldn't shut up."

"What do you mean?"

"You know I have a class with Clary, and the guys in my class ... they just wouldn't stop talking about her. And I kept telling her to wear something more adult, but they kept talking and talking. About what they would do to her when the classes would be over, about how they would love to have her as a private tutor and then ... Let's just say, it's not how they should talk about Clary."

Jon did his best to hold in his laughter, but he couldn't contain it and bursted out loud. He knew Tyler's intentions were good, Hell, he wouldn't have liked to hear that about his mother, but this was Clary they were talking about! The girl who made a guy pee himself because he looked at her the wrong way.

He quickly regained his features under Tyler's shocked eyes and straightened up.

"Sorry about that, it's just that ... It's _Clary_ you're talking about. Your intentions are honorable, and I will never bash you for what and why you did it, but it's _Clary_. You should tell her, she'll laugh about it with you."

"She's your _sister_."

"I know. That's why I'm telling you, tell her. She's not that kind of girl who cares about that because she can handle herself perfectly fine."

Tyler didn't seem convinced, but before he could say anything, Kevin barged in the room saying that Lucky was here and that he had a present for them. They both got up and followed Kevin who was pulling Tyler by the arm for him to go faster. As they were exiting the room, Jon rested a friendly hand on Tyler's shoulder.

He could still hear the anxiety in Tyler's voice as he was telling him to quickly come over because Clary and Jace were fighting upstairs. He knew that nothing would ever happen between them, but still, the fight must have been very strong and loud for Tyler to call him like that to the rescue.

"On a more serious note Tyler. What you did today, never hesitate on doing it again. Whatever you need, I will always be here for you, or your brother."

Tyler nodded and the three of them walked down the stairs, Kevin completely oblivious of the exchange that had just happened.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

** Yeah a new chapter. I'm sorry it took that long, but usually, the fluffier the chapter is the longer it takes me to write. I must be too used to killmy characters. Mouhahahhahah. **

**So what did you think of this chapter? What is wrong with Tyler? Do you like Kevin? And Clary's and Jace reaction to the fight? And Jon? Well, tell me everything. **

**So I know, they're still not married, it's done on purpose, don't worry. **

**Anyway, I shall go to sleep because it 2 in the morning and my eyes are closing on their own. I'm not even sure I'm writing in English to this point. **

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	30. When Tyler Confronts Jace

"That won't be happening Izzy."

Izzy growled as Clary closed tiredly the book that Izzy had confectioned with so much care and attention. Jon chuckled a little, before quickly silencing himself in front of the glares that both girls sent him. They were all in Java Jones, Izzy desperately trying to get Clary to be more invested in her upcoming wedding. It was only in a month and she still didn't have a dress, saying that she would quickly fix something at the last minute.

Magnus and Maryse had said that they would take care of organizing everything related to the reception, to take that burden out of Clary's and Jace's hands, but mostly to be sure that something romantic would come out of that day. They had been supposed to get married months ago, but Clary had insisted to wait because she wanted the boys with them on that day.

"Come on Clary! That dress is _perfect_ for you!"

"I said no white. There's no point in me wearing white."

"But the corset is black! _Jon,_ make her understand reason!"

"You want _me_ to come between you _two_? Naha, I want to live."

And with those words, Jon went back to the counter, leaving the two girls debate on what Clary should or should not do for her wedding. He knew that if Clary only listened to what she wanted, she would have taken a plane to Vegas and gotten rid of the idea in front of Elvis. But she wanted to make Jace happy, and Jace was really attached to this idea of a traditional wedding.

Clary looked with annoyance at to her mother's ring as Izzy was trying once again to sell her the idea of wearing that terrible dress. She knew it was Jon who had kept it for Jace all these years, and it meant even more to her when she was thinking that he could have given it to Izzy, but didn't. The heirloom had been in their Mom's family for generations. It was a Claddagh ring with an emerald stone for the heart and small diamonds all around it, forming the crown and the hands.

Clary sighed and closed her eyes, leaning against the bench as Izzy's voice kept on talking about flowers, and dresses, and makeup. So many things Clary didn't want to think about. She just wished she could get married exactly like her parents did, in Greenland, under the light of an aurora borealis. But it wasn't that simple, especially when you had people like Izzy, Magnus and Maryse apround you.

"Did you hear me Clary?"

Clary opened back her eyes, snapping out of her reverie and finding Izzy burning holes in her with her brown eyes. Clary glanced at her twin who had the decency to pretend that he was busy otherwise.

"What?"

"No wrestling from now on. I want you perfect for the wedding."

"Who cares about that? Jace loves me the way I am."

"_I_ care. If you don't do as I say, I'll ask Lucky to ban you from the bar _and_ the ring!"

Clary looked at Izzy with betrayal before taking a rapid look at Lucky. There was no doubt that he would do as Izzy said, she had him wrapped around her fingers. Clary growled before putting her head in her hands and fisting her hair out of frustration

"Whatever. Tonight will be my last night then."

"Good. I guess there's no point in me telling you what will happen on that day right? You won't care anyway."

"It's not that I don't care Izzy. It's just that I find all of this useless. I love Jace, Jace loves me, why can't we just sign the damn paper and get this over with?"

Izzy gasped of indignation at Clary's statement, and Clary did her best not to roll her eyes. She glanced at her ring once again before heaving and getting up, telling Izzy that she needed a bathroom break. As soon as she was in the bathroom, Clary observed herself in the mirror, letting herself fall under that impression that it was her mother staring back at her, and not her own reflexion.

_That_ was what she wasn't saying to Izzy. That the idea of celebrating her marriage without her parents was depressing her more than she ever thought. She never considered herself as one of those girls who planned their weddingday from the womb, but she wished that this one thing could have been granted to her. She wished that her father would walk her down the aisle, that her mother would help her do her hair and give her last minutes advises about marital life. She just wishes that her parents were here, today more than ever.

The bathroom door slowly opened and Jon crept in before taking his sister in his arms. He knew that she was thinking of their parents, he saw how often she glanced at her ring and how she subconsciously touched her Morgenstern tattoo on several occasions. And he knew how she felt. When he married Izzy, he had longed for his parents, longed to empty a bottle of scotch with his Dad before the ceremony, longed to see his mother's watery eyes, longed to see his parents cheer for him. Sure Luke had been there for him all the way, but Luke only replaced their father.

"It will be okay Clary."

"I know, I know. I'm overreacting. It's just that... It's _unfair_."

Clary gripped the washbasin and closed her eyes as her brother held his arms around her tighter. It _was_ unfair. Unfair that she never got to see her mother one last time, the last time she had seen her, she was was in the coma. Unfair that Jon never had the chance to say to their father that he was at peace with him. Unfair that their parents would never hold their grandchildren in their arms. It was just simply and plainly _unfair_.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary closed her eyes and felt rather than saw someone getting on the ring. From the heaves he made, she could tell that he was rather big, and confident on his strength, and so she couldn't help but smile. It was exactly what she needed. Izzy had forbidden her the ring for the next month, and Clary intended to feel every punch that she would receive. She wasn't going to fight tonight, she was barely going to defend herself, she just wanted to get her ass kicked, and to feel enough pain to remember during the whole forbidden month.

She slowly opened her eyes only to see that the guy wasn't that big. He was barely taller than Jon, but he was all muscles. He had tribal tattoos inked on his dark arms and Clary tilted a little her head trying to figure out the pattern. Then she looked at his torso where his eight pack was hidden behind a red tissue, and finally she looked at his face.

If he were in a proper suit, he would probably be handsome. His hazelnut eyes were so clear that they matched the color of his skin. And he had dreadlocks knotted up in a ponytail. The guy smirked at her, and Clary smirked back.

"So _you're_ the Ruby Locks everyone's been talking about ... I don't know, somehow I pictured you ... _taller_."

"Don't judge a book by its cover."

"I'm not. I've seen your last opponent's face."

Clary snickered silently as she remembered her adversary from a week ago. She had let him grow confident as she let him give the first punch, and then she beat him to the ground in less than ten seconds when she felt that his punches were more about dominating her than fighting with her.

In truth, very few people had been able to hold it against her, Jon being one of them. From times to times he came to the ring, and these were the only times that Clary felt like she was really fighting and not playing with unexperienced children.

She got up from her seat and stretched herself to the maximum, never breaking contact with her opponent. She never bothered to learn their stage names because very few ever came back. Clary grabbed her left foot and brought it all the way up to her head, just behind her ear. Then once she was standing again on her two feet, she circled her head and her arms and positioned herself ready to fight.

The black guy looked at her, his eyes lingering an instant more on her outfit before he mirrored her positioned and smirked. Clary thought back at what she was wearing and told herself that she should have worn white just for the irony of the situation: her last night of wrestling before marrying Jace. She was wearing black short shorts and a black top whose hem was at the beginning of her tummy. The top had black straps sticking on her stomach, and the shortness of her outfit allowed her a complete freedom of movements.

The bell rang, and for once in a long time, Clary gave the first punch. Right behind his left ear because she knew that the tinnitus that he would hear would infuriate him. Then she grabbed his ears and brought his head to her knee before flying herself on his back and elbowing him just between the shoulder blades.

He grunted and fell on the floor, and for a moment, Clary feared that she had overestimated him. But then, as she was slowly getting off his back, he grabbed her foot and made her flee across the ring. Clary violently hit the cords, a small smile on her lips and she swiftly got back up, her eyes steady on her competitor.

She waited for him to come to her, but when it became clear that he would not make a single step toward her, she lunched herself at him, only to dive at the last second and slid between his legs. Once she was facing his back, she kicked him hard in the pelvis and watched him fall on his knees. He only stayed there for a split second before he got up and twirled on himself to grab her arm forcefully.

She saw on his eyes that she finally broke the dam that kept him calm before, and she restrained herself for wincing when his elbow met up her nose. She stumbled backward a little, her head spinning, not because of the pain but because off the cheers of the crowd. Then, before she could think or do anything, an angry fist hit her left shoulder.

Her rival, then, placed her head between his torso and his arm, squeezing a little to make her stop trying to push herself off of him. She stopped just for a second before bringing her leg up from behind her and knocking his head. He let her go by surprise and she quickly massaged her neck before hitting his face.

For a moment, it was just a mess of fists meeting one another's face again and again as they sometimes let out grunts of pain or effort and as the crowd kept on cheering louder and louder. When she felt that he was being to soft on her, Clary kicked his stomach with her knee as hard as she could, and after bending for a few seconds on himself, he grabbed her, lifted her up before doing the same to her own stomach and throwing her once again across the ring.

Clary landed against the cords, but this time, she felt that her head had hit something hard. She looked up to see that she was in a corner and that her head had unfriendly made acquaintance with the pole. She tried to shake off the feeling of sleepiness taking over her, but darkness took over her, and the last thing she saw was Lucky's worried face.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace tiredly set a bowl of cereals in front of Kevin before checking if his school bag was ready. He was exhausted, but Clary had insisted on him dropping Kevin at school, Tyler being picked up by one of his friends. Jace knew that it was just another way for Tyler to avoid him, but this morning, he was too tired to worry about it.

He had spent the night at the hospital, scolding Clary for her recklessness. Sure it wasn't anything really dangerous, just a small concussion, but still, she had ended up in a hospital bed. Lucky had told him that she didn't fight with as much strength as usual and that she had a satisfied smile on her face when she passed out.

When Jace confronted her about that, Clary had admitted that she got her ass kicked on purpose because Izzy had forbade her the ring for the next month. This had resulted on a lot of angry words from Jace before she silenced him with a kiss.

Jace knew very well why she kept on wrestling, he knew that she missed the adrenaline of her old life, he knew that she liked to be in control to at least this one thing in her life, but that didn't mean he liked it. He usually didn't mind it because he knew that Clary could perfectly handle herself, but if now she was starting to get beat up on purpose, they would need to have a conversation, a really unpleasant one.

"Why isn't Clary making the breakfast like every morning?"

Jace glanced at Tyler who now was sitting down next to his brother, shocked to have earned a sentence out of him that was out of the politically correct. Tyler poured himself a glass of juice, his particular blue eyes burning holes in Jace. Jace got up and emptied the dishwasher, but he could still feel Tyler's gaze on him.

"She's at the hospital right now."

"_Why_? Is she okay?"

Kevin was looking at him with worry and anxiety, and Jace face palmed himself for not bringing out the news on a more delicate way.

"Yeah don't worry Kevin. She just had a rough night. She'll be back this afternoon before you finish school, and I took the day off to take care of her."

"Oh _really_?"

The way Tyler was looking at Jace was telling that he clearly didn't believe that Jace could take care of Clary, but before Jace could ask him to clarify himself, a honk echoed from outside, and Tyler took his bag and fled the house not without glaring at Jace once again.

Jace passed a tired hand on his face before hurrying Kevin and telling him that they would be late for school. On their way there, Kevin asked questions about Clary and even asked if he could call her, but Jace had to tell him that she was sleeping, the doctors having finally, after hours of arguing, managed to give her medications to make her rest. Jace saw from the rear mirror that Kevin frowned at that.

"She won't be happy. She said that she didn't like drugs in her."

"I know, but she will feel better, and that's all that matters."

Kevin frowned a little bit more as Jace pulled in front of the young boy's school, and then he brightly smiled, opening his door.

"I guess you're right. I'll see you later, Ja...Dad."

Jace smiled to the kid and then took off. Two days ago, Kevin had come in the middle of the night to Clary's and Jace's room with a serious expression on his face to ask them if he could call them Mom and Dad. Jace thought that his heart had melted when he heard the little boy's request, and all he could do at that moment was take the boy in his arms along with Clary who was fighting in her tears.

Jace kept on driving until he arrived at the hospital. His phone rang a few times, but he didn't even bothered looking. The station knew that he wasn't coming, and the kids were at school. He stopped at the drugstore to renew Clary's prescription on her pill and then he walked up to her room. But he surprisingly saw Tyler sitting on a chair next to her bed, one of her hands in his, as his face was dark and closed.

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?"

"_Aren't you supposed to be at work_?"

Tyler had spat the words with so much hate that Jace could almost taste the venom in them. He sighed and moved closer to Clary, all the while wondering how Tyler knew where to find Clary. New York was a town that proliferated in hospitals. He was about to sit on the other side of Clary when Tyler brusquely got up, glowering at him.

"Just to let you know, I called Jon."

"Why?"

"For him to beat the crap out of you!"

Jace opened big un-understanding eyes as Tyler kept on glaring at him with as much hate as he could muster. He knew that Tyler didn't like him for one bit, but asking Jon to kick his ass to tomorrow, that was getting further than he ever thought. He wished Clary was awake for she would find the words to sooth the boy down.

Jace tiredly passed a hand on his face before spotting a loose lock on Clary's face and moving to take it away. But Tyler prevented him to do so by firmly grabbing his hand, holding it away from her.

"I'm _not_ letting you come near her!"

Jon entered the room at that moment, seeing Tyler and Jace over his sleeping sister. He knew that she had let herself get beat up like a nine grader and that she was in really bad shape, Lucky told him that much. But if he came it was because Tyler said that he needed his help and that he would be beside Clary's bed, waiting for him.

"What's wrong?"

"That prick beat the crap out of your sister. He had for months and now she's in a freaking hospital bed!"

Jace swallowed hard as realization came down to him. Tyler thought that he beat Clary. _Clary_ of all people. He looked down on her, and tried to take an objective point of view of her over the past few months. She did have bruises on her all the time, old and new. But he didn't see them anymore because he was so used to them.

But for someone like Tyler, someone who had seen violence at firsthand, _he_ was the wife-beater. And still, Jace couldn't believe that Tyler thought he could ever touch Clary in such inappropriate way. _Clary_!

"You think _I'd_ ever lay a hand on _Clary_?"

Jon was as shocked as Jace, how could Tyler think that Jace would ever lay a finger on _Clary_? This was unbelievable. _Jace_! The guy who kept on loving her for eight years when she didn't remember him, the guy who made deals with the CIA just in order to get her back, the guy who would clearly die for her if anything were to happen for her.

"Tyler, Jace loves Clary more than..."

"_Love_ makes people do weird things. Trust me I've seen it first hand. He feels inferiority towards her, _she's_ the one who brings the bread, _she's_ the one who's successful, and so he just takes his frustration out on her! I'm sure _he's_ the reason why she lost her baby! Are you blind? Do I have to remind you that your sister is laying right here in a hospital bed!"

"Why aren't you at school honey?"

Everyone turned their heads to Clary as she rubbed the sleep out of her face and looked more seriously at the people surrounding her. She had heard Tyler's angry voice, but now that he was looking at her, she only saw concern and worry. She sat up, wincing a little, not really because of the pain, but more because she never wanted to have her kids seeing her like this in a hospital bed.

"Fuck Clary you didn't tell him about your nightly activities?!"

Jon finally understood what was going on through Tyler's head, and why he hated Jace so much. He hated him more than because Tyler thought that Jace was beating Clary, but because Tyler also felt powerless toward this situation. Jace was a cop so Tyler couldn't call the cops, and even if he did so, that would have meant going back in the system because the social services would never let them stay in an unstable home, and Tyler liked Clary.

That much was sure, he even adored her. She was the only one beside his brother to make him smile, the only one to whom he would talk about his past, the first one to whom he talked about this girl he was pinning on. Clary meant a lot to Tyler, and Tyler must have felt so powerless and bad about himself when he thought he couldn't help her.

Clary tiredly rubbed her face before taking Tyler's hand in hers and smiling up to him. From the corner of her eyes, she noticed that Jace was standing next to her, but that he hadn't move from his position, as if he was frozen in his movements.

"No. It never really came up. Why?"

Jon gave her a disbelieving look before pointing out with his eyes her bruises and then Tyler. She looked down at herself, grimacing as she could already hear Izzy yell at her for getting more marked than planned, and then she looked over at Jace. He seemed completely shocked and beaten down, and when their eyes met, he just closed his and shook his head, his jaw tightening.

She perceived Tyler shift next to her, and felt a stone sinking in her heart when she understood what Tyler had been thinking for months.

"_Oh my God_! Tyler, Jace would never, in a million years, lay a finger on me. This is ... unthinkable."

"You don't have to protect _him_, I'll protect you."

Tyler glared at Jace, and Jon decided that this was their cue to leave. Clary needed to convince Tyler that he was wrong, and this wouldn't be easy to do if Jace was with them in the room. He caught Jace's gaze, and pointed the door for them to go outside.

Clary waited for the boys to close the door, her heart pinching for Jace who had to endure those months of pain because he had been classified as the exact opposite of who he was. Then she patted the bed next to her, and when Tyler sat, she smiled to him, her hand taking his.

"That's sweet, but I don't need protecting. If I get bruises it's because every now and then, I fight. That's why Lucky and I leave together so often, I wrestle and he's the one organizing the games. I'm usually quite good, but yesterday I let the guy beat the crap out of me because the ring have been forbidden to me for the upcoming month."

"If you're that good, how come you always had bruises."

"Because I'm that good. I let people hit me first, I give them this hope that maybe they'll make it, and when they least expect it, I make them eat dirt. I am so sorry, I never meant to worry you."

"So Jace never...?"

"Tyler, Jace took a bullet for me. He did things for me, a very few people would have done for the one they love. Jace doesn't just love me as a person, he loves my should, my heart and my body. Just as much as I do his. He loves me so much that he gave me you guys.

He's the one who sacrificed his months of work on a case for me because I wanted to take you in, he's the one who keeps on refusing any promotion because he doesn't want his job to eat away his time with his family. He's the one who keeps my head straight when I let my emotions get the better of me when it comes to you guys."

Tyler seemed to relax a little, and Clary smiled to him. He got up and awkwardly shoved his hands in his pockets before swaying on his feet.

"He does seem like a good guy, but ... The bruises, I needed an explanation and..."

"You should talk to him. He loves you, he really does. And you being so closed off hurt him more than you can imagine, more than he would ever say. Go talk to him. I'm sure Jon wants to scold me anyway."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**Yay, a new chapter. So did you like it? What did you think of Tyler and his assumptions? For my part, it makes me love the kid even more. Because you know, he's nice. And now he doesn't have a crush on Clary, come on! Well, tell me what you thought of this chapter and of the Tyler thing.**

**And yay, Clace wedding is coming! So did you try to calculate, which month are we?**

**And yay a fighting scene, I missed them.**

**And I think we are 5 to 6 chapters to the end. Maybe more, I'm not really good at counting things that aren't already written.**

**And I don't know, this chapter was really emotional for me. Especially at the beginning with the Clonathan missing their parents and all, it broke my heart. It's unfair. (I know, why am I complaining, I wrote it that way, but still... It's sad, I admit)**

**And see, no cliffie, I'm getting soft, maybe I should go see a doctor.**

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	31. That Spark of a Fairy Tale

Jace was sitting on a chair at Clary's door, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He still couldn't believe that Tyler saw him as a wife-beater. The very thought of it made him shudder.

But what tore Jace more than the mis-perception that the teenager he had of him was the fact that because of this idea he had of Jace, Tyler never felt safe around him. Jace was supposed to provide him a home safety and comfort, and he completely failed on the last parts of it.

"I wonder what took him so long to confront you."

"You're not helping, Jon."

"No, seriously. Why did he wait until _now_? I get that he didn't want to go to the cops, but he called _me_. Why didn't he do that before? I am literally next door."

Jace messed a bit with his hair, frustration taking over him. He knew why, he knew all about Tyler's past. Clary had refused to look into their file, saying that the boys' past should be something they should chose to share or not, but Jace had been working on their case for almost a year. Sure he had been more focused on their foster parents, but he still knew things that would make Clary turn into a bubble of anger.

He knew about the hits Tyler took for his brother in one of their previous foster houses. And Clary's bruises must have triggered many unpleasant memories to Tyler. Jace heaved before straightening up and leaning his head against the wall, his eyes closed. He heard a door being opened, and figured that Tyler was out of Clary's room if the sudden thickness of the atmosphere was any indication.

"Well, I have two words to say to that idiot in the room, so..."

Jace heard Jon going in his twin's room, probably ready to scold her for not telling the kids about her fighting. But like she said, the topic never came up and it was so deep part of their lives that they never thought about mentioning it. Jace opened back his eyes only to see Tyler swaying on his feet, looking awkwardly at his shoes.

"It's okay Tyler. I don't hold it against you."

Tyler's head snapped to look at Jace deep into his golden eyes. Jace discerned confusion and guilt.

"_Why_? I called you a wife-beater. I called Jon to beat you up. I ... I never did anything to gain your sympathy nor your trust."

"You stood up for Clary. That alone would make me trust you blindly. And therefore, love doesn't work that way. It doesn't have to go both ways. It's better when it does, but the love of a parent for his child, it's ... indisputable. Neither you nor me can question it."

Tyler looked back at his feet, his hands in his pockets as he resumed on swaying on his feet. He seemed to stumble on his upcoming words.

"Do you know?"

Jace looked at his son, before getting up. He knew perfectly well what Tyler was implicating behind his words, that he was silently asking if Jace was aware of what happened in his life before. Jace hesitated a little before gently and fatherly patting the young boy's shoulder. He didn't need to say the words for Tyler to understand that Jace knew all about his bruised past.

"You didn't tell Clary, right?"

"No. As much as I like my job, I would dislike it very much if I had to arrest my own wife for murder."

Tyler frowned, looking up at him expectantly for Jace to elaborate, but Jace only shook his head before leading Tyler back in the room where Clary was with her brother. Just as he was about to turn the handle, Jace faced Tyler.

"Family is everything to Clary. She will willingly risk her own life in order to protect the ones she love. Try to chose your words carefully when you will talk to her about this part of your life."

Jace looked feelin Tyler's eyes to make himself clear. He would never ask of Tyler to hide anything from Clary, but Jace knew his Clary all too well. Tyler slightly nodded before they both entered in the room to help Clary get ready to leave the hospital.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"I look so _weird_."

"You look _fabulous_."

Clary kept on looking at her reflexion, trying to recognize herself, but she simply couldn't. She could still perfectly distinguish her features, her green eyes, her high cheekbones, her small nose. But she felt so out of place in her wedding dress.

After days and days of Izzy plotting in her back with her own grandfather, she was standing in front a looking glass, staring at that dress that she was seeing for the first time of her life. The very same kind of dress that she would never had worn on her own.

The dress was strapless, all white -despite Clary clearly stating that she didn't want white for she hadn't been a virgin for quite a while. But still, there were many red flowers on the corset of the dress, trailing all the way down to her waist where red and white veils were intertwined. The skirt of the dress was also pure white and Izzy was pinning the veils up just in the front to let the skirt be seen a little.

Maryse on the other hand was putting the finishing touch in fixing Clary's hair. Her red curls were structured, all brought down on her right side with white forget-me-not flowers plucked every now and then. As Maryse plucked the final flower, Clary found herself envying Jace who would just have to quickly put on a tuxedo and would be good to go.

"Brides are suppose to smile or cry, Clary."

Clary forced a smile on her face all the while thinking that maybe she should go to find Jace and stop this nonsense before it began. She loved him, but she didn't need that stupid ceremony to tell him, he knew her feelings for him already. As soon as she made her decision, the door opened revealing Jon in a black tuxedo with a red rose in his heart pocket.

"Having cold feet, Akuma?"

Jon saw Izzy staring at Clary with disbelief before he made her understand to leave them alone. Once Maryse and Izzy left, Izzy swiftly kissing him on the lips, Jon went to stand beside his sister and looked at their reflexion in the mirror.

"Who would have thought that I would ever see you in a real dress for your wedding. I think I'm going to cry."

"Oh shut up Jon. I do wear dresses from time to time."

"Yeah, but now you really look like a ... Dare I say it? A _girl_. Not even that, a _woman_. I finally have a sister. Finally on November the 26th, I have finally been granted my wish of a twin sister."

Jon wiped away a fake tear out of the corner of his eyes and she childishly mimicked at his reflexion before they both laughed. Then Jon put his hands on his sister's shoulders, never breaking the eye contact that they had through the looking glass.

"Why are you having second thoughts?'

"I'm not. It's just that ... Do we _really_ need to go through all of this?"

"Yes. When you'll be old and Alzheimer, you'll need pictures to remember that day and to show your grandchildren."

Clary shook her head and weakly smiled at her twin's double.

"Do you remember what you told me on my wedding day?"

"That no matter how much I loved you I'd kill you if you hurt Izzy?"

"Not that part ... When you said that Mom and Dad were right beside me for this big step of my life."

Clary nodded not the slightest surprised that her brother had understood what her distress was really about: the absence of their parents.

"You were right. Look, they're right _here_."

And with those words, he forced her to really look at their reflexion, and on how much they looked like their parents. The small wrinkles that time and age had put on their faces, around their eyes and mouthps made their resemblance even more accurate. Clary smiled at Jon, almost seeing their parents coming out of the mirror.

"Thank you, Tenshi."

"Anytime, Akuma. I should probably go and wait for you at the altar."

Jon left her, knowing that both Luke and Lucky would walk her down the aisle and he hurried to the altar where he stood at the opposite of Jace, at his place as Clary's best man. The reception who was a small quiet one was one that Jon had ever expected to see.

The Lightwoods were here, standing in the middle of all of their grandchildren, except for Lynn who had been designated as the flower girl. Tyler was standing a little bit further away, his freshly new girlfriend next to him, and Max on his other side. Max had flown all the way from Japan with his fresh fiancée, Ayumi, with whom he had just moved in in the center of Tokyo.

Magnus was also there, checking the last minute things as he was the one who organized the whole wedding. Alec was standing right beside Jace and Izzy was setting the photographer in place telling him where the light would hit better Clary's dress. Krystof was in his wheelchair, grinning at Jon with his teeth missing smile.

The unexpected part came to the guests who weren't family. Of course, Hodge was there because despite them only having a business relationship, Hodge meant a lot to Clary. And then, there were a few of Jace's colleagues and a few biker's from the bar. Even Johan was there, Clary's last opponent, the one who sent her to the hospital. He had come to see her at the bar, to see how she was doing and they hit off directly.

Jace was wearing a white tuxedo with a red tie and dickey and a red tissue sticking out of his heart pocket. Izzy had refused him to wear black because she said that he had no reason to mourn, he was marrying the love of his life. Jace was standing, looking at the door where Clary was supposed to appear from any seconds for now, and he lost his breath when he saw her walking between Luke and Lucky and behind Lynn who was throwing flowers petals.

Luke was in a black suit and Lucky in his best cloths, his long hair and beard tamed for once. When Clary caught Jace's gaze, she made a funny face and he bit his lower lip in order not to burst out loud. Once she was at his level, she made a move to kiss him, but Jon poked her before she could do so and pointed to her the official performing the ceremony.

Clary rolled her eyes and she appreciated the location of the place chosen by Magnus for their wedding. It was in Central Park, which was quite common, but from the spot where Jace and her were standing, they could see a glimpse of the Empire State Building. A few golden and red leaves were falling around them as autumn was nearing its end.

Clary smiled to Jace as the magistrate said things she already knew about how committed they had to be toward one another, and Jace smiled back to her, rolling his eyes at the officer unceasing blabbering.

And then came the moment when they were supposed to tell their vows, and Jace stopped the magistrate. He didn't want to start this life with Clary by repeating the empty words that a man of the law said before him.

"Clary ... I will not make empty promises. I will not promise to cherish you until death do us part because death won't cut it. There's no need for me to promise you my love and care, you already have them. I will not promise to be that perfect husband that vows would force me into because I'm human. We will fight, and shout and then love each other even more.

All I can say today is that I love you. I love you for being you. I love you for being here. I love you for loving me. I love you, just love you."

Clary furiously blushed as Jace took her hand and slid a silver ring incrusted of diamonds in addition of her mother's ring.

"Like Irish people say: the hands are there for our friendship, the heart is there for our love. For our loyalty throughout the years, the crown is raised above."

Clary smiled at Jace, having completely forgotten about everyone else in the crowd and then she cleared her throat as Jon poked her in the ribs to get her to say something.

"God, I'm not good at that. I'm _sooo_ not good at that. I'm just me, that girl who found you in that closet and who tried to runaway, that girl you chased because she was scared, that girl who forgot but gladly remembered you, that girl who can't think of a life without you. And this moment, ..."

Clary heaved before planting her green eyes in Jace's golden orbs and softly caressing his cheek.

"This is me reminding you your promises. This is me reminding you that we can be something. This is me remind you to look after me. This is me asking to stay by my side. This is me asking you to understand my foolishness. This is me asking you to still love me despise me. This is what we wanted. This is our dreams and hopes. Don't ever let me forget. Forget why I do love you. Forget what it is to be loved by you."

And with those words she slid the flat silver ring on Jace's finger before standing on her tippy toes and finally kissing like she had been longing to since she saw him.

"And you may kiss the bride."

They chuckled but didn't parted as the crowd was cheering for them, Jace bringing Clary closer to him.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"You'd think you would have chosen a more romantic getaway for their honeymoon, but _noooo_. They chose the freaking _Amazon Jungle_."

Clary chuckled at Tyler's statement before stopping in her tracks as Jace looked behind to the two kids. He glanced at her sudden immobility before following her gaze and smiling to himself, then he leaned next to Tyler to whisper in his ear:

"It's not a honey moon if the kids are of the party. And _look_."

Tyler and Kevin followed his finger and had to restrain their excitement when they saw a female Scarlet Macaw feeding her babies up high in the branches. Clary stepped back as silently as possible until she was standing next to her family and Jace took her hand in his. They all watched quietly the bird feed her young ones and started back their walk when the parrot flew away.

"Okay, I admit it, that was cool. I'll have something to brag about when we'll go back to school."

Clary brightly smiled at Tyler before leading them back to their camp where their tents were already planted. It was the Christmas holidays and Jace and Clary had decided to take the boys to the Amazonia in order to celebrate their first real holiday together as a small family.

Kevin was already planning this big presentation that he would do to his class when they would go back saying that he would draw a picture of everything he was seeing. Clary chuckled before sitting on one of the rocks they had placed in circle. They all sat together, Jace sitting next to Clary for the both of them to face the boys.

"You know it's Christmas, we should have gone where it's really cold and snowy. Like in Greenland or something."

Jace didn't have to glance at Clary to know that Kevin had hit a sensible cord. She never really mentioned Greenland to him, only went there once a year with her brother to mourn over their parents. Clary rarely talked to Jace about her parents, and every time she did she quickly had been overwhelmed by her emotions so Jace never pushed the issue.

He discreetly took her hand in his and squeezed it, but Clary saw that Tyler caught a glimpse of their movement, and she considered that she too had to open up to the boys.

"I don't really like going to Greenland. My parents are buried there."

They weren't exactly buried, but that was the closest she could get to the truth without giving too much details that would turn her in a fountain. It was their first Christmas together and she didn't want to stain it with depressing past.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay honey. But maybe for the next holidays we could go to Sweden and get those really cool baths."

"The ones when you get cold and hot."

Clary nodded and Kevin squealed saying that he couldn't wait to be in holidays again. Jace laughed before getting up and boiling water for their soup, and after eating all together, talking about everything and nothing as if they were back in their house, they parted in their tents.

Once they were in bed, Jace took Clary in his arms like he did every night and he kissed her temple as she kept on staring at the roof of the tent.

"I think we should buy condoms when we get back."

"What's wrong with the pill?!"

Jace looked at Clary with a frown in his eyes. He definitely did not want to go back to condoms, he liked it very much the way they were right now and didn't want to stop feeling his Clary the way he had for years. Clary smiled at him and chuckled before kissing him.

"Not for us. For Tyler. He talks a lot about Jessica and he's soon going to be 16, meaning he soon will have an unlimited access to a backseat of a car."

"You're seeing things. He's still very young..."

"Jace, how old were you when you first did it?"

Jace thought about the question for an instant and then panicked.

"We're buying condoms as soon as we land on US territory!"

Clary silently bursted in laughter at Jace's anxious tone before sitting up. Jace joined her, removing the wild locks that had escaped her ponytail from her face.

"Don't worry, I'm sure they're still testing the second base. Maybe we should find Kevin some after school activities that would give Tyler alone time in the house."

"You know, normal parents try to prevent their kids from having sex, not encourage them."

"Yeah, well normal parents forget how uncomfortable the back of a car can get. And beside, it's better if he does it openly than he sneak up on us and get a girl pregnant."

Jace agreed with her before setting his eyes on her, lust darkening his golden orbs. He leaned and started to kiss the skin of her shoulder.

"You know, talking about car-sex brought some memories. I never realized that it was that _uncomfortable_, maybe I should make it up for you."

His lips flew up to her collarbone, making Clary bite her lips to keep her moan in and he slowly brought his hands to her breast, cupping them and gently pushing her down.

"Jace, the kids will hear us."

"You were the one talking about letting Tyler know that we don't have a problem with sex..."

As he trailed his sentence and his kisses along her neck, Clary felt that she was melting against his touch. His hands squirmed under her shirt and when he pinched her erected nipple, Clary had to brusquely bring her hand to her mouth to keep her moan in.

How could this be? How could Jace still move her like that to her very core when they had been leaving together for years. She shouldn't feel like a horny teenager every time that he touched her, routine was supposed to have taken the better of them, but it didn't. Sure the arrival of the boys had slowed them down, but their passion was still very much alive.

Jace upped himself on his elbows, smirking at her, even though he knew that she could barely distinguish his silhouette and then he leaned to kiss her on the lips. She eagerly responded, wrapping her legs around his waist and creating an agonizing sweet friction between her crotch and his bulge.

He himself had to bite his lower lip in order not to moan and he buried his face in his wife's neck, sucking all he could on her skin. He heard her repress a gasp and urgently downed his hand to her pajamas trousers to get rid of them. Before he knew what happened, was trousers free, and so was he, and slowly he slid inside of her.

They could hear all the sounds of the rainforest as the wild animals of the night were making their little lives, but all Jace could focus on were Clary's little and inaudible moans. She bucked to feel him deeper, and Jace almost lost it. The fact that she was desperately trying to stay quiet was a bigger turn on that he had expected. It wasn't the first time they were trying to be unheard by unwanted hears, and still, this time, it was exiting Jace more than ever.

His breathing started becoming more and more erratic as he felt that they were coming to this state that gave them this perfect bliss. He felt Clary tremble under him as he emptied himself in her and then he collapsed on her, kissing endlessly her face of love and contempt.

"Te quiero Clary."

"I love you too Jace."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**THE END.**

**I could end here, but no, I won't, I'm just messing with you. This ending feels so weird. Anyway. Tell me what you thought of this chapter so tell me what you thought of it. The Clace wedding, the little talk between Tyler and Jace, the little Clace moment at the end, what's going to happen next. Well tell me all because yeah it took me a lot to write about this overload of cheesiness And I'd like to know it you liked it and didn't feel that it was too much.**

**About the date, I wasn't going to put a special date, but I managed to made the story change a little on the dates just so the marriage fell on a reviewer's birthday who asked for it. Jane Doe I think. Well, there, just for you.**

**Someone asked about pictures of Clary's dress, but sorry, they don't exist, it's a dress that comes from my mind, I hope I was descriptive enough...**

**And the Claddagh ring is a really famous type of Irish ring, you should just google it. I just love it. (It's one of the reasons I'm going to marry an Irish guy, that and the country, and the accent, and the... I should stop about Irish men!)**

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	32. What's Wrong?

"Jon?"

Jon didn't even bother to look up to Izzy as he retrieved his gun tapped under the nightstand. As she sat up, he signaled her to keep quiet, and she took in a sharp breath as they heard some noise coming from downstairs. It was the middle of a night of January, and everyone was sleeping. Jon had heard the thieves picking the front lock and immediately gotten up, wishing that he wouldn't wake Izzy, but that was wishful thinking. Ever since they had Lynn, Izzy had been a very light sleeper.

"Don't you _dare_ go downstairs. Just call the cops, they'll be here in a minute."

Jon shook his head and walked to stand just beside her as she had already also gotten up. He took her by the shoulders as she was trying to make her point through her scolding eyes and he hurriedly whispered to her, doing his best to make himself clear so she wouldn't argue back:

"_You_ call the cops and you take CJ in Lynn's room. And you _stay_ there."

Izzy was about to protest but Jon stood up and he silently left the room. He listened from up the stairs to the noise coming from the ground floor and figured that he was dealing with amateurs. They were way too loud and carefree to be professional thieves. As his house was build like Clary's, Jon knew that as soon as he would get downstairs, he would be able to spot the intruders' position and so, he slowly got down the stairs.

The robbers didn't see him right away, and so he leaned against the ramp for a moment looking at them with humor as they were trying to wreck his living room. They were two, both in their late teens, and as he was watching them, Jon couldn't help but smirk, thinking that out of Clary and him, _he_ was the first one who got robed.

"That's not how you rob a house, guys."

The boys jumped on their feet before turning to face Jon, one of them shakily holding a gun to Jon. Jon restrained a chuckled and calculated that the cops should be here in two to three minutes. That was the perks of having a brother-in-law who was a policeman, anything coming from their house was immediately top priority.

Jon noticed that they didn't even bothered having masks or dressing in black. The one holding the gun tried to steady his hold and did his best to appear confident in himself. Jon repressed his grin as he tilted his head and decided that his gun, hidden in his back, wasn't even necessary.

"For example you always need a guard, someone to look out for people who might come out of the blue, like myself."

"Just go back upstairs and everything will be fine."

"That's not how you're supposed to hold a gun. _That's_ how."

As he was saying those words, Jon pulled his gun and aimed at them. The thieves hiccuped, fear written on their faces. Jon saw how they were hesitating on just running away right now, but the police cars pulling in the driveway made that decision for them. Jon made his gun disappear as the cops bursted in and the young boys held their hands up.

The teenagers were taken away and Jerry walked to Jon as Izzy came downstairs with a crying little CJ in her arms. She glared at Jon as he held her by the waist but still smiled brightly at Jerry as she was thanking him for coming. Jerry waved off her gratitude, smirking at the situation as he directed himself toward the front door.

"You think they'd check the house and make sure a cop isn't living next door before trying to clean it."

"You think they'd learn to hold a gun before using one."

Jerry chuckled at Jon's statement. Jon knew that Jerry was under the impression that Clary and him were CIA agents' kids, and that they themselves had fought for the flag. That's why Jerry never questioned the twins knowledge about weapons and criminal. When Jerry left the house, Jon had to face Izzy's angry face. She rocked CJ, who was refusing to go back to sleep by crying his lungs out, her eyes shooting daggers at Jon.

"You could have been killed!"

"They were no threat Izzy. It was just two kids probably doing their first job."

"Two kids with a _gun_! And you didn't know that when you came downstairs. They could have been ..."

"They could have been Charles Manson, I still would have gone downstairs. I protected my family, Izzy."

Izzy growled of anger and put their ten months baby in Jon's arms before turning back on her heels wrath still lingering in her posture.

"I'm not dealing with this. Put your son back to sleep."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"Why _me_?"

"Because he's going to feel awkward if _I_ talk to him, and that Jace isn't that eager to give so openly his blessing on having sex. Which is quite ridiculous when you come to think of what _we_ did in high school."

Jon chuckled as he watched his sister paint CJ's door with the young boy's face. It was something that she did for Lynn and Emanuel, at each of their birthday, she would paint somewhere on their door their faces. CJ's first birthday was due in a few weeks, and he was still ridiculously small for his age.

Jon thought of what Clary just asked of him, and he couldn't help but feel awkward about it. He was still relying on the few years of quiet and peace he had before having this conversation with a kid.

"I don't think I will be very helpful, I'll probably do just like Dad and make a PowerPoint or something."

Clary bursted in laughter at the memory of their father trying to have a reasonable and mature conversation with them about sex. He had brought pictures, instruments and long papers to make it as clear as possible, and resulted to only confuse the twins more and making the moment more awkward for all of them. Thankfully their Mom had come to the rescue and ended the torture by telling them to always get safe and to know the difference between making love and having sex.

"Okay, I get it, I'll do it myself. I don't want you to traumatize my kid with an hour long PowerPoint about how to roll it on."

"Good. Anyway, you were always the one who handled best those situations. Remember when ..."

Jon shuddered, not wanting to even formulate out loud the memory of almost catching their parents in the act. Jon bad been completely mortified while Clary had laughed out loud and said that they would go watch a movie outside.

"I know. But I'm sure Tyler will be like '_Ew_, I don't want to talk about that with _you_!'."

Jon chuckled thinking that it was probably what Tyler would say, but before he could add anything, the front door slammed shut, making them both startle a bit. Then, just a few seconds later, Izzy appeared from the stairs, shooting daggers at Jon before she politely smiled at Clary, clearly trying to hide her anger.

"Oh Clary, you're here. How are you doing?"

"Painting. Are you _okay_?"

Izzy chuckled darkly, still refusing to look at Jon. She seem to have a crazy desperation in the deep of her brown eyes.

"Oh yeah, I'm _ecstatic_. Could you just give me five minutes with your soon-to-be-dead brother?"

Clary raised an eyebrow at Jon, silently asking him what he had done, but Jon had no idea. Clary put her paintbrush down and said that she needed more paint anyway, before she left Jon's house with Izzy finally looking at Jon only to glare at him. As soon as they heard the front door being close, Izzy exploded.

"Guess what? I'm _pregnant_! _Again_!"

Jon kept his face unreadable, wanting to cheer, but knowing how much of a bad idea it would be. They had decided that they would wait a few years to decide if they wanted other kids. And CJ was still quite young anyway.

"And guess what? You radioactive freak planted it two months ago! Does that ring any bell?"

Jon paled but didn't say anything as he remembered how two months ago, after putting CJ to bed, he crawled in bed next to her on the night of the robbery. He remembered how it was the period when Izzy was changing pills because she was having problems with her old one, and how he convinced her that they could risk the shot, that nothing would happen. Well, he had never been so wrong.

"_Exactly_! One chance out of a million and your freaky sperm still made it! I am not a farm cow, Jon! I refuse to have a zillion kids because your seed doesn't know what is contraception!"

"Don't make it look like this is my fault. I didn't planned it."

"This _is_ all your fault! Three kids, none of them were planned! You actually managed to go through the pill three times! _Three times_ Jon! What's wrong with you? I refuse my life to be resumed at being a housemom! I barely manage to juggle between my job and two kids, how am I going to manage with _three_?"

"If you don't want it, ..."

"I _do_ want it. I just want the surprises to stop. CJ is just a year old Jon and we _already_ have another kid on the way. It's just ... I'm just tired. I just wish that we had at least _one_ pregnancy that we actually planned."

Jon took Izzy in his arms and she clung to him, heaving out her frustration and helplessness. Jon didn't know what to do to make her feel better, so he just caressed her hair lovingly. He knew she wasn't really mad at him, but just at the fact that once again she was loosing the control of her life.

Izzy liked to be in control, ever since they had gotten together, she had always had this fear of letting go and losing everything she had worked for and everything she had dreamed of. And now, this new pregnancy was just another way for life to tell her that she couldn't master it all.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary stared at the ceiling of her room as the sun was lazily getting up. She observed the rays of sunshine play with the colors of her painting, the one which was a view from the Empire State Building, the view that meant so much for her and Jace, and then she angrily got up. Jace sleepily rubbed his face sitting up and looking at the time, but Clary ignored him as she swiftly dressed up.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Everything is just fine. I'm just going to run."

Jace glanced at the clock but kept for himself what he was thinking. It was too late for Clary to start running, she usually left around six, and now it was almost seven. The kids would soon be up and Clary always did her best to be there for their breakfast. No matter what, no matter how late she came back during the night, she was always there for the kids' breakfast.

He watched her leaving the room without glancing back at him nor kissing him as she usually did, and Jace let himself fall back on the bed, his hair tangled in his hands. Clary had been acting really weird lately, and he was afraid to know why. When he heard the front door clack, he got up and got dressed to get the breakfast ready for the boys.

As he arrived downstairs he remembered that Tyler came back late yesterday night from a 'study group' and that it meant that Jessica had probably spend the night illegally in their house. Jace knew that Clary had talked with Tyler about safety and precautions, but Tyler still seemed anxious when they tried to talk to him about it. Jace couldn't blame him, he wouldn't have like to talk to Maryse about it either.

As he was making banana pancakes, Jace heard Tyler trying to snuck Jessica out of the house behind his back, and he couldn't help but smirk.

"Maybe you should eat before leaving Jessica."

Jace turned to see the two teenagers frozen in their movements, Tyler his hand on the French window that was leading to the garden, which Jace thought was a really stupid move giving the fact that they had removed the fence to share the garden with Jon and Izzy.

He chuckled before telling them to settle down and Jace went back upstairs to wake up Kevin. Kevin had turned ten last month, at the same time as Izzy's stomach started to get rounder, and they had promised the young boy to spend spring break in Disney. As he came back downstairs with the boy, Tyler, who seemed a little bit more confident, looked around, worry in his features.

"Where's Clary?"

"Out for a run."

Jace saw the teen nod, satisfied by the answer, and he couldn't help but wish _he_ could also believe in that lie. Of course Clary was running, but Jace felt that she was mostly running for him. He had felt her grow more distant with him and at first, he had put it on Izzy's pregnancy. But now, the more he thought about it, the less he believed in that theory.

Clary had started being reserved over two weeks ago, and Izzy was now almost five months pregnant so it did not coordinate. Something else was bothering his wife, and Jace had the ugly feeling that it was him. He shook of the idea and drove Kevin to his school when this one was ready.

When Clary came back home, she found the house empty. It pinched her heart a little to have missed her kids on their way to school And she promised herself to make it up for them by cooking them a nice ramen for dinner. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and drank it all before heading to the shower. But before she got upstairs, she heard Jace's car pull in, and all the frustration that she had managed to evacuate during her run came back.

Jace walked in and they stared at each other for a while before she walked back to the kitchen space and sat at the table to eat out of the salad bowl. Jace hesitated a moment, knowing that he had to get ready for work. But then he decided to break this ice wall slowly building between them, no matter how much his ego was going to get bruised.

"What's wrong Clary?"

"Nothing worth telling."

"Sure, it is so nothing that I feel threatened by it."

Clary swallowed with difficulty, still refusing to look at him in the eyes. This was her problem to deal with, not Jace's. And still, he felt it, as much as she had tried to hide it, he still felt it, and it hurt her to know that because of her he was in an emotional pain.

"Just leave it, Jace. I'll figure it out on my own."

Jace slowly analyzed Clary's face, and just by the tension of her shoulders, he knew that he had been right all along. He tried to ignore his wounded pride, but it's all he could feel at that moment, all he could think about: he no longer satisfied her.

How could this have happened? How could they have passed from crazy and wild sex everywhere to him no longer being able to satisfy the love of his life? Jace wondered if it was the routine, if he had been too banal in his movements with her, but he knew he hadn't.

That was why the sex had always been great, it could as well be a quickie or a longuie, wild or passionate, rough or sweet. It was never planned and just came in the heat of the moment. So what happened? Why was she always somewhere else when he was worshiping her body?

"Do I have to remind you that we are two in this Clary? How do you think I feel when you're in our bed, in my arms but I know your mind is somewhere else?"

"My mind isn't somewhere else! My mind is there trying so hard to reach this state where you don't bring me anymore!"

Clary winced for she hadn't meant to get angry like that or to throw it in Jace's face. But her frustration just took control of her and lashed at poor and desperate Jace. She knew it wasn't his fault, that she was the one with the problem. She was the one who couldn't get off, the one who sometimes didn't even want him to touch her, the one who felt like she was slowly killing their sexual life.

She he heaved before looking back into his golden orbs, seeing the hurt in his eyes as she was telling him that he was no longer that sex God that took her above cloud nine, and she decided to be completely honest with him.

"And it's been a while. I'm _trying,_ Jace, I'm completely letting go, but it never comes, and now I'm utterly frustrated."

Jace looked at Clary taking her head in her hands and grunting out of frustration. He felt completely helpless and hurt. How he wished right now that he had been completely wrong about his assumptions on Clary's mood.

"It's not _you,_ Jace. It's _me_, there's something wrong with _me_."

"Oh yeah? So how come _you're_ the one who can get off. I should make you climb the curtains and not run and wrestle your sexual frustration."

And with those words he left upstairs to get ready, leaving Clary alone in the kitchen as she felt guilt taking over her. She hated hurting Jace and she hated that she made him doubt himself. She did her best to keep her years in, but still surprisingly felt a few escape her closed eyelids.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jace blankly zapped with the remote sitting on the couch and watching the image defile, without making any sounds. It had been ten days since his confrontation with Clary. Ten days since they slept together in the same bed. Jace couldn't bring himself to go back in their bed because a part of him wanted Clary to ask for him. Another was just scared of failing once again to fulfill his duty as her lover.

He kept on mindlessly flipping the buttons, hating this position he was in and just wishing that he would grow a pair and ravish her. But that was the thing. Ravishing her wasn't a problem, it was making her enjoy it the problem. And this was affecting him more than he told her because even though he did find release the last times that they shared a bed, he didn't find satisfaction.

Suddenly, he heard a small noise behind him, and for a second, he hoped it was Clary. But then he remembered that Clary was as soundless as a cat and that therefore, it couldn't be her. Tyler appeared in Jace's vision, standing next to the couch, his eyes lingering on Jace's lump position before going to the TV.

"Did you fight with Clary?"

"No Tyler. I'm just not really tired and I don't want to wake her up by tossing around in the bed."

"For a week?"

"Yeah, let's just put it that way."

Tyler slumped next to Jace and shoved his hands in his pockets, staring blankly at the images in the screen. Jace didn't make a move, but still, his whole attention was now on Tyler. He felt bad that he could see how deep in a statement they were with Clary at the moment. Parents' rough patches weren't something kids should have to bare.

"Just tell me it's not going to result by you two separating."

"_Separat_... That's not even an option. It's just a rough patch. Every couple have those."

it broke Jace's heart to see that Tyler thought they were in that much of a problem. He knew that the kid was probably fearing being thrown back in the system if Clary and Jace ever got a divorce,but it also seemed deeper. It seemed like Tyler really cared about them staying together.

"Yeah. But you never slept on the couch. I'm just saying."

"Tyler, aren't you supposed to be sleeping?"

Both of the guys turned their heads to Clary who was standing by the stairs, a worried look on her face. She had come downstairs to ask Jace to stop being such a child and just come back to their room, but now all she could think about was that their son might have the wrong idea of what was going on.

"Yeah. I'm just sleepwalking. Going back to bed."

Tyler positioned his arms as a zombie and directed himself upstairs. As he passed by Clary, she chuckled and kissed his cheek, cursing that he had already outgrown her so much that she had to stand on her tippy-toes to do so.

Then she moved to the kitchen and started cooking. She couldn't sleep and she figured that it would be better if she did something useful of her time. As soon as she heard Tyler's room being closed, she felt Jace move to join her in the kitchen, and she took her anger out on cutting her vegetables.

He deserted their room. She couldn't get around that fact. He deserted this scared place that they called _their_ room. No matter what, he should have at least stay in their room, instead of fleeing the problem away. Clary violently chopped down a carrot, gritting her teeth of frustration and anger.

"A ramen, _again_?"

"I like ramen's."

She threw the last vegetables in the wok and covered it after adding a generous amount of water. Suddenly, Jace arms were wrapped around her, his lips playing on the skin if her neck. She didn't know what took over him, but she couldn't help but eagerly anticipate what was coming next. Butterflies formed in her stomach, and then Jace was gone.

"_What's wrong with you_!?"

"Nothing."

Clary growled and angrily tidied the kitchen, all the while feeling Jace's gaze on her.

"I can't stop thinking that whatever I'll do, it won't be enough. I ... I want to _please _you, because pleasing you is what satisfy me. Release doesn't mean climax, Clary."

"Then take me. Right here, right now."

Jace hesitated, and that was enough to infuriate Clary who cut down the fire under her wok before walking back upstairs, anger clear on her face and on her pace. Jace caught her and almost threw her on the kitchen table before he hungrily started to suck her neck. She gasped of surprise, but before she could register what was happening, Jace's lips were on her as his hands were urgently winding up her tights.

She moaned in his mouth, making him grow harder than he expected and then she started kissing him back. She raised her hands to bury them in his hair, but he caught them in the way, and pinned them next to her head. The look of lust she gave him sent Jace on edge, and he bit his lips to control himself and not take her at this very instant.

"No. Don't think. Just feel with me. Make me feel you."

Those whispered words of lust and love ripped a moan out of Jace's throat and he buried his head in the crook of her neck, sucking the skin he could have access to, as he was grinding on her. She kept on whimpering, doing her best to stay quiet, and then Jace's hands left Clary's to unbutton his trousers.

He he heard her breathing grow in anticipation, and when he placed himself at her entrance, she begged him with her body to finally penetrate her. Once he did, she opened her eyes of delight, and let out a small grunt before he started pounding in her, only encouraged by her nails scratching his back under his shirt, her eyes squeezed tight and her lips locked between her teeth.

He felt that he was ready to empty himself in her, and she suddenly raised, closing the gap between them, and hiding her face in his shoulder. Jace's hands flew to her smaller back and nape to bring her even closer, and she bit hard his shoulder as he climaxed in her.

Clary kept her eyes closed for a moment, feeling this state she had been longing for for so long take over her, and then she let herself fall back on the table, the smile never leaving her face. Jace leaned over her and kissed cheek and temple, sure that this time she hadn't faked, and she groggily opened her eyes.

"Thank you."

"Round two is waiting for you upstairs."

And as he smirked to her, he took her in his arms bridal style and took her back on their room, all the while hoping that the kids had been really sleeping.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**So? What did you think? Tell me all about it. Another Jonabelle baby, Clace living happily ever after, what more can you ask for? **

**So yeah, the condoms ... My parents were like that so yeah, I don't think it's that big of deal. I mean 50 years ago people were married at 16, but I mostly wanted to show that they are parents like any others. I hope I'm doing something remotely good here. **

**So yeah, if share your thoughts and expectations with me, I always love to read them. (Sorry for the shortness, but it's 3:30, I'm dead to the world)**

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	33. A Life And A Life

When Jace came back home from work, he found the boys having silently their tea time at the kitchen table. They were eating blueberry muffins, which he found odd because it was what Clary made for breakfast, and that they never lasted for that long when she was around. He was about to ask them where she was when Kevin put a finger on his lips, indicating Jace to keep quiet as he pointed the couch.

"Mom is sleeping on the couch."

Jace frowned and walked to the couch to see Clary curled up on herself and sleeping soundly. It was starting to worry him that ever since they spent their week holiday in Disney to celebrate Kevin's birthday, Clary was more and more tired. She'd often miss her wake up call and sleep longer in the morning, and she turned down more than once fights under the pretext that she was too exhausted to entertain the crowd.

He shook his head, knowing that no matter how much he could try to convince her, Clary would refuse to see a doctor. She would tell him that if she was sick, her immune system would take care of it if she just gave it the time. Jace passed a hand on his face before leaning and kissing her temple. Then he wrote her a note for when she's wake up and went back to the kitchen space where the boys were still eating.

"Let's go see Robert and Maryse."

Kevin's face lit up and Tyler nodded asking if he could drive the Jeep. Ever since he had his license, any excuse was good for him to drive, especially when Jace leant him the Jeep. Tyler loved the car he had build back to life with Luke, but he loved it so much that he was afraid of ruining it every time he used it.

Jace threw the keys at Tyler before silently hurrying them outside as Tyler was grinning of pleasure. He had been really surprised the day he had proposed to Clary a ride in his baby and she had literally refused, explaining him her reluctance in getting in cars. Clary had helped him a lot in building his car, teaching him a few things that even Luke or Jace didn't know. But it explained why she was always on bike, even when they were all heading in the same direction. At first, Tyler had thought that she just liked the speed too much.

As Tyler started driving toward the Lightwoods, Jace hoped that Clary would join them there at her wakening. If he couldn't make her see a doctor, Jace was sure as Hell going to have her osculated, wether she knew it or not.

"How long has she been sleeping?"

"I don't know. She was already sleeping when we arrived, so we did our best not to wake her up."

Jace nodded and listened to Kevin telling him about his day in school. When they arrived at his parents' house, Maryse eagerly greeted before they came out of the car, Kevin hugging her tight against him. Akuma ran to them and Jace scratched his old dog just behind her ears at her favorite spot. After thinking about it a lot when he came back to New York, Jace had decided to leave the Mallinois at his parents house, figuring that she would be happier in a place with a garden and where children always came around.

They all walked inside and as soon as he saw Robert, Jace took Maryse's leave to talk to him privately. He explained to his father how Clary's condition was worrying him, and Robert promised him to talk to Clary when she would arrive. Jace sighed of contentment and thanked his father before they both joined Maryse and the boys in the living-room where Maryse was showing them pictures of Jace little.

Clary arrived an hour later, fresh as finch but completely embarrassed to have overslept her little nap. She hugged tight Kevin as she greeted Jace's parents and patted Tyler's shoulder when he came to kindly mock her for taking naps like babies. They had dinner there, Clary internally glad that Jace had this spontaneous idea.

She knew she should think more often to bring the kids to the Lightwoods, but lately she was spending most of her free-time with Jon and their grandfather. Both her and Jon were considering taking him in one of their houses because they knew that soon he wouldn't be able to take care of himself.

She had talked about it with Jace, and they had both decided that it would be better if Kristof came to live with them as Izzy would soon have a baby, and that baby cries in the middle of the night weren't what elderly people craved for in their golden years.

They left rather late, Clary taking Tyler with her on her bike for she had given him the virus of speed to Jace's dismay. He knew how Clary often, too often, played with the speed limits, and being a cop, he couldn't officially approve the same comportment from their teenage son.

Kevin, who was really sleepy, fell in Morpheus arms as soon as he sat on the car, and as soon as he closed the door, Jace turned to hear what his father had to tell him. He had seen how throughout the evening Robert had carefully asked Clary questions about her and her heath, how his eyes lingered on her when she did certain movements. But Robert seemed pretty confident as he opened the door of his son's car.

"It's nothing Jace. She's just being a parent, and being a parent is tiring. She combines having three full time activities, taking care of her grandfather and keeping on being that Mom who's always there for her teenage kids. No one is perfect. She's just tired, there's nothing to worry about."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary was cooking lunch, settling for a ramen for she felt that she hadn't ate one in years. As she was cutting down her vegetables, she thought back on what Jon said about Izzy's pregnancy. He was really worried because this one baby turned out to be not as easy as the two other ones, and the doctors had decide to trigger the childbirth for the next day.

Suddenly the front door slammed shut and Tyler slumped on a chair, letting his backpack fall at his feet. Kevin was sleeping at Jace's parents for Tyler was holding the first party of the year tonight. But right now, Tyler didn't seem to be thinking about that.

"I _hate_ when you guys come at my school."

Clary frowned. Yesterday night, as the first Friday of September, Jace and her went to the meet-and-greet organized by his high school, and she couldn't figure out what they did wrong during this evening to annoy Tyler lie that.

"Why?"

"Because ... The next day I always have tons of remarks on ... Let's just say girls swoon over Jace and guys drool over you."

Clary bursted in laughter as she served three bowls of ramen. She knew that Tyler had been meeting some friends in the morning to 'plan' the party, meaning mostly to know who was in charge to bring booze to the party.

"Don't tell that to Jace. If you tell him that he still sets teenage girls on fire, his ego will explode."

Tyler looked at her, his brows up before shaking his head and picking a spoon to eat, that he dropped immediately under Clary's scolding eyes. He swiftly got up and washed his hands before sitting back and eating his ramen with her, his eyes quickly flying to the third bowl.

"So just to let you know, there's beer in the three house. Of course Jace will pretend otherwise. Just make sure that there's always a designated driver and that no one gets too hammered. Wouldn't want the cops to come, right?"

"You guys are _weird_. Parents don't act that way usually. They're more like ... The opposite of you guys. Jessica keeps saying that she wished she had parents like you. And I get her."

Clary smiled to Tyler and gently brushed his arm before going back in eating her ramen. She quite liked Jessica, more than she ever expected. At first she had seemed like a queen bitch with her perfect bleached hair and her perfect manicured nails and her obsession with calories. Clary still couldn't figure how the two of them ever ended talking together with Tyler being more of a skater boy.

But Jessica appeared to be a really fun girl to hang around with. She was a lot more clever than she gave the impression to be and she had her heart on her hand. And something that Clary appreciated a lot with that girl was that she didn't hold back. What she wanted to say, she said, and according to Tyler that lead her to have some problems with professors sometimes.

"Is it bad for me to wish you could have been my Mom ever since I lost mine?"

Clary suddenly planted her gaze on her son at his sudden outburst. He had told her a few months ago how Kevin and him lost their parents and sister in a fire, but he never mentioned his biological parents again after that. Kevin was a baby at the moment of their loss, so Tyler was the one who had to deal with the pain and the grief while being bounced from house to house.

Clary stayed silent a moment, feeling her heart squeeze of pain and joy in the same time, and she waited for him to finally look up at her.

"Are you asking me if it's bad for you to want a Mom? Because the answer will always be: no."

"I really wish that we had met earlier. Because you're more than a mother to me. You're my friend, my confident, my first thought when something happens to me ... I just thought you should know, even though I don't really show it, I do consider you as my Mom."

Clary smiled at Tyler before bursting in tears. She didn't mean to cry in front of him, but what he just said touched her so deep in her heart and soul that she felt like she didn't have any other option than to cry.

"_Shit_! I didn't mean to make you cry!"

Tyler rushed to her and awkwardly patted her shoulders as Jace walked in. He raised an eyebrow at his son who was comforting Clary as much as he could and Tyler helplessly shook his head. Jace walked to Clary and took her in his arms as Tyler retrieved himself before hurrying himself upstairs.

He soothed her, all the while asking her what was wrong. This was terrible for Jace because he knew that no matter how much Clary hated crying, she hated even more losing control of her emotions in front of the boys. After a while, Clary calmed herself before looking up at Jace's golden orbs, a bright smile on her lips:

"He almost called me Mom."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary woke up in the middle of the night gasping at a pain in her stomach and did her best to ignore it. She tried to sooth herself and even her breathing quietly, but Jace was already awake.

"What's wrong Clary?"

"Nothing. Just a passing pain."

She laid back in the bed, Jace wrapping her in his arms and gently soothing her aching stomach, and suddenly the pain was gone as quickly as it came. She tried not to think about it and slowly let herself go back to sleep under Jace's calming caresses. But that didn't keep her from waking up a few more times during the night and feeling so bad at some point that she just positioned herself on the fetal position, her hands clutched on her stomach.

Jace tried on several times to convince her to go to the emergencies, but she contented herself by glaring at him every time he would mention the very idea. So he had to watch helplessly his wife squirm on herself, gritting her teeth and stubbornly refusing to admit that something was wrong with her.

The pain didn't stop in the morning, only got more frequent, and so intense that Tyler noticed that something was wrong with her. She waved it off, asking how had been the party and forcing herself to stay focused on the tale of the night.

Suddenly, the phone rang, and Jace picked up, watching Clary repress yet again another wince. It was Jon, and he seems beyond ecstatic, even though Jace could hear tiredness in his voice. He barely acknowledged Jace and directly asked for Clary to whom immediately gave the phone, already knowing what it was about.

"Leonor is born. She came in this world ten minutes ago."

Clary cheered for her bother before telling him that she would be there any minutes to see her niece. When she hung up, she brightly smiled to Jace and Tyler, and Jace grabbed his helmet saying that he would go with her to the hospital. They waved Tyler goodbye, telling him that he'd better tidy the house before they got back.

Before they got on the bike, Jace sent a quick text to Jon, asking him to find a doctor available to take care of Clary. He knew that even though she was pretending otherwise, her stomach still hurt her, the proof being the fact that she declined driving to the hospital.

As soon as they arrived there, they found Jon who was waiting for them with a worried frown in his eyes. A frown that he shouldn't have as a newly father. Clary glared at Jace, sure that he had sold her out and therefore ruined this moment of happiness for her brother.

"I won't let you see her until you get to that doctor Clary. So move your ass."

She looked at the two men before growling and giving up in front of this obvious plotting against her. Jon brought her to a hospital room a few doors away from Izzy's and there the doctor started to osculate her. He asked about what he ate last, and after palpating her stomach, he asked how she was feeling. If she was tired lately, if she felt moody, if anything changed in her routine of life, and Clary answered by the negative, hearing Jace sigh behind her.

"She's really tired lately. And she has those rash of food sometimes before it quickly fades away. And sometimes she has those downs of blood pressure."

"Yeah, it's called _aging_. You should try sometimes. It's _nothing_ doctor, my body is just ..."

"I think we should do an ultrasound, just to be sure that it's nothing."

After the doctor spending an indefinite time on her stomach, he finally left them alone in a hurry saying that he would be back in a minutes. Clary pulled down her shirt and got up to look through the window, still pissed off that they made her see a doctor. She had to go through a freaking ultrasound for goodness sake! But she didn't even had time to yell at them that the doctor was already back, a file with her name on it.

"Mrs, you may want to sit down."

At those words Clary narrowed her eyes, doing her best to keep her features unreadable. She didn't have to glance at Jon and Jace to know that they were looking at her with a worried look. It was never good when a doctor told you to sit down.

"I'd rather not."

"As you wish."

Then he turned go Jon, and Jon saw in his eyes something he didn't like. There was something wrong with Clary, he could feel it deep in his bones. He glanced once again at his twin before returning his gaze to the doctor. He was about to talk when the patrician held up his hand, cutting him down.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

Clary was about to protest, but Jon shook his head and got up. He kissed her on the forehead before walking out of the room, and Clary finally looked at Jace, seeing the same fear that she was feeling in his golden eyes. What if she was really sick?

"What's wrong with me?"

"There's not a thousand ways to say it: you're pregnant, and you're in labour."

Jace didn't move a single muscle as he saw Clary blinking blindly at the doctor's words. She was pregnant. _Pregnant_! How in the Hell did that happen? She was on the pill and they both knew how difficult it was for her to conceive. And more importantly, she was as flat as an iron board. If she was in labour, it meant that the baby was fully grown.

"That's _impossible_."

As Clary stated the obvious, Jace realized that her assertion had never been more wrong. Of course it was possible. It was possible because they all thought it was impossible. His eyes never left Clary and he saw that she knew the truth, but still refused it. Her lips were trembling and Jace swallowed harshly, trying to down the information.

"Mrs, pregnancy denial is something often seen in women in your condition who think that they canno..."

"Don't go all doctor on me! What you're saying is just plainly ridiculous! Jace tell him it can't be! I'm dysfunctional, we can't have kids, I've made peace with that! _Tell him he's wron_g!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, she squatted on the floor and bursted in tears. In the matter of seconds, Jace was by her side, and she clung into him, saying that it couldn't be. He hushed her as the doctor looked at them with this professional medicinal look Jace hated so much. He could at least show some compassion, he was a doctor, not a robot.

Then she raised her head, and when Jace looked into her green eyes gleaming with tears, he remembered when he last saw that expression in her eyes. The time when she almost died in his arms. He closed his eyes and made them both stand up before settling Clary on the bed and looking at the doctor with determination.

"We want a caesarean."

"She's too far into labour for us to do so."

And as if to prove his words, Clary's waters broke at this precise moment, wetting her trousers and making her cry even more as she shook her head no and closed her legs and bent on herself, clinging her stomach with her hands and wincing out of pain.

Two male nurses entered along with a midwife and a female nurse, and Jace immediately straightened up, an ugly feeling squirming inside of him. Why did she need so many nurses? Clary seemed to have the same feeling as she grabbed suddenly his hand and squeezed it out of fear. The doctor looked at Jace as the men started walking to him, and Jace knew what he was going to say, before he even said it.

"Giving your wife's past, I'm going to ask you to leave, sir."

"That's not happening."

Clary held his hand even tighter before squeezing it hard, holding back a scream by pressing her lips together. Jace saw a tear roll down her cheek and he leaned down to wipe it away. The midwife was bustling around Clary to make her comfortable and remove her trousers as the doctor was trying to reasonably make him leave, but Jace couldn't tear away his gaze from Clary's face. She seemed literally terrified, and after another contraction shot her, she looked at Jace straight in the eyes, determination lightening her green and frightened emeralds.

"Jace, I want to see the boys. Please bring me the boys."

Jace was about to refuse, excluding the very idea of leaving her side just for one second, but then another contraction came and she let out a shout of pain before pleading him again. The nurses started to walk to Jace, but he couldn't think of anything else but Clary.

"Clary, I can't..."

"_Please_ Jace."

Jace felt a hand on his shoulder and finally tore away his gaze from Clary, letting go of her hand. He walked to the door, followed by two nurses and feeling his heart torn apart when she cried out again. As soon as he crossed the doors, Jon got up on his feet, asking him what was wrong and why Clary was screaming, but Jace didn't' answer, only taking his phone out of his pocket to call Tyler.

As the tonality rang, Jace registered that one of the nurse had left while the other was standing by the door. Jon kept on harassing him of questions, growing anxious by Jace's silence, and finally Tyler picked up.

"Yeah?"

"Tyler, I need you to go pick up Kevin at my parents before coming to Lenox Hill Hospital."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Just do it."

Tyler told Jace that he'd be here as soon as possible and Jace hung up, holding the phone tight in his fist. Then he glared at the nurse who was still standing by the door, still able to hear Clary's pain through the closed door.

"Now tell me why I can't be by my wife's side?"

"Because her file says that you almost lost it last time. And the doctor needs to put all his focus on her and the baby."

"_Baby_?"

Jace felt Jon look at him incredulously and did his best to hold it together. He needed answers. He saw Jon making an unconscious movement toward the room as another scream could be heard, and the nurse shifted a little to place himself on the way.

"But... That's ... She's ..."

"Many pregnancy denials are due by the fact that women are persuaded that they cannot conceive. That added to the fact that she was on the pill, her denial was even bigger. According by the size of the baby's skull, we estimated that the conception must have been between end of December and beginning of January. It seemed perfectly developed and full-termed."

Jace let himself fall on the chair where Jon had been sitting, wincing each time he heard Clary. He figured that they must have made the baby when they were in Amazonia, when Clary got jet-lagged and missed her pill one day. _One freaking day_! They had been trying for over two years before giving up at Krys's death, and now in one freaking day they scored.

A nurse came out of Clary's room before coming back accompanied by another doctor. when the door closed, Jace took his head in his hands and leaned his elbows on his knees. He couldn't focus on anything else but Clary's screams, becoming less distant and longer. This was Krys all over again, except that this time, he wasn't next to her to help her and sooth her.

Jace remembered so well how he felt his heart shatter when Clary had let go of his hand, her head, sweaty by the effort, lolling on the side as she was sighing for the last time. He remembered how he shook her, shouting at her while the doctor was busying himself by retrieving her placenta. The midwife had to shove him off to let the doctor operate CPR on Clary, forcing the life back into her, and finally giving her back to Jace.

But what if this time it wasn't enough? What if this time was the time too much for her? Jace felt tears of fear and anguish burning his eyes, but he refused to shed them. He shut his eyes tight and gripped his hair so hard that he could have pulled them out of his head.

He felt Jon slumping on the floor next to him, and even though he could understand his distress, Jace didn't do anything toward him, still registering somewhere in his mind that once again, the twins had had pregnancies around the same time.

Suddenly, Jace snapped his head up and he saw Tyler and Kevin walking to them, along with Jessica. And he couldn't help but blame: what was he going to tell them? He got up, closing his eyes as he heard Clary screamed again, her voice full of sobs, and found himself voiceless when his sons where standing in front of him.

"What's wrong? Where is Clary?"

Just as Tyler finished his question, Clary screamed again, but this time, they could hear baby's cries along her scream. Jon got up in the second, glancing at Jace, before Jace looked back at his boys. Jessica opened big eyes of surprise and then comprehension before she took Kevin's hand and told him that they would buy jello at the machine.

Kevin followed her, glancing a few times at Jace who couldn't help but be grateful at Jessica. Tyler seemed stoned, just looking at the door that seemed to hold life and death, and finally it opened and the midwife came out, only to give Jace a crying and bloody little baby.

"Congratulations, it's a girl."

And then she rushed back inside, after quickly telling the nurse at the door something, and Jace couldn't help but notice that as the baby was crying her lungs out to have been brought to this world, he couldn't hear Clary's screams anymore.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**Ha, ha! I got you on this one! You weren't expecting that. A denial. Told you, everything happens for a reason. Now, will Clary survive? Especially when you know that the story is almost over? ... **

**So tellme you thought and what you think will happen next. I'm off to bed, but I have this dreams of having many reviews when I'll wake up ;-) **

**Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	34. Welcome

**So, first things first. I know I usually keep that for the end, but I have to set something clear. **

**So when a woman does a pregnancy denial, her brain convinces her body that she is not pregnant. Which means that she won't have any major symptoms such as having a baby bump, morning sicknesses, she will keep on having her periods. She will keep on living her life, barely affected by her pregnancy because she doesn't know she is pregnant. **

**After there are different degrees, but Clary's was a strong one. But for those who knew about what is denial, there were a few hints such as her mood swings, her craving for ramen, her tiredness, her sexual issues, and so on.**

**Anyway, I hope I was clear enough in that explanation. Pregnancy denials is something fascinating, you should look it up, and I could talk about it for hours. But to make it short, she didn't show that she was pregnant, because she didn't know, but still was.**

**.**

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

The nurse who had been standing by the door walked to Jace and talked to him with a gentle voice, but Jace couldn't hear anything but the deafening silence left by Clary. He could feel the baby wiggle in his arms, but his eyes were locked on the door. Why couldn't they hear her anymore? They were hearing her just fine a few minutes ago!

"_Jace_! Go take care of your daughter!"

Jace snapped out of his state and blinked at Jon who was standing next to him, pushing him toward the nurse, and finally Jace registered that the nurse had asked him to follow him to go clean the baby. Jace hesitated a moment, unwilling to leave Clary's door, but he still went along with the nurse when Tyler rested a hand on his shoulder. They both followed the man, Jace glancing one last time at Jon, and Jace saw on Jon's face the same worry that he was feeling: why didn't they let them go in the room?

Once they got in the bathroom, the nurse took the girl out of Jace's arms, and started showing him how to clean the baby as she kept on crying in the nurse's hands and under Tyler's very attentive eyes. And that's when Jace finally looked at his baby girl. At this little being that he made grew inside of Clary without even having the knowledge of it.

She was small, too small for a full-term baby. Watching his daughter, Jace remembered all the things Clary did that were contraindicated for pregnant women, a lump growing in his throat. Drinking, fighting, roller-costars. She did so many things while holding this little baby hidden within her, and still, the baby made it through. Despite Clary's condition, despite everything she did that could have endangered the baby's life, their daughter made it through, determined to come to this life.

As the blood was washing away, Jace saw that she had short thick strawberry blond hair, just like Clary always wanted. Her skin was ghostly white, like Clary's and she was really small as Tyler kept on repeating over and over again. The nurse smiled to Tyler and asked Jace if he wanted to hold her as he kept on rinsing her, but Jace couldn't move, and so Tyler gladly took the offer.

"She's so freaking _small_."

"She's a baby. She'll grow. Just hold her head like that."

And finally, as Tyler was holding her, a smile on his face, she swiftly opened her eyes, and Jace lost it at this precise moment. She had his mother's eyes. Light blue eyes circled by a ring of black. And seeing those eyes reminded Jace that he never got to know his own mother because she died in childbirth. He remembered how, no matter how much he loved Maryse with all his heart, a part of him always wondered what his mother had been like. And now his daughter was facing the same fate. History had a really sick sense of irony when it came to repeat itself.

"I _can't_ do this."

He couldn't do it. He couldn't live and raise a family without Clary. She had no choice but to live. If he had to shake the life into her, he would. Without even being able to stop himself with reason, he rushed back to her room, but horror stroke him when he didn't find Jon in front of the door.

Jace tried to rationalize himself, thinking that everything was fine now and Jon was just in the room with Clary, but when he pushed the door open and stepped into the room, Jace found it empty. No one was there. There was a bloody bed, the doctor's bloody equipment, but Clary wasn't here. She was gone.

Jace fell on his knees and felt a tear roll down his cheek, an enormous lump growing in his throat. She was gone. Clary was gone. She left him behind to take care of their family. She wouldn't share with him the pains and joys of being a parent anymore. She wouldn't be by his side loving him as much as he loved her. _She was gone_.

Angrily he fisted his hair and bent on himself, hurling his rage and his pain. How was he going to survive without her? She was his sun and his air. She was his Earth and his sky. She was his all and everything. She was his Clary. He couldn't live without her. He couldn't _be_ without her.

Suddenly, he wished he had been closer to Stephan. Stephan would have told him how he survived. How he managed to keep on living and move on with his life with a kid on his arms. How was Jace going to do? How was he going to take care of three kids without Clary by his side?

Jace stayed an indefinite period of time like that, feeling his world shatter around him. He lost Clary. After all that they've been through, he still ended up losing her. He noticed someone coming in the room and talking to him, but he refused to acknowledge the person. If he did so, he would have to go on, and he didn't want to. He wanted to stay here and dwell in his pain as much as possible.

He heard the door being opened and closed, and he wondered what he had done in another life to deserve this. He wasn't _that_ bad of a person, so why all this drama was happening to _him_? He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve having to live without the love of his life. The boys didn't deserve to find a Mom just to have her ripped away from them. Their baby girl didn't deserve to never get to know her mother. _This wasn't fair_.

"Jace?"

Jace felt Tyler's hand on his shoulder and he tried to raise his head to his son, but he couldn't. He knew he reacted on the heat of the moment, probably scaring Tyler who was already bonding with his little sister when Jace didn't show any emotions toward the baby. Not that he didn't feel any, he was just too overwhelmed by the thought of Clary at this very instant.

He straightened up a bit, but couldn't bare looking at his son and seeing loss in his eyes. And worst, what if he didn't know? What if it was up to Jace to break him the news? He couldn't. He couldn't say those words out loud.

"Clary's asking for you."

Jace finally raised his head to look at Tyler who was smiling down to him. Jace blinked a but, downing the information. Clary was asking for him. _She was alive._ In less than a second he was up, passing a relieved hand on his face as he noticed the nurse standing next to Tyler. She explained him that they moved Clary in another room and that she was now resting there with her family. Jace didn't say a word, waiting to see her with his own eyes before feeling completely reassured.

Tyler led him to another room, telling him that the door just next to it was Izzy's room, and then he pushed the door. And Jace finally felt like he was breathing again. Clary was sitting on the bed, with Kevin, Jessica holding their daughter and Izzy holding her own baby at her feet. Jon was sitting next to Clary a tube linking them both and pumping blood from Jon to Clary.

The nurse walked Clary and Clary looked up to Jace, relief washing her face, but still, Jace noticed that she didn't smile. She seemed beyond exhausted, and it was clear that she cried a lot. Jace walked to her, but was stopped in his movements by the nurse.

"Do you want to feed your daughter?"

Jace nodded, never looking away from Clary. He sat on the other side of her bed and the nurse took the baby from Jessica's arms to place her in Jace's. Then she gave Jace a bottle of warm milk and told everyone that Clary needed to rest. Jace looked at their baby girl as they all left except Jon who still had his blood sucked out of him. None of them said anything for a moment, the room only filled by the avid baby's sucks.

"How are you going to call her?"

"I don't know."

Jace snapped his head from their daughter to look at Clary before looking at Jon to see if he had also sensed it. Jon was staring at him with the same expression as he frowned his brows. The way she had said 'I don't know' sounded a lot as if she meant 'I don't care'. Jace wanted to take her hand in his, but he couldn't, both of his hands busied by feeding their girl.

Clary had her eyes closed. She had closed them ever since everyone left. She just wanted to sleep and forget this awful day and everything that came along with it. She felt Jon's hand squirming to take hers, but she closed her fist, squeezing her eyes tighter.

Jon heaved and glanced at Jace again. They shared a look but before any of them could say anything, the doctor entered in the room. He walked to the twins and retrieved the tubes from them before inquiring Jon about his state. Jon answered that he was feeling as fresh as ever, and so the patrician dismissed him. Jon left, after quickly kissing Clary on the forehead`

"Are you feeling better Mrs. Wayland?"

"I want to sleep."

Jace was rocking their baby, looking at Clary who didn't give a single glance to the doctor ever since he came into the room, her eyes still closed. Jace reached for her hand and she squeezed it a little, a small smile haunting her lips before it quickly fade away.

"Can I talk to you, Mr. Wayland?"

At those words, Clary's eyes snapped opened, and she looked at Jace, but then she quickly looked away, making Jace frown. What was wrong with Clary and why wasn't she ecstatic as he wanted to be. He wanted to grin like an idiot with a goofy smile, but Clary's frown prevented him from doing so. She didnt' seem the slightest happy, even less since the boys left the room.

Jace got up and kissed Clary's temple, holding their daughter in his arms as the doctor was administrating Clary some medications. Jace thought that she must be very tired to willingly take any sort of drug, and then he followed the patrician out of the room. Once outside, the doctor gave Jace a look that Jace didn't like at all. It was as if the physician was anxious of what he was about to say.

"I'd like to talk about your wife's condition?"

Jace paled. What could possibly wrong with Clary? Couldn't life just be kind to her, to them, just once?

"Her _condition_?"

"Nothing alarming. It's just a few things. As you probably guessed, she lost a lot of blood during the delivery. This had been a problem only for a moment: luckily, your wife share the same blood as her brother. Now what I'd _really_ like to talk about is the fact that she still refuses to admit that she was pregnant and..."

"She doesn't refuse anything. It's not like she could anyway. I fed our daughter _in front of_ her for goodness sake!"

"And _why_ did you do it? Because she refused to do it. She claimed to be too tired to do so. And she still didn't hold your daughter. It's often seen in denial cases. Especially the ones where there's already a whole family. She resents the baby. She almost died giving birth to your daughter, and still the first thing she asked for when she was stabilized was your sons, not the baby."

Jace looked down to their daughter who was sleeping in his arms, her head on his shoulder. Why would Clary resent their baby? That wasn't making any sense. Especially from Clary: family was everything to her.

"We have specialists to whom she can talk to..."

Jace nodded, all the while knowing that he would never bring the idea to Clary. She would kill him before he could even bring the idea out. The doctor left, telling Jace that Clary needed to rest and so Jace went in the room that Tyler had earlier indicated him as Izzy's. When he entered, he found Izzy reading a magazine on her bed, Leonor in her small crib next to her. Izzy looked up to him and patted the bed in front of her for Jace to sit.

"So Jace? You finally have someone who will call you 'Daddy'."

Jace smiled and shook his head, hoping that his daughter wouldn't be one of those 'Daddy' girls. They always ended up being spoiled and selfish brats. Izzy asked for the baby, and Jace reluctantly gave his daughter to his sister. Once she had her in her arms, Izzy examined the baby girl all the while rocking her.

"It's really freakingly freaky."

"What?"

Izzy looked up to Jace and smirked.

"That's right, you still haven't seen my daughter."

She glanced at the crib, and Jace got up to see little Leonor. But as soon as he looked down the crib, he snapped his head back to Izzy to make sure that she was still holding his daughter. Izzy smirked at him, and he watch the sleeping baby more closely.

She was an exact copy of his own daughter. They had the same hair color, the same nose, the same tone of skin, the same shape of eyes. The only difference was that Leonor was slightly taller that his girl.

"That's _freaky!_"

"I know. Jon almost flew of delight when he saw your daughter. And Jessica kept on saying that we should pretend they're twins to mess with the teachers' heads when they'll be in school."

Jace chuckled, trying to ignore the fact that Izzy wasn't talking about the reaction he wanted to hear: Clary's. He sat back in front of Izzy, feeling a rash of exhaustion wash over him, so he bent down, resting his forearms on his tights and letting his head lie on his hands joined together in front of him.

"She's afraid Jace. She's scared that the boys will feel threaten by your baby. Because she's your flesh and blood."

Jace turned his head a little to look at Izzy who was still rocking his daughter, glad to finally have a glimpse of what was going through Clary's mind. Of course she would think of the boys, they were the first ones she thought about when she thought she was going to die. Not Jon, not Lucky or Luke, but her two sons.

But the boys had seemed completely ecstatic about their new sister. Tyler bathed her and Kevin had sparkles in his eyes when he was looking at her. But then again, maybe Jace misread their feeling toward the newest member of their family and that Clary was right. He frowned, scratching his skull, and Izzy reassured him immediately.

"Oh don't worry, they _don't_. Especially Tyler. He took a thousand pictures of her, and he kept on bragging about how he was the one to give her her first bath. Maybe you should talk to Kevin though, just to reassure him, he's still young."

Jace nodded, agreeing with Izzy and then he straightened up, glancing once again at the crib. How did the twins managed to have girls who looked alike so much when the other genitors weren't even blood related?

"I still didn't congratulate you by the way."

Izzy grimaced and gave Jace his daughter back. Jace smiled to his baby, even though she was sleeping and then looked back to Izzy who was smirking at him, leaning back against the head of her hospital bed.

"Argh, don't. I hate when people do. There's nothing to congratulate. I grew fat like a whale for months, and then I suffered for hours because little miss sunshine was too comfy in her womb, and finally she's here. You'll see. Your little one will wake you at whatever hours in the night, and cry all the time, and drool on you. Welcome to parenting a baby, Jace. You'll love it and hate it as much as the rest of us."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"If you want to go back to Clary, go Jace. I'll take care of Kevin."

Jace shook his head and smiled at Tyler, looking at what used to be Krys's room. He had been blankly staring at it for a while now, going in for the first time since the boy's death. He knew that Clary went there a few times, with the hope to be able to finally let go. But she never did.

The last time she opened this door was when Tyler had started to show a vivid interest into photography and she had wanted to turn the room into a darkroom. But she hadn't had the strength to remove anything from the room, and so she built with Jon a little cabin in the garden for Tyler where he now developed all his pictures.

Tyler made a small step and stood next to Jace in the doorframe. Kevin and him knew about this room and what it meant for Clary and Jace, but they never questioned it.

"You don't have to use _this_ room. There's the guest room."

"The guest room is going to Krystof."

"Well ... I can sleep in the cabin."

"No. Your room is your room Tyler. It's just that ... It's _hard_."

"Why?"

Jace heaved, his eyes flying all over the place as he remembered all the plans he had made for his dead son. Many of them had been fulfilled by the boys, like teaching someone the guitar, or going to the park to kick the ball, or the awkward conversation about the difference between love and sex.

But there were still other things that he had come to peace to never accomplish. Like the first steps of his kid, or the first word. The first bump, the first day at school, the first smile. So many things that now were coming back rushing to him without Jace knowing how to hold them back.

"I'm not a kid Jace."

Tyler looked at Jace, a bit annoyed of Jace's silent, and Jace shook his head, smiling gently.

"I know. It's just that... We made peace with it. And we got you guys. And all the love we wanted to give, we gave it to you. And now, out of the blue comes this little extra life that we never expected. It's just hard. Because we were used to just the four of us."

"But you love the baby right?"

"_Of course_ we do. She's our kid. As much as you are."

But as he was saying those words, Jace couldn't help but remember that Clary still didn't take their baby in her arms. He had left the hospital after talking to Izzy to bring the boys home and take care of them. Maryse and Robert had proposed to take them to their house just like Lynn and CJ, but Jace refused. He wanted to spend time with his sons, no matter how much he wanted to stay by Clary's side. Beside he knew that it would be what she'd ask of him if she were awake when he left the maternity.

"Don't worry, I don't need a pep talk. I know you love us as if we were yours."

Jace smiled and stepped into the room, inhaling deeply. There wasn't a peck of dust in it, which meant that Clary came in this room more often than Jace thought, at least to clean it.

"I can do the room of it's too hard for you."

"There's nothing to do really. Just..."

Jace walked to the frame where Clary put many pictures for Krys arrival. He removed all the pictures which were related to their late boy, and then he turned to face Tyler. Kevin was now standing next to him, eying critically the room.

"But that's a boy's room."

"You think Clary is one to care about gender?"

Kevin nodded, chuckling before walking in the room and putting a teddy bear in the crib. Jace glanced at the bear, surprised by Kevin's gesture. It was the only thing that remained of his parents.

"I'm too old for a teddy bear now."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

**Hihi, admit it, you thought I killed her for a moment. Come on. I'm not that evil, well I am, but I do have a heart (hidden somewhere). And still, Clary dying like that ..., noooo it's better to have something more tragic if she is to die. Mouhahahhahah **

**I hope you liked this chapter with the introduction of this little new character. So how do you think I'll name her? I already have her name, but I'd like to know what you think will come out of me. It's a tribute name. **

**And yeah, I did it on purpose to leave Clary's thoughts aside. And what do you think of the girl resemblance? I think it's cute as H***. And what did you think of the boys? Well, actually tell me all your reactions on this whole chapter because I've been waiting forever to put it on. I really hope you liked it. **

** Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	35. The Baby

Clary woke up to the sound that she had been longing for to hear for so long. And still, it took her several minutes to convince herself to get up and take the baby in her arms. For this short laps of time, Clary laid in her hospital bed, her back facing the crib as the baby kept on crying. Clary still couldn't believe that what was happening to her was real. It simply couldn't be. Even though the crying baby behind her was the living proof that the past twenty four hours hadn't been an awful nightmare, Clary still squeezed her eyes shut, trying to go back to this time when she was happy with her husband and two sons.

And suddenly, she bursted in tears, realizing how horrible she was. The baby didn't ask anything, and Clary was refusing her because she was a bump in the road. What kind of horrible person was she? Why wasn't she like any mother, loving her baby at first sight? What was wrong with her to blame on a poor innocent soul all her worries and anxieties?

Sniffling, she got up and took the baby in her arms, not bothering in switching on the lights. Somewhere in her mind, she wished Jace had been here with her, but she knew that he had to go home with the boys. As she sat back on the bed, Clary thought of the boys and on how they must feel about this sudden change in their lives.

They both knew that she couldn't conceive, Jace and her had told them during one really painful conversation. So how were they feeling now? Were they really happy, or did they feel threatened by this new arrival? The social worker had told Clary and Jace of the many cases where the foster children secluded themselves when a child was born in their foster house, because they were fearing a new sort of rejection for they weren't flesh and blood.

Clary quickly wiped her tears away and looked at the baby. Her and Jace's baby. She should start thinking of the baby as her and Jace's baby. She was wiggling in Clary's arms, frail as could be and with a sigh, Clary gave her what she was clamoring. She did everything the nurse had told her, and saw that the baby surprisingly knew what to do.

She avidly sucked on Clary's breast and Clary really looked at her for the first time. Everyone said that she looked like Jon's daughter, but she still hadn't seen little Leonor. Her daughter's hair was strawberry blond, like Clary always dreamed off. She knew that her genes -holding the blond and the red- were playing in her favor, but she was still glad that she at least had that.

The baby's skin was white as a ghost, even paler under the moonlight, and Clary could almost distinguish the small veins traveling the baby's arms. Clary held her hand up, hesitating a little before letting her finger travel on the baby's soft skin, and when she reached the hand of the baby, the baby grabbed her finger, all the while keeping on sucking the milk.

At that, Clary bursted in tears once again and did her best to keep her sobs silent. How could she be so unfair? It wasn't like the signs hadn't been there. She should have known. She knew exactly when her brain had decided to convince her body that she wasn't pregnant. She remembered that week when they came back from Amazonia and that she started throwing up. But stupidly, she had put that on the jet lag because she thought that simply couldn't be pregnant.

And still she had been. If she had paid more attention, she would have been able to tell. Like her sudden craving for ramen. And her exhaustion at whatever hours of the day or night. And her mood swings against Jace. It was all shouting that she was pregnant, but she had ignored it because it _couldn't_ be. She was on the pill and with a defective uterus for Goodness sake!

The baby had fallen asleep in her arms, her mouth slightly agape and from where a little milk was dripping, and Clary made her burp before settling her in her crib. She stayed up hovering the crib for two long hours before deciding of her next move. She hesitated a moment before leaving the room and going to the hospital phone. She checked on the time before grimacing, knowing that he would be grumpy.

"Hello."

"Please, I need you to come right now."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Jon arrived in the hospital, exhausted as could be, and still, his mind was completely aware. He had been dreading but expecting Clary's call all night long. He knew that the only reason she didn't actually fled the hospital was that she was too weak to do so. Jace had told him about what the doctor said on Clary's reaction toward their daughter and how worried he was because of how stubborn Clary could be.

But Jon knew better, Clary was just scared and needed to be reassured. Clary had always reacted like that when something foreign was threatening the harmony of her family. Being closed off the unknown was her way to protect herself and her family, and in a way Jon couldn't blame her. It was common knowledge that men became fathers when they first held their child whereas women would become mothers as soon as they knew they were expecting. But what about women in Clary's condition? What about those women who didn't have those nine months to get used to the idea that a life was blooming within them.

Jon found Clary sleeping, curled up on a chair next to the crib, and he couldn't help but smile. No matter how much her reason was trying to deny her her child, Clary's instincts still took over. She had a hand hanging in the crib, slightly touching the baby, and Jon hesitated a moment before picking up his twin and settling her up in the hospital bed.

He knew that she should manage her body for she had to be sewed back from the inside. As he was tugging her in, she stirred and she tiredly rubbed her eyes when she saw him. She sat up, her green eyes steady on her brother as his own eyes were worriedly looking at her. She gently smiled at him, and he sat next to her as she patted the mattress on her side.

"It took you the time."

"I'm sorry. I had to drop Lynn and CJ at Maryse's since you didn't want Jace to know I was coming."

"How's Jace?"

"Relieved. We really thought you wouldn't make it. You didn't. Clary, a hundred years ago, you would have died."

Clary grimaced, not needing a reminder on how once again she barely escaped the Ripper's claw. It was as if she was Death's little toy, and that each time fate made her believe that she wouldn't make it. If she had been a fatalist, she would have said that the person who wrote her life had a really sick sense of humor.

She knew that she died during the labor, she remembered how for a second she thought that her last image on this Earth would have been the one of a bloody and crying baby pulled out of her. And then she blacked out, only to come back to someone pumping her chest. And when she breathed again, she had to have her insides sewed back without anesthesia, making her realize that having a hand completely buried inside her vagina still burning from the delivery wasn't the best feeling ever.

And despite all this pain, all this pain that all the mothers of the world claim to be worth it, she still couldn't feel like a Mom toward the baby girl. She swallowed hardly and rested her head on her brother's shoulder. This was why she called him, because in the end, Jon would always be the shoulder on which she could rely, the only one person to whom she could talk without ever fearing to be judged.

"What's wrong Clary?"

"I don't ... I don't love her. I'm trying, but I don't. I loved Krys the moment I knew I was pregnant with him. Same for my first unborn child. And her, the first child who actually makes it through, ... I don't know. What's wrong with me, Jon?"

Jon had moved his head a little to look at his twin as she was telling him what was bothering her, but he wasn't even fazed by it. He knew it wasn't true. She was just scared. She was even more scared because she knew she wasn't thinking straight. And who could blame her? Yesterday she was a happy wife with two sons and a very flat stomach, and now she was a woman who just gave birth to her daughter. That would confuse anyone, so if he brought to the equation the high hormonal state in which she must be at this moment, Jon understood how scared she must be at this moment. She was only human after all.

"You _do_ love her. You just don't know it yet."

Clary wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe him so much. She wanted to believe that nothing was wrong was her and that she would wake up the next day and feel what she was suppose to feel toward the baby. If only she could believe him. If only he could be right

"I want Mom and Dad, Jon."

"Clary ..."

"_No_! They would know what's wrong with me! Why am I like that? She's supposed to be my daughter, I'm supposed to love her! What kind of mother am I? Jace is already so in love with her. Tyler couldn't stop talking about how he gave her her first bath, Kevin was already planning her bedtime stories, and all I could care about was sleeping! I didn't even held her once for the sake of it! What's wrong with me, Jon? Mom and Dad would know, they simply would..."

Clary hid her face in Jon's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. He soothed her as she silently cried, trying to find with care the words he could tell her right now, but when he opened his mouth to talk, she stopped him.

"_Don't_. I just want to cry. I promise I'll be okay, just let me cry before everyone comes in and I have to fake smile to them."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary had fallen asleep in Jon's arms, and now she was waking up as she was hearing someone shyly opening the door. She glanced and saw that it was Hodge. She smiled to him and gestured him to come in. He did so, a pot of flowers in his hands that he set on her nightstand.

"I know how you feel about cut flowers."

Clary chuckled, remembering the day she sold her first painting and Hodge had bought her roses. She had refused them telling him that she refused to have anything to do with the murderer of an innocent being. And ever since, Hodge bought her flowers in pot at each of her sales. He was actually the only one to ever buy her flowers.

"So you're a Mommy once again."

Clary did her best to smile and not grimace and Hodge got up after longly staring at her. He walked to the crib and looked down at the sleeping baby. It was only at this moment that it accord to Clary that Hodge was old. She knew he had young grandkids, but she never really saw them, only pictures. And still, she never pictured Hodge as anything than her colleague. But now, she was seeing the grandfather in him as he was smiling at the baby, nostalgia in his features.

"I always forget how small they can get."

"Yeah. Apparently she'll out-grow it."

She tried to put as much interest as she could muster in her voice, but still, she was sure that Hodge saw right through her. He gently smiled to her, his eyes shinning with wisdom.

"You remember what I told you about Sydney? Maybe you should take it in consideration..."

Clary glanced at the baby. Hodge had told her a few weeks ago that she should check her exposition in Sidney and she said that she would think of it. Clary kept her gaze on the baby who was stirring in her sleep. Could she still go? This trip would actually help her to find herself again. Clary nodded, shoving back the feeling that she was doing something wrong. Hodge's eyes gleamed with something that Clary didn't quite get before he said that he should go.

Jace entered as Hodge left and he quickly came to kiss Clary before leaning over the crib and taking their daughter in his arms as she was finally waking up. Jace smiled at the baby before sitting next to Clary as she was moving on the ned to give him some space. She took the baby in her arms and stopped her cries by offering her a breast filled with milk.

Jace wrapped his arm around his two girls and kissed Clary's temple once again. She gently smiled at him, but he saw that the smile never reached her eyes. He looked at them, his wife feeding their daughter, still not quite believing that this image was finally real, and not a fading and aching dream anymore.

"We really should find her a name, Clary."

"I don't have any girl's name in mind."

Clary shrugged, and Jace repressed a sigh. He was trying to gently trigger her motherly instincts, but she wasn't helping with that stubborn attitude of hers. When he talked to Jon about it, hoping that Jon would talk some sense into his twin like he always did. But Jon just told Jace to let her be, and wait for Nature to take its course.

"What about when you were first pregnant?"

"I wanted to call her Lynn."

Jace didn't reply anything to that, still registering that no matter how much Clary had forgotten about her life at that time, she still had this little glimpse of her family who came crawling to the surface to her. He gently rubbed her arm because he knew that despite the fact that she rarely spoke about her parents, she still didn't grieve them properly and she still missed them deeply.

"What about you? You were the one who always wanted a girl."

"I mostly said that to tease you. I never thought of a girl's name."

"Well, we don't to name her now. We can still wait a bit and think about it."

Jace nodded as Clary took the baby off of her breast. She set the baby on her shoulder to make her burp and gave her back to Jace as soon as she did. He rocked the baby to sleep in his arms, still noticing that even though Clary took their daughter in her arms, as soon as her duty was done, she got rid of her.

Once this little girl was sleeping, Jace settled her down in her crib before going back to sit on the bed next to Clary. She looked up to him before leaning in and kidding him on the lips, and he realized at that moment that for the first time in years, they didn't kiss in two days. He gave her back her kiss, and she smiled before she rested her head on his chest.

He played a little with her hair, remembering for the first time in a long time how frail and fragile Clary could be. Clary was always giving back this strong image of a tough girl that nothing fazed and Jace had fallen under this habit that Clary's mind was unbreakable. But it was the very opposite, and he had let himself forget that Clary was very fragile when it came to her emotions.

"We never got to talk, Clary."

"Where are the boys?"

They had talked at the same time, and Clary was relieved that she did. She knew that what she told Jon, she couldn't tell Jace. He wouldn't understand how she could not feel a thing for their daughter when she almost walked out on him when they found out she was pregnant with Krys.

"At the mall, looking for a gift for their sister."

Jace looked at Clary glancing elsewhere as he was subtly redirecting the conversation toward what he really wanted to talk. He moved from the bed and sat properly in the chair next to it, his gesture silently over-analyzed by Clary's attentive eyes.

"I took an appointment with the doctor."

"_Why_?"

Clary's heart stopped. What if something was wrong with Jace and she didn't lay enough attention to him to notice?

"I'm not going through that again, Clary. I _refuse_ to have to stand in front of an hospital door again, to hear you scream to your death because Nature can be a freak sometimes. So ... I'll get a vasectomy."

"You shouldn't. What if I die, or we get a divorce, and you find someone who's not defective?"

"Clary ... The appointment is made, there's no point in arguing."

Jace sighed, making Clary understand that she had no say in the matter. He would do it, wether she liked it or not. He thought about it all night long, and this was the only solution he came up with. He rather cut the problem at the core than risk Clary's life again. If it meant taking this huge decision in his life, then so be it.

"I'm going to Sidney. In a couple of weeks. _Alone_."

"_Excuse me!_?"

Jace knew about her exposition in Australia, but he thought that the arrival of their daughter had clearly cancelled any idea she could have of traveling. She couldn't decently still consider doing this trip when she knew she would be gone for three weeks and she had a new baby to take care of.

"Yeah, you know how Hodge had been talking to me about my exposition there kicking ass. He reminded me of that, and so I think I should go and check it out."

"Clary, you didn't want to leave our sons to go on our honeymoon, and now you want to leave our newly born daughter to go on a _professional trip_?"

"You'll be here, they will be okay."

Jace was about to explode at her when his phone rang and he checked out, ready to dismiss it when he saw it was Jerry, and he remembered that he never called the station to tell them that he wouldn't be able to come to work for a while. And now, according to his schedule, he was late to work. He quickly picked up, and got up to look through the window, decided to make this phone call as brief as possible.

"Pass me Stone."

"This is Stone. You cut down once again a meeting Wayland! Someone better be dead in your family or I'll put you on fucking traffic for the rest of your career!"

Jace grimaced as he remembered that they were suppose to have a meeting with all the other cops like every other months. And he always did his best to ditch it, but apparently this one was the one too much for the Chief.

"My wife is at the hospital right now..."

Jace smirked at the window as he heard his Chief stumble on his words. He waited a little before finally releasing Stone from the unnecessary pressure that he was probably feeling.

"I'm taking a paternity leave."

"You need a baby to do that Wayland. Your kids are teenagers."

"Didn't you hear me? My wife is at the hospital, I'm taking a paternity leave, what more do you need to connect the dots."

Jace heard his Chief stumble again, making him roll his eyes. He glanced at Clary who was stubbornly looking at the door, as if she was wishing it would open on its own. And it did, only to reveal a smiling Kevin who rushed to Clary's side.

"I'll pass by the station later to explain. Just don't put me on any missions."

Jace then hung up and smiled at his sons as Tyler was closing the door behind him. Clary and Jace exchange a look, and they both knew that the conversation that just got interrupted was far from over. He walked to her, and kissed her temple, saying that he needed to go to the station before he left her with their sons. But once he was outside, he went to see a complete different person than Chief Stone.

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**So who Jace is going to see? And what do you think of his decision? And Clary's? So I chose Sidney, especially for one of the reader, I hope she'll recognize herself. And what did you think of this chapter in general? **

**I know I'm making you wait for the name, but I can tell you that one of you is pretty close. They will be three names. **

**And don't hate Clary, like I said, in a second she passed from unable to conceive to giving birth, so yeah, try to live with that. **

**Oh, and I wrote this 'song' about TMI, so,yeah, I'd love it if you checked it out and let me your impressions. **

** Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


	36. The Baby, part 2

As soon as he was on the parking lot, Jace hopped on Clary's bike, knowing that he had to take it home anyway, her stitches preventing Clary from riding for quite a while. But instead of going directly to the station like he said he would, he rode through the streets of New York and stopped in an avenue in Manhattan. As he shut the motor down, he looked at the place, trying to ease his anger down, and failing miserably.

Without hesitation, he walked into the gallery, using the spare key Clary gave him for it was closed to the public at this early hour of the day, and then he hastily went to the office who was just above gallery. He found there the old man he was looking for, his crooked nose deep in papers. Hodge raised his head at the sound of the door opening and closed whatever he was working on to give Jace all his attention.

"Who do you think you are to tell my emotionally unstable wife to go to the end of the world?!"

Hodge barely seemed moved by the obvious anger in Jace's voice and he sat a little bit more comfortably in his chair. Still, Jace could see that he seemed quite tired and worried behind this unfazed appearance that he was trying to keep on his face.

"Oh, so she talked to you?"

"She just had a baby! Why would you try to make her leave her baby? _Our daughter_?"

Hodge tiredly sighed, an insulted wrinkle frowning his forehead.

"I would _never_ deprive a baby from her mother, Jace. I'm just trying to get her motherly instincts out. The first thing she did when I mentioned Sidney was to check on your daughter. Just play along, pretend that you'll all up for it. The more you'll fight her on that, the more she'll want to go."

"But..."

"_Trust me_, she'll come around before I'll mention the trip again."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

"How about Emilia?"

Clary shook her head once again. Jace and her had been trying to find a name for their baby all afternoon long, without any success. To her big surprise, Jace didn't bring the issue of her going away like she thought he would. She thought he would try to dissuade her as soon as they would be alone, but he just let it slide. He even told her subtly that as he was on paternity leave now, she would be able to rely on him more.

Jace looked at their daughter in his arms as he was sitting in a chair next to Clary's bed. Since the morning, the baby never stayed in her crib. Alec and Magnus came to visit Clary, along with Maryse and Robert. None of them talked about the denial, just thrilled by this new arrival and talking nonstop about this troubling resemblance with Jon and Izzy's daughter. They even had both blue eyes except that Leonor's eyes were deep dark blue when their daughter's were light blue, circled by a ring of black.

Lucky also came to visit Clary, bringing a gift that had the merit to take a real smile out of Clary: a baby-seat for sidecars. Of course, Jace internally cursed Lucky for planting such ideas in Clary's head, and quickly settled the thing by saying that she was prohibited from biking for the moment anyway.

But at that very moment, the only thing Jace was worrying about was to get Clary interested enough in naming their baby. She didn't even proposed a single name, just rejecting every name that he ever proposed. But Jace decided to see the positive side, just like Hodge told him to. At least she was interested enough to not pick the first random name he would suggest. An idea sparkled in his mind, and he smiled, still looking at their daughter because he knew that Clary would still be have a pinch of sadness at the mention of that name.

"Well, then why not Valentine?" (_In French, this spelling is the girl version of the name, except you don't pronounce it the same.)_

Jace waited a little before rising his head a little bit to see what Clary was really thinking. She had closed her eyes and she appeared in her thoughts. Still Jace noticed that she was touching the tattoo that represented her family. He trailed his eyes up until he saw the tattoos of mourning that she did on her arm in order to commemorate her parents. Clary seemed to feel his gaze, because her hand quickly came to cover the inscription of Valentine's name in Japanese before she opened her eyes to plant them in Jace's golden ones.

"Because it's an old fashioned name. It was already for my Dad. And besides, if she ever goes to France, she'll get mock. Why not your mother's name?"

"Because Izzy already gave Lynn a name for her."

"Your _biological_ Mom."

Jace frowned a little before looking back at their daughter who blinked a little at him. He saw this reminder of this woman he never had the chance to know. He thought that Clary was right, he should try to honor his biological mother in some way, but the problem is that he didn't like her name. He just didn't like it.

"I don't like the name Celine."

"Then why not Line? As her second name? You know, spelle E."

Jace closed his eyes for a moment, testing the name, but it felt as if it was missing something. Gently, he tried to rock their daughter back to sleep as she was starting to wiggle in his arms and he got up to pass throughout the room. But before he could start walking back and forth, Clary sighed and stopped him.

"Give her to me. It's her feeding time."

He gave his wife their daughter, and as Clary started to breast feed the baby, and Jace sat at the end of the bed. He caught Clary looking at him with a frown in her brows, and he smiled before re-locating next to her, wrapping an arm around her and gently kissing her temple. She smiled back and leaned her head on his shoulder before closing her eyes.

"And what about Joy-Line? As a second name?"

Clary waited for Jace to react to the name as she was recalling how her father used to say this nickname with so much love every time he would talk to her mother. This little name that would always make her mother's lips twitch a little as she would try to keep her smile in. And now that she was thinking about it, Jace's idea about honoring her father as well was seducing her.

As time started passing by, she opened her eyes of worry and tilted her head to look at Jace who had his eyes lost in space. He must have felt her gaze on him because he looked down at her and gently smiled before kissing her on the lips.

"You don't like it?"

"I do like it. I just assumed, after the way you reacted to your father's name, that you didn't want your parents names involved."

Clary was about to retort when the door creaked open, revealing Kevin and Tyler, along with Jessica. They had left earlier with Jon for lunch, saying that they would definitely come back to see their little sister. Jace straightened a bit as their sons sat at Clary's feet and Jessica in a chair.

"So, did you find her a name yet?"

Kevin opened big expecting eyes, but Clary shook her head and gave their daughter to Jace. He stood up, the baby on his shoulder to make her burp and started swaying on his legs, like any newly father would. He watched Kevin make a little disappointed face before glancing at his brother.

"You don't even have a first letter?"

"I have a nickname but that's it."

Jace glanced at Clary, silently asking her if she was sure, and she gently shrugged, which made Jace frown. He wanted a smile, not a shrug. He wanted her to be sure of at least this one thing about their daughter.

"Val?"

Jace caught Tyler shifting on his seat, as if he was restraining himself from going to Clary's side. The boys knew a majority of Clary's past, even though Jace and her spared them the gory details and eluded some parts of it. Still they knew that Clary lost her memory for a part of her life, that her parents were killed and belonged to a secret organization, that she used to be a lethal weapon to anyone who would mess with her.

Clary was the one who insisted on telling the boys a majority of the truth about her life because it was how she was raised. No secrets should lay in the boundaries of a family, and she made sure that this one golden rule that her parents taught her would remain and be perpetuated in her own family now.

"So why not Valery?"

Clary looked at Tyler, and the quick gaze they exchanged warmed her up more than she ever thought it could. The way him and Kevin acted toward the new arrival assured her that at least _they_ didn't resent the baby.

Jace pondered the name for a second, knowing that Clary already liked it for she didn't scorn her nose like she did at each name he gave her. He liked it too, but despite wanting to honor her parents and his biological mother, he still felt that he needed to do it also with the only mother he ever knew. And so he decided to finally say out loud their daughter's much waited name.

"Valery Maria Joy-Line."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

.

Clary came back home with Valery a week after the birth. She had to stay so long at the clinic because of her stitches, and the doctor still forbad her to hop on a bike. Which resulted on Lucky coming to pick up Clary so she could sit in the side car, to her greatest dismay. But still, it was better than having to go in a car.

Luke was away, and so still unaware of this change in her life, and without really knowing why, it bothered Clary. Somehow, she felt like he would help think more clearly. Even though everyone around her was acting like everything was completely normal (either with her, or with the situation), Clary still felt like she was being unfair toward her child.

It wasn't like she hated the baby, nor that she was indifferent to her. But she just didn't feel that deep connection that any mother felt toward their child. She felt it with Kevin and Tyler, she felt it with Krys, she even felt it with her first child, but, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't feel it with Valery. And it depressed her to feel like she was failing their child.

Every night, when she had been at the hospital, she would stare at the crib and softly promise to her daughter that she wouldn't let her down, that she would be stronger for the both of them. But each morning, she just felt the same.

When it came to their first night at the house, came the question wether Valery should sleep with them or not. When she had been pregnant with Krys, they had established that they wouldn't give bad habits to the baby and accustom him directly to have his own room. So when Valery finally fell asleep, Jace placed her in her crib, even though he noticed how Clary didn't seem to like it.

That made him inwardly smile, because no matter how much she was trying to deny it, Valery had become Clary's center. Even though she barely took her in her arms, she was always aware of who had Valery, her eyes were always on their daughter, and she barely left her side for more than five minutes.

But of course, Jace didn't say anything about it, he just simply observed and waited for Clary's natural instincts to finally get the better of her reason. Silently, he directed them to their room, leaving the nursery's door open after having switched on the baby monitor. He had to admit that he was relief to know that Valery seemed to already sleep throughout the night, from midnight to six in the morning.

Once they were in their bed, he spooned with Clary, still noticing that she was watching their door with too much intensity. He kissed her temple and her lips before closing his eyes and snuggling in the crook of her neck.

"What if she wakes up in the middle of the night? She'll wake the boys too."

"Then they'll learn the joy of having a baby around. Like that Tyler will be even more careful with Jessica."

Clary frowned before sitting up and checking that the baby monitor was on for the fifth time of the night. She brought it to her ear to hear Valery breathing along with the slight buzzing noise and put it back on her nightstand instead of Jace's, just in case. If Valery woke up in the middle of the night, she was the walking fridge, not Jace.

Jace took her back in his arms, and finally, she allowed herself to fall back in the comfort that they gave her. The same comfort that she had been missing for a whole week. Of course he embraced her countless times while she was at the hospital, but every night, she had to fall asleep alone, without the warmth oh her husband's arms. The only comfort that she found was in the soft and sweet breathing of her daughter.

Slowly she drifted to sleep as Jace's thumb traced circles on her arms, and he softly whispered in her ear how much he missed having her in his arms. But she suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, sensing that something was fundamentally wrong. She kept her eyes wide open, trying to figure out what it was, but not able to. She rolled on her back, listening to Jace's soft breathing next to her, his back facing her. The baby monitor was gently buzzing indicating that it was still on. She waited a few more seconds and relaxed, trying to down this feeling of unease growing in her before she snapped her eyes back open and rushed out of the room.

She tumbled down the stairs and ran into Valery's room. The baby was in her crib, apparently asleep, but when Clary shook her a bit, trying to push down this fear growing in her, Valery didn't move. Without thinking for another second, Clary took her baby in her arms and shook her more strongly, holding her breath. Finally, Valery groggily opened her eyes before crying a little as Clary sighed of relief, hushing her daughter back to sleep. This was what woke her up, the fact that she didn't hear Valery's breathing through the baby monitor like she should have.

She shakily sat on the rocking chair and kept her daughter in her arms, humming her the lullaby that Jace always played when she was pregnant with Krys. Clary tried not think of what almost happened in this room while gently stroking her baby's forearm, her eyes never leaving her daughter silhouette.

"What's wrong?"

Clary looked up and saw Jace at the frame of the door, the corridor's light on. He obviously just woke up, his eyes half opened because of the light but worry still clear on his face. Jace watched Clary shake her head and look back at Valery, holding her a little tighter as she squeezed her eyes shut. He switched off the light before walking to them and squatting next to the rocking chair, placing a comforting hand on Clary's shoulder.

"What's wrong, Clary?"

"She stopped breathing. Jace, _she stopped breathing._ What if I didn't wake up? What if we only saw it in the morning?"

Jace didn't say anything for a while, downing the information that their baby almost died in her sleep, unnoticed by everyone. He swallowed hardly, gently caressing Clary's arm to wipe away her goosebumps and he looked at her, seeing the scare and worry on her face thanks to the moonlight.

"We didn't. She's okay now. You want to take her upstairs?"

"No. I'll stay here."

Jace nodded and sat on the floor, resting his head on Clary's lap. She was about to tell him to back to sleep, but the smile he gave her stopped her. She smiled back to him and rested her head backward, resuming her humming. Jace listened to his wife putting their daughter back to sleep, recognizing the lullaby he wrote for Krys and he also closed his eyes.

Slowly, he heard Clary falling asleep and he couldn't help but think that finally she was passed that state. The smile she gave him told him that much. The mother in her snapped free when she felt her baby in danger.

Jace barely slept this night, dozing off from time to time, too afraid that Valery would forget once again to breath in her sleep, and he waken up by the sound of a camera clicking. Jace groggily opened his eyes and saw Tyler proudly looking at his device, a wide smile on his face as sparkles were illuminating his eyes. He felt Clary straightening up, being careful not to wake the baby.

"This is probably the _best_ picture I ever took. I can't wait to develop it."

.

**~.o.O.o.~**

**.**

**So I know this is short, but I'm starting to be annoyed by this story. Nothing alarming don't worry. It's just that the end is so ready in my head, and it will just not come quick enough. So yeah, I can't wait for the end (is it bad). **

**I hope you like how I connected Clary to her daughter. I don't know, I thought it was beautiful to have that little motherly instinct wake her up in the middle of the night.**

**i know some of you think that Clary was being unfair, and yes she was. But mostly she was being human. Don't forget that pregnant women have nine months to get around the Ida that they're forming life inside of them and that this life will depend on them for the rest of theirs. Those nine months are important because the mother get used to the idea of becoming a mother, no matter if it's the first or tenth child, it's still a lot to handle. Nature can be a freak, but Nature knows what it does, those nine months are necessary. Not only for forming the baby, but also the woman and her mental. That's why many denial cases have abandon afterwards. Because the mothers don't know what to do with this sudden life they knew nothing about. It takes time to bond for them. Some more than others. So yeah, try to understand Clary, or at least not judge her too harshly because she was trying. I'm not trying to be that big moralizing person, I'm just truing to show you something that is really real and not really understood. Don't hate me? Or if you do, tell me why at least...**

**And what do you think of the name? Do you like it? **

**And I went to see Horns and Dracula Untold and Before I Go To Sleep. And I really liked them. Have you seen those? (Or is France really late and it's been out for months in your countries)**

**Anyway, I'm off to sleep because I want to sleep a little before waking up at four with my sisters to watch Once Upon A Time (yes we're crazy, but come on HOOK & Rumple, especially since Hook is Irish!)**

** Anyways, Cassandra Clare owns the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.**

**Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.**


End file.
